Chapter 18
Eighteen
Hayden
I’m a patient man. I’m a patient man. I keep thinking it over and over, until I can hear nothing else around me. Then he walks into the building, his eyes sweeping over me by the crafty, and his loud presence drowns out my words.
His lips rub together, the corners twitching, and when he finally parts his mouth to talk, I look over his shoulder. “Want to get lunch later? Rosario’s is a great little Mexican place ten minutes away from here.”
He freezes, and when I keep looking past him, he turns his head to one of the PAs he’s had running around for him.
Her eyes sparkle and she clutches her coffee cup to her chest. “Sure.” She likes me.
I could tell after our first day on set together.
First, it started with the touching when she’d talk to me, and then she’d sneak me my favorite candy randomly throughout each day we worked together.
She was as subtle as a gun. “Did you want to go in your car or mine?”
“Mine works. I’m right outside the front.”
She blushes, swaying from side to side like some schoolgirl. “Great. Meet you here at one?”
“One sounds great.” Sterling’s eyes bounce between us, his shoulders rolling in toward his body. It’s bothering him. Good.
I smile widely at her, offering her my phone. “Here, put your number in there just in case.”
She grabs it from my fingers and our skin rubs together. I feel nothing. I don’t really give a shit about her, but he doesn’t have to know that.
She giggles, setting her coffee cup down, and punches the keypad. Seconds later, she hands it back to me, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. “All set. See you later.”
“See ya,” I say, turning around to force my gaze to follow her as she passes me by.
“What was that?” Sterling says in a demanding tone, as if he has any damn right with the way he shut me down yesterday.
“What was what?” I say coolly.
He gestures behind me with his hand. “You and her?”
“We’re having lunch. What seems to be the problem, Mr. Maxwell?”
“Stop calling me that,” he stammers. “It’s Sterling. Your little movie star, remember? Or what did you say when you had your cock buried in me the other night?” He lowers his tone. “Baby.”
My expression stays neutral, not wanting him to see he’s pulling a reaction from me. “Yeah, that was before you decided to end our . . . what was it we had?” I stroke my chin, my tone firm. “Oh yeah, an arrangement.”
“Hayden,” he says, and the way he does it squeezes at my heart. He sounds so broken and lost.
“I have to go. I think I hear someone calling my name.”
“I don’t hear anything,” he says, grabbing my arm. “Please, Hayden.”
“Exactly what are you pleading for?”
“I . . .” His eyes grow smaller and he looks at his feet.
“Yeah, alright. See you around, then.” I take off toward the back monitor room before he can get in another word.
I can’t sit still the whole time I’m back here, checking over other clips until we have to get ready to film the last scene.
It’s almost over, and then who knows when we’ll see each other again.
I’ll see him but it’ll no longer be enough.
I need him to know I’m there. To ask me to be.
To wake up and reach for me in his or my bed.
An hour drags by, and when there’s only ten minutes left before I have to be on set, I walk to his dressing room, not caring who sees me.
I stand outside the door, my hand hovering over it, but it’s too stiff to connect. I rock on the back of my heels, grinding my teeth together, and a high-pitched noise has me pressing my ear to the cool wood. He’s moaning and slamming down on something. Maybe the chair? Or the vanity?
“Come on,” he says. “I can’t do this right if I can’t . . . if you can’t . . .” His words trail off and he makes another annoyed huff. “Please. I don’t need him. I don’t care about him. Fuck him and that stupid blonde bitch. Let them have each other.”
I smile wickedly, stepping away from the door. He’s on his own way back to me and doesn’t even realize it. I won’t have a door between us for long. He won’t be able to stand one between himself and the only person who can help him relax.
I turn around, whistling a happy tune, and when I see him on set, he’s flustered. He keeps snapping at everyone and is shaking too much during the first take.
Lisa lets out a rough sigh. “Come on, Maxwell, get it together. It’s one scene. What’s going on with you today? Is it coffee you need? Didn’t eat a big enough breakfast?”
