5. Aidan
AIDAN
There were few things in life as frustrating as writer’s block. I mean, I suppose there were several things worse, but I couldn’t think of anything as mind-numbingly irritating.
The thing was, most people seemed to think writer’s block was just sitting there staring at a screen, your mind completely blank.
That was one version, the one I could deal with.
At least then I knew nothing was going to come out, so it was better to spend my time elsewhere.
The mind blank would fix itself at some point so long as I busied myself with anything other than focusing on writing.
The real bitch was when I sat in front of the screen and could feel the humming and buzzing in my brain that indicated there was something to be written.
Except instead of words and sentences, I was met with…
nothing. Oh, the word chatter was there, practically begging to be plucked from my brain and set down on the page, but instead of behaving, it was like it wanted to play hard to get.
It didn’t help that I was distracted by tonight’s revelation.
“Keep staring and you’re going to go cross-eyed,” I heard Reno say, and I looked up to find both brothers in the rec room where I’d been sitting alone for twenty minutes.
“Ugh,” I muttered, rubbing my face as if that would somehow loosen whatever was stuck in my head. “I haven’t written anything in over a week and now every time I look at the screen, I keep seeing Colin and Xander wrapped around each other like two mating eels.”
Reno scrunched his face. “Thanks for that imagery.”
I didn't know what he wanted me to say. Tonight should have been an opportunity for everyone on the team to surprise Xander with a party for his birthday. I personally thought Xander wasn’t the kind of person to enjoy surprises, not even good ones.
I'd kept that to myself, however, feeling that the rest of the team was a better judge.
Now I wished I had at least said something, because it was the rest of us who ended up with the surprise as we lay in wait for Xander and Colin to show up.
At the very least, some of us should have trusted that deep-down feeling that there was something more going on between Colin and Xander than a begrudging professional respect.
At least then we wouldn't have been waiting in his private cabin along with his ex-wife of all people just to get a front-row seat to the entire dramatic scene.
I certainly wasn't alone in being completely floored by the sight of Xander and Colin wrapped around one another as they entered the cabin, hands in places I didn't want to remember clearly, and lips locked on one another's like it was their only source of air.
To say that Xander's ex-wife had been just as taken aback as the rest of us was underselling to an almost criminal degree.
I had no idea what happened after her explosive reaction; Cait wanting to beat the woman's ass right there and then, and the rest of us filing out. I would bet I wasn't the only one trying to drink enough to dull the edges of the memory.
“Never have I been so glad not to know what mating eels look like,” Mika said and his eyes darted to the table in front of me where a small bottle of liquor sat next to the pop I had and then the glass, half drunk, in front of me. “Trying to drink away the image?”
If anyone else had asked, I would have responded with ‘God, please, yes,’ just to lighten things.
I, however, could remember the look in Mika’s eyes years ago when he saw a drink in my hand.
A mixture of anger and disappointment, but keeping himself in check.
Damn it all, I was a grown-ass man, not the partying dipshit of my college years.
I had bought it on a trip into town the other day, and if I wanted to have a cocktail without checking in with him or dealing with his judgement, I should be allowed to.
“Maybe,” I said stiffly, giving him a sidelong glance.
“I don’t think that will help,” he told me, and I could smell his criticism.
“Maybe it wouldn’t help you, but I’m doing fine with my one drink,” I told him pointedly.
Reno sighed. “Oh, what did I just get stuck dealing with?”
“Nothing,” I said, but even if I didn’t know me, I wouldn’t have believed me based purely on my tone. “The straight-edge kid just needs to remember I’m a grown-ass man.”
“And I never said otherwise,” Mika said stiffly.
“Not in words,” I said with a shrug, turning my attention back to the screen. “But boy, are you good at letting someone know you’re unhappy with them with just a glance.”
“I don’t know what’s going on here, so I’m not going to take sides, but, uh,” Reno glanced at his brother with an almost apologetic look. “But that last part? That’s definitely you…okay, and he has a point with the straight-edge comment. I never thought about it like that, but…yeah.”
Mika glowered at him. “So much for not taking sides.”
“Oh, I have no idea if you’re judging him for the right reasons or if you are at all, but you are good at it,” Reno said with a chuckle and picked up my bottle, giving it a tilt and meeting my eyes. When I nodded, I smirked as he took a drink of the rum and grunted. “Ugh, warm but, ooh, warm.”
