Chapter 3
Jen stopped outside the bar where she was meeting Suzanne, mindful that she wasn’t the same person she used to be. That meant no alcohol. It meant no going back to those bad habits for the sake of fitting in and having a good night. Jen had spent sixteen months sober now, and she wouldn’t ruin that for anyone. She didn’t care what friendship groups developed over the coming years; Jen couldn’t slip back into anything remotely familiar to the past.
This was her first night out since before she was arrested and ultimately sent down for the ridiculous decisions she’d made. It was the first time she would be alone with another woman in far longer than that. So long as Jen made the most of it and enjoyed herself, nothing else mattered. If she could just be herself and not think about the past, Suzanne may just like what she saw. Lizzie had loved everything about her…until Jen fucked it all up. A six-year relationship thrown away because she couldn’t deal with life any longer.
Okay, focus on tonight. Nothing else.
Jen straightened out her shirt and checked her hair in the window of a closed shop. Suzanne knew nothing about her, so she had no reason to feel anxious about her mistakes. Suzanne would only know the things Jen chose to reveal. Number one on the ‘no go’ list tonight was prison. That was the only thing Jen was certain of right now.
With a strange sense of accomplishment working its way through her, Jen stepped inside the bar close to where Suzanne lived and scanned the room. She spotted Suzanne immediately, once again drawn to the beauty of her. She was older, that was quite clear to anyone who would see them sitting together, but she was stunning. Dark hair, breathtaking dark eyes, and curves in all the places Jen loved them to be. She had always been a sucker for a woman with some meat on her bones, and even now, more than three years on from her last relationship ending, that hadn’t changed.
Jen smiled when Suzanne lifted a hand and waved in her direction. It was hard not to notice her cleavage again, but Jen was certain it was all a part of Suzanne’s plan. If this woman wanted Jen to want her, she was already there. She approached Suzanne’s table, and Suzanne’s smile sent Jen’s own even wider than before. “Hi.”
Suzanne leaned in, kissing Jen on the cheek. “Hi.”
“You, uh…you been here long?” Jen suddenly felt flustered. That seemed to be the common reaction around Suzanne Dixon. Jen was generally smooth and confident when it came to women and dates, but she was out of practice.
Oh, you’re far more than out of practice .
“A few minutes. I thought I’d wait for you before I ordered.”
Jen nodded as she sat down and caught a server’s attention. “I’ll get this round. What are you having?”
“I invited you out for a drink, Jen.”
Suzanne looked back at her with a sexy brow quirked. Fuck, she was also a sucker for women like Suzanne. Older, experienced, confident. Jen had only been in one relationship with an older woman prior to Lizzie, but she would say it had been more of a fling. Perhaps that was what Suzanne was looking for here. Especially if she was a widow. Maybe Suzanne was simply testing the water when it came to moving on with her life.
“I know you did, but I’d like to buy you a drink.” Jen smiled as the server stopped at their table. “Can I get a 0% beer, please?”
He nodded as he tapped away on his iPad, then turned his attention to Suzanne. “Oh, I’ll have a gin and tonic, please.”
Once he’d taken their order and left the table, Jen turned to catch Suzanne watching her. “So, thanks for inviting me out tonight.”
“I’m surprised you agreed. Today has certainly been…interesting, shall we say?”
Jen laughed as she ruffled her hair a little. “Yeah, you can say that again. I didn’t expect you to even invite me into your place, let alone here for a drink.”
“As I said to you earlier, I was attracted to you the moment we met.” Suzanne smiled as she watched Jen intently. “I mentioned I was widowed. It’s only been very recently that I realised I’m in the right place to date again. Life has been…a lot to handle. I wouldn’t dream of dating if my heart wasn’t ready. But it is.”
God, Suzanne’s honesty and confidence were sexy.
But Jen was thrown by the mention of dating. Is that what this was supposed to be? Perhaps it would be best if Jen just came out and asked that. At least then, she would know what was going on here. “ Is this a date?”
Suzanne smiled as she shifted a little closer. “Would you run a mile if I told you I’d like it to be? And if not now, perhaps in the future?”
Wow. What the hell was going on today?
Don’t get carried away. She’ll hate you once she knows the truth.
