Chapter 29
With a cloth in one hand and her other pressed to the bonnet, Suzanne washed the exterior of her car, the sun shining down and drying it before she could remember which parts she had already tackled. Today marked the fourth week since Jen had reconnected with Lyn, but Suzanne had Jen all to herself today. She had done as Suzanne had suggested and taken on two fewer shifts a week at the courier firm, and now they spent every weekend together, plus an extra day through the week. Right now, life was blissful.
As she threw the cloth into the bucket of soapy water, Suzanne dragged her hair from her face and pulled it up into a loose bun instead. She hadn’t anticipated how warm it would be today, but she was looking forward to better weather with Jen. Strolls around the country, lazy days relaxing in the garden. Suzanne, for the first time since John’s death, could actually imagine those moments. They didn’t seem so blurred in her mind anymore. Actually, as she stood here today, her rose bush blooming so beautifully, she could see the future vividly.
The sound of a crying baby had Suzanne leaning over her front gate, the hedges obscuring her view from where she was positioned in the garden. A guy was pushing the pram, and he looked truly destroyed from a lack of sleep, his eyes red and puffy.
Suzanne smiled as their eyes met. “You’ve got a very lively one there.”
“Tell me about it. We only got an hour in the night. I’ve never been so used to seeing the sunrise at a ridiculous hour before.” He tried to stifle a yawn, but it wasn’t to be.
“Mm. I can imagine.” Suzanne opened the front gate when he stopped outside her house. She peered inside the pram, her heart aching for the little guy who was red-faced and screaming at the top of his lungs. “Is this a new development?”
“No, not really. He has colic, and for the life of us, we cannot shift it.” The guy ran a hand down his face. “I wish I knew how to take his pain away.”
Suzanne folded her arms across her chest and smiled back at him. “My niece struggled with colic for a while. I’m happy to say it does come to an end.”
“Any idea when?”
“Unfortunately not.”
“Babe?” Jen’s voice bellowed from the front door. “Where are you? Have we taken up nursery duties or something?”
Suzanne stepped back into the garden and eyed Jen. “We have a little one here who wants to make sure everyone knows he’s around.”
“Oh, bless him.” Jen took the steps down to the garden path, then joined Suzanne at the gate. She frowned suddenly. “O-oh. Dan.”
“You two know one another?” Suzanne asked, confused.
Jen lowered her eyes as she shoved her hands in the pockets of her jeans. “Yeah, um…I know the gorgeous little boy in the pram. But his dad… Not so much.”
Okay, Suzanne was going to need more here. How did Jen know this baby but not the father of said baby? “Care to elaborate?” As she looked back at…Dan, he was fixing the blanket covering the baby. He started to walk away, but Suzanne cleared her throat. “Dan?”
“I need to get back. I shouldn’t even be over this side of the town. I just started walking with no destination in mind.”
Jen sighed. “Dan…”
“No. I’m not doing this. I haven’t come here looking for you. I didn’t even believe you when you told me you were living here. Why would I? You’re a fucking ex-con, so you’re probably a liar, too.”
Oh, no. Suzanne wouldn’t have anyone speaking to Jen like that. “Excuse me?”
“And you can stay out of it. You don’t even know us.” He snarled at Suzanne, shocking her with the sudden switch in his demeanour. The guy she’d initially met seemed lovely and cared a great deal about his son. But now? Suzanne couldn’t understand the swift change. “What is this? A half-way house? Is she paying you rent?”
“Jen…is my partner.”
“Well, I’d keep your expensive possessions close by. She’ll need to sell them to buy her next bag of drugs.” He scoffed and shook his head, and then that piercing gaze landed on Jen again. “And stop fucking calling Grace to see Toby. Neither of us wants anything to do with you.”
Jen’s shoulders slumped when Suzanne looked back at her. “Yeah, I know. You keep saying.”
“Then why can’t you respect that and leave us all alone?”
Suzanne held up a hand. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but you chose to walk past this house. No matter what Jen did or didn’t do in the past, it doesn’t give you the right to speak to her like that, nor does it give you the right to throw your weight around by using your child against her.”
“Who the fuck asked you?” Dan looked Suzanne up and down. “You’re old enough to be her mother.”
“Such a charming father, aren’t you?” Suzanne wrapped an arm around Jen’s waist. “I hope to God your beautiful little boy doesn’t grow up with an attitude to match yours.”
“Beats him growing up with someone like that in his life.” He glared at Jen, disgust written all over his face. “Maybe I’ll find out who to call. You know, explain that you’re harassing us and trying to gain access to a child.”
Suzanne felt rage building from deep within her, but she would never cause a scene in the street. Especially not with a child present. “I suggest you walk away before I call the relevant people to tell them you are the one harassing Jen.”
Dan snorted. “Whatever. The pair of you can go fuck yourselves.”
Jen turned and walked away, and Suzanne heard the sniffle as she did so. Jen was her priority, she always would be, but Suzanne would make sure Dan knew that Suzanne was firmly in her life—and she wouldn’t take shit from anyone who tried to hurt Jen.
