Chapter Nineteen ROWAN
Chapter Nineteen
ROWAN
“I understand why you never wanted me to know, but I could have been there for you. I would’ve kicked his ass.” Just thinking about it sent a bolt of icy anger through me, but now wasn’t the time to focus on that emotion.
Mae pressed her lips in a line. “I didn't want anyone to kick his ass. I just wanted to forget about it.”
“You could probably still press charges.”
I'd spent most of my nights, and every moment when I wasn't occupied, thinking of all the things I wished to befall Chet. I knew I could find him, but I hadn't tried yet. Aside from being there for Mae, I owed her the chance to call the shots on this.
What I really wanted was to find him and cause him more pain than he’d caused Mae, or something along those lines. I didn't trust myself if I got my hands on him, that was for sure.
Mae was really quiet before she shook her head, just barely. “I don't want to.”
I opened my mouth to argue the point, but she lifted her palm, so I shut up.
“I know you probably want to kick his ass, or at least see him deal with some legal fallout.
I did look into it, and it's not easy. I was pretty out of it and I barely remember anything.
It's nothing more than flashes of memories. The reason I know something happened is because it was my first time, and the pain snapped me out of the haze.”
Mae spoke so calmly it was as if she was reciting a recipe. My chest and brain felt as if they’d been lit on fire with rage. I clenched my beer glass with my hand and willed myself to stay calm. Mae didn't need to see me lose my shit.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I finally asked after I took a long swallow of my beer.
She shook her head. “No, look, those date rape drugs are pretty common. You know that, right?”
“What? What do you mean?”
Mae let out a sharp sigh. “There’s a nail polish for women to use that changes color if they dip their fingers in a drink and it’s been spiked. I'm not alone. I’m just another statistic.”
I took another swallow of beer. Fuck.
“I know you want me to do something about it, but my memory’s spotty at best. I knew Chet was an asshole.”
“That’s an understatement.”
“I knew you said he was a jerk, but I didn’t realize I shouldn’t even take a drink from him.”
I was so torn up over this that I was reeling. I was not going to fall apart in front of her.
“You have to let me deal with this the way I want to,” she continued. “I don't want to press charges, and I don't want you to find him, and I don't want you to kick his ass.”
“What do you want?”
“The chances of it going anywhere legally are close to zero. I did do one thing, and it's the only thing that's given me a little bit of peace.”
“What’s that?”
“It was a year after it happened, my senior year when we were graduating. I filed a report and warned the school about him. I heard about it happening to another girl, and I didn't want it to happen to anybody else.”
“Seriously? I don't know what happened with him after he moved out. Did he graduate?”
She shook her head. “Not from UNC. I know I wasn’t the only one who reported him, and he didn’t return for what would’ve been his last semester.”
“It doesn't seem like enough,” I protested.
Mae shrugged. “That's the world we live in.” Her tone was disconcertingly calm while I wanted to punch the universe.
I had enough sense to know reacting with violence was definitely not the solution for the moment. “You don’t think he should be charged?” I couldn’t help but press once more.
“Rowan, I looked into it. My case is not a good case. There were no witnesses. Just me and my spiked drink.”
I felt sick, and my heart ached on a visceral level.
Mae was that girl. I’d been so in love with her before. I’d been afraid to ruin our friendship, and I’d wanted to get it right when we finally started dating. I didn't want to be a dumbass like so many guys were back then.
“So, tell me, how do we start over?”
“Now that this giant elephant is in the room between us?” she countered.
“I don't think it's an elephant anymore, but it was before I knew.”
She looked at me, her gaze skeptical. “What do you mean?”
“Because it was a secret, a big secret. You didn’t have to tell me.
Obviously, that was your call. But it's the whole reason we broke up or never really got off the ground. I lost one of my favorite people. You hear those stories about people who lost touch with someone. Every time I heard something like that, I thought about you. I would think about texting you again, figuring you probably had the same number. I never deleted it. But you told me to leave you alone, and I wanted to respect that. I knew you got your graduate degree, but you kept a pretty low profile.” Mae’s lips twisted in one of her lopsided smiles.
Even though my heart was throbbing, a little bit of joy was starting to push through the heavy weight of pain.
“So, we start where we were back then,” she chimed in, surprising me.
“How many dates did we go on?” I asked.
“Three,” she whispered.
“That's right. Fourth time's the charm.”
“Really?” A slow smile unfurled across her face.
“Yeah, and we're gonna get it right this time.”
Her gaze sobered, and she took a quick swallow of wine. “Rowan, I don't know. I don't really date.”
“Do you trust me?”
She nodded slowly. “You know I do.”
“Okay then. We can do this.”
Her eyes held mine through several resounding beats of my heart before she nodded.