FIFTEEN
THE BED IS EVERYTHING you’d expect from a five-star hotel. Plush and downy, like sleeping on a cloud. Or presumably it would be, if I could get any sleep, which I can’t because I’m too full of regret, embarrassment and remorse, all of it self-inflicted, which makes everything ten times worse. I want to call Ava, but what can I say, that I accidentally kissed my fake boyfriend and then accused him of making me do it?
I’m still wide awake when Leon comes to collect Gio at six, so I wait for them to leave, then make myself a bucket of coffee, pull on some cut-off shorts, comfy flip flops and a Fraser T-shirt, and go down to the paddock to watch practice, carefully avoiding the garage. I’m there for an hour before I bump into Bo, who invites me for another coffee in the team motorhome and then makes me feel even worse by telling me again how good I am for Gio, so I decide to go back to the suite. I open my laptop, make a few final adjustments to my essay for Dr Meyer and hit send. Then I sit back and try to process the contradictory mass of emotions bubbling inside me. Yes, I’m happy and relieved that my essay is done, but I can’t help feeling a little regretful too. It was my main reason for agreeing to be Gio’s fake girlfriend and now that it’s finished and I’m more than halfway through fulfilling my side of our bargain … I guess pretty soon we won’t need to see each other any more. I just really hope we can get past what happened last night before we go our separate ways.
I’m on the sofa, drinking even more coffee, when Gio finally comes back.
‘Hi.’ I stand up to greet him.
‘Hi.’ Unsurprisingly, he doesn’t look thrilled to see me. Instead, he looks wary, like he’s expecting me to accuse him of something else. ‘Has Izabel been looking after you?’
‘Yes. Can we talk?’
‘I don’t know if that’s a good idea.’ His posture stiffens. ‘If it’s about last night, can we just leave it? I’m tired and I need a shower.’
‘I’ll be quick,’ I say. ‘But I can’t leave it because what I accused you of was really horrible. I messed up and I’m sorry.’
He holds on to my gaze for so long I think maybe he’s not going to accept my apology. Then he rubs a hand over his jaw and comes to sit on the sofa. ‘Look, I spoke with Piper this morning.’
My lips form an ‘O’ as I sit down beside him. ‘Did she …?’
‘Tell me about what you overheard in the bathroom? Yes.’ He tilts his head. ‘Is that why you kissed me, to get back at them?’
I dip my chin. ‘I guess I was trying to prove I didn’t care what they thought of me – or us – and I got … carried away. Then afterwards I remembered the contract, so I got embarrassed and defensive and took it out on you.’
‘It’s OK.’ He looks sideways at me. ‘I can’t say I’m not offended, but if you didn’t know there was a second bedroom, I can see why you assumed what you did. You were right – all of this pretending messes with your head. Mine too.’
‘I guess I need to reread the contract?’ I offer him a wry smile. ‘Does this mean we can put last night behind us and go back to the way things were?’
‘Hey, you gave me a second chance. If you want to forget it –’ he pauses like he’s waiting for me to say something – ‘then we can do that.’
I feel my shoulders sag with relief. ‘So, we’re friends again?’
He doesn’t answer for a moment, an unreadable expression passing over his face before he smiles softly. ‘Friends again.’
‘Thank you. So, how was practice?’
‘Not great.’ He collapses back against the sofa cushions. ‘I was off the pace all day.’
‘Oh.’ I wince because it feels like my fault. ‘Sorry.’
‘Shit happens.’ He shrugs. ‘Don’t worry. I’ll do better tomorrow.’
‘Is there anything I can do to help?’
‘Well, my boss has invited us to dinner this evening. I was going to say no, but if you’d like to come along and wear one of those other dresses? Maybe the one with sequins?’
‘The sequins?’ I stare at him in horror for a few seconds before his lips twitch into a tell-tale half-smile. ‘That isn’t funny!’
‘Consider it payback.’ He laughs and touches a hand to my arm as he gets up. ‘But jeans should be fine. Now, I really need that shower.’
I watch him go, placing my own hand where he just touched me.
QUALIFYING TURNS OUT A lot better. Gio is P4, and a picture of me and Letitia Haddon wearing matching Fraser shirts gets a hundred thousand likes in its first two hours on Instagram. Even better, after a good night’s sleep (despite the huge volume of coffee I drank on Friday) things seem completely back to normal between me and Gio. By race day, our kiss is almost forgotten, except for the occasional moments it pops into my head and I force myself to push it straight back out. I don’t want to get confused or do anything stupid again.
I’m in the garage, waiting for the race to start when Ava calls me.
‘I’m so jealous!’ she declares. ‘Look at that beach!’
‘I can’t see it from the garage.’ I laugh. ‘Somebody put a race track in the way.’
‘Well, it looks gorgeous on television. And the weather is perfect.’
‘That’s true,’ I agree. Unlike Silverstone, the sky today is blue and cloudless. ‘So I’ve been learning about the track. Do you want to hear how knowledgeable I am?’
