Chapter Three
MAE
“Stupid, stupid, stupid. I'm an idiot,” I said.
My grandmother’s cat blinked up at me before letting out a loud meow. I looked over at her empty food bowl. She was a chatty cat. Aunt Carrie had given her to me just last week after Gram’s memorial service, telling me Sassafras was my grandmother's old cat and she would keep me company.
“You probably need some food.”
I stood and crossed over to the kitchen, opening a cabinet and fetching a can of food.
This cat was spoiled rotten. According to Aunt Carrie, my grandmother had gotten her last summer before she got sick.
Or rather, before she knew she was going to die.
I spooned the cat food into the bowl, and Sassafras leaped onto the small table by the windows and settled in to eat.
Curling my arms around my waist, I crossed from the kitchen back into the living room, walking over to the window to stare outside.
It was only five in the evening, and the sun was already about to slip behind the horizon, its early evening rays silvery and thin.
Sunset would come soon. The days were short and the nights long during Alaskan winters.
I let out a sigh before turning and plunking down on the couch. I kicked my feet up on the coffee table and let my eyes travel around the room. I didn't even know if I wanted to stay here, but this house was mine. I owned it free and clear. All I had to do was pay the annual property taxes.
My throat felt suddenly tight, and I swallowed through the thickness.
Gram was gone, and that’s why I owned this house.
I’d just had an argument with my mother this afternoon about staying.
She wanted me to stay. If it weren't for the fact that Rowan was here, I would probably say yes. It was a smart move. I had a house and a good job offer. But I had reasons for reconsidering. Reasons being Rowan. Why did he have to be so freaking handsome? He could have at least gotten less delectable in the years since I’d seen him.
Rowan wasn’t directly responsible for my bitterness about men.
It’s just that he was connected to the worst night of my life.
My radar for men who weren't assholes seemed to be broken. I thought about the last guy I’d gone on a date with.
It had been a disaster. For one, he wouldn't shut up about football. I didn’t have anything against football, but I was a basketball fan through and through.
So, anyway, football. Then he kept calling me babe. On our first date. He’d seemed surprised that I had a doctorate. What the actual fuck? In the past decade, more women than men earned advanced degrees every year.
Then I'd kissed him, and he'd stuffed his tongue down my throat—super annoying. I shouldn't have even kissed him. Of course, I knew how Rowan kissed. He was good at it. Really good at it, like master level.
Ugh. I let out a groan, leaning my head back.
He was here in Willow Brook and bringing up all kinds of memories.
Rowan had been my best friend for a while in college.
We’d ended up seated together in my very first class.
He was just easy to be with, and we’d become fast friends.
It had been platonic at first, but it’d been impossible not to notice how hot he was—all rumpled dark curls, intense green eyes, and a drool-worthy body.
I’d started to fall for him but promised myself our friendship was more important. Then he asked me out on a date.
I’d been so thrown, he had to ask me twice.
My eyes stung with tears, and I swiped them away with my palm.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. I didn’t need to get all caught up in my feelings about him.
I sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
My mind started to turn down a path I avoided.
It was dark and held the memory of something I’d do anything to erase.
If there was one lesson I’d learned, it was that you couldn’t change the past.
I stood abruptly, determined not to spend the night thinking about Rowan or why I’d thought I only had one choice all those years ago.
Because it felt lonely to be here in this house by myself, I decided to head out. Holly, my old friend from high school, had texted earlier and asked if I wanted to get together.
I tapped out a text. You still want to meet tonight?
Her answer was swift. Sure thing. I get off from my shift at the hospital in an hour. Do you want to meet at Firehouse or Wildlands or the new pizza place?
Me: Let’s try the pizza place. I haven’t been there yet.
Holly: It’s good! See you soon!
Since Rowan had rescued me, I'd run into him four times. And every time, my hormones fired off like a pinball machine. Twice, he tried to talk to me, and twice, I'd managed to gracefully exit the situation.
The university had emailed last week, telling me they were still holding the position for me, but they would open it up again if I didn’t commit soon.
I didn't want to go back to North Carolina.
I'd missed home, and I was feeling stubborn about Rowan.
I wasn't going to let him show up in my hometown and take over.
