Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
ASTER
I couldn't sleep. It had been a week since Easton's encounter, a week of jumping at shadows and flinching at unexpected sounds, a week of my Alphas surrounding me with protective fury that should have made me feel safe but instead made me feel like a burden.
The pack room was quiet, the nest empty except for me.
Reid was doing a final check of the perimeter — something he'd started doing every night since Easton.
Sawyer was with him, silent and watchful.
Kol had finally gone to bed after I'd assured him three times that I was fine, that I just needed some time alone to think.
I wasn't fine. But I didn't know how to explain the restlessness crawling under my skin, the way my body felt too tight for itself, the ache that had nothing to do with fear and everything to do with need.
The clinic light was on.
I could see it from the window of the pack room — a soft glow cutting through the darkness, steady and warm. Nolan. He often worked late, catching up on paperwork or researching new treatments, his dedication to his work as much a part of him as his gentle hands and calming scent.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I was pulling on one of Kol's oversized t-shirts and padding barefoot across the yard.
The clinic door was unlocked. I pushed it open, the familiar smell of antiseptic and eucalyptus wrapping around me, and found Nolan at his desk, bent over a stack of papers, his sandy hair falling across his forehead.
He looked up when I entered, his green eyes softening immediately, concern flickering across his features as he took in my appearance — the oversized shirt, the bare feet, the way I was hugging myself like I might fall apart.
"Aster." His voice was gentle, questioning, as he pushed back from his desk, his whole body orienting toward me like a flower toward sunlight, his brow furrowing with worry. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"
"I couldn't sleep." The words came out smaller than I intended, my voice catching on something that felt dangerously close to tears, my arms tightening around myself. "I just... I needed..."
I didn't know how to finish the sentence. I didn't know what I needed. Just that the ache inside me was growing, and Nolan's scent — eucalyptus and honey, calm and safe — was the only thing that seemed to quiet it.
"Come here." He held out his hand, his green eyes warm and patient, no judgment in his expression, only gentle invitation, his voice dropping to something soft and coaxing. "Come here, sweetheart."
The endearment broke something loose in my chest, and I crossed the room on unsteady legs, letting him pull me into his lap, letting his arms wrap around me, letting his scent envelope me until I could breathe again.
"I've got you." His voice was a murmur against my hair, his hand stroking down my back in long, soothing passes, his chest vibrating with a purr so soft I could barely hear it but could feel it everywhere we touched. "I've got you. You're safe."
"I know." I pressed my face against his neck, breathing him in, my fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt, my voice muffled against his skin. "I know I'm safe. That's not... it's not fear. It's something else."
He pulled back just enough to look at my face, his green eyes searching mine with that quiet intensity that always made me feel seen in ways I couldn't quite explain, his thumb tracing along my jaw.
"What is it?" His touch was gentle and questioning, his brow furrowed with concern, his voice soft. "Tell me what you need, Aster. Whatever it is."
"I don't know." The admission came out frustrated, my hands tightening on his shirt, my body shifting restlessly in his lap, heat prickling under my skin. "I feel... wound up. Like there's something inside me that needs to get out, and I can't figure out how to release it."
Something shifted in his expression — understanding dawning, his pupils dilating slightly, his scent warming with something that made heat pool low in my belly, his hand sliding from my jaw to cup the back