Chapter 32
CHAPTER
THIRTY-TWO
FREYJA
I’m not as fast acting as my sister is. I didn’t jump head first into the relationship the same way as she did—I wanted it to organically grow.
It’s been three months since Christmas Day, and Chaney and Nova’s relationship has moved forward at a warped rate of speed.
They spend nearly every night in his bed, and I can hear them as they shout out each other’s names.
I try to not let it get me depressed that other than a slight peck here and a light touch there, we haven’t progressed into anything more than what we’ve always had. It’s simple and somewhat distant.
I’m not jealous, I’m scared, and maybe a little envious of their blossoming relationship.
I’m petrified that he’s rejecting me, even though Chaney swears he’s not.
My sister has been going to the clubhouse with Nova, she’s making friends and finding a life outside of me, and I’m happy for her because I’ll never be able to go out and paint the town with her the way Nova’s brothers will.
She’s been getting lessons on his motorcycle, and she plans on getting a license, and I’m so dang proud of her.
She’s passed all of her courses and is so close to getting her certification that she’s been walking around here on a cloud.
When the loneliness overwhelms me, I grab my camera and take a walk around the property, each time, finding something new to capture with my lens.
In the background, I hear the roar of a motorcycle and my heart drops into my chest. “They left without even saying goodbye.” It’s shocking because they never do that.
It’s the end of March, and here in Texas, that means I can take a dip in the lake.
I head that way as tears streak my cheeks, determined to wash them away.
I never let anyone see them fall, not even my sister.
I don’t want to ruin even an ounce of her happiness because I’m not brave like her.
It’s not her fault I can’t seem to make a move and let my fear of being rebuffed consume me.
She’s been encouraging, giving me pointers, but every time an opportunity presents itself, I chicken out.
As I make it to what Nova calls the bluff, I strip down to my bra and panties and toss my head back, breathing in the fresh air.
I’m not sure how long I stand there with my eyes closed, but I hear the snap of a camera and crack them open, turning to where I heard the noise come from.
My vision lands on Nova, who’s standing there with my discarded camera in hand.
“I had to take a picture, Freyja. It’s one of the most beautiful sights I’ve ever seen.
You standing there, looking so free is captivating, the moment needed to be captured. ”
“Nova,” I whisper his name.
He steps forward, closing the distance between us. “When you print it out, can you make an extra copy for me, Freyja? I want to frame it and put it on my desk.”
“You want a picture of me on your desk?” I ask, confused because it’s the first thing he’s said to me that shows he wants more of me than what he’s proven so far.
“I want everything from you, Freyja. I’ve been patient, giving you time to come to terms with us becoming more.
I’ve been waiting on a cue from you that you’re ready to move forward.
But you’re as timid as a mouse and my patience has worn out.
I need to hear you say it, Freyja. What do you want from me?
I’ll give you whatever you want, but you have to tell me what that is.
Do you only want friendship? Did you feel pressured to ask for more because that’s what Chaney wanted? ”
“No,” I whisper, vehemently shaking my head in denial.
Finding my courage, digging deep to bring it forward, I start admitting everything I want.
“I want you, Nova. I want to hold your hand, give you kisses, be your partner, the mother of your children. I want to stay home, keep the house, raise those kids, and most of all, I want to make you smile.”
“You do make me smile, Freyja.” He sits my camera back on the boulder it was on before he took it and snapped a picture of me.
Slowly, as if he’s approaching a wounded animal, he eats up the distance between us.
When he’s looming over me, he reaches out and brushes a strand of my hair behind my ear so my eyes are visible.
“You’re so goddamn beautiful, little one. ”
“Thank you,” I say, ducking my head. I’m still not used to receiving compliments, and when I do get them, I want to hide from them. They make me uncomfortable.
He bends his finger and places the knuckle beneath my chin, lifting my head so he can peer into my eyes. “Please don’t run and hide from me.”
“I don’t mean to. I’m trying to not do that anymore, but most of it’s instinctual,” I tell him. “Can I ask you for something?”
“You can ask me for anything. If it’s within my power, I’ll give it to you,” he answers.
Gathering my courage once again, I ask, “Can you kiss me? A real kiss, not a peck on my cheek or on the temple.”
“I’d be honored to,” he remarks, bending over and gently placing his lips upon mine. It’s nothing more than a graze so I release a sound of frustration. “Patience, little one. I’m gearing up.”
“Could you get those gears to move a little faster, please?” I inquire.
This is a moment I’ve been waiting for, and now that it’s here, I want to experience it full throttle without any inhibitions from either of us.
He doesn’t answer me with words, but he does use his mouth.
I’ve never been truly kissed before, and the second his tongue touches mine, a burst of stars dance behind my lids.
He’s patient with me as I follow his lead, and by the time he pulls back, we’re both panting.
I grab him by the collar of his shirt and drag him back down to my level. “Now who’s running?” I pose the question.
“Not running, beautiful, just giving us both a moment to catch our breath.”
“I don’t need a moment for that, Nova. You set my body on fire, and I need you to help me extinguish it.”
“Are you sure you’re ready for that, little one? Your first time should be in a bed where I can properly care for you.”
“I want passion, Nova. Spontaneity.”
“Fuck, you undo me, Freyja.”
“Good. I want you uninhibited. I don’t want you to hold back.
Candlelight and a romantic settings might be some girls’ dreams for their first time, but it’s not mine.
I want to be in my element, be where I’m most comfortable, and for me, that’s being outdoors; this piece of land specifically.
This has become my favorite spot. My oasis,” I inform him.
“Then let’s give it some lasting memories,” he recommends. “Each time you come out here, I want you to remember us.”
“That’ll be a given. You gave me my first kiss here,” I remind him.
“I’m going to give you many firsts here, Freyja,” he ordains.
My hands glide between his cut and his shirt, slowly sliding it off his shoulders.
It always surprises me how buttery soft the leather is each time I touch it.
I know from watching him that it is sacred and has to be cared for as if it’s an extended limb, so I neatly fold it in half and walk it over to the boulder, gently sitting it over my camera so the stitching doesn’t snag.
Turning around, I keep my eyes on his as I unclasp my bra and set it aside.
“I want you to give me all of my firsts here, Nova.”
His look becomes devilish as he strolls toward me, his eyes heavy lidded. When he’s a few inches shy of reaching me, he starts unrobing. “You’re breathtaking, Freyja. I can’t wait to get my hands on you.”
A shiver of awareness travels through me. He’s not the only one who can’t wait.