Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
CHARLIE
“ A ny update on that preschool application, Tammy?” I shouted, my voice carrying through the open office door.
I’d spent what felt like hours shuffling through an endless pile of paperwork, my mind a million miles away from contracts and deal memos.
It had been nearly two weeks since Emma dropped the baby bomb on me, and I still felt like I was walking through a dream. The ultrasound appointment yesterday had only intensified that feeling. I couldn’t stop staring at the picture of our little peanut, marvelling at the tiny hands and feet.
A snort of laughter sounded outside the door before my assistant appeared, her brow arched in amusement. “I’m sorry, did you just ask about a preschool application? Who are you, and what have you done with my boss?”
“What? Can’t a guy show some interest in early childhood education?”
“Not when it’s you.” Tammy crossed her arms and leaned against the doorframe. “You’re giving me whiplash. Last week, you were shouting for contracts and directors. This week, you’re panicking over preschool positions? What alien abducted you, and when can I get the real Charlie back?”
“Trust me, I’m asking myself the same question.” Even as the words fell from my lips, I reached for the ultrasound picture in my pocket. The reality of impending fatherhood was both exhilarating and daunting.
Her eyes narrowed and I could see the questions brewing behind her eyes. Thankfully, my phone rang before she could get any of them out. Jesse’s name flashed on the screen, relief and dread battled for dominance in my chest. He never called me out of the blue.
“I’ve got to take this.” I reached for the phone, throwing Tammy a grin. “Don’t forget to check in on the application.”
She rolled her eyes good-naturedly as she left, closing the door behind her. I took a deep breath and answered the call.
“Hey, Jess. What’s up?”
“Oh, not much,” he said, his voice light, but failing to conceal the undercurrent of excitement. “Just calling to see if the rumours are true. Is Charlie ‘I’ll-never-have-kids’ Delacroix really going to be a dad?”
I groaned, sinking lower in my chair. The leather creaked in protest, matching my internal grumbling. “How did you find out?”
“A friend of mine vets the applications for Celestial Heights Preschool.”
Shit. I’d been so focused on trying to get all the pieces in place I hadn’t stopped to wonder if any of Tammy’s contacts could be trusted.
“When he called me, I said he must have the wrong guy. The Charlie I knew swore he’d never have kids.” He chuckled, utterly delighted with my life’s unexpected turn. “Imagine my surprise when he starts reciting your phone number. So now, I’m confused. When did you fall so hard for a woman that she could convince you to have a kid, and why the fuck haven’t you introduced her to your friends?”
I sighed, running a hand through my hair. Leave it to Jesse to cut straight to the chase. “It’s complicated, Jess. I didn’t exactly plan this.”
“Oh, this I’ve got to hear.” Pure amusement dripped from his voice. “How did you end up knee-deep in diapers and baby bottles?”
“Remember Finn McCarthy’s wedding?”
“The one where you swore you’d behave yourself? Yeah, I remember. Don’t tell me you knocked up a bridesmaid.”
My face burned. “It was the wedding planner.”
There was a moment of silence, then Jesse burst out laughing. “The wedding planner? Oh man, that’s rich. You’re telling me you went to a wedding and came back with a baby on the way? That’s some next-level irony right there.”
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up,” I grumbled, but a small smile tugged at my lips. When he put it like that, it did sound ridiculous.
“So what happened? Did she slip and fall on your dick?”
I rolled my eyes. “Very funny. No, we just... connected. It was supposed to be a one-night thing, but...”
“But now you’re picking out onesies and researching the best brand of organic baby food?”
“Something like that.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, wishing I wasn’t having this conversation. “I know it’s crazy. I’m still trying to wrap my head around it.”
“I get that, but how far have you gotten in that wrapping?” he asked, his tone softening.
I leaned back in my chair, staring at the ceiling as I tried to sort through the jumble of emotions in my chest. “Honestly? I’m terrified. But also... excited? I mean, I look at Emma, and it’s like... shit, Jess, I’d do anything for her. For her and the baby.”
“Well, well, sounds like someone’s found their one. Never thought I’d see the day.”
“Yeah, maybe.” Warmth spread through my chest at the thought. “I’m such an idiot.”
“What did you do?” Jesse asked, his tone a mix of amusement and concern. “Please tell me you didn’t try to negotiate a contract for shared custody or something equally Charlie-like.”
“Worse.” I cringed at my own stupidity. “I told her we should keep things platonic.”
