Chapter Nine
Seraphine
I took a deep breath and eyed his open legs. What was the proper etiquette here? Perch on his thigh? Sit stiffly and pretend it wasn’t awkward? Straddle him to show him I wasn’t scared?
Oh, yeah, Seraphine. Riding him like a cowgirl is the safest option here.
I lowered myself into his lap, every nerve ending in my body on fire. I sat sideways across his thighs with my legs draped over one side. My side pressed into his chest, nestling against him. His arm wrapped around my waist so I wouldn’t tip backwards.
Everywhere our bodies were touching was on fire, from his solid thighs underneath me, to the way his hand splayed around my lower back. I tilted my head up to meet his eyes, my breath catching at the darkness in them.
“Comfortable?” he asked, the sound vibrating through his chest, making me aware of exactly how close we were.
“Absolutely. I’m sitting on the lap of a man who had me handcuffed just days ago after I drugged him. Totally normal,” I rambled, my brain short-circuiting. “Nothing weird about this.”
Valen chuckled, his hand flexing against my lower back. “Relax, Seraphine. It’s just a game.”
Yeah, just a game.
“My turn.” I reached over and grabbed a Truth card. “‘When is the last time you felt truly safe with someone?’”
I narrowed my eyes at the card before tossing it back on the table.
This was exactly what I meant by psychological warfare.
Because here I was in this cabin with Valen, and I would be lying if I said anything other than I felt safe with him.
“I guess right now.” He stiffened slightly underneath me, but I continued anyway.
“That sounds insane, but this is the first time I haven’t been looking over my shoulder in years.
” I didn’t dare look at him or acknowledge the vulnerability I’d just displayed.
It’s just a game.
“Your turn.”
His fingers dug into my flesh as he leaned forward, his face just inches from mine. He surprised me by grabbing a Truth card for once. I sat frozen against him, holding my breath as he read it.
“‘What’s your biggest fear about letting someone close to you?’”
He exhaled sharply. The room fell silent again. The whiskey bottle was within reach, and I thought for sure he would take a drink instead of answering. Because the last thing I ever expected was for Valen Creed to tell me his biggest fear.
The seconds ticked by, and I almost reached for the bottle for him, but instead, he spoke low, his breath warm against the side of my face.
“That they’ll see prison turned me into a monster and realize I’m not someone who can be saved. They’ll see the man I was before is gone and he’s not coming back.”
My heart exploded in my chest at his answer. I’d done that. I was the person responsible for his pain. A part of me wanted to flee the room or beg for his forgiveness, but I forced myself to meet his eyes.
“You know what I think?” I shifted in his lap so I could see his face better. “I think that monsters don’t worry about being monsters. They definitely don’t save half-dead women from freezing to death or teach them self-defense or make sure their stitches don’t get infected.”
He chuckled, the tension easing from his body.
“Besides, if you were really a monster, you wouldn’t have shared your premium roast coffee with me. You would have given me the instant stuff I found in your cupboard.”
“True.” His eyes twinkled with amusement.
I grabbed another card, hoping to change the topic so we wouldn’t be forced to open up any more wounds. “‘If you could start over with another player, what would you do differently?’” I scrunched up my nose. “I guess that means if we’d met under different circumstances?”
My mind instantly flashed back to the day I’d seen him in the courtyard. He’d been walking with the dean, and I’d been sketching in between classes. I’d never told anyone about it, probably because admitting out loud that I’d found my potential murderer attractive would be frowned upon.
“I saw you once. A week before the murders,” I said quietly. His gaze was burning into the side of my face, but I didn’t want to meet his eyes this time. “I was sketching in the courtyard, and you were walking around with the dean.”
“I remember that day,” he whispered, his voice strained for some reason.
“My first thought was, Damn, that guy is hot. Then my second thought was, There’s no way a guy like that would ever look at a girl like me.
” I went on, he shifted slightly, the movement pressing my side deeper into his chest. “So if I could go back in time, maybe I’d grow a spine and say something to you.
Or at least offer to draw your portrait.
You know, trick you into posing shirtless for the sake of art. ”
“You’ve done that kind of thing before? Tricked men into posing shirtless for you?” There was a hint of teasing in his tone, but also something dark that almost resembled jealousy.
