Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Beckett
I’ve dreamed of mornings like this for so long, always believing I’d never actually have them.
Quiet. Slow. Simple mornings. Spent with the woman I love.
Call me old-fashioned, but simplicity is highly underrated. In such a fast-paced society, we need to take a moment to slow down and appreciate the wildflowers every now and then.
Hazy mid-morning light peeks through the windows, highlighting the mahogany streaks in Joey’s hair as she digs into her strawberry pancakes, absentmindedly chewing while working on her crossword puzzle.
A deep yearning for this woman clings to my soul, my heart breathing a sigh of relief. After years of idly searching, I found her. The woman who can look past my exterior, social anxiety and all, and is willing to stand by my side.
I want this life and all the ones after with her.
I want endless years of late-night stress baking and making a mess in the kitchen.
I want to babysit dogs who have a penchant for terror and stealing small animals.
I want honest conversations around the bonfire, across the kitchen counter, and on the couch.
My social anxiety is tolerable at best, but with Joey by my side, I will no longer let it control me. Sure, I’ll still get uncomfortable, but Joey is like my security blanket. I never have to measure my words when I’m with her.
It’s indescribable, the comfort I experience with her.
For the first time in my life, I feel safe.
With Joey, I can finally take a deep breath.
I can show her all the parts of myself that I’ve hidden from the world and know she won’t try to change me.
She’ll meet me where I am, and that feels like home.
With her, I don’t have to face anything alone.
I don’t have to carry the weight of the world by myself.
From the day I met her, I’ve been hers. Enraptured is the best way to describe the sensation that hit me the moment I was near her.
“Come for a ride with me today,” I blurt out.
“Hmm?” She snaps her head up, fork halfway to her mouth.
I lean forward, resting my forearms on the counter. “Come for a ride with me. I found something the other day I want to show you.”
With a playful smile, she tips her head back and laughs. “I thought you said ‘come ride me.’ I was about to tell you to let me finish my pancakes first.”
Head tilted, I consider the thought. “Tempting. But we can do that later. And I’ll feed you a snack first.”
With Joey’s arms wrapped snug around me, I roll down a winding dirt road, only slowing when I get to a small clearing. Once we’ve removed our helmets, I pull a blanket and an assortment of her favorite snacks and drinks from my saddle bags. Then I clasp her hand and lead her to our spot.
Just off the dirt road is an enormous field of wildflowers. Bursts of purples, pinks, blues, yellows, and oranges surround us, with lush green hills in the distance.
“Beckett,” she whispers, taking in the beauty of the place.
“I thought you’d like this.”
“I love it. And I love wildflowers. How did you know?”
Head bowed, I rub the back of my neck. “That time you caught me snooping through your sketchpad.”
Clutching my leather jacket, she pulls me into her and crushes her lips to mine. “You weren’t snooping. You were just. . .admiring in secret.”
A breeze blows a lock of her hair over her face, and as always, I tuck it behind her ear. “Only you could make an invasion of privacy sound charming.”
Pulling away, she takes a step back. “It’s one of my finer qualities.” She takes off and twirls, wildflowers all around her, but her foot gets tangled and she tumbles to the ground.
“I’m okay! I’m fine,” she says as I dart for her. “My foot got caught on something.”
As I kneel at her side, just like I did all those years ago, I take off my jacket and cover her scraped knee, shielding her from the sight of blood.
“Luckily I brought a first aid kit,” I say softly.
“Yeah, I need to come with a warning label.” She lies flat on her back and sighs. “And maybe some bubble wrap.”
Once I’ve retrieved the kit, I clean the wound carefully.
“You planned such a romantic day. I don’t know if this fall is a bad omen or not.”
“It’s not a bad omen,” I tell her, securing a bandage over the scrape. “History decided to repeat itself today and I take that as a sign that you and I are meant to be.”
Side by side, we lie in the field, watching the fluffy white clouds drift over us. I stretch my arms above my head and close my eyes, relishing the warm sun on my face.
When she tugs at my sleeve, pulling it higher, I smirk.
I’m shocked it took her this long to notice my newest piece of ink.
“Uh. Were you not going to show me this?”