“I mean, sure. It can be a date.” Jen sat back against her seat and rested her ankle on her knee. The first thing she noticed this evening was that she didn’t feel an ounce of nerves around Suzanne Dixon. That said a lot, considering Jen didn’t know what dating looked like anymore. “I can’t promise I’ll be any good at it, it’s been a long time since I went on a date, but I’d like that.”
“How long?”
Jen cleared her throat. She wouldn’t mention the fooling around she’d done since Lizzie left her. Suzanne didn’t need to know about the one-night stands. “Three years since my last relationship ended, so…nine years since I went on a first date.”
Suzanne may have tried to hide the look on her face, but Jen recognised the surprise right away. All she could pray for now was that Suzanne didn’t throw a tonne of questions at her. Jen may be a convicted criminal, but she wasn’t a liar.
“I’m quite surprised by that,” Suzanne said as the server arrived with their drinks. They thanked him, and then Jen’s attention was back on Suzanne in an instant. Honestly, she found it difficult to concentrate on anything else. Suzanne suddenly narrowed her eyes. “Are you sure you’re not fresh out of a relationship?”
“I’m sure.” Jen lifted her drink and sipped. “I just haven’t been in a position to date lately. I’ve also had some things— challenges —to contend with.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Suzanne said, laying a hand over Jen’s where it rested on her thigh. “I hope things are better now.”
“Oh, yeah. Much better.” Jen gazed into Suzanne’s eyes. “Can’t complain, can I? I’m sitting here with you.”
Suzanne blushed, surprising Jen. Just this afternoon, Suzanne had freely flirted, but the first hint of Jen doing the same and she was flustered. Huh. Maybe Suzanne wasn’t as confident as Jen thought after all. “You’re very sweet.”
“Honest. I’m very honest.”
“Even better. A woman’s honesty is incredibly sexy.” Suzanne dipped her eyes to Jen’s lips, then focused on her gin and tonic. “So, tell me a little about you. How did you end up being my courier?”
“Just lucky.” Jen lifted a shoulder, aware that Suzanne’s hand was still resting on her thigh. “I guess we’ll see more of one another regardless of what happens here tonight.”
“I’m very happy to hear that.” Suzanne palmed towards Jen’s knee, then placed her hand back in her own lap. “Do you live local?”
“I don’t. I’m not too far away, but my best friend’s mum lives a few streets away from you.” Jen should really call in to visit Lyn, but there had been no communication with one another since she went to prison. Jen had tried to reach out, and she had hoped Lyn would perhaps respond to one of the letters she’d sent, but nothing had come of it. Jen couldn’t blame people if they distanced themselves from her, but it still hurt. Especially when Lyn had been considered another mum to her at one time. “I…don’t visit, though.”
“Why?”
“She died,” Jen said, wearing that emotionless mask she found worked best in these situations. “Five years ago. My best friend, not her mum.”
“Oh, I’m sorry.” Suzanne offered Jen a supportive squeeze of the hand. “That must have been hard to deal with.”
“Mmhmm.” Jen looked away briefly, keeping herself in check. “So, yeah. I haven’t spoken to her mum in a few years now.”
“That’s a shame that you drifted apart. Perhaps you should reach out to her one day. She could be waiting for you to do exactly that.”
“I did. Several times.” Jen smiled weakly as she stared down at her lap. “As I said, life has been challenging recently. I guess maybe people just need space, you know?”
Suzanne nodded, those soft eyes comforting Jen. “Mm. I know what you mean.”
“But this is lovely. Being here with you.” Jen relaxed into the evening, ready and waiting for whatever came of this with Suzanne. She lifted her bottle and tipped it towards her date. “To new beginnings.”
Suzanne lifted her glass and clinked it with Jen’s bottle. The smile she wore had the hairs on the back of Jen’s neck standing to attention, her dark eyes pulling Jen into a world she wasn’t sure she deserved. “To new beginnings.”
Suzanne brought another round of drinks to the table, thoroughly enjoying her evening so far with Jen. She hadn’t known what to expect, but their conversation so far had only shown Suzanne that she had done the right thing in being bold. They’d both found themselves dealing with grief and as she sat back down at the table, Suzanne felt far less alone than she had since John’s death.
Jen looked up at Suzanne and smiled. “I’ve had a great evening with you. I’d love to do it again.”
