Chapter 35
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
CHARLIE
“ D id you have fun tonight?” I asked as we pulled into the driveway and killed the engine. “I think my friends might actually like you more than me now.”
Emma just hummed noncommittally, her gaze fixed on the house beyond the windshield. The silence stretched between us, heavy and uncomfortable. It was a far cry from the easy banter we’d shared over breakfast this morning. I just had to go and ruin it by missing the doctor’s appointment.
“You okay?”
She shifted in her seat, still not meeting my eyes. “I’m fine.”
“Come on, I may not be a mind reader, but even I can tell something’s bothering you.” I reached out to brush a strand of hair from her face. She flinched. “Is it the baby?”
“It’s not the baby.” She finally met my gaze, a humourless laugh escaping her. Her eyes were stormy, filled with emotions I couldn’t quite decipher. “It’s you. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
Her words hit me like an arrow through the heart. “Me? What did I do?”
Other than missing one appointment in five months.
“If you don’t know, there’s no hope for you.” Emma fumbled with her seatbelt, trying to get out of the car. In her haste, she struggled with the clasp, growing more frustrated by the second.
“Here, let me help?—”
She cut me off with a growl that, despite the situation, I found adorable.
“I don’t need your help!” she snapped.
She finally freed herself from the seatbelt and I watched, helpless, as she attempted to heave herself out of the car. Under different circumstances, I might have found her determined waddle endearing. Right now, it just made my chest ache with worry and confusion.
Unable to stand by and do nothing, I quickly got out and rushed around to her side. “Just let me?—”
She batted my hands away.
With a huff, Emma stormed off towards the house — well, as much as one can storm while seven months pregnant. I followed behind, utterly bewildered. What the hell had happened between the restaurant and now?
“Can we talk about this?” I asked while she fumbled with her keys at the front door.
She whirled around to face me. “Oh, now you want to talk? That’s rich, coming from you.”
I blinked, taken aback by the venom in her voice. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
She just shook her head, finally managing to unlock the door, leaving me to trail after her like a lost puppy. Which wasn’t far off how I felt.
I followed her into the living room but this time I didn’t try to approach her. Instead, I watched as she paced back and forth, one hand on her lower back, the other gesticulating wildly as she muttered under her breath.
“Talk to me. What’s going on?”
Emma stopped abruptly, fixing me with a look that was equal parts hurt and anger. “Why didn’t you tell me you never wanted children? It seems like something I should have known when I first got here.”
Shit. I thought she got it. It’s not like I’d kept my family history secret.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Really?” She crossed her arms, brows raised in challenge. “Because it seems pretty straightforward to me. You never wanted kids, and now you’re stuck with one. With me.”
She might as well have slapped me. I stared at her, momentarily shocked.
Is that really what she thought? That she was some kind of burden I’d been saddled with?
“Whoa, hold on a second.” I took a step towards her and she immediately backed away. “That’s not?—”
“Don’t ‘whoa’ me right now, Charlie,” she snapped. “I want answers. Why did you insist I move in with you? Why are you going through all the motions of being a father if it’s not what you want?”
I took a deep breath, trying to calm the whirlwind of emotions in my chest. How could I make her understand when I was still trying to figure it out myself?
“Did you hear the part where I told Lukas things had changed?”
“Yes, but?—”
“Well I meant it.” I took a careful step towards her. She didn’t react, too busy staring at me with narrowed eyes. “Yes, before you, I would have said I didn’t want kids. But?—”
“But what? You had a change of heart? Just like that? What, did the ghost of Christmas future visit you in your sleep?”
Despite the tension, I couldn’t help but chuckle at her sarcasm. “I’m more of a Grinch than a Scrooge.”
She didn’t laugh. Tough crowd.
I moved closer, desperate to gather her in my arms and force her to listen to me. “It’s not just like that. You have to understand?—”
“Understand what?” She threw her hands up in exasperation, nearly knocking over a vase in the process. I made a mental note to move any breakables out of arm’s reach. “That you’ve been feeding me hollow reassurances for months? That you’ve been playing the role of the supportive partner because you thought you had to?”
“That’s not?—”
“No, let me finish,” she cut me off, her voice rising. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to have your life completely upended? To have control ripped away from you? I won’t do that to another person. I won’t trap someone in a life they never wanted.”
I flinched at her words. Did she mean her aunt moving her to the US or the baby? Maybe both. The pain in her voice was palpable, and it tore at my heart.
“What was your plan?” she asked, her tone bitter. “Play happy families until the baby comes, then what? Slowly distance yourself? Weekend visits and child support checks?”
“Jesus, Emma, no!” I ran an agitated hand through my hair. “Is that really what you think of me?”
