Chapter 9
Nine
T oo nervous to drink coffee, Tori stared at the phone on her kitchen counter. She’d barely slept after dropping Mia off at home the night before, and since she’d returned from her sunrise run, she’d been staring at Mia’s text message.
Mia: Mountain of paperwork all signed. Come over? I’ll make you breakfast…
Of all the ways she’d imagined coming out to Mia, being accidentally booted from the closet by someone she hadn’t seen in years wasn’t one of them. Was it weird that she was relieved that it was out in the open now? That there wasn’t a dramatic revelatory conversation? Did that make her a coward?
Tori looked at the text again. What was with the ellipsis? And since when did Mia cook?
Deciding it was safer to shower than to keep staring at her phone, Tori jogged upstairs, stripped off her clothes, and stood under near-scalding water. When she returned to the kitchen, she lasted ten minutes before glancing at her screen again.
Mia: How about I sweeten the deal? If you come over, I’ll give you back your jacket.
Tori bit the inside of her cheek to keep her smile in its holster. The triple knotted mass in her chest loosened on its own.
Tori: You can’t blackmail me with the property you stole from me…
Mia: Blackmail?! The drama, Victoria. The drama! I pulled out the percolator, and the cafecito is on point. Are you coming or what?
Without picking up her phone, Tori shot off her response.
Tori: I don’t remember you being a bully in high school.
She intended to make herself a smoothie, but Mia’s chat bubbles appeared before she’d taken a step.
Mia: You think my efforts at friendship and hospitality are bullying?! Do you know what that word even means? I don’t think you know what that word means.
Tori chuckled and grabbed her phone. She leaned back against the counter. Bottom lip between her teeth, Tori let herself fish—just a little—for the answer she wanted.
Tori: If only there were some convenient technology where you could send me the images of the documents. One free from the joys of Miami traffic…
Mia: But then I wouldn’t be able to dazzle you with my personality. A lose/lose for all. Do you want me to beg? Because I will.
A familiar feeling fluttered to life in Tori’s belly. It sent whispers of warmth over her skin and made her stupid grin impossible to restrain.
Shifting her weight, she forced herself to relax. Mia just talked that way. She would not let herself read into things. Not this go-around.
Mia: Please, Tori. Would you please grace me with the honor of your presence? Do you want me to come to your place and drop them off instead? Have coffee—will travel.
Dropping her shoulders, Tori relented.
Tori: If you insist, I’m going to be close to your neighborhood around eleven .
Mia: Good. Come over now and you can hang out with me before doing whatever the hell you’re doing at eleven. I’ll leave the door unlocked. I’m going to go take a shower byyyyyyye.
Shaking her head, Tori couldn’t tamp down her smile. She thought of the daylilies that had vexed her dad’s pandemic efforts to plant an herb garden. No matter what he did, he couldn’t eradicate all the bulbs. Every time he thought he’d gotten them all, a green stalk would shoot up somewhere, quickly followed by a bright orange bloom. Shade or full sun, it didn’t matter. The damn things even grew in a rocky patch of sand at the edge of the canal behind the house. They were relentless. Tori sighed. Inevitable.
Tori: I’m agreeing to come over on official realtor business. Not to hang out.
Mia: Sorry, I can’t hear you. I’m away from my phone and in the shower.
At the unexpected new level of Mia’s absurdity, Tori laughed. A real, straight from the gut, laugh. Jesus . She was losing her fucking mind.
Tori: Is this Mia’s assistant answering the phone for her? You know, it would be great if you could just email me those executed forms.
Mia: My apologies. That’s outside my job description.
Still laughing, Tori’s thumbs were moving faster than her brain.
Tori: Is your only job to text on Mia’s behalf while she’s indisposed?
Mia: Yes. Very niche. Mia says to hurry up. She misses you.
The sentiment was a quick jab to Tori’s sternum. It seeped in through her skin and dripped into her chest. Tori swallowed hard like that might push her heart out of her throat. When that didn’t work, she fled to outrun the heat rushing over skin.
