Chapter 16
Sixteen
M ia stared at herself in the full-length mirror behind the bedroom door and doubted her choice. She’d been indecisive while standing in the dressing room. In nothing but a strapless bra and Spanx up to her damn eyebrows, Mia had allowed the pushy sales lady to convince her she was making the right choice.
The lighting in her bedroom wasn’t as kind as that in the store. The off-the-shoulder, dark green gown didn’t look as elegant as it had that morning. She hadn’t resembled a freaking thumb in the store.
Mia stood in front of the open closet, gaze bouncing between two pairs of heels. Both nude. One a reasonable little pump she’d be able to wear all night. And the other, a spiked and considerably sexier option she’d be lucky to endure for twenty minutes before snapping an ankle.
Barefoot and undecided, she meandered into the bathroom. She’d paid too much for a simple updo and now her professionally applied makeup seemed over the top. She doubted herself. Doubted what Tori would think of her. What she would say.
A ringing doorbell forced Mia to make a choice. She grabbed the deathtraps because they made her four inches taller. That they also made her ass look fantastic was a bonus.
With clammy hands, she smoothed down her dress where it was gathered on one side to hide a plethora of sins. Should she have gone for the black dress? The damn sales lady had been so insistent that this one brought out the green in her eyes, but now, Mia wasn’t so sure.
Ugh, damn it. Whatever.
She charged for the front door and flung it open, completely unprepared for Tori on the other side. Speechless for too many seconds to play it cool, she gawked at Tori.
In a three-piece tuxedo that looked hand-tailored to her strong body, Tori had gone without a shirt or tie. The deep plunge created by the vest showed off so much cleavage it was obvious Tori wasn’t wearing a bra. Flushed with jealousy and something that made her scalp sweat, Mia’s eyes widened.
“Ready?” Tori’s slicked back hair showcased her dark eyes and made them look radiant.
Captivated, Mia’s mouth dropped open, hanging for several seconds before she managed to make sounds. “Are you fucking kidding me with this?” It wasn’t what Mia had meant to say, but her insides were a confused tangle of emotions she couldn’t name—emotions she didn’t have a reference for.
Tori laughed, obviously taking Mia’s disbelief as a compliment. “Should I change?—”
“Don’t you dare.” Mia grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her inside. “Even if you’re going to make all of us choke on our jealousy.”
“What?” Tori chuckled, closing the door behind her.
Mia gestured vaguely at Tori’s body. She had to know she looked unbelievable. When Tori replied with a guilty grin, Mia started for the kitchen counter where she’d left her clutch and phone.
Standing in the foyer with her hands in the pockets of her slim-fit trousers, Tori had the nervous energy of a teen picking up their prom date. Mia gripped her clutch until the crystal beads were digging into her palm.
“You’re going to make us take a picture before we go, aren’t you?” Tori’s attention was on the phone Mia was holding too tightly.
“Yeah,” Mia breathed but she couldn’t force her brain and body to fuse back together.
Her mind jumped back in time, rewriting history as it went. What would have happened if Tori had confessed that she liked girls before prom? If she’d told her she had a crush on her? If they’d gone to the dance together?
An unintentional cliché, Mia had slept with her boyfriend for the first time after prom. Just to make the whole thing doubly trite, she hadn’t slept with anyone else before then.
She’d never believed in purity culture and virginity had always seemed like a social construct, but it was only after she’d slept with him that she realized she wasn’t ready. That she’d thought about the fun without knowing sex would make her feel so vulnerable.
She hadn’t known to communicate what she wanted. So when her boyfriend got dressed and strode out of their hotel room to rejoin his friends getting drunk by the pool, she hadn’t asked him to stay. She hadn’t really said much of anything before, during, or after.
Instead, she’d taken a shower and put on her sweats and left for Tori’s room a few floors above hers. Tori and a bunch of girls shared a suite, and Mia still remembered her bone-deep regret that she hadn’t stayed with them.
Feeling exposed, Mia had let Tori abandon her game of beer pong. Let her stop having a good time to take her to the adjoining bedroom and slip under the covers with her. Had she been selfish?
