CHAPTER 48
“I love your hair. Have I ever told you that?” Grey wondered, his fingers trailing through my dark, silky tresses. It felt amazing, sending shivers up my spine. I smiled.
“No, you haven’t.”
“Hmm. I guess there’s a lot I haven’t told you.”
“Is there?”
He shrugged. “It’s not all easy for me to say.” He brought a handful of my hair to his nose and breathed deeply. “You smell so good.”
“That’s a new one, too.” I smiled at him, sprawled on my stomach on the bed, half-covered by blankets. He was curled up next to me, tracing his fingers down my naked back and arms. It was so serene, such a wonderful, happy moment. I sighed contentedly, delighted he was back for good.
“The first time we met, at the club, I saw you first,” Grey admitted. “When I saw Riley there, it was the perfect excuse to come over.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. And the whole time I told myself, ‘Grey, don’t do it. Don’t do it, Grey.’ But…I couldn’t stop. You just…you stood out.”
“I did?”
“Yeah.”
I shook my head, fondly remembering that first night. “I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you on that stage.” I giggled. “I felt like an idiot all night, trailing you around like a lost puppy.”
“Nah. You were cute.” He chuckled. I made a face at the word.
He smirked. “You were adorable. ”
I slapped him playfully. Grey grinned, remembering something.
“Kiddo.”
“Don’t call me that!” I twisted around, giggling as we play fought until unwittingly, mid-wrestle, Grey grasped me by the elbow.
“Oh!” Abruptly I cried out, all trace of humour gone. He stopped immediately, regretful as he looked down at my arm.
“Sorry.” He frowned at the yellowish-purple bruise staining my forearm, the bruise he’d just accidentally grasped. His brow furrowed. “What happened here?”
“Oh,” I struggled a moment, trying to decide how to tell him. I chose to play it casual, shrugging like it was no big deal. “Uh…I took Charlie out last night, you know, to cheer her up about Zack, but they didn’t have any of the China White stuff, like you had, so we shot up instead.”
I watched as Grey digested this information. His eyes narrowed, his dark brow creasing. “Okay, wait a minute. You went out last night, to get heroin?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I wanted to cheer Charlie up.”
He considered this a moment. “Where did you go?”
“We went with Charlie’s friend Courtney, maybe you know her? She works at the Aurora. Anyway, we went to this Jack guy’s house—”
“Stop.” Grey’s face was suddenly hard, his body tense. He glared at me intensely. “Jack? As in, Jack Turcotte?”
“I don’t know his last name.” Instinctively, I cringed back from Grey’s heated stare.
“Big guy? Blonde?”
I nodded.
“Are you fucking serious?” Grey cursed. He dropped his head into his hands, shaking it in vexation. His entire form was rigid. I sat up in the bed, pulling the blankets over myself, watching him anxiously.
“What is it?” I wondered, biting my lip. “What’s the matter?”
“You went to Jack’s house, alone?”
“No, not alone. I was with Courtney and Charlie.”
At this Grey scoffed, rolling his eyes—but I continued, stupidly, wanting to be honest with him. “I didn’t really want to shoot up, I was scared of the needle, but then Jack did it for me. I only bruised ‘cause I was trying to pull away from him.”
Grey just stared, his expression blank. The only thing that gave away the true fury of his anger was the clenching of his jaw, the hardness of his eyes as they bored into me .
“You mean Jack Turcotte did that to you?” He pointed accusingly at the bruise on my arm. “Even though you didn’t want to? He forced you?”
“No, well, yeah,” I wasn’t sure what to say, what might incur more anger, “But, I mean, I wanted to get high…I was just being a chicken about the needle.”
Grey was silent a long moment. His breath escaped in a hiss, his hands clenched into fists. “I’m going over there.”
“What?” I got up on my knees. “Why?”
“To kick that guy’s ass!” Agitated, Grey stood up and started dressing, hastily throwing on his jeans, searching for the rest of his clothes, lost amid my dirty laundry.
“No, no, Grey don’t.” I blanched at the thought. “It’s no big deal. He’s not worth it.”
“Do you have any idea what could have happened to you over there?”
I shook my head, my dark eyes wide.
“Ugh. I don’t want to tell you. I don’t even want to picture it.”
I gulped. “That bad?”
“Yes, that bad.” Grey glared at me again, like I wasn’t taking him seriously enough. “You are never to go over there again. Promise me!”
“I promise,” I answered quickly.
“If you want more heroin, you ask me, you get it from me and you do it with me. Okay? You don’t know how easy it is to…” He trailed off, closing his eyes, his entire countenance tense with anger. “You know what guys like that…do you know what they do to girls when they’re…like that? Do you?”
I shook my head again. The thought honestly hadn’t occurred to me; I wasn’t even a hundred percent sure what he was referring to. Something bad enough to make him react this way.
“I’m sorry, Grey.” I stammered shakily, alarmed by this new information. “Please don’t go. It’s my fault. I didn’t know.”
He stared hard at me a moment, his shirt in his hands.
“Of course you didn’t know.” He sighed. He ran a hand through his dark hair, his voice losing some of its edge. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to freak you out. It makes me crazy to think of someone taking advantage of you. I mean…” He looked up at me again, and there was some warmth back in his blue eyes. “You’re so…”
“Stupid?” I offered. I felt like a total idiot.
“No, no. You’re innocent.” He shrugged. “Trusting.”