Tori dashed back upstairs to change. She forced herself to stop thinking about the text while she pulled on some loose white shorts and a thin gray T-shirt. After doing her best to define the waves in her hair despite the humidity that would obliterate them when she stepped outside, she pulled on her sunglasses.
It was too early to go to Mia’s house. Tori was telling herself that, but then her mother called three times to add to Tori’s growing list of stuff to pick up for the barbecue, and she found herself parked in Mia’s driveway.
She was just going to pop in and pick up the forms and get on with her day. That was it. Now that she had three different spots to hit before heading to her parents’ place, she had plenty to do before her whole family arrived for lunch.
Just stopping by . She didn’t even have to step inside the house. Didn’t have to leave the front step. Nope.
This time, Tori knocked on the door and refused to try the handle. Her miscalculated attempt at self-preservation became obvious the moment it swung open.
Hair wet from the shower and in nothing but an oversized T-shirt, Mia’s face was flushed and her smile was effervescent. She looked at her like Tori was Santa dive-bombing down the chimney with everything on her wishlist.
“Hi,” Mia said after a beat, voice hoarse like she hadn’t spoken to anyone but her that morning.
Tori snatched that fact and hoarded it like a starving animal. She planned to ask Mia for the signed forms, but Mia’s expression softened and her hazel eyes seemed to grow with years worth of unspoken feelings.
“Are we going to be okay?” Mia’s voice was laced with uncertainty. With hope she held so lightly like she was afraid to set it down, she added, “I… What you told me last night. I barely slept thinking about it.” She barreled forward so fast, Tori didn’t get a chance to answer her. “Actually, I’m glad Ashley Mora has a huge mouth and apparently doesn’t know how to mind her own damn business?—”
Tori laughed, a sudden rush of nervous energy leaving her body. “Why are you so mad at Ashley?”
Mia’s narrowed gaze was the pulse dancing in Tori’s throat, the flutter returning to her tense stomach.
“Oh my God!” Mia crossed her arms over her chest. “Why are you suddenly obsessed with her? What are you? In the market for a new best friend?”
Suddenly unsure what she used to do with her hands before Mia sauntered back into her life, Tori slipped them in her pockets and rocked on her heels.
“Is that too much?” Mia asked, a flicker of doubt in her eyes. “Am I being too pushy?” She scratched the back of her neck. “You know, more than my usual and incredibly endearing and encouraging self?” She ventured the tiniest smile before doubt clouded her pretty face again. “I mean, now that it’s all out in the open, I was hoping we could, like, start over?” Her laugh was a nervous gurgle that made Tori’s stomach clench. “Well, not all the way over because I still know more about you than freaking Ashley Mora—you know, gay thing notwithstanding.”
Mia’s brightening cheeks and eyes projecting blinding hope made Tori take a step back. She should decline whatever the hell Mia was offering. Rekindling their old friendship—with the expectations and attachments that went with it—was more than just seeing her a few times to get a house sold. Tori shouldn’t get pulled back into Mia’s orbit and she should definitely not walk back in willingly, like an idiot.
But things were different now. She wasn’t a confused kid figuring out who she was. And she wasn’t keeping any secrets this time. At least not in the present. That had to count for something. Had to change something.
The lie Tori was telling herself thundered in the pounding in her chest and the churning in her gut. No. She didn’t have feelings for Mia anymore. Not real ones. She was confusing the rush of seeing her after so long with something more. Something that just wasn’t there for either of them.
She could do this. It was just a few weeks and then Mia was going back home. Tori could be her friend while she needed her, and then Mia would just fade back to her real life. Standing in the summer heat with Mia’s eyes on her, she couldn’t choose self-preservation. Couldn’t reach for anything but surrender.
“Are you going to let this Ashley thing go?”
Mia’s broad smile was the sun prickling the back of her neck. The sweat beading on the small of her back. The erratic beating of her heart.
“That depends.” Mia tried to look cool, but couldn’t help smiling. “Are you keeping anything else from me?”