“Oh, absolutely.” I laughed as I begged for the gates of hell to open and swallow me so I would stop talking. “That’s kind of my thing. Well, used to be. Pervy stalker artist.”
What is wrong with you?
“Shame it’s not your thing anymore.”
“Well, never say never. Old habits die hard and all that.” I waved my hand in the air, looking everywhere but him. “Anyway, your turn.”
He grabbed a Trouble card, and I sighed in relief. Good, I couldn’t handle any more Truth cards.
“‘Massage another player’s shoulders for two minutes.’”
Fuck my life.
“Turn around.”
It wasn’t a request; it was a command. My body moved on its own, not even hesitating. Heat pooled low in my stomach as I shifted in his lap, my ass pressing into his cock, and my legs dangled over his thighs.
It’s just a game.
Yeah, a game designed by some horny college student who was trying to get laid.
We hadn’t even touched the Sin cards yet. I could only imagine what was on those cards. Sixty-nine with the player to your right for ten points.
“Relax.” Valen’s hands settled on my shoulders, and I had to bite back a gasp at the contact. God, his calloused hands were warm, and surprisingly soft as they began to work at the tension I knew was in my muscles.
“So tight,” he murmured, the sound vibrating through his chest and into my back. His thumbs found that knot in my shoulder blade, the one that had been there for an eternity, and he pressed into it.
A soft sound came from my throat, and I didn’t even try to hide it. My fingers slid down to rest on his thighs, the heat of him almost impossible to ignore.
He pressed into the knot again, and this time I moaned, making him stop.
“Sorry,” I breathed.
“Don’t apologize for enjoying this.” His hands moved with a skilled confidence. He found another tight spot and dug in gently. It was like he knew every place on my body that needed attention. “Don’t hide yourself. I want to hear you.”
Every word he said was making it worse. Instead of pulling away, I was relaxing more and more into him. The smell of cedar and smoke wrapped all around me. It was the smell of him, and it was intoxicating.
“Good girl,” he growled against my ear, and the praise sent a thrill down my spine.
His hands moved lower, spanning the width of my shoulders. It was like he was memorizing every inch of me as he worked, his thumbs pressing down my shoulder blades, then down my spine.
“Breathe,” he commanded.
I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding my breath, and I exhaled. “Two minutes,” I rasped, my voice barely even working at this point.
He chuckled and dropped his hands. I made no attempt to move at first, just let myself press against him for a moment longer. This was the most intimate I’d been with… well, almost anyone. A part of me hated that it felt so right. My body fit into his perfectly.
But that shouldn’t be.
Right?
After a breath, I leaned forward, my hand braced on his knee as I contemplated which card to grab. Yes, I was still in full-on reverse-cowgirl mode, because apparently I liked the way his muscular thighs held me up, and maybe I didn’t mind his rough hands dragging all over my body.
Even though my mind insisted I should stand up now and move to the other side of the couch, my legs refused to move.
I grabbed a Sin card, because what else did I have to lose at this point?
“‘Describe your favorite sexual position.’” My face heated as I gripped the card. “Um, I don’t really have one.”
“Don’t hold back now, little lamb.” He chuckled as his hands rested on the outside of my thighs, the weight warm and possessive. “We’re past the point of modesty.”
“I’m not holding back.” I tried to laugh it off and climb out of his lap, but he held me firmly in place. “I just… well, I wasn’t lying before. I just don’t have the experience to have a preference.”
“Are you a virgin?” He didn’t even try to hide the surprise in his voice.
“Technically, no,” I sputtered, crushing the card between my hands. “But it was one time, at a college party, and it lasted like thirty seconds. I’m not even sure it counts.”
The memory made me cringe, some drunk guy grinding against me while I stared up at the ceiling waiting for it to be over. At least the universe had had my back that night, because before I could even blink, he’d said that he’d come, then had the audacity to ask if I had too.
With everything that had happened soon after, sex had been the last thing on my mind all these years. Who had time for a relationship when you were dying inside?
Valen stilled beneath me, and I squeezed my eyes shut. Mortification rolled through me as I realized that I sounded like a complete idiot.
“You’re telling me you’ve never been properly fucked?”
The way he said it, low and rough, like it was an absolute crime, sent heat exploding through my body. If anyone else had said those words to me, I would have smacked them. But the words came out of Valen’s mouth like it was a gospel, and my thighs clenched involuntarily.
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.