She deflated slightly, her anger giving way to exhaustion. “I don’t know what to think anymore. And yes, I know some of this is the hormones talking, but you know what? That’s your fault too. You put this baby in me with your expired condoms.”
I wanted to argue, to defend myself, but I knew she needed to get this out. So I bit my tongue and let her continue.
“Do you have any idea how terrifying this is?” Her voice cracked. “To feel like your body isn’t your own anymore? To know that every decision you make affects not just you, but this tiny person growing inside you? And now to find out that the one person I thought I could rely on never even wanted this in the first place?”
Tears welled in her eyes, gutting me.
“How long before you start to resent me, Charlie? How long before you look at me and this baby and see nothing but the life you never wanted?”
Her words hit me like a physical blow. I took another careful step towards her, my heart aching.
“Emma, please. You have to believe me when I say that’s not true.”
She stared at me with narrowed eyes, unmoved by my plea.
“I could never resent you, love. Can’t you see that?”
Her lower lip trembled, and she glanced away.
I wanted nothing more than to pull her into my arms, to kiss away her doubts and fears. But I knew she needed more than that. She needed the truth.
“You know me better than almost anyone. You know I can’t function without my morning coffee, that I talk in my sleep, and that I have an irrational fear of pigeons.”
Emma’s lips twitched slightly at that last one, and I pressed on.
“You’ve seen me at my best and my worst. Hell, you’ve watched me negotiate million-dollar deals in my underwear because I forgot about the time difference.”
That earned me a small chuckle, and hope took root inside of me.
“You know I secretly love those cheesy Hallmark movies you watch, even though I pretend to hate them.”
Her features softened, but she still looked guarded. “Charlie...”
“You know about my dad, Em. You know how he left, how it affected my family. How could you think that wouldn’t shape my views on having a family of my own?”
Memories of my father flooded my mind. The missed birthdays, the broken promises, the day he walked out on us for good. It was like watching a greatest hits reel of disappointment. A lump formed in my throat, threatening to choke me. I could almost smell the stale beer on his breath, and hear the slam of the door as he left for the last time.
I swallowed hard, pushing back the tide of emotions. I focused on Emma’s face, her eyes wide with concern despite her anger. This woman, who had stumbled into my life and turned everything upside down, made me believe I could be better than my old man ever was.
“Before I met you, the idea of having kids terrified me. That’s true. I was afraid of turning into him.”
She chewed her lip. “Why didn’t you tell me when I first arrived?”
I ran a hand through my hair, frustration evident in my voice. “Because by then, things had already changed. You have changed everything. When you showed up, telling me you were pregnant... I should have been terrified. And part of me was. But mostly, I was... excited.” I stared into her eyes, willing her to see the truth in mine. “For the first time in my life, the idea of being a father didn’t only scare me shitless. Because it wasn’t just any kid. It was our kid. Yours and mine.”
“But how can you be sure?” Emma’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “How do you know you won’t change your mind down the line?”
“Because I have you.”
She blinked, confusion evident in her eyes. “Me?”
I nodded, a soft smile tugging at my lips. “I’m not gonna lie. I’m still scared witless. But it’s not just fear. It’s excitement, hope, anticipation. When you walked into my office and dropped that bomb, I only needed a couple of seconds to realise I’d do anything for you. For both of you.”
Emma shook her head, her disbelief plain to read.
“You make me want to be better,” I said, rushing on before she could find the words to deny me. “To face those fears head-on. To be the kind of man, the kind of father, that you and our child deserve.” I grimaced, the weight of my words settling on my shoulders. I’d rather die than disappoint my kid. “I look at you, at how strong and brave you are, facing all of this. How can I not step up and be just as brave?”
“But I’m not brave.”
“Yes, you are, love.”
She shook her head. “No. I’m terrified!” Her voice rose, panic edging into her tone. “I have no idea what I’m doing. My body’s a stranger to me. One day I’m craving pickles and ice cream, the next I can’t stand the smell of my favourite perfume. I can’t sleep, I can’t work, I can’t even tie my own shoes!”
Emma’s breath came in short gasps, her words tumbling out faster and faster.
“And you! You’re just sailing through this like it’s no big deal. Planning nurseries and talking about the future like it’s all set in stone. How can you be so calm when our entire lives are about to implode? And why the hell haven’t you told your mother yet? Are you ashamed of us?”
“Of course not!” I exclaimed, frustration seeping into my voice.
She let out a bitter laugh, tears welling in her eyes. “Then why haven’t you told her about the baby? About us? It’s been four months, Charlie!” Emma’s voice cracked. “Four months, and your mother still doesn’t know she’s going to be a grandma. You only told Veronica because I was right there. Why is that?”
That wasn’t remotely true. I was always going to tell Veronica, but my mother? My father had scarred her in ways no therapist could heal.
“Why haven’t you told your aunt?”