“You’ve made your point,” Mika said to his brother, and Reno glanced back, squinting and tilting his head. I watched as Mika met his eyes with no expression on his face and grunted. Reno smirked, giving the bottle of rum a wiggle, and Mika narrowed his eyes. “Fine.”
“You know, I’ve seen you guys do that before, and it’s as fascinating as it is creepy,” I said as Mika reached out and, to my surprise, tipped some of the liquor into his mouth. In fact, he took a bigger shot than his brother. “Jesus, want something to chase it down with?”
“Please,” Mika said, and I held out the pop for him to drink straight from the bottle. “I am not straight-edge.”
“You might as well be. I could never decide if you hated intoxicants because you despised the idea of losing control, or if there was a drunk or drug abuser in your family…I always guessed it was your mom,” I said, taking the pop back.
Reno blinked. “You told him?”
“No,” Mika said. “Not details.”
“Never details,” I pointed out, smiling sweetly when Mika shot me a sharp look. “What? Just because we’re working on playing nice doesn’t mean I’m going to ignore the past.”
“This from the man who hid things and outright lied to me at times.”
“Hiding things out of the shame you helped me to feel over completely normal stuff? Yeah, that was fucked up on my part, but it didn’t come from nowhere.”
“Neither did my feelings on the matter, and yet that didn’t seem to matter in the face of you wanting to have fun.”
“Guys?” Reno piped up, and I ignored him.
“How was I supposed to know your feelings on it?” I wondered. “It’s not like you ever told me anything but the bare minimum.”
“I expressed my dislike of something you were doing, and you did it anyway.”
“True, not that you ever explained or gave context.”
“Hmph, in order to do something that someone you care for asks, context is required?” he asked, and there was no mistaking the unspoken jab hidden in his question.
“Required? No, but it certainly would have helped. Because, believe it or not, people like to know things about their other halves. Hell, they like to know basic information,” I said, glancing over at the nervous Reno with a pointed look.
“If you want someone who obeys you without question, get a dog, not a boyfriend.”
Mika’s eyes narrowed, and he looked away with a snort. “Feel better?”
“A little, actually,” I said, surprising myself with a slight laugh. “You?”
“Hmm, I think so,” he said, sounding as surprised as I felt. “Your temper has gotten better, still as sharp-tongued though.”
“And you’re as obstinate as you’ve always been; you’ve just refined it,” I snorted. “Some things don’t change.”
“And some do,” he said, looking at me curiously.
“Is it…safe now?” Reno wondered, and I gave him an unimpressed look.
“Drama queen,” I said as I turned my attention back to my computer. “What’s a little verbal sparring between friends?”
“Sparring,” Reno muttered. “If I had a ‘sparring’ match like that with one of my exes, I’d be torn to shreds.”
“That sounds like a skill issue,” I told him, grinning when Mika laughed in what I thought was agreement.
Reno raised an eyebrow. “So, speaking of boyfriends—”
I winced. “Must we?”
“I think we’re all going to need to accept the fact that Colin and Xander are…a thing,” Mika said, dropping onto the opposite end of the couch from me. “Not a thing I expected, though now I think about it…I suppose the signs were there.”
“You know, I wondered about that, but I always assumed Xander was straight,” I admitted.
“As far as we knew, he was,” Reno said with a shake of his head. “I mean, Colin’s a good-looking guy and all, but so good-looking as to turn a guy gay?”
“I doubt he’s gay,” Mika said. “And it’s probably a bad idea to go digging too hard into their business because that feels like the best way to get in trouble.”
“I can’t help but be curious,” I admitted and then looked at Reno. “Why, worried that if someone like Xander could be turned onto the glory that is dick, you’ll be next?”
“No!” Reno protested and sputtered when Mika and I laughed. “Shut up. You’re assholes.”
“Oh, God, don’t we know it?” I teased. “Don’t worry, if you have any gay thoughts you need to get off your chest, you can come talk to me. I’ll help you through it.”
He stared at me. “You’re just trying to get the package deal. You had my brother, and now you want me.”
“Hardly,” I said and smirked. “Though I guess if the opportunity presented itself—”
“Stop,” Reno protested as Mika groaned. “Just…don’t.”