The question weighed three metric tons. The answer struggled against the heavy chains keeping it pinned to the ocean floor. Fought like it was burning to breathe again. To have just one chance to break the surface. To see light again, even for the most fleeting moment. Tori didn’t let it gain a millimeter of freedom.
“Something that Ashley knows?” Tori rode the fine edge of technical truth. “No.”
Mia opened her mouth, but whatever she was going to say got cut off by Tori’s ringing phone. Looking down at her screen, Tori silenced her mom’s call.
“You have those forms or what?” Tori rocked on the balls of her feet.
Mia raised her brows, drawing Tori’s attention to the scar at the edge. Her thumb tingled like it was running over the divot in her skin rather than getting jammed in her pocket along with her phone.
“Aren’t you coming in for breakfast?” Mia stepped away from the open door and gestured for Tori to follow.
“Jesus,” Tori muttered when her phone rang again. “Hang on.”
She turned away from Mia and answered. In rapid succession, her mom fired off more stuff to add to her list. Putting the call on speaker, she opened her notes app and tacked more ice and beer to the end.
“Sounds like you’re going to quite the party,” Mia said when Tori turned back to the door. “I haven’t seen your family in so long,” she added with the subtlety of a rocket launcher.
“Yeah, well.” Tori chuckled. “That would be pretty weird if you were hanging out with them and not me.”
Mia brightened. “It would be nice to see Rita again.”
Tori bit the inside of her cheek when she tipped her head to the side. “Are you angling for an invite to a very loud and probably chaotic backyard barbecue?” She made a point of looking into Mia’s house while wearing unabashed judgment. “With all this work you have left to do?”
“Yeah, yeah.” She turned on her heels and went inside like she expected Tori to saunter in behind her. “It’ll still be here when I get back.” She was deep in the air-conditioned recesses of her house when she shouted, “You might as well come inside and stop letting in every mosquito in Dade County.”
With a chuckle to herself that said what-the-hell-are-you-doing-with-your-life, Tori stepped inside. While Mia was getting dressed, Tori went to the kitchen. She grabbed the metal cup sitting on the edge of the stovetop. There was still some foam left on top of the espresso. From the little rack on the counter, Tori took a tiny cup and poured some lukewarm Cuban coffee.
She winced at the taste. It was way too sweet and a little weak. Tori was going to tease Mia about it, ask if her time in Philly had made her forget what good cafecito tasted like. But then Mia was back and wearing a loose dress that showed off her shapely, tanned legs and Tori forgot how to breathe.
Blowdried, Mia’s hair was vibrant red like she’d just dyed it. It cascaded beyond her freckled shoulders. Lips painted a glossy pink curved into a smile before they turned unsure.
“Before we go,” Mia started, voice soft as she crossed into the kitchen, “I just wanted to say something. If that’s okay?”
All Tori had in her was a nod weaker than Mia’s attempt at espresso. Mia’s perfume was different now, but the effect it had on the sturdiness of her knees was the same. It was the first time she’d been that close without crying, and Tori wasn’t prepared for the clench in her stomach and the flutter in her chest.
“I’m sorry,” Mia whispered, eyes brimming with emotion. “I’m sorry I didn’t make you feel safe enough to share such a big part of who you are with me.” Mia’s palms were warm and destabilizing when they landed on Tori’s jaw. Her expression was so gentle. So sincere. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t a better friend. I should have?—”
“It’s not on you,” Tori managed around the tightness in her throat and the trembling in her fingers. “It was my choice, Mia.”
Mia’s faint smile sputtered to life, then faltered. “Are you just saying that because?—”
“I’m saying it because it’s true,” she interrupted. Tori couldn’t stand the sadness lingering in her eyes. “Let’s just move on, okay? Start brand-new.”
“Start over, but not all the way over so that freaking Ashley knows you better than me?”
Tori laughed, entire body alive and buzzing. Lost in the mossy green of Mia’s eyes, she remembered how to breathe again. “Yeah.