She stepped closer to him and smiled. “Once I’ve spoken to Jen, I’ll be making it my mission to see that she has access to her nephew. You may get away with your bully behaviour around other people, but I’m not other people, Dan.”
“And what do you think you can do about it?”
“Let’s just say that I have a lot of friends in high places. Places you’ll wish I didn’t have those friends.” She cocked her head. “Maybe you should go home and think about that before you ruin it not only for everyone else but for yourself, too.”
“I-is that a threat?”
Suzanne calmly took a step back and regarded Dan with a dazzling smile. “No, Dan. It’s a promise.”
She turned and walked back up the path, leaving the bucket of water next to her car as she rushed inside the house to find Jen. She didn’t imagine her girlfriend would be feeling great right now, but it was important to Suzanne that Jen knew she had her support. It had been lacking from most people since Jen’s release, but Suzanne was here for her. Anything she could do to make things better, she would.
“Jen?” She entered the kitchen, sighing when she found Jen braced against the counter. “Baby, are you okay?”
Jen didn’t respond. She just turned and wiped the back of her hand across her cheeks while her bottom lip quivered.
“Come here.” Suzanne opened her arms to Jen, holding her close the moment Jen fell into them. She soothed a hand up and down Jen’s back, kissing the top of her head. “Don’t listen to a word he says. He’s a disgusting human being.”
“Is he, though?” Jen asked, her face buried in Suzanne’s chest. “He’s looking after his family. That’s all.”
“By denying you access to your nephew? That’s not looking after his family. That’s being a prick who thinks he can lord himself over people.”
Jen drew back and shook her head. “I don’t think I have the fight in me anymore, Suzanne. I just…I feel so drained by it all.”
Suzanne reached out and brushed her knuckles gently against Jen’s cheek. “I’ll put the kettle on. You go and make yourself comfortable in the living room, and I’ll be right there, okay?”
“Babe, you don’t need to do this. This is what my life looks like outside of your gorgeous home. It’s my normal now.”
“Go, Jen.” Suzanne gave her a knowing look. “A cuppa solves a lot of things.”
Sighing, Jen nodded slowly and walked away. Suzanne didn’t know where this conversation would go, but she would always create space for the woman she loved to be open and honest about how she was feeling.
With a shaking hand, Jen reached out for the cup of tea Suzanne was offering her, deflated beyond comprehension right now. This day had started out so well, they’d spent the morning enjoying breakfast and just doing their own thing, and now it had turned to shit. God, Jen had even been fearful of sneaking a look at her nephew. That’s what this had all come to. Jen being scared to breathe the same air as him.
“I know what’s just happened must be incredibly hard for you to take in, but I am here for you. I hope you know that.”
Jen swallowed as she looked up at Suzanne. “I know. I just don’t know what to do anymore.”
“Regardless of your past, you shouldn’t be penalised because of it. You did your time, you have a heart so beautiful, and you should be given the chance to have a relationship with your nephew.”
“Dan doesn’t want me around, and there’s nothing I can do about that. Not really.” Jen sighed. “Even though I know I deserve the chance, it doesn’t mean he’ll give me that.”
“How long have Dan and your sister been together?”
Jen puffed out her cheeks and set her tea down on the table to cool. She relaxed against the couch, her ankle resting on her knee. “They met about six months before I was arrested. Obviously, I wasn’t around to get to know him, so he only knows the shitty version of me. Not the real me.”
“And your sister? Doesn’t she try to make him see sense?”
“She’s secretly met up with me several times now. Or Mum invites her and Toby over when I’m there so I can spend some time with him. I’ve been busy with work and being here with you lately, so I haven’t had the chance to meet up with her.”
Suzanne lifted a brow. “You shouldn’t have to secretly meet up.”
“I know. I said the same thing. When she first started doing it, I used to avoid going home because I didn’t want Dan to get wind of it and fall out with Grace. It just didn’t seem worth it. Now, I realise I have no choice but to do it that way. It’s the only time I get to see Toby.”
“There has to be another way, Jen.”
Jen hoped that in time Dan would come to understand her need for a relationship with Toby, but every time they came across one another, it seemed less and less likely. She didn’t want to fight with people. She didn’t want anyone to withhold their children from her. She just wanted to live. How hard could it be? “Mum is furious about it all. I don’t think she gets along with Dan very well, but I wasn’t around, so I don’t know if they’ve had a run-in with one another, you know?”
“Maybe it’s something you should ask her about. She seems to be on your side no matter what, so what harm could it do?”
Oh, Jen knew exactly the harm it could do. “Because if I find out he’s spoken out of turn to her at all, it won’t be pleasant. I don’t care what he says about me, fuck him, but my mum? Nah, I’m not having that.”
“And rightfully so.”
Jen smiled when Suzanne took her hand and brought it into her lap. The warmth and softness of Suzanne’s skin reminded her that everything within these four walls was just fine. “About what he said before,” Jen started. “When he mentioned that I was living here…”
Suzanne frowned. “What about it?”
