Lilac Time
Chapter One
Chapter One
T hirty-four-year-old Natalie Simmons thought of herself as a tomboy-nerd, or a nerdy-tomboy. Growing up an hour from Ocala National Forest, and surrounded by state forests and wildlife management areas, Natalie took every advantage of the Florida weather and being outdoors. She loved to climb trees and would spend hours peeking through the leaves at the vibrant blue sky dotted by white puffy clouds. As a kid, her favorite outfit was a pair of overalls and a T-shirt, or a crew-neck sweater when the days were a bit crisp.
When she was in middle school, her father asked her if she ever thought she would wear a dress again, to which she responded, “I wear dresses every day to school. This is my private time.” Her father couldn’t argue with that logic. As she entered her teens, she felt awkward, as most adolescents do, and her antidote was to swiftly change into her overalls and head for the woods. Her older brother Nicholas shared the same passion for the outdoors, but he left for Montana to become a park ranger when Natalie was a high school freshman, leaving Natalie to find kindred spirits.
As she struggled through the pains of her teens, she found a group of like-minded nature aficionados at school. They were a group of six who ate lunch together every day and spent their weekends hiking in the forest or canoeing along the lake. Natalie and her friend Diana were the only girls in the group, and you would think that would make them very popular in their little cohort, but it seemed that the boys were much more interested in the sand pine scrub ecosystem of the 387,000 acres of the southernmost forest in the continental United States than high school dances and dating. Natalie occasionally wondered if she had any appealing female attributes, but then again, what teenager is secure in their skin?
Natalie also took an interest in computers; on the Internet, she could discover the many details of the world around her and beyond when she was forced to be indoors. When applying for college, she decided to get on the STEM highway of Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics. At the time, her path was unclear. She was betwixt and between what avenue she should pursue as a career, and decided computer science would always get her a job. Somewhere. Doing something. She applied to the University of Florida in Gainesville, a little over an hour away from home and her favorite hangout, the national forest.
As she became more aware of the endless possibilities in the computer field, she honed her talents in the creative side of technology and embarked on a journey of computer graphics. Upon graduating, she was offered a job at a tech company in Jacksonville, about three hours from home, and two hours from her beloved retreat. She decided to take the job opportunity and could stop at any of her favorite woods when traveling back and forth to visit her parents.
They say time passes in the blink of an eye, and before she knew it, she was ten years into the job. Life was good. She wasn’t in a serious relationship; like most of her peers, she was more interested in building her career than hunting for a mate and settling down. Plus, she always had a cat or two, and her life and routine suited her.
Natalie considered herself to be “average-looking.” Average light-brown wavy hair, average medium-brown eyes, average light- to medium-tone skin. She was also an average height of five feet, four inches, and her average body weighed in at 132 pounds.
One thing that wasn’t average about her was her proficiency at building websites. She had an intuition that made them come to life with the right graphics, fonts, art, and backgrounds. She believed that her rich experiences in the outdoors gave her a keen perspective in making an onscreen image feel three dimensional. Natalie also had an instinct for music. Whether it was grunge or punk, pop or rock, country or classical, she understood it—whatever “it” was they were playing—and became adept at building sites for musicians. Before she took on an assignment, she spent time listening to the musician’s work, and if they were appearing, she saw them perform. Natalie gained a reputation among local musicians, which spread throughout the industry. “She gets it,” was how they described her. Yes, it was the “it” factor, not necessarily how the word is used to describe the latest, greatest of whatever trend, but in what the musicians were expressing.
For several years, she reported to an office every day, wearing average attire. Business average. Skirt or tailored slacks, button-down shirt, blazer, and sensible yet fashionable shoes. Oxfords or tasseled loafers. To Natalie, that was just short of being overdressed. If she could have her way, it would be baggy shirts and baggy pants and slip-on sneakers. Her dream wardrobe became a reality when her job as a web designer became remote, which made a lot of sense. Who needed to be around people all day when you’re staring at a computer? She was quite happy when the company decided to have most of the staff work remotely and meet via Zoom.
It wasn’t as if Natalie was reclusive, but she found the office vibe was often distracting. And her cat, Mr. Meowzer, offered plenty of company—although he wasn’t always the best office mate. There was one occasion when she received an email from a client that was just a string of question marks. When she scrolled down, she found an email that she hadn’t intended on sending, at least not until she edited it. It was a bit terse, and she wanted to rethink the content. She was mortified. Then she remembered Mr. Meowzer had been sitting on her desk. Natalie quickly checked her photo files and found one of Mr. Meowzer on top of her keyboard. She immediately emailed it to the client, with the subject line: “Always the joker!” The client sent back a smiley face and said, “I like his sense of humor.” Natalie wiped her brow. “That was a close one, buster,” she scolded, giving the cat a side-eye.
Working from home in her apartment in Jacksonville didn’t garner her any points in style. Her daily attire had become too casual. She hardly wore makeup, and her hair was either in a short ponytail or pulled back with a hair clip. She was the first to admit she wasn’t material for a fashion magazine. She didn’t think her appearance was important to do her job—although she would dress appropriately if she was meeting a client on Zoom. Still, unless you have a hair and makeup person on site, no one really looks great on Zoom, so why go crazy?
