24. Summer
CHAPTER 24
Summer
R yan spends a few nights this week in my bed. While we agreed to take things slow, it’s easy to have him spend the night when Emma isn’t with me. I’m choosing not to evaluate it too closely because this is the first time in a while that I’ve done something just for me, and I don’t want to ruin it by overthinking.
On Friday morning, after being woken up by Ryan’s roaming hands and hot mouth, we both get ready for work. He’s started leaving a few things here so he doesn’t have to run home early in the morning. I insert my earrings while Ryan trims his beard next to me and am shocked by how natural it feels.
I could get used to this .
The thought scares me. I got so comfortable with Jared that I allowed myself to be treated terribly for years. I fell into what was comfortable and didn’t have the foresight to know I deserved better. Jared wasn’t always an asshole. What if Ryan turns on me too? I study him in the mirror and try to tell myself that even if things don’t work out between us in the long run, Ryan isn’t that kind of guy .
“What are you looking at?” he asks, leaning over the sink so it catches all the stray beard hairs.
“You,” I say simply. It’s true. This week he’s caught me looking at him many times. I’ve also found him staring at me like he thinks I’ll disappear if he blinks too hard.
“I know I’m pretty to look at, but you have a look. One of those doubting yourself looks,” he says jokingly. When I don’t respond, he tugs me into him, my hands landing on his fantastically bare chest. “Summer, what’s up?”
I take a second to search his open, sleepy-eyed face and say, “Sometimes you just feel too good to be true. I worry that it’ll all fall apart.”
“I worry too.” He takes a deep breath, as if bracing himself for what he’s about to say next. “I’ve been scared that you’ll see whatever Lydia saw in me and walk away too. I worry that after a while, you’ll realize that I’m not what you want in the long run. I’m afraid of being a placeholder even though you’ve done nothing to make me feel that way.” He uncharacteristically looks down and away from me.
“I could never get bored of you,” I say, putting my hand on his bearded cheek so he’ll look at me again. “What she saw as boring, I see as dependable. You are the whole package, Ryan. I feel lucky to have you. I’m not letting you go anytime soon.” I get on tip-toes so I can kiss his cheek.
“Thank you,” He says, brushing an answering kiss to my forehead. “I’m incredibly lucky to have you, too. I think if you have a good thing going, it’s natural to be a little afraid of losing it. The key for both of us is to push past that fear and enjoy what we have. After losing people or being hurt, it’s easy to put your guard up and not let anyone in. It’s a lot harder to be open again, so I think we’re being brave.” He brushes his hands down my arms and pulls me in for a hug. I smile and inhale his scent, which is starting to smell like home.
“You’re right. We are. I’m proud of us. ”
“Me too. I’m going to work every day to show you that this is right and good. You’re worth putting in the work, Summer.” He puts a hand under my chin, tilts my head up, and presses a sweet kiss to my lips. I can’t believe that Ryan sees himself as a placeholder. He has endgame written all over him. I’m going to work to show him, because he deserves to have someone putting in the effort, too.
We finish getting ready and head out the door. The summer heat is already creeping into May and the garage warms as soon as I open the garage door. I throw my bag on the passenger seat and try to start my car. It makes a huff of defiance, so I try again, turning the key to no avail. I groan in annoyance and jump out of the car to stop Ryan. “Hey!” I yell, waving my arms and walking down the driveway to catch his attention before he drives off.
He rolls his window down and says, “What’s going on?”
“My car won’t start,” I answer with a pout. The damned thing gives me issues every few months. It’s always something new.
“Shit. I don’t have my jumper cables. They’re at home. Do you want me to go get them, or do you just want a ride?”
“I’ll just have a ride if you don’t mind. I need to get in on time today. We have a staff meeting and I’ll never hear the end of it if I’m late.” I hold up a finger and jog to my car to grab my bag. My manager, Rachel, will be pissed if I’m late again. I try my best to be on time, but when you have a kid, it’s not always easy.
“We’ll try to jump your car after work. If it doesn’t start, we’ll have the mechanic take a look. Have you had trouble with your battery before?” Ryan asks, pointing the truck in the direction of the bank.
“The battery, the brake lines, the air conditioning, and the carburetor,” I reply, a little embarrassed. Ryan laughs good-naturedly and interlaces our hands over the center console.
“Maybe it’s time to get you a new car, or at least a new er car.” He glances at me for a second before putting his eyes back on the road .
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. The old girl has been with me since I graduated high school. I have a hard time parting with her,” I say affectionately, thinking about my little beater car.