A bark of laughter escaped Jesse. I held the phone away from my ear and waited for him to get it out of his system.
“You’re a fucking idiot.”
“I thought it would be easier, you know? Less complicated.”
Less room for her to change her mind after the baby came and blame all of her feelings for me on pregnancy hormones.
“But now...”
“Now you’re realising that ship has sailed.”
“Yeah.” I sighed. “We started talking about what happens after the baby comes and she mentioned going back to New York.” My heart rate picked up just thinking about it. “How I kept a straight face I don’t know, but I don’t know if I could ever let them go.”
“Charlie, my friend, you’re in deep.”
“Tell me about it,” I muttered. “I keep thinking about ways to show her how I feel without pressuring her. But what if it’s just the pregnancy hormones making her receptive? I don't want her to wake up one day and feel like I took advantage of her vulnerable state.”
“Have you considered, I don’t know, talking to her about it?” Jesse’s voice dripped with sarcasm. “Novel concept, I know. But I hear it works wonders in personal relationships. Not that you’d know much about those, Mr I-don’t-do-feelings, I-do-deals.”
“Very funny,” I grumbled. “But seriously, what should I do?”
“Be honest with her,” Jesse said. “Tell her how you feel. Let her make her own decisions.”
I snorted. “Yeah, because that always works out so well in my line of work.”
“This isn’t work. It’s your life and your family. Sometimes honesty is the best policy.”
Family. The word sent a jolt through me. A family with Emma. The thought was terrifying and exhilarating all at once. I wanted it with a ferocity that unnerved me.
“I’ll think about it,” I said finally.
“You do that,” Jesse said. “In the meantime, when do we get to meet this miracle woman who’s managed to domesticate you? Lukas is also pissed at you for not sharing the news, by the way.”
“Why the fuck did you tell Lukas?” I scrubbed a hand across my face, cursing the fact my friends had turned into gossips as soon as they met their other halves.
“Someone had to confirm I wasn’t hearing things.” Amusement shook the words. More like he couldn’t keep it to himself. “So when do we get to meet her? Zoey is busting my balls for dinner and then a girls night once she susses her out. I don’t know how much longer I can hold her off.”
I hesitated as a protective urge hit me. “I don’t know. It’s all still new and...”
“And what? You're afraid we’ll scare her off with stories of your misspent youth?”
I laughed, but it sounded hollow even to my own ears. “No, it’s not that. It’s just...”
Why was I so reluctant to introduce Emma to my friends?
“Just give us some time to figure things out, okay?” I said finally. “This whole situation is... delicate.”
“Alright, alright. I’ll hold off the hounds for now. But you have to answer something truthfully for me.”
My eyes narrowed. “What?”
“How are you really feeling about all of this?” His tone shifted from teasing to something more serious. “And don’t give me that PR-approved bullshit. I want the real deal.”
I leaned back in my chair, closing my eyes as I tried to sort through the tornado of emotions swirling inside me. The image of our peanut on the ultrasound screen flashed in my mind and my chest ached. But right on its heels came the familiar spectre of doubt.
“What about the last answer was PR-approved bullshit?”
He snorted. “The part where you avoided any mention of your old man.”
I winced. “Low blow, man.”
“Someone’s gotta keep you honest,” he said, his words careful and measured. “And because it’s my job as your best friend to keep your head out of the sand, try again and don’t gloss over it like you’re facing a horde of reporters.”
I sighed, rubbing my temples. “I’m... overwhelmed. Hearing that tiny heartbeat, those little fingers... it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced. But at the same time, I can’t shake this fear that I’ll mess it all up.”
Jesse’s voice softened. “You’re not your dad, Charlie. The fact that you’re even worried about this proves that.”
“Logically, I know that, but I’m still terrified.”
“And that’s okay. Being a parent is the most terrifying, amazing thing you’ll ever do. Trust me, I know.”
Jesse and Zoey had triplets, now three years old and absolute terrors if the stories were to be believed.
“How do you do it? How do you not mess it up?”
“I’m just there. Always,” Jesse said simply. “You love them, you try your best, and you hope it’s enough. And most of the time, it is.”
I let his words sink in, feeling a strange mix of fear and hope. “I never thought I’d be in this position, you know? I mean, Emma and I barely know each other.”
“I can promise you that’s going to change real fast.”