She hadn’t told Tori about the sex. Acting like the little spoon for once, Mia hadn’t spoken a single word while lying in Tori’s arms. Why hadn’t she said anything?
Tori hadn’t asked why she was so quiet, but Tori never pushed her into anything. She always let Mia set the tone. And even though she never said anything out loud, Mia could always tell Tori hadn’t liked any of the guys she dated.
Would Mia have said something if she’d known it was going to be the last time they’d ever be together like that? One of the last times they’d speak before Tori cut her off?
Rather than regret not sharing the moment with Tori, a different thought returned. It gnawed at her belly and clawed at her chest. What if she’d gone to prom with Tori? Not as friends but for real.
Would it have been different with Tori? Even before she’d fully formed the question, her mind screamed with a resolute YES . Nothing ever felt as real as when she experienced it with Tori. She made colors more vibrant, music louder, laughter deeper. Tori was like salt and sunlight—the most necessary things that were most noticeable in their absence.
Tori would not have left her underwhelmed by the experience. Not with how intense Mia’s feelings were. The ones she’d never noticed were so unusual between friends.
“You okay?” Tori asked, perfect brows furrowed, the amusement gone from her glossy lips.
“Yeah, fine,” she lied, phone in hand. “Picture?”
Tori’s shoulders relaxed, but her expression didn’t change. God, why did Tori have to feel every ripple in Mia’s mood? Mia barely knew what the hell she was feeling. There was no way she could put it into words.
“Are you?—”
“You trying to get out of commemorating our reunion, Cruz?” Mia joked, hoping Tori would let her slip away without pressing her.
Tori responded with a resigned smile. “Far be it from me...”
After rigging a makeshift tripod, they posed near the front door because the rest of the house was a disaster. While Mia tried to remember how to take more than shallow breaths, Tori shot her an unreadable, but vaguely mischievous, glance.
“I guess because I’m in a suit and still a hair taller than you despite the stilts”—Tori moistened her lips—“I go in the back?”
“Who needs gender norms?” Mia turned, sliding her hands up Tori’s arms before resting them on her shoulders.
The tuxedo fabric was starched but soft beneath Mia’s touch. She stepped in closer. Close enough to get high on Tori’s dark and spicy perfume. When Tori’s hands found her waist, Mia felt her touch everywhere. Tori’s grip was light and unsure until she well and truly held her, and Mia closed her eyes.
Mia wanted to exist in the moment. To let the unspoken potential of a brewing storm build without having to see the aftermath. And then Tori was leaning in. Mia knew it by the seismic shift in her body. Knew it by the warm breath she could almost imagine landing against her parted lips.
Heart rocketing, Mia’s head swam and her stomach clenched. She almost felt the kiss. Almost felt Tori’s soft lips and centering touch. At the imagined contact, her body temperature soared, making her skin sweaty and claustrophobic. She wanted to peel off her clothes and dive into the pool with Tori right behind her. Wanted to know what this was without having to talk about it. Without ruining it or chasing it away.
And then Tori’s voice was low and soft against the shell of her ear. “You planning on taking that picture telepathically?”
Eyes fluttering open, Mia was disoriented. Her unkissed lips tingled with the ache of absence. With overwhelming hunger. “What?” she breathed.
Tori’s eye makeup was so dark it made her irises look like amber. Bright brown and holding the secrets of the universe, they trapped Mia in place, immortalized her for all time like a hapless Neolithic insect in a gemstone tomb.
“The picture,” Tori said, voice distant like she felt the same unstoppable urge tearing at Mia’s good sense.
“It was on a timer,” she said, vaguely aware of having set it.
“You sure?” Tori cocked her head to the side before releasing her and walking to the phone.
Unsure she could trust her knees not to buckle if she moved, Mia stayed put. Tori looked down at the phone. The rise and fall of her chest revealed her slow, deep breath. Mia felt every nanosecond of Tori’s breathing like she’d accidentally consumed psychedelics somewhere along her errands. She tasted her inhale like colors and heard her exhale like sunrise.
“You were right,” Tori said, but Mia had already forgotten what they were talking about. She was too consumed with the unbearable weight of almost.