“Like…na?ve. ”
“No. Well…maybe. But I like the way you are.” He shook his head. “You shouldn’t be involved in this shit, Mackenzie. You’re way too…pure.”
I frowned. Pure wasn’t that far off from kiddo. “Whatever.” It annoyed me when he talked this way, like we didn’t belong together…like what we had wasn’t right.
“You think I’m pure, Grey? I’ll show you pure.”
This time, when I pushed him down against the bed, he didn’t resist me.
It was later…much, much later when, wrapped up in the blankets beneath a haze of smoke, we heard Charlie return. Secretly, I was relieved. I knew she’d been at Jack’s house and given what I knew about the man now, I couldn’t help but worry for her.
Charlie’s arrival gave me an idea. I knew what she had in her possession, something I was suddenly desperate to do. I didn’t know how to broach the topic with Grey though; I wasn’t sure how he’d react. I propped myself up on my elbow and looked at him as sweetly as I could.
“Grey?”
“Hmm…?” He opened one eye quizzically, a smile on his lips.
“I was just wondering, do you think that…” I hesitated, biting my lip. “Would this be considered a special occasion? You coming home?”
He knew instantly what I was referring to, but Grey just nodded his head, playing dumb, amused by my question. “I think it’s pretty special.”
“Me too.” I cleared my throat. “But that wasn’t really…what I was getting at.”
“Oh, really? What were you getting at?” He teased.
I rolled my eyes at him. He was going to make me say it, I could tell. “I know Charlie picked up some…stuff, and I was wondering if we could do some.”
Grey paused thoughtfully. His blue eyes opened eagerly. “Yeah, that’d be okay.”
“I’ll go get it.” I offered excitedly, sitting up in the bed and searching for my clothes.
“Mackenzie?”
“Yeah?”
“That’s not really necessary.”
“What isn’t?”
“You getting dressed.” His eyes, lazy and shining blue, raked up my naked form.
“But, I thought you said…”
“I know. I’ve got some in my bag.” Grey chuckled sheepishly. “I guess you weren’t the only one who couldn’t hold out.”
“Oh.” I grinned. “Anything to keep me naked, huh? ”
“Hell yeah.” He laughed.
Excitement raced down my spine. I had to stifle my glee. “Do you have the sniffing kind?” I wondered hopefully. Grey shook his head.
“No. It’s the needle kind. Is that enough to deter you?”
“No,” I answered quickly. “I mean, not if you’ll do it for me. Will you?”
Grey grinned. “Of course.”
He grabbed the stuff and heated us up a batch, taking some supplies from his suitcase and mixing it all in one of my spoons. I watched him, my hands sweating in anticipation, knowing I’d be free as a bird in mere moments, riding a wave of sheer bliss that would crest and crash down on me. I couldn’t wait.
“Mackenzie.”
“Yes?” I lifted my eyes from Grey’s hands and met his sober gaze.
“Do you remember me telling you how addictive this stuff can be?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “I thought we decided this was a special occasion.”
“We did. It is.” He smiled. “But do you think that you could…not do this with anybody else? Even Charlie? I mean, unless I’m around?”
“How come?” I wondered lightly.
“I don’t know. This stuff’s so volatile. I just…it would make me feel better if I knew…when you were doing it and how much you were doing, you know?” He shook his head. “I know I sound like an asshole, but it would keep me from worrying.”
I grinned. His concern touched me. “You don’t sound like an asshole, Grey. Besides, as much as I can help it, I’m going to be with you anyway.” I leaned over and kissed his shoulder, smiling up at him. “So it shouldn’t be a problem.”
“That sounds good to me.” He smirked and kissed me softly on the lips. “Thanks.”
He turned then and filled the syringe with the dark, tar-coloured drugs.
“Okay. Make a fist.” He instructed. I did as I was told, holding out my arm to him and tightening my muscles. Slowly, the veins in my arm stood out, not as much as with the elastic, but enough to make it work. Even knowing how good the heroin would feel, I couldn’t help but cower at the sight of the needle in his capable hand.
“Its okay, Mackenzie.” Grey’s voice was low and melodic, soothing. I kept my gaze on his, refusing to look down. “You’ll barely notice.”
Even so, I shut my eyes. Slowly and gently, he grasped my arm in his warm hands. I held my breath. I felt a tiny prick, the slightest of pinches in my elbow pit.
“It’s in. Look, Mackenzie. Watch this. ”
The power Grey had over me was phenomenal. I actually opened my eyes and stared down at the needle breaking through my skin, the sharp steel cold against my flesh. I watched as Grey retracted the plunger, as my blood filled the syringe, mixing with the heroin, bright red blood dancing with the dark drugs, curling and twisting around each other. I was still staring, transfixed, as Grey shot the drugs straight into my veins.
It was even better than I remembered, even better than hours before. I gasped shakily as it took me, the sheer pleasure rocketing through my body until I couldn’t take it anymore, slackening back against the bed.
I still don’t know how to describe it properly. In Trainspotting , Renton says, “Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you’re still nowhere near it.”
He was right. That kind of pleasure isn’t something you can just imagine. Unless you’ve done heroin, there’s no way you to know how good it feels. There aren’t words to describe the bliss, the euphoria, the utter…nothingness.
Grey shot up beside me. He fell back against the bed, his face deep with pleasure, close enough to mine that I could stare right into it. His beautiful, gorgeous, perfect face. For me, it didn’t get any better than that.
Life was perfect. Everything I could ever ask for. Everything I’d been searching for.
I smiled as the waves crashed over me.