10. Mika
MIKA
“Alright, boys and girls,” came the deep rumble of Xander’s voice over the walkie. “Get your asses to the dining hall; we’ve got a meeting. Now.”
I had barely stood up from my table, where I was going over data, when Cait’s voice crackled over the airwaves. “Girls?”
Xander’s exasperated voice followed. “Lady.”
“I’m no lady,” she said, and I snorted at the mental image of Xander’s expression as he once again caught shit from Cait because she felt like it.
She was one of only two people who felt comfortable enough to give him hell, and it never stopped being funny to someone who wouldn’t dare give him a hard time without backup.
His voice was irritated when he came back on. “Mika, do you have what I asked for?”
“Not yet,” I said after snatching up the radio. “Almost.”
“Fine, how long?”
“Dunno.”
“That’s not fucking helpful.”
“I can’t make the numbers go faster.”
“Fine, get your ass here anyway.”
“Will do.”
I grabbed my tablet. There was a thump from upstairs, and I watched as Reno came down the ladder in a flash.
“Have a good nap?” I asked wryly. He was supposed to be working up there by himself, something he rarely did considering he liked at least one other person in the same room as him when he did anything.
It was another troubling development in the issues he totally wasn’t having.
I had taken Aidan’s advice. I was letting my brother go through whatever trials and tribulations he was enduring alone, even if doing so was like ignoring an itch that refused to go away.
He stared at me, hair sticking out in every direction, a crease mark on his face, and a hazy look in his eyes. “How’d you know?”
“Look at yourself,” I said, walking over to turn him around so he faced the mirror in the bathroom and snorting when he cursed. “Easy enough.”
I let him splash cold water on himself to get rid of the look in his eyes while I smoothed the mess that was his hair.
I looked over his shoulder when we were done and smirked.
“That’ll do. Just be glad Xander doesn’t pay too much attention.
Might want to make sure Jake doesn’t open his mouth and ask about the wrinkles on your face. ”
“He probably won’t,” he said, and there was a flash of misery.
My chest squeezed. I met his gaze in the mirror and saw the moment he realized he had given away his inner thoughts and that I had caught them. His face fell when he couldn’t turn in a direction where I wouldn’t see his face. I sighed, reaching up to rub his shoulders. “I’m not going to ask, okay?”
“For now?” he wondered warily.
“I don’t know if it makes me more or less mature to say this, but…
for now I won’t ask,” I said, and when he frowned, I shrugged.
“I love you, Reno. You’re my brother, my best friend, and a part of me I’ll never be able to get rid of, and I never want to be rid of.
You’re like…a mirror and the other side of the same coin we occupy.
And once, I forgot that about us, forgot that about you, and while I suffered for it, you were the one who suffered the most.”
He sighed. “Mika, don’t.”
“Shh,” I shushed gently. “There’s a few things I’ve had to face lately, and one of them is that we never get away, not in the way we’d wish but also…
sometimes it’s better we don’t. I know you’ve forgiven me, but that means you haven’t forgotten what I did.
And one day I’ll forgive myself, but in the meantime, I’m going to let that guilt be useful for more than just beating myself up.
It’s a good reminder of the person I never want to be, and what I need to do better in the future for you. ”
“And Aidan?” he asked dryly.
“You leave him to me,” I chuckled, leaning forward to rest my chin on his shoulder. “This is about you and me. I’m going to let you deal with whatever is going on with you without prying because you clearly don’t want anyone pushing, not even me. I’ll respect that…for now.”
“Do I get a time limit?” he asked bitterly.
“If I think it’s gone too far and that you’re suffering for too long.”
“Mmm, vague. You don’t do vague.”
“I accept ambiguity as a fact of life and prefer to get rid of it when I can. I can’t get rid of it here, so I have to deal with it.
Just…I’m here, okay? And that’s true if you confide in me or keep it to yourself.
You don’t have to tell me, but you don’t have to avoid me either,” I told him and smiled when I saw his protest grow and die on his face.
“You don’t have to be alone to be left alone. ”
Reno snorted, and I saw my brother return to himself a little. “Paradox.”
“Weren’t you the one who told me life is inherently paradoxical?”
“I did, didn’t I?”
“You did.”
He leaned his head against mine and smiled. “Okay.”