“I shouldn’t have told him I was living here. I just wanted him to see me as worth more than I really am. I hoped that if he knew I was bettering myself and a woman like you could want to date me, that maybe he’d reconsider everything.”
Suzanne gave Jen a questioning look. “A woman like me?”
“You live in the nicest part of town. You have a beautiful home, a car worth more than I’ll ever make in a year, and you’re intelligent. You’re not the kind of woman I’ve ever found attracted to me, Suzanne. But I will set the record straight. I know I shouldn’t have lied to him, but he caught me off guard that day when I bumped into him during my shift, and he belittled me in front of anyone who could hear him. It was the first thing that came to mind, but I really am sorry.”
“Hey,” Suzanne said, cupping Jen’s chin. “Don’t ever worry about something so small. I don’t care where you told him you live. And as for your worth.” Suzanne inhaled a deep breath. “You’re worth more than every last person that lives on this street.”
“I appreciate that, but we both know it’s not true.” Jen smiled weakly as she dipped her gaze. “Before all of this, I had an amazing life. Now it’s just continuously turning to shit at every opportunity.” Jen looked up at Suzanne again. “You are the only positive thing in my life. Without you, I don’t know where I’d be right now.”
“You’d be thriving. I can see it in your eyes. You want to enjoy your life, love the people who mean the most to you, and be content with what you have.”
Suzanne had just read Jen perfectly. Still, it didn’t mean she would ever have those things. “You’re right. But Dan is making it painfully hard at any given moment.”
“Dan will see sense. I have a feeling if he doesn’t, he’s going to lose far more than you have to date. I don’t imagine your sister will put up with his attitude for much longer. You’ve always given me the impression that you’re close with one another.”
“It’s always been me and Grace. We’re only a few years apart in age, and I always looked out for her. She has a lot going on with raising Toby and working, but I do wish she’d look out for me a little more these days.” Jen wasn’t sure that was fair to her sister, but it was how she felt. For so long, Grace had stood behind Jen while she protected her from one thing or another, but when it came to Jen needing that same support and protection, Grace was missing. “People have lives to deal with, and I completely understand that, but I’ve bitten my tongue for long enough now. There are things Grace doesn’t know, things I never want to tell her, but if the time comes…I’ll have to. If it’s the deciding factor between me or Dan, then I’m protecting myself. I don’t give a fuck about him.”
“What things, Jen?”
“Dan’s family are…undesirable, shall we say?” Jen shook her head and sighed. “And I don’t want it to come down to it, but I have a horrible feeling it’s going to.”
“Undesirable in what way?”
“His dad and his brother are dealers. They used to supply me before I was sent down. Grace doesn’t know about it, and I still hold my hands up and admit that the drug use was solely on me, but she would hit the roof if she knew. For Dan to come across as all high and mighty, it just doesn’t sit right with me.”
“Nor me.” Jen noted how Suzanne’s jaw clenched, but she didn’t want her girlfriend to be angry. She also didn’t want her involved in this. “How dare he!”
“Babe, don’t. I don’t want to see you worked up about any of it. I bought those drugs, and that’s that.”
“I know, and I admire you for taking responsibility for it, but he has no right to say the things he does to you when his own family is in the business of drugs.” Suzanne shook her head. “This needs to change. You should be able to see Toby whenever you like.”
“Grace knows about Dan’s family in general— everyone knows about them—but selling drugs to me? No, she doesn’t know about that. I hope she’ll never know.”
“Perhaps she should know. Or Dan should know that exposing the truth is potentially on the table, at least.” Suzanne sat back and sighed. “I don’t like any of this. I…don’t know how else to approach it. I know a lot of people in the local council and various services around here, and I also may have threatened Dan with it, but I’d never do anything to hurt your family in any way. If it spooks him, however, I am willing to use it as a tactic in conversation.”
“I appreciate you having my back. Nobody has ever done that for me. Well, not since Ruby…”
“I’ll always have your back. I love you.” Suzanne shifted closer and rested against Jen. When their eyes met, Jen felt the love Suzanne had for her. “And as for telling him you live here, you will one day, so it’s not really a lie.”
Jen’s heart jumped at that. While she was loving every moment she spent with Suzanne, living here wasn’t something she’d allowed herself any headspace. “You don’t have to say things like that. I’d never expect you to even offer.”
“Then I’m sorry you feel that way. Once I know the time is right, I will be asking you to move in with me. It just…makes sense. You’re already here every moment you can be, so it seems normal to ask you.”
“But this was your home with John.” Jen’s brows drew together. “You built a life here with him.”
“You’re right, I did.” Suzanne nodded. “And now I want to build a new life here…with you .”
Jen’s chest swelled, her palms clammy as she brought a hand to Suzanne’s hair and grazed her nails against her scalp. “I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you, but we’re going to be happy. I know we are.”
“I love you, and no matter what, it’s always going to be you and I.”
“Right back at you, babe.” Jen dipped her head and kissed Suzanne’s temple as she whispered, “I’m incredibly lucky to have you in my life.”