Danielle #3
After the week of emotions she’s had, she feels like she needs to go to see Emerson and Jack. So, Saturday morning on her way to Thompson’s boat launch, she stops at the cemetery and winds her way through the stones to where they are.
It’s quiet today, only a few people out to water flowers, and the sun on the hill makes this feel like a happier place than it really is. She hasn’t been back to see them often, every time she has it’s only reminded her how permanent Emerson’s death really is.
But, she has to do this. She has to tell her about Andy, and maybe some of the guilt will disappear. Grass has grown, but you can tell that it’s still fresh .
There are new flowers on each of their graves, and Danielle wonders when that became a thing. Was it because flowers have their own language and sometimes people say things without saying them? Or was it just to make death more palatable for people if they could add something beautiful to it?
She sits down in the grass in front of both stones. Jack was just as important to her as Em was, and she thinks she should tell them both.
It’s funny, three weeks ago she was just thinking about how she wanted to tell Harper that they can’t hear her, and yet, here she is, ready to pour her feelings out to people who are gone.
“Hey,” she says, lamely, “I have news, and I thought you guys should know, even though I don’t think you can hear anything I’m telling you.”
She pauses for dramatic effect.
“I also think I need permission,” she says with a shrug, “because this news doesn’t just affect me, it affects Harper, too.”
The breeze ruffles her hair, and she decides to suspend her disbelief for just a minute as she takes a deep breath .
“I met someone,” she says, finally, “and I know it’s only been a few weeks, but he loves Harper, and I really like him. He’s a hockey player, like professionally, and he’s kind.”
She looks up at the rest of the cemetery, and around at the mountains. It really is beautiful.
“I like him,” she says again, “and I’m trying to get over the guilt of that, so if you could help me out, that would be great.”
She stands.
“I don’t know how to keep moving with my life when every inch of this place is filled with memories,” she says, looking out over at the rows of stones.
“I’m trying, but I don’t know how to do this without you.
I know the world keeps moving, but mine is going in slow motion and at lightning speed at the same time, and I’m not sure how that’s possible. ”
Danielle shoves her hands in her pockets, looking over the neat rows of tombstones with a sigh.
“I don’t know how to do it without you,” she says again, “but I also know that I need to have my own life. You’re always going to be there, and it’s weird that I can’t just call you and tell you about Andy when I so desperately want to. I think he could be the one, Em. ”
She laughs. “We aren’t even officially dating yet, and I’m saying he’s it. You would have called me crazy and then told me to go for it.”
Her hand comes to rest on top of Emerson’s stone. “I guess I’ll have to. Go for it, I mean.”
She kicks the ground with her foot, turns on her heel, and starts to walk away.
It’s not everything she wanted to say, but it’s a start.
Andy is leaning against his truck in blue-gray board shorts and a well-worn gray, long-sleeve Met Division Championship shirt when she gets to the boat launch. She parks her jeep next to him, and as soon as she cuts the ignition, he’s at her door to open it for her.
“Hey,” he says, grinning, extending a hand for her like she’s getting out of a limo at a red carpet, not just a dock. She takes it, smiling softly.
“Hey,” she says, hoping her eyes aren’t still red from the few tears that she’d shed on her drive over. His brow furrows, and he pulls her into a hug.
She hides her face in his chest and breathes him in, pretending for just a minute that this is a normal, everyday occurrence and she can call him hers .
His arms tighten around her slightly before he pulls back to look in her eyes.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
“I went and saw Emerson and Jack,” she says, looking away, “I’m okay now, but I wasn’t an hour ago.”
“Well, if it helps you feel any better, JT and Ainsley are trying to get the jet skis in the water and it’s been its own special brand of disaster.”
She bursts out laughing, and she feels lighter. “Now this I have to see.”
“He had one tire on the ramp and the other tire on the dock as he was backing up and I thought for sure it was all over,” Andy says, grinning. “Come on, let’s see If they’re surviving. Or if Ainsley is looking up how to get a divorce.”
He holds his hand out for her to take, and she lets their fingers slide together, even though they haven’t talked about what this is. The smile on his face as he leads her through the parking lot to the boat launch is worth it.
“No, left!” Ainsley shouts, as Jet presses the gas and backs up. “Jamie, left! ”
“I’m going left!” he yells, sticking his head out the window. The trailer is about an inch away from hitting the wall on the right of the boat launch. “This thing is too touchy!”