“Good,” I said, stepping back and slapping his ass hard enough to make him yelp. “Then let’s get moving before Xander skins us alive. He might be in a better mood since he and Colin apparently kissed and made up, but let’s not push it.”
The snicker Reno gave was music to my ears. “Do you think Aidan is going to recover from seeing them making out like horny high schoolers?”
“Aidan will be fine,” I said as I gathered my stuff and we headed out.
“This is the same man who thinks it’s funny as hell that we’re so uncomfortable with how Xander’s nickname has changed since Colin came along.
He’s becoming more and a more an expected part of our weird little family, but I don’t think he’s ever going to be the one who gets to the level of ‘ew I can’t think of them like that, they’re my family’ like most of us do. ”
“Doesn’t hurt that he is kind of a shithead,” Reno said fondly. “I overheard him asking Carter if he and Mav take turns being the big spoon the other day.”
“I’m sure Carter loved that,” I said, thinking that in a lot of ways, Carter and Mav had a similar dynamic to Jake and Reno, at least in terms of fraternal closeness that went deeper than with the rest of the group.
And in each there was one who took the jokes at their closeness with better humor, Jake and Mav, while there was another who took it… less gracefully.
“Mav thought it was hilarious,” Reno said. “I couldn’t decide if Aidan was doing it to get a rise out of Carter or if he was just trying to cheer Mav up because he seemed kind of grumpy.”
“How you figure out his moods with such confidence is beyond me,” I admitted.
“I guess I’ve worked with him more than anyone else, well, except Carter, obviously,” he snorted.
“Ah, right,” I said. Mav was the best hunter, tracker, and wilderness expert we had, but more so the first two.
Considering Reno had to monitor indigenous species in the area occasionally, that usually meant using someone whose skills helped him get his hands on some animals.
“Mav and Aidan, though…didn’t expect that.
You and Aidan? Yeah, you two are weirdly alike.
It’s not as if you have ever chosen a woman who was like me. ”
“Oh, are we being honest about you and Aidan now?” Reno asked with a laugh. “Cool.”
“You saw him in his underwear when I was the only other person in the building,” I said, opening the back door and dropping my voice. “No point trying to keep it quiet after that.”
“True,” he said and followed me in, pausing and looking at me. “You’re both…good?”
“Yeah,” I said with an easy smile despite the trickle of unease at the back of my thoughts.
Because we were good, hell, I was amazing.
Yet there was something I couldn’t put my finger on, something from Aidan.
Sometimes it was like he was…holding his breath.
Like he was waiting for a bomb to go off, or bracing himself to say something he was terrified to say aloud to me.
I knew the latter thought could easily be paranoia that was well-founded and not completely fair.
If he was keeping something from me, I had to give him the chance to come out with it and hope he would…
and that it wouldn't be that bad. Otherwise, it was better to focus on what was working, which was pretty much everything else.
“Gross,” Reno said at whatever he saw on my face. “That’s your ‘I’m madly in love and getting laid like crazy’ face.”
“You have no idea what that face looks like,” I snapped at him.
“I heard you giggle the other day when he was groping you under the table when you thought I wasn’t paying attention, you giggled,” he said and laughed when I pushed him into the wall. “Well, that just confirms it.”
“Get your asses in here,” Xander growled, and we walked in, me carefully constructing my face into what I thought was appropriately professional.
We were the last ones to arrive, from the looks of everyone else standing or sitting around.
Xander gestured for us to get moving, and we made our way over.
I watched as the seats filled up quickly, and there were three spots left.
I sat in the middle without thinking, expecting to be flanked by Aidan and Reno.
There was only the briefest moment before Aidan shifted from my right to my left, dropping not next to Mav, but next to Jake with only a quick glance in Reno’s direction.
Jake’s expression soured briefly, but Reno gave nothing away as he sat between Mav and me.
Cait stood in the doorway as Xander walked up to the counter that separated the kitchen and dining areas.
“Alright, listen up. It’s no secret that we caught wind of a storm coming our way, and it’s looking like a bitch.
So we’re going to take precautions in case it gets really bad. ”
Aidan shifted next to me. “What does that mean?”
Xander glared at him. “It means all hands on deck. There is no time off, there is no being on call; we’re all on duty for at least the next forty-eight if not seventy-two hours.
Normally that means working in pairs, but we’ve got a few exceptions we’ve got to deal with.
First off, we’re going to address the way everyone treats Colin like he’s my second. ”