A couple of weeks ago, I added a miniature version of her flower drawing to my inner bicep.
It complements the sleeve of vines, ferns, and towering trees.
There was a small area of skin that happened to be untouched by ink.
I took it as a sign to scale down her drawing and mark myself with it forever.
“It was there when we showered together,” I say, eyes still closed. “So I haven’t been hiding it. You just didn’t notice until now.”
“If I’m ever going to survive this world, I need to get better at being aware of my surroundings,” she mumbles.
I turn on my side, facing her. “I love that your head’s in the clouds while my feet are on the ground. We balance each other.”
“Why did you get something so permanent? How can you be so sure about us?”
“Writing down all my memories of you in my journal wasn’t enough for me.
I couldn’t fight the need to brand myself with a small part of you.
” I swallow down a lump of emotion. “I want you with me wherever I go. I needed that constant reminder that there’s a person in this world who understands me, accepts me.
Who happily swam below the surface of my anxieties.
Who reached far into my depths, then pulled me up to reveal the worthiness I thought I’d lost long ago. ”
Joey draws me into her and kisses me, slow and deliberate. A kiss filled with so many promises and the gentle assurance of a lifetime still waiting for us.
We stay there for hours, talking, soaking in these last moments before we venture off to our next destination.
Our next stop? Wyoming. When I received the email with the options for my next assignment, I chose Jackson Hole.
Joey had mentioned how she always wanted to see the herds of bison at dusk.
Back then, we were still dipping our toes in the water of this relationship, but I chose it with the hopes that maybe she’d visit me.
Or that we’d run into each other by happenstance.
It was a lofty dream. One I’d think about as I fell asleep each night.
Now, the once lofty dream has transformed into a reality. Because in a few short days, we’ll head east to the mountains.
Joey talks about plans and goals she wants to achieve. Starting her own business. Creating brand strategies and designs for nonprofits across the country. But while she maps out the course to get there, she’ll continue working at Fernrose to pay the bills.
I can’t wait to support her and her dreams. She’s so animated as she describes them. Her mind jumps from one idea to the next in a single breath. Her eyes sparkle with optimism and her fingers tap furiously on her phone as she types out her visions.
Joey is radiance personified.
As she goes on, I can’t help but smile.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asks, tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear.
“I love hearing you talk,” I say, eyes locked with hers.
She breathes a sigh of relief. “Oh. I thought I was talking too much.”
“I can’t get enough.”
“Are you sure you want this? You want me? Because honestly, sometimes I get annoyed with myself.” She lowers her head, fidgeting with the stem of a purple iris.
I tip her chin with my thumb and forefinger, forcing her to meet my gaze. “I’m sure, Josephine.”
A shadow crosses her features, the memories of old wounds resurfacing. “You know, I’ve been told I can be too much.”
I release her chin and lace my fingers with hers, loving how perfectly our hands fit together. “And I’ve been told I’m not enough. We’ll level each other out.”
“Okay. Well, I overthink.”
My lips twitch. “And I over-explain.”
“I only eat the red and green gummy bears.”
“Perfect. The clear ones are my favorite anyway.” I give her hand a reassuring squeeze.
“You’re an absolute menace.” She laughs, the melodic sound floating over the field.
I lean in close, breathing in the scent of her strawberry shampoo. “Stop trying to find excuses for me not to love you. You’re stuck with me.”
Her lips turn down a little. “You’re sure you love me?”
“Endlessly and beyond words. I’d use up all the paper and ink in the world trying to describe how much I love and adore you.”
A breeze sends flower petals of every color—vibrant purples, bright yellows, and vivid pinks—swirling around us, their sweet, earthy scent accompanying them. Joey’s hair catches in the wind, strands glittering in the afternoon sun.
I’ve never seen anything more breathtakingly beautiful than her.
And as I drink her in, a vow settles deep within my soul.
Joey will never again have to worry about whether she’s too much. Or not enough, for that matter. She’ll never fall asleep thinking she’s unloved or uncherished.
Because to me, she’s everything—my wildflower, my forever.
The rare bloom I never expected to find—one who took a chance and grew her way straight into my heart.