Emma scoffed. “That’s different. I’m not close to Ginny like you are to your mother and sister.”
“Fair point.” I blew out a breath and studied her. “But there’s more going on here than just my family, isn’t there?”
She nodded, tears now flowing freely. “I feel like I’m losing control of everything. My body, my emotions, my finances. I’m peeing constantly, I cry at commercials, and I’m completely dependent on you. This isn’t me, Charlie. I don’t know who I am anymore.”
My heart ached seeing her like this. I took a tentative step forward, relieved when she didn’t back away. “Emma...”
“And what if we’re making a huge mistake?” she continued, her words tumbling out in a rush. “Should we even be doing this? Maybe we should consider adoption. Or maybe I should just leave now, before?—”
“No!” The word tore from my throat, raw and desperate.
Before I could think, I closed the distance between us, wrapping my arms around her and pulling her close. She struggled against me, her fists beating weakly against my chest.
“Let me go!” she sobbed, her whole body shaking. “We’re not a good fit. If we were, things would have worked out by now. I wouldn’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells, trying to figure out how you feel about me!”
I held her tighter, one hand cradling the back of her head as she cried into my shirt. “Shh, Em, please,” I murmured, my own voice thick with emotion. “Don’t say that. We are a good fit. The best fit.”
Gradually, her struggles subsided, her sobs quieting to hiccupping breaths. I stroked her hair, pressing my lips to the top of her head.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “I hate seeing you in pain. I hate seeing you cry. I love you so much.”
She stilled in my arms, then slowly pulled back to look at me, her eyes wide and searching. “What did you say?”
“I love you,” I said again, softer this time. “I’m in love with you. I have been for months, probably since you walked into my office honestly.” I cupped her face in my hands, brushing away her tears with my thumbs. “I’ve been driving myself crazy trying to maintain boundaries. I was afraid I’d be taking advantage of you while you’re dependent on me. I couldn’t be certain your thoughts were your own due to the pregnancy hormones.”
Emma’s hand covered mine, her touch tentative but warm.
“I didn’t want to dive headfirst into the relationship I wanted with you for fear that you’d change your mind and destroy my heart after the baby came. That you’d realise you didn’t want me.”
Emma’s lips trembled. “Charlie, I?—”
“Let me finish,” I said softly. “I know I screwed up by not telling you about my past feelings on having kids. But you’ve changed everything for me. Can’t you see that? I can’t wait to meet our baby, to build a life with you both.”
Emma’s eyes shimmered with fresh tears, but this time, a glimmer of hope shone in their depths. “You really mean that?” she whispered.
I pressed my forehead against hers. “I want it all, Em. The good, the bad, the three AM feedings, the first steps, the tantrums. I want to argue about whose turn it is to change diapers and who gets to choose the movie for date night. I want you. All of you.”
For a moment, she stared at me, saying nothing and my world crawled to a halt. Fear gripped my heart while I waited for her to say something, do something. Could she ever love me too?
Then, she let out a watery laugh and my lungs expanded with relief. That sounded like a happy laugh, right?
“You idiot,” she whispered, her hands gripping my wrists. “I love you too. That’s what scares me the most.”
Relief washed over me like a tidal wave. “Yeah?”
She nodded, a small smile breaking through her tears. “Yeah. I’ve fallen in love with you, Charlie Delacroix, and it scares the hell out of me. Because what if I’m not enough? What if I’m a terrible mother? What if?—”
I silenced her with a kiss, pouring all my love and reassurance into it. When we broke apart, both breathless, I rested my forehead against hers again.
“You’re more than enough. You’re perfect, control freak tendencies included.”
She chuckled and I grinned.
“You’re also going to be an amazing mother, but we’ll figure this out together, okay? No more holding back, no more silence. Just you and me. Just us.”
Emma let out a shaky breath. “Promise?”
I smiled, brushing my nose against hers. “Promise.”
She laughed, the sound like music to my ears. “Okay.”
I pulled her into as tight a hug as I could. I cupped her face in my hands and kissed her, pouring all the love and longing I’d been holding back into it. Emma responded immediately, her lips soft and eager against mine.
When we finally broke apart, both breathing heavily, I rested my forehead against hers again. “So,” I said, my voice husky, “what do you say we call my mom tomorrow and give her the shock of her life?”
Emma’s lips curved into a smile. “Sounds like a plan.”
“Good.” I leaned in to kiss her again, but as our lips met, a groan escaped me. “Because I have plans for you right now,” I murmured against her mouth.
“What?” She let out a surprised squeak as I scooped her up into my arms. “What are you doing?”
I grinned, already heading for the stairs. “I think we need to christen our new relationship, don’t you? After all, we’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for.”
Emma’s laughter echoed through the house as I carried her upstairs, my heart lighter than it had been in months.