‘Go on.’
‘It’s old school, narrow and challenging, with a lot of fast corners that twist and swirl just like the sand dunes on the beach.’
‘Listen to you! I’m impressed.’
‘And I know that Farron is on pole, with Shimizu alongside him on the front row. Zaragoza should have been next, but he got a penalty for impeding in qualifying, which means that now Marr and Gio are in third and fourth places.’
‘Wow, you’ll be doing my podcast with me next.’
‘Maybe I will.’ I see one of the mechanics gesturing to me. ‘Now I’ve got to go. I need to put my headphones on.’
‘OK. Have fun!’
I sit down and wait for the race lights to go out. Gio makes an incredible getaway, though unfortunately so does everyone else. The cars blast down to the first hairpin in a tight pack, but the frontrunners can’t seem to gain any advantage over each other. One of the Chilterns in P18 outbrakes a Visser, but then the other Chiltern slips past them both on a tighter line. The move causes a lot of shouting on the radio, but other than that the race is pretty uneventful for the first few laps.
On lap twelve, things start to go wrong for Gio. He tries to drive round the outside of Marr and Shimizu, but there’s no room. They bang wheels and he runs wide, off the track and into the gravel. It means that he cuts the corner, which puts him ahead of everyone except Farron.
I text Ava.
Is he allowed to do that?
She replies straight away.
No. It means he either has to give the places back or take a five-second penalty.
I glance up at the monitors. By the look of things, he’s going for the latter option.
She texts again.
Don’t worry. Hopefully he’ll be able to make up the time later in the race. He’ll just have to get far enough ahead of the pack for it not to matter.
I tuck my phone away and chew nervously on my thumbnail. It’s not long before Gio starts putting moves on his teammate. Farron is driving a strong defensive race, but Gio isn’t giving up, constantly harassing him for opportunities. Then one of the Diamandis drivers has a power unit failure which causes him to pull off the track near the marshals’ post, eliciting loud groans from the crowd. The stewards bring out the virtual safety car, but it’s barely a minute before the broken-down car is wheeled off the track and the race is back on again. This time, however, Gio gets a better start than everyone else, going into the corner and passing Farron on the inside. I wait for Mark Haddon to shout something about not racing each other, but it never comes.
The top four drivers keep on hassling each other until lap fifty-eight, when things go wrong again. Gio is just beginning to pull away, with a three-second lead on Farron, when he comes on to the radio, complaining of a puncture. The only good thing is that he’s right beside the pit lane when this happens, allowing him to box straight away for replacement tyres, but due to his earlier penalty he has to sit there, completely stationary, for five seconds before the mechanics are allowed to even touch him. The time seems to stretch on forever; Ava sends me a ‘tense face’ emoji, but the damage is already done as Farron retakes the lead, then both Marr and Shimizu zoom past too.
Fortunately, it’s not over. A few seconds later, Gio is back on the track and with an obvious point to prove. In ten laps, on fresher tyres, he manages to overtake both Marr and Shimuzu. There are only four laps left, but he’s definitely gaining on Farron.
I leap to my feet, bouncing up and down on my toes, caught up in the excitement just like last time, seized with the same rush of energy. Meanwhile, a voice on the radio starts talking about Vincent Fazer, the Diamandis driver who went off earlier.
‘Fazer DNFs!’ the voice says.
I inhale sharply, as the combination of the phrase and the adrenaline causes me to remember …
An image from my last ever downhill race slams into me. I’m speeding over the rock garden, standing up on my pedals as my gloves grip the handlebars, pelting towards the finish line. It was a couple of seconds before my accident, but at that moment I didn’t just feel exhilarated, I felt complete . Like I was doing what I was always supposed to be doing, being who I was supposed to be. Until now, I’d forgotten what that felt like.
My memory jumps to the karting track and Gio talking about racing. Without it, I’d feel like there was a part of myself missing …
I sink down on to my chair again, gripping the edges for balance. I’m so overwhelmed – I feel like I’m swaying in my seat. Was Gio right, and I didn’t have to give up on biking completely? Or maybe I did, but I’ve had enough time away. Is it time to try again?
The crowd roars, jolting my attention back to the track. Gio is right behind Farron, gearing up for another overtake.
I want to ride again. I’m suddenly certain of it. I want to be racing too, because that’s who I am. I want to feel whole.
Farron’s voice comes on the radio, saying his pedal’s gone long just as Gio aims for the outside. Someone else shouts out a warning, telling Gio it’s too dangerous to overtake on a corner when the other driver has a braking problem, that if Farron can’t control his car they might easily bump into each other. It’s another heart-stopping moment, but then Gio is past and away, and by the time he crosses the finish line in first place I’m cheering for both of us.
I finally know what I have to do. What’s been missing all this time. I’m going to start biking again, and this time I’m not going to give up.