Was I fretting for nothing? I already knew Emma better than my dad had known my mom before he put a ring on her finger. The great Jason Delacroix, hockey legend turned deadbeat dad, had swept my mother off her feet with his fame and charm.
He’d married her faster than he could score a hat trick, only to betray her and then abandon us all when I was twelve.
“Every time I think about holding this baby, about being responsible for another human life, I feel like I can’t breathe.”
“Welcome to fatherhood, my friend,” Jesse said, his voice warm with amusement and understanding. “That feeling? It doesn’t go away. But it does get easier. And you learn to breathe through it.”
I took a deep breath, trying to imagine it. Me, a father, changing diapers and singing lullabies. It was terrifying and exhilarating all at once.
“I hope so,” I whispered.
“We’re all just making it up as we go along. But you’ve got something your dad could never appreciate.”
Common decency?
“Your girl.”
I smiled, Emma’s beautiful face filling my mind. As much as I loved my mother and how hard she’d tried, mothering didn’t come naturally for her.
“Speaking of parenting,” Jesse’s voice broke through my reverie, “Remember how terrified you were to hold the triplets when they were born? I thought you were going to pass out.”
“Don’t remind me.” I groaned at the memory. “I was convinced I was going to drop them. Or break them. Or both. They were so tiny.”
“And now look at you. Applying for preschools before the kid’s even born. You’re going to be a great dad, Charlie. A neurotic, overprotective, probably slightly insane dad, but a great one nonetheless.”
His words sent a rush of warmth through me, along with a fresh wave of terror. “You really think so?” Even though half of my genetic makeup came from one of the biggest assholes in the hockey hall of fame? “Because right now, I feel like I’m one panic attack away from buying a lifetime supply of bubble wrap and child-proofing the entire city of Los Angeles.”
“I know so,” Jesse said confidently. “And hey, if you want some practice, Zoey and I would be happy to let you and Emma babysit the triplets for a night. You know, to help you prepare. Think of it as a trial run for parenthood, only with the option to give the kids back at the end of the night.”
I laughed. “You just want a night off from your little hellions. What’s the matter, the terrible twos extending into the terrifying threes?”
“Can you blame me?” Jesse chuckled. “Seriously though, the offer stands. It might be good for you and Emma to get some hands-on experience. Plus, it’ll give you a chance to see each other in parent mode. Nothing sexier than a man who can handle a diaper blowout with grace and minimal gagging.”
“I’ll think about it,” I said, making a mental note to discuss it with Emma later. “Thanks, Jess. For everything.”
“Anytime, man. Just promise me if you’re going to name a kid after someone, you pick me and not Lukas.” He sniggered. “I need something new to wind him up.”
I laughed, feeling lighter than I had in days. Maybe Jesse was right. Maybe I wouldn’t fuck it up. And maybe, just maybe, we could be more than just co-parents.
With a renewed sense of purpose, I turned back to my paperwork. But this time, instead of contracts and deal memos, I found myself sketching out nursery designs in the margins, each one more and more outlandish. Maybe I could hire a muralist to make the design better and paint whichever Emma loved most.
With a sigh, I pushed the paperwork aside and pulled out my phone. Maybe it was time to have an honest conversation with Emma.
Before I could overthink it, I sent her a text.
Charlie
How are you feeling? Everything okay at home?
Emma
I’m fine, just craving the weirdest food.
Charlie
How long have you been having these cravings?
Emma
Honestly? Since before I even knew I was pregnant. Started with an obsession for pineapple on everything. Even pizza. Probably should have figured it out then.
Charlie
Pineapple on pizza? Please tell me that's just a pregnancy thing and not a regular occurrence.
Emma
What if I said it was a lifelong love?
Charlie
Then I’d have to seriously reconsider this co-parenting arrangement. There are some things I just can’t overlook.
Emma
Hey, don't judge until you’ve tried it with anchovies and jalape?os.
Absolutely not. But if she needed solidarity, I’d force myself to eat it.
Charlie
You’re killing me, Sullivan. Next thing you’ll tell me you put ketchup on steak.
Emma
Now that’s just blasphemy.
Charlie
Good to know you have some culinary standards. Though I’m still side-eyeing that pineapple pizza situation.
Emma
Keep it up, and I’ll make you try it.
Charlie
What are you craving today?
Emma
Green mangoes with spicy peanut sauce. And pickles on the side.
Charlie
Your wish is my command. Be home soon.
I shut my laptop lid, grinning like an utter fool.