It was my mom's before she gave it to me for my eighteenth birthday. Sometimes in the heat of a summer day after my car has been sitting in the sun, I swear I can still smell her perfume if I close my eyes and concentrate hard enough. Jasmine with a hint of musk. The glovebox still holds a tube of her emergency lipstick, melted beyond repair because I just can’t get myself to throw it out. Every time I flip down the visor, I get a flash of her swiping on that coral shade and using the tip of her pinkie nail to clean up the edges of her lips.
When we get to the bank, I give Ryan a quick kiss goodbye and speed walk inside. “Good to see you on time, Summer.” Rachel looks at me over her glasses, a silvery eyebrow raised.
Rachel likes to pretend to be a hardass, but she’s really a big softie. She took on a maternal role for me after my mom died, and as a result, I think she struggles to be hard on me. I’ll never forget the way she closed the whole bank down so she could drive me to the hospital where my mom was taken after she passed. She’s usually about as affectionate as a feral cat, but even still, on that day, she held me to her and let me sob until the tears dried.
Then, she took me by the shoulders and made me look into her eyes when she said, “I know this pain is unbearable. Unimaginable. So, you cry when you need to. You rage at the world when you need to. And you hold onto that baby of yours extra tight, because above all, she needs you. Being a mother is rarely fair, but never is that more obvious than when we’re in pain. You are so strong, Summer. This hurts, but it will not break you because you won’t let it.” She’s quietly been there for me ever since.
My heart squeezes with affection for my crotchety boss as I scuttle to the breakroom. Just as I get seated with my coworkers at the large oval table, my phone buzzes with a text message. I subtly flip the screen over on my lap and see that it’ s from Jared.
Jared:
Just letting you know I’m going to be out of cell range today. Going to check out a new site for work. Should be back in time to pick Emma up from school. If you don’t hear from me by 2. Can you do pick up just in case?
I think I can do that. Car is acting up again but I can get a ride from someone at work.
Hopefully you won’t need to. You need a new car. That thing is a piece of crap. Talk later.
I roll my eyes. Men. Always trying to tell me what to do. I shoot an apologetic look at Rachel who is going over new customer acquisition procedure changes. She gives me a pointed look but continues on. I sigh and lean back in my chair feeling like a sulky middle-schooler who just got caught texting in class. Today is really not going my way.
Just before lunchtime, I get a call from Lakeland Elementary. As soon as the school number pops up on my screen, my stomach bottoms out. The only other time I’ve had a call from them midday was when Emma had a high fever and strep throat at the beginning of the year. “Hello, this is Summer Evans,” I say into the phone while walking towards the break room for some privacy.
“Ms. Evans, hello. My name is Janet. I’m the Lakeland Elementary school nurse. I have little Miss Emma here and she really doesn’t seem to be feeling well. Her temperature is climbing and her stomach is really bothering her. She complained of some pain when she was first sent to my office. I’ve been watching her for the last hour and it doesn’t appear to be getting better. I’d suggest coming down here and taking her home. ”
I blow out a breath and sink into a chair in the break room, anxiety making the overstuffed bulletin board in front of me hazy. “Okay, I’ll be there as quickly as possible. I probably need about a half hour or so to get there.” She tells me she understands and will keep watch over Emma.
Even though I know Jared said he would be out of range, I try his cell phone a few times just to make sure he didn’t miraculously get back into town early, but it goes straight to voicemail. I leave him a brief message. “Hey Jared, it’s me. Emma isn’t feeling great, so I’m going to get a ride to pick her up. I know you don’t want her meeting Ryan yet, but he’s the only person I can ask right now to take me. None of my coworkers will want to catch whatever bug she has. I promise he’ll just drive us and drop us off. I’ll take her home with me until you get back into town. Call me when you get this.”
I call Ryan next and explain the situation. Even though he’ll need to give me a ride hours before he expected to, he doesn’t balk at all. He actually sounds just as worried about Emma as I feel. Luckily he’s in the office today and can be here within a few minutes since it’s close.
“Hey, Rachel?” I approach her desk as she types rapidly, not breaking eye contact with the screen.
“Yes?” she says, finally looking up from her computer. She takes in the worried look on my face, and asks, “What’s wrong? Is everything okay?” She sits back from her desk, her posture ramrod straight.
“I’m sure everything is going to be fine, but I just got a call from Emma’s school nurse. Sounds like she has the stomach flu or something, and I have to go get her.”
“Is there anyone who can watch her for you?”
“Well, Jared is out of cell range right now until at least two for work and his mom is at work also. I’m not sure who else I could ask. ”
She heaves a gusty sigh. “Alright, just make sure to use sick time so you get paid.”
Now it’s my turn to sigh. “Okay. Thank you.” They say bad things come in threes, so let's hope my having to use some of my meager sick time is the last bad thing today.
“Oh, and Summer, keep me updated, will you?” she asks worriedly. I nod and close out my station.