7. Summer
CHAPTER 7
Summer
I have Gilmore Girls cued up on the TV, and I’m just pouring out a freshly-popped bag of popcorn into a serving bowl when the doorbell rings. “It’s open!” I call, snagging the popcorn and two wine glasses, so I can deposit them in front of the TV. My door opens and Steph steps through, her bag of goodies haphazardly thrown over her arm. She crosses the room and launches herself at me.
“Hey, girl! How are you?” Steph steps back, holding my shoulders and taking me in. She looks almost the same as she did in high school. The same curly hair that falls just past her shoulders, the same light brown, flawless skin, and the same big smile pointed at me without reservation.
“I’m alive,” I deadpan, pulling her down on the couch with me. She drops her bag of snacks on the coffee table and tucks herself under the throw blanket with me.
“No seriously, Summer. Are you doing okay?”
“I mean, no? I don’t know. Everything still feels weird. Jared and I officially broke up, like, a month ago before he moved out, but it feels like we broke up years ago. We stayed together for Emma’s sake, and it honestly felt more like co-parenting under the same roof than being in a relationship. I’m mourning the fact that Emma won’t live with both of her parents anymore, but not the relationship itself,” I pick at a string on the throw blanket over my lap.
She nods. She’s heard all of this before. “I get that. You guys have been having a hard time for a while. It’s admirable that you kept trying for Emma, even though Jared never treated you right.”
“It’s not like he abused me though, Steph. Things were fine. Not passionate, but fine. I keep wondering if I made a mistake. Not because I’m madly in love with him, but because I don’t want Emma to struggle like I did growing up. Living out of a duffel bag your whole childhood and never feeling settled is really hard.” I feel horribly selfish for choosing to break up Emma’s happy life. For choosing to make her live an iteration of what I went through growing up.
“Two things: One, just because he wasn’t abusive doesn’t mean it was a good relationship. You haven’t been happy for a long time and you deserve to be.” I open my mouth to interrupt, but she talks over me. “Two, Emma will not struggle the way you did. I don’t like Jared for you, but he is a good father. You’re a great mom and you both want what’s best for her. Yes, she may have to go back and forth, but both places will feel like home, and you and Jared will actually work together to make her feel safe and loved. It’s not the same thing you grew up with.” She places a warm, perfectly manicured hand on my shoulder.
Growing up, my parents split up before I was even born. They hated each other, so the drop-off and pick-up process was always chaotic. It usually ended in a screaming match that left me wanting to run away, to be in any life that wasn’t my own. My dad was in and out through most of my childhood until middle school. Then, he finally moved elsewhere and I stopped seeing him completely. I hated myself a little for the relief I felt when he was gone. My dad despised my mom so much that he didn’t even come to her funeral. I haven’t so much as seen a postcard from him in over a decade.
I know that Steph is right. Jared and I would never do that to Emma. “You’re right about Emma for sure. We both love her more than life.”
“Wait, but I’m wrong about you and Jared? You want to get back with him or something?” She looks at me like I sprouted a second nose.
“No, it’s not that. It’s just… I feel like Jared is the best I’ll ever get. I know he wasn’t great to me, but can I really expect anyone to treat me better?” I gesture vaguely over myself.
Her eyes narrow into slits and she glares at me. “You stop that bullshit right now, Summer. You are freaking stunning and yes, you should expect any man worthy of your time to treat you like you hung the moon. You are the kindest person I know, you’re gorgeous, and you’re hilarious once you open up to people. You’re the whole package, babe. It sucks for Jared that he didn’t see how good he had it. I think as soon as he realizes you’re actually gone and this isn’t temporary, he’ll regret every single moment he took you for granted.”
I pull her in for an awkward seated hug. “Thanks, Steph. I needed to hear that.” She’s always known just what to say to make me feel better. If it weren’t for her, I probably never would have left Jared. She never pushed me one way or another, but talking it out with her made me realize I wanted more. That I deserved more.
I let go and see her lips curve into a mischievous smile. Uh-oh. “Speaking of men and you moving on, what’s this I hear about a gorgeous man hitting on you in the supermarket?”
I pull away from her hug. “What? Who told you that?” I ask.
She smacks my shoulder. “So there is a gorgeous man hitting on you!”
“No! I mean, yes, Ryan is arguably gorgeous, but no he wasn’t hitting on me,” I fumble, reaching over to crack open the bottle of wine and pour each of us a glass.
“Are you sure? No offense Summer, but you can be pretty dense when it comes to guys being into you. Who is he anyway?” She grabs her glass and takes a sip, waggling her eyebrows.
“He’s just my contractor. He fixed the leaky ceiling,” I wave a hand to the offending stain. “He’s new in town and popped into the bank yesterday to open an account. We got to talking, and I realized he was a contractor. He had time in his schedule, so he came and fixed it. Then we bumped into each other at the supermarket, and he walked me to my car because it was getting dark. That’s the big story,” I take a sip, “How do you know about him?”
“Anthony. I must have come in just after you. He was talking all about how you and Jared broke up, and he was speculating on whether or not you cheated with the new guy.” She laughs, “I obviously knew that wasn’t true. You aren’t a cheater.”
“That nosy man! We literally had a two-second conversation and now everyone is going to think the worst.” I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration over the stupid gossip mill that’s bound to be brewing up a brand new insane story about Ryan and I by tomorrow.
“So. Ryan, huh?” She smirks at me over the rim of her wine glass.
“There’s nothing there, Steph,” I sigh, “He is way, way out of my league.”
She smacks my arm again. “The moon, Summer. You hung it.”
“Okay, alright. That doesn’t change the fact that he’s definitely not into me.” I look away from her and down into the swirling liquid in my glass like I can divine answers from it.
“Again, you aren’t the best at reading flirty cues despite all those romance novels you read. I mean, he walked you to your car, right? That’s overprotective and caveman-like. ”
I look at her and make sure she can see my eye roll. “He has a little sister. It was a nice gesture toward woman-kind. Not anything special for me. He told me so.” I won’t mention the “pretty bank teller” comment because I know she’ll blow it way out of proportion and insist I carry his beautiful babies.
She scrunches her nose and says, “Fine. Let’s watch Rory and Lorelei order a bunch of food and then not eat it.”
I press play and hand her a Twix—her favorite. “We’ll eat it for them.”