This was my hometown. I sat down at my desk and pulled out my laptop, quickly pasting in the acceptance I'd written.
This was a tenure track position in the environmental sciences program, and I didn't want to pass it up. My parents were here, I had a house, and this was my town and my friends. I would just have to deal with Rowan, and my hormones would get a clue. I ignored the tiny voice pointing out that maybe Rowan was a massive reminder of the night I’d prefer to forget, but none of it was his fault.
My breath misted in the air as I hurried across the parking lot, pushing through the door into Alpenglow Pizza.
The restaurant had been here for a few years, but it was new to me.
It was on the outer end of Main Street near the hospital.
I did want to try the new pizza, but I’d also wanted to limit my chances of encountering Rowan.
During the winter months, Wildlands was a favorite hangout for locals.
Since I came back to town, I’d been there a few times, and I’d already encountered Rowan there twice.
I paused and glanced around the restaurant. Booths lined the walls, and a counter at the back had a wood-fired oven visible behind it. It smelled delicious in here.
Holly waved at me from a booth in the corner. I waved as I crossed over to her. Before I could get a word out, Holly stood and pulled me into a quick hug. Her brown eyes twinkled as she stepped back and gave my shoulders a squeeze. “It's so good to see you again!”
“You too.”
We sat down across from each other, and Holly brushed her blond hair off her shoulders before lifting a glass of water and taking a swallow. As she set her glass down, she pointed at the one beside my elbow. “I ordered water for you, but I didn’t know if you wanted anything else to drink.”
“Water will do.”
“What do you want to get? Everything is good. I was thinking we should split a pizza.” She leaned her elbows on the table and turned the opened menu around for me to read it.
“What do you like? Pepperoni still your favorite?” I asked.
Holly’s smile was wide. “Hell, yes.”
“Let's just get a whole pepperoni then.”
“Deal.”
I closed the menu and slipped my arms out of my jacket. Holly and I had been pretty close in high school, but it felt like her life had leapfrogged ahead of mine. She was married and pregnant. The server appeared, and we ordered.
As soon as she was gone, Holly leaned back. “So tell me everything.”
“Everything? I don't have a ton of news,” I replied with a light laugh.
“Have you decided if you're staying?”
“Yes. I have a house and a good job. It was kind of hard to say no.” I kicked Rowan out of my thoughts. “Tell me how you're doing. You probably have more going on than me.”
Holly's lips curled in a smile. “Maybe, maybe not. I never left Willow Brook. I took the promotion at the hospital, so I'm the supervisor for the nursing department in the ER. Nate and I are married, but you know that.”
“And pretty soon, you’ll be a mama,” I teased lightly with a glance at her round belly.
Holly's cheeks went a little pink. “Not soon enough. Pregnancy makes me tired.” She rubbed her hand on her lower back for a moment.
“I love that you and Nate are together.” I meant it. They were a great couple and had found their way to each other. Finally.
“Sometimes, I still can't believe it.”
“When are you due?”
My friend eyed the round curve of her belly. When her eyes lifted to mine, she sighed. “Not until after the holidays.”
Our conversation paused when our pizza arrived.
I picked up the thread after we had both started eating.
“What do you mean you can't believe it? I always thought Nate had a thing for you. I told you that in high school. With Nate being Alex’s best friend, you two were thrown together a lot. It was kind of obvious.”
“I guess to everybody but me,” she said dryly.
“Well, I'm glad you're doing well together.”
“Nate's picking me up because I caught a ride here from a friend at work since I didn’t drive in this morning. Have you seen him since you've been back?”
I shook my head. “I've been busy cleaning the house and driving to Anchorage to look for new furniture. I cannot deal with the seventies look. I loved Gram, but wow.”
Holly let out a peal of laughter just as a rush of cold air came in when someone entered.
I reflexively glanced over. The second I saw Rowan, my pulse behaved as if a shot had gone off at the start of a race, bolting out of the gate as fast as it could go.
His eyes locked on mine immediately. Sparks ran scattershot through me.
“Well,” Holly said before clearing her throat.
I tore my eyes from Rowan's, heat flashing in my cheeks when I looked back at her.
“Well,” she repeated.
“Well, what?” I prompted.
“How do you know Rowan?”