What an insensitive bitch. Did she forget what happened only a week ago?
She’s a worse person than I realized. She’d make a great side character in one of Sterling’s and my movies.
The wheels look like they’re spinning around in his head as he looks at her dead in the eyes. He’s thinking the same thing, isn’t he?
“I’m fine. Took a long break and lost my groove is all.”
“Okay, we’ll take ten and go again.” She claps her hands and gets to her feet. He could slit her throat from behind right there, blood splattering on her chair, him, and the camera. Let’s see her bark orders then. All she’d get out that venomous mouth is gurgling and choking noises.
“Did you hear me, cameraman? We’re returning in ten.”
Yes, I heard you, cunt. People heard this bitch from outer space. “Loud and clear.” I give a thumbs-up.
“Good, because it appeared as if you were staring off into space.”
I refrain from flipping her the bird, rubbing the roof of my mouth with my tongue instead. “I was checking something on my camera. A little multitasking if you will.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Everyone, be back here in eight now. You can all thank the cameraman here for cutting into your break time.”
My temples throb and I turn away from her, pretending to mess with my bag as she continues yelling at whoever will listen. When I look up, most of the room is cleared, all except for Sterling, who’s facing away from me with his fists clenching and rage pulsing through the veins of his arms.
“God, I hate her,” he says to no one in particular. Yeah, that’s right, little idol, let that hate fester. He looks around and his eyes fall on me, mine meeting his briefly before I straighten up to lift my bag off the floor.
“So, you’re really going to lunch with her, then?” His voice vibrates through the air.
My gaze circles around him as I act like the question was for someone else.
“Oh, cut the shit, you know I’m talking to you,” he says pointedly.
“I’d be careful doing that if I were you. Anyone could be around listening.”
Irritation floods his eyes. “You didn’t answer my question.”
“What about?” Getting under his skin is too easy while it’s also bringing him closer. He’s desperate to be in my good graces again.
His posture grows more rigid. “You’re really going to make me repeat myself?”
Crossing my arms, I lean to my side. “Yeah, yeah, I think I am.”
He rubs at his temple. “Are you . . . you’re really going to meet her for lunch?”
“Who?” My forehead divots. “Lisa?”
He scoffs. “You know what? Never mind.”
“I’m not sure why you’re so upset, Mr. Maxwell, when this is what you wanted.”
“Stop fucking calling me that,” he seethes. “She likes you.” His voice goes quiet.
“Who?”
He shoots daggers at me and I laugh, my feet turning inward and back out when I look down.
“You know who,” he spits.
“Oh, you mean Rachel?” I studied her name and whatever else I could learn about her in a short time so he’d think I cared enough to know.
I didn’t then and don’t now. I only care about the beautiful reaction he’s having.
He’s all hot and bothered, his cheeks turning a pretty pink.
It’s so sexy. Only because it’s not me he’s mad at. It’s her and himself.
“You know I do.” He lets out a flustered sound.
“Again, you’re the one who wanted us to stop seeing each other.”
“It’s not . . .” He sucks his teeth. “I didn’t want to stop.”
“Didn’t seem that way the other day when you couldn’t get out of my car fast enough.”
“Is that what you thought?” His eyes hold onto mine. “Because that’s not what it felt like.”
“What do you want, Sterling?” I already know the answer, but I need to hear him say it.
“I . . .” He averts his gaze, swiping the back of his hand over his brow again. “I don’t know.”
“And that’s my problem how?” I look down at my watch. “I need to grab some water and a snack. I only have three minutes left to do it. You should go sit for a bit, because you’re not looking too hot right now.”
His nose flares, his breaths coming out rapidly. “Don’t go with her, please.”
“Give me one good reason why first.” I hold his stare and a muscle ticks in his cheek, but his mouth doesn’t open.