“I’d like that, too.” Suzanne wasn’t very good at judging people, but Jen was so easy to be around. Their conversation flowed freely, and Suzanne didn’t get the impression that Jen would shy away from anything she may bring up in discussion. “I’d invite you back to mine for a nightcap, but I don’t have anything alcohol-free in.”
“Oh, that’s okay. I can only drink so many of these beers before they taste like shit.” Jen looked to Suzanne, those handsome features alluring. “I’d be happy with a glass of water at this point.”
“Can I ask why you don’t drink? Is it just a preference?” Suzanne didn’t often question people’s reasons for being sober, but Jen was young, so she wanted to ask. If Jen had specific reasons, Suzanne didn’t want to do anything to compromise her sobriety.
Jen picked at the label on her bottle, smiling weakly. “I’m just not ready to go down the path of casual drinking yet. When Ruby died, I kinda came to rely on it too much, you know? I’d like to think that down the line, I could enjoy one or two at the weekend, but I’m not ready for that yet. This stuff does the job.”
“That’s a good decision to make if you were reliant on it during the grieving process. I think a lot of people do that, but it’s recognising when it becomes a problem that makes a huge difference.”
“I can’t say I did recognise when it became a problem, but I certainly feel better for stopping alcohol completely.” Jen wrinkled her nose as she opened her mouth to speak again. “Would that bother you if we went on another date? That I don’t drink?”
“Not at all.” Suzanne wasn’t a heavy drinker. The only reason she had suggested this was because it was generally what people did on a first date. “I’d be happy to avoid bars next time.”
“Oh, we don’t have to do that. I’m sure you enjoy a few at the end of the week.”
Suzanne pushed her empty glass away. “I can take or leave alcohol. I prefer a long walk with endless conversation.” John had always liked a drink, often not knowing when to stop. In the end, it was basically what had killed him. “Would you…like to come back to mine for coffee?”
Jen nodded, her eyes bright and appreciative of the company this evening. “You know what, I’d love to.”
“Perfect. I’ll just use the bathroom, and then we’ll head off, okay?”
“Sounds good to me.”
Suzanne left the table, taking her clutch bag with her. She pushed through the bathroom door and focused on herself through the mirror. She didn’t know where the rest of this night would lead, but she was absolutely hoping she would get the chance to taste Jen’s lips. God, she’d struggled to take her eyes off them all night.
She quickly took her phone from her bag and opened her messages with Tracy.
Headed home from the bar with my date. She’s great. I think you’ll like her.
Suzanne chose not to wait for a reply and shoved her phone back into her bag. Jen was outside, and Suzanne had no reason to hide in the bathroom talking to her best friend. No, she would rather get back to her place so she could learn more about courier Jen. After all, it was barely nine o’clock. Surely they could give one another a few more hours before they went their separate ways.
With a spring in her step, courtesy of a wonderful night with Jen so far, Suzanne left the bathroom and made a beeline for their table. Jen sat there, watching people as they passed by, a beautiful smile resting on her lips. Suzanne could tell a lot by a woman’s smile. And Jen’s was striking.
“Ready?”
Jen shot to her feet and took her wallet and phone from the table. “Sure. I’m ready if you are.”
As they left the bar, Jen lay a hand against the small of Suzanne’s back. A smile twitched at the corners of Suzanne’s mouth, the idea of life moving forward quite pleasant this evening. Suzanne couldn’t say she would always feel that way, so confident and prepared, but she had a feeling Jen was going to make it very easy to enjoy herself as she looked to a different future.
“So, which way? I don’t really have my bearings around this area.” Jen stopped them on the pavement and turned to Suzanne. “And in case I forget to say it later, thank you for the perfect night.” Jen leaned in to kiss Suzanne’s cheek, but Suzanne turned her head and captured her lips. Jen didn’t pull away. Instead, her hand settled on Suzanne’s hip as she smiled against her mouth. When they did break apart, Jen’s beautiful eyes were a little darker than they had been before. “You’ve just turned perfect into exceptional.”
Suzanne reached out a hand and wiped her red lipstick from below Jen’s bottom lip. They studied one another, quite clearly a connection between them, and then Suzanne drew her hand back. “Come on. Let’s get out of here.”