“You’ve lived by a lake for your entire life, and you can’t put a trailer in a boat launch?” Ainsley asks from her spot on the dock.
“It’s not as simple as it sounds, hot shot,” Jet says, putting the truck in forward again. They’re lucky that most people have homes on the lake with their own private docks, so the boat launch is relatively quiet. Even for a Saturday.
“Let me try,” Andy says, once Jet has the trailer pulled almost completely out of the water. “I bet I get it in one.”
Jet throws the truck in park and jumps out. “Go ahead. I’ll be the one laughing when you do just as bad of a job.”
Andy takes Jet’s place in the truck. “You have a warm ass, JT.”
“Shut up,” Jet says, “my wife likes my ass.”
“Most days,” Ainsley quips from the dock, she looks up at Danielle and half smiles. “Want to help me grab life jackets from my car? ”
Danielle nods, “Maybe a miracle will happen and they’ll finish before we get back.”
“Title of their sex tape,” Ainsley laughs.
“I thought I was the only one around here who uses that joke,” Danielle says.
“Brooklyn Nine-Nine is a staple in the Thompson house,” Ainsley says, leading Danielle to her car.
“It’s one of the best shows ever written,” Danielle says, “Andy likes it, too.”
“The four of us will have to have a marathon,” Ainsley says, popping her trunk open. She grabs two large life jackets and two medium ones.
“Really?” Danielle asks, holding her hands out to take two of them.
“You’re not that bad, I guess,” Ainsley says, shrugging. She turns to Danielle and smiles, “and you make Andy happy, which makes Jamie happy, so I can’t really ask for much else. He’s been through a lot. You both have.”
Danielle swallows, surprised that her eyes are starting to burn and her throat has a lump in it. She’d never thought that Ainsley would ever extend any sort of kindness to her, and yet in the last three weeks she’s been overwhelmed by it .
She’s not sure if it’s because Emerson is gone and Ainsley feels bad, or if it’s a genuine invitation to start their entire relationship over but she’ll take it.
“Then is this definitely a truce?” she asks, hesitantly.
“Truce, with potential to be a friendship. In the future,” Ainsley says. “For now, we better check and make sure those two haven’t killed themselves.”
When they get back to the boat launch, the truck is back in the parking lot and Andy is on a jet ski waiting for Danielle.
She and Ainsley pull their shorts and t-shirts off, putting their own life jackets on over their swimsuits before they head back in their direction.
They only stop for a second to throw their clothes in Jet’s truck.
“I was kind of hoping that they would have had to call the coast guard to come help,” Ainsley says, disappointed.
“I’m surprised they figured it out,” Danielle agrees as they walk to the dock.
Andy is staring at her, slack jawed, and she feels such a rush of confidence that she stands a little bit taller as she throws his life jacket directly at his face.
He’s taken his shirt off .
“Cover yourself, no one wants to see that,” Ainsley teases, throwing a life jacket to Jet.
“Yeah, Andy,” Jet says as Ainsley climbs on behind him. “Put your muscles away.”
Danielle thinks she might be drooling.
The muscles she had only ever felt through clothes are on full display, toned and tanned, and she’s trying to fight the way her stomach explodes in nerves.
He also has a script tattoo along his left collar bone, and she’s never been one to really appreciate tattoos one way or the other, but this man makes her think it’s the hottest thing she’s ever seen.
She watches the muscles in his arms and shoulders flex as he pulls his life jacket on and clips it closed, and he looks up at her with a devilish glint in his blue eyes.
“Are you just going to stare, or are you going to get on?”
“As if you weren’t staring at her the same way,” Jet calls from his own jet ski. Ainsley hits him on the shoulder, and Danielle climbs onto the jet-ski behind Andy, hugging around his middle and leaning her head on his back.
“If I fall off, it’s completely your fault,” she says .
“I won’t let you fall,” Andy says, turning the jet ski on. He takes off slowly, following Jet out of the boat launch and into the summer sun.
The lake is busy today, with boats and jet skis creating a near-consistent wake, and she hasn’t been on a jet ski in years. It’s still familiar, still feels a bit like flying and a bit like unhinged excitement.
“Ready?” Jet calls to Andy across the space between them. Andy doesn’t give him a chance to answer.
“Hold on,” he says, over his shoulder. She tightens her arms around him and he presses the throttle into full speed, leaving Ainsley and Jet behind them.