Andrew #2
“Mike Riley, NHL Network. Everyone is curious to know where you disappeared to during the off-season,” Mike says. “Especially with the way the last season ended. Did you condition or train? Or were you just completely off the grid?”
Starting with the easy questions.
“I thought going off the grid was what was best for everyone,” Andrew says, looking out over the sea of reporters in the press room.
Camera shutters go off every half a second, flashes momentarily blinding him each time.
“You all saw the fallout from losing the Cup. I didn’t feel safe in my own house, so I left.
I kind of thought that it was what everyone wanted from me.
And coach basically told me to go soul searching. ”
“I did not say soul searching ,” Landry cuts in, rolling his eyes fondly. “I said figure out what’s important.”
“Same thing,” Andrew replies. “When you go through something like what I did, it’s easy to get caught up in it. I needed some space.”
“Where were you?”
“My girlfriend’s, mostly,” he says without thinking. Landry snaps his head in Andrew’s direction so fast, he’s surprised the man doesn’t give himself whiplash. “Next question.”
“Are you ready for the new season?” a reporter asks. Andrew turns his gaze in the reporter’s direction, recognizing the voice as the one that had all but ripped him a new one, consistently, last season.
Darren, from ESPN.
He hates Darren.
“I’m ready,” Andrew confirms with a nod. Short, sweet, to the point. Darren doesn’t deserve more than that.
“How are you going to lead the team to wins, this year?” Darren asks, clearly not going to let any of this go. “Especially after last season, which you brought up yourself.”
“By having fun,” Andrew says, “and not taking myself so seriously. While I was gone, I remembered why I loved hockey so much in the first place.”
“And why is that?”
“Because this game that we love, that we spend our whole lives training for, comes down to our friends and families looking out for one another. On and off the ice. It’s exciting, and fast, and can be such a beautiful game, but at the end of the day I know that my boys have my back, just like I have theirs.
I love my team, I love this game, and I’m excited to get back on the ice. ”
“Next question,” Coach says.
Andrew glances over at him, and he’s grinning from ear to ear. This makes Andrew smile, too, and he finally feels like he’s back.
The text comes through as he pulls his suit-jacket over his shoulders.
Opening game day fit on point, this year.
He’s wearing a custom-tailored, deep maroon suit with a white shirt and a gold tie, hair slicked out of his face, and he thinks he could have been a runway model if the hockey thing hadn’t worked out.
His confidence has been off the charts lately, and it feels great. He’s been killing it at practice, has been on fire during interviews, and has done it all with a girl supporting him from Lake Placid New York, where he’d left a piece of his heart.
That piece of his heart was currently getting ready to have an adoption hearing to see if she could keep Harper or not. He thinks that it’s adding to his overall anxiety for the day ahead .
Which is why, when his phone goes off with the text alert and his eyes skim the notification, he drops it as if he’s been burned.
Danielle: I don’t think I can do this anymore.
He picks his phone back up, rereading the words. Slowly, as if he won’t be able to comprehend them if he doesn’t. Then he tries to call her.
It goes straight to voicemail.
Danielle : I’m busy, and can’t take your call.
Andrew: can we talk about this?
Andrew: after my game?
Danielle: it will never not be about hockey for you and that’s the problem.
Andrew: we talked about this
Andrew: I’m in the NHL I can’t just quit
Danielle: don’t call me. I need space.
Danielle: we’re done.
And now he has to go play a hockey game like nothing’s wrong. Like he didn’t just receive a break-up text in the middle of the day, instead of news about Harper. Tonight is either going to be incredible, or an absolute disaster.
That confidence he’s been feeling shatters.
He’s leaning towards this game being an absolute disaster.
Even though it’s a pre-season, non-division game, preseason sets the tone for the year and if he plays like garbage, that’s not going to be a good look.
Especially when he was off for two months.
He runs a hand through his hair, twists a bead on his bracelet, and heads out the door, leaving Roscoe asleep on the couch in the living room and his phone on the kitchen counter. He has to get his head in the game, and being at home for any longer isn’t going to help him do that.
He was right.
It’s not just an absolute disaster, it’s an absolute shit-show.
He’s not an enforcer, but tonight he could have been. He’d spent more minutes in the penalty box than he has in, pretty much, his whole career, and his lack of skills on the ice was disturbing .
He’d looked like he was in Pee Wees again, not a captain on an NHL team.
He takes a shower, goes through the media circus and gives some stupid answers about how they can play better, and then he drives home, ready to crawl into bed and for this day to be over.
They’d only been together for two months, it’s not like they’d made promises to be together forever. And with him so far away, it would make perfect sense for her to not want to commit to him and his lifestyle, especially when she hadn’t experienced anything like it before.
It was probably on him, too. He could have quit playing and stayed in Lake Placid with her, or he could have moved them both to Raleigh with him.
People would have said it was moving fast, but what does it matter what other people think?
He has his career and had a girl and her daughter pulling at his heart for two months.
He could have done something to make it easier for them.
He gets into bed as soon as he gets home, and hugs his pillow to his chest tightly, trying to breathe. This was so far out of left field in comparison to how they had spoken not even two days before .
How can he fix it if she doesn’t want him to call? How can he get closure if she isn’t going to answer? What did he do wrong? What about Harper?
Andrew can feel his heart rate increasing as his eyes start to burn and his breathing gets heavier. His hands start to shake and he feels like he might throw up, even though he’s trying to ground himself. He dry heaves once, burying his nose in his pillow and closing his eyes.
“Pillow, blanket, lamp, book, window,” he says, out of habit.
He gets to “three things you can hear” and normally by this point his heart is slowing and his mind is clearing but today the sound of his blood pumping continues to rush into his ears. Tears leak from the corners of his eyes, breath coming in spurts.
Roscoe jumps up in bed with him and wiggles his way along Andrew’s side, nudging his chin with his nose. He whines, and taps Andrew’s arm with his paw.
It’s going to be a long night.