Natalie’s best friend, Joyce, was almost her complete opposite. She always wore the latest styles. When they were together, they could have posed for the “Dos and Don’ts” photos often found in fashion magazines. It wasn’t as if Natalie looked unkempt. She simply looked plain, and made the least amount of effort, if any, when it came to clothes.
One afternoon, she and Joyce were walking down the street when Natalie took notice of their reflection in a store window. Natalie grabbed Joyce’s arm. “Wow . . . I look like a bag lady compared to you.”
“You could easily make some improvements,” Joyce said flatly. Natalie thought her friend’s response was a bit harsh, but she dismissed the dig. Natalie sensed Joyce enjoyed being perceived as the “prettier” of the two, but in reality, Natalie had a beautiful face. Far from “average.” But people see the first quick impression and don’t focus on the details, physically or personally. That comes much later, when it is often too late.
Over the course of the past ten years, Natalie’s dating record was far from spectacular, but she got into a routine with a coworker named Alec Holtzman. For the past year, every Wednesday, they went to Bennie’s Tavern for a trivia night, and every Saturday they would join their friends at Gino’s Pizzeria.
* * *
One Tuesday, Alec asked her to meet him that night for margaritas at Caliente Tacos. It wasn’t their usual place, or their usual night, but Natalie was always game for tacos. And maybe it was time for them to take their relationship to the next level and spend more time together. Natalie decided maybe it was also time for her to put a little more effort into her appearance. Joyce’s comment had kinda gotten under her skin. Natalie wasn’t going to do anything drastic, but a pair of slim jeans and a white button-down shirt under a crew-neck sweater was tolerable and appropriate. She left her hair loose, dabbed a little blush on her cheeks, gave her eyebrows a little shape, and a swiped bit of gloss on her lips. She took one last look in the mirror and asked Mr. Meowzer what he thought. He gave her an extremely loud meow, which she took as approval.
Natalie was feeling perky. She did a double take as she passed a store window, because she hardly recognized herself. She had to admit she had gone too far down the rabbit hole of blah, and promised herself she would take more interest in her appearance. They say if you like the way you look, it shows in your mannerism. She happily walked the five blocks to Caliente, where Alec was waiting at an outdoor table, wearing an odd expression. Not sure what to make of it, Natalie was surprised when she leaned in to give him a kiss and he jerked his head back as if he were about to be bitten by a snake. That, too, was odd. Very odd. She kept smiling and pulled out a chair. “Everything alright?”
“We have to talk,” Alec said, in that tone no one ever wants to hear.
A chill went up Natalie’s spine. She knew what was coming next. Not that they were having any relationship issues, but those four words were ominous. She held her breath for as long as possible and then let it all out. “Okay. Talk,” she managed to say with some dignity.
“Nat, I know we’ve been seeing each other for what, eight, ten months?”
The fact he didn’t know was another sign the conversation was going one way, and not in a good way. Still, Natalie remained calm as she fought the tears. “It’s been a year, Alec.” She pushed her chair back and gripped the edge of the table with both hands to steady herself, and to keep from punching him in the face. She quickly rose and rushed out of the bar, nearly knocking into a server carrying a tray of beers.
As she walked home, she wondered how long Alec had been unhappy. Everything seemed quite normal between them. Routine. What had changed?
She knew she hadn’t given him the opportunity to explain, but what was the use? When someone wanted to break up with you, it was best to rip off the Band-Aid and spare yourself further humiliation; why stick around while your about-to-be ex tells you what’s wrong with you and the relationship?
On the other hand, she didn’t give him the opportunity to use the tired It’s not you, it’s me routine. It was him. He hadn’t even taken notice of her appearance. He’s such a jerk. He could have had the decency to soften the blow with a compliment. Yes, he’s a huge jerk.
By the time she got back to her apartment, the embarrassment had been replaced by infuriation. That’s when she realized that she wasn’t in love with him. The more she thought about it, the more she realized she never really thought about love when it came to Alec. A year together, and the thought had never even crossed her mind.
Mr. Meowzer was sitting inside the door, waiting for her. Now that was love. Pure, unconditional love. She scooped him up in her arms and nuzzled her face against his. The big ragdoll cat eyed her suspiciously. Natalie looked into his furry face and assured him, “Yes, I am alright. Simply fine, actually.” She realized she didn’t even cry. The closest she came to tears was when Alec uttered those chilling four words. But she hadn’t shed them. Good for her. He didn’t deserve them.
She hauled Mr. Meowzer to the sofa, where she placed the kitty next to her. She turned to him and asked, “Who keeps the friends in a breakup?” He stared up at her blankly. She continued to ruminate over the subject. The guys usually stick together, and the girlfriends or wives have a fifty-fifty chance of maintaining a friendship, because as soon as the guy gets a new girlfriend, she is the one who becomes part of the group. Natalie made a promise to herself that she was not going to let another man dictate her social life or her friends. But it was going to be challenging, at least for a while. She decided to hunker down and take on more work until she felt ready to be a part of the public again.