“Yeah, cool. See you in three minutes, then.” I pat his shoulder casually and he stiffens against me. It’s not how he wants me to touch him, but I can’t give him what he wants until he can tell me. He has to be a hundred percent sure too, with no second-guessing or looking torn like he does now.
I leave the room and him standing there all alone. I don’t know if he goes back to his room or not, and I don’t want to check, because if he’s doing what he usually does to get ready for filming, then I don’t want to be tempted to offer him a hand.
My phone burns a hole in my pocket as I sit in my car, draining my water bottle while looking at the clock.
I could look and see real quick. Just a peek.
I put a camera in his room last night so I could get my fix of our private movies.
In case it’s all I ever have, although deep inside a voice is saying it won’t be.
I haven’t checked the footage yet, but my fingers thrum on the wheel so I don’t reach into my pocket. A group of people enter the front of the building, and I take it as my cue to join them.
Sterling mixes his lines up again, and his tone is shaky and off-kilter. He sounds so worn down and defeated. If only he’d hurry up and give in to whatever he’s fighting so hard against. He’ll feel a lot better once he does, and Lisa wouldn’t be yelling inches from his face.
“Let’s take another twenty since mister big star here can’t get his shit together,” she says, rolling her hand in the air, and the other actors shoot Sterling a sympathetic look, one of them coming a little too close for comfort with his hand on his shoulder.
Of course it has to be Justin. What is this guy’s deal thinking Sterling always needs him to come to his rescue?
“I’m sorry, guys,” Sterling says, with sadness wreaking havoc in his eyes.
“That’s okay,” Justin says. “It’s not you. It’s her,” he says, directing his angry stare toward the doorway. “She really can be horrible.”
“No . . . no, it’s me. I don’t know why I can’t get it together.” His hands shake as he lifts them in front of his face.
“She shouldn’t have made you come back so soon,” a random girl says. I can’t for the life of me remember her name. “Or any of us for that matter.”
“Seriously,” Justin agrees. “We’re going to get through this together, okay?”
“Yeah.” He gives Justin a small smile.
“One minute at a time. Come on, let’s get you a snack. I bet it’ll help.”
My hackles rise when Justin steers Sterling toward the crafty with his arm around his neck. I see red, temporarily forgetting how to breathe.
“Looks like lunch might be a little later than planned,” Rachel says, shuffling beside me.
“Yeah,” I say stiffly. Oh yeah, lunch. How could I forget? It’s hard to think of anything else right now when Sterling and Justin are laughing together.
The next few minutes go by faster than I realize, and Lisa storms back into the building, snapping her fingers. “Alright, people. Third time’s a charm. I could be eating steak for lunch right now with a friend, but instead here I am having my time wasted.”
Sterling curses under his breath, and Justin gives him an encouraging arm rub.
Where does this guy think he’s coming from?
Why isn’t Sterling pulling away like he usually does?
He’s staying where he is with a half-smile, saying something I can’t quite make out when he puts a hand in front of his mouth as he whispers in Justin’s ear.
The veins in my neck are on the verge of bursting at any fucking moment. Lisa calls places, and Justin gives Sterling a thumbs-up before breaking away.
Sterling looks at me more when he thinks I’m not paying attention to him. He’s pretending not to care, but the desperation streaming from him is palpable. He takes a breath before action is called, and he’s determined to get the scene right. He does too, laying out every line perfectly.
He picks up the fake machete, and I can tell he’s testing the blade with his fingers. I didn’t switch them out today. We wouldn’t ever make it out of this damn building if I did, and I have other shit going on in my life that I need to get to.
It doesn’t mean I won’t gift him the original all the same.
Not here, though. It wasn’t easy sneaking into Lisa’s office to switch it out with another one covered in pigs’ blood.
I did it, though. All for my little star.
He needs to do something for me now. He needs to tell me why he doesn’t want me to go eat with Rachel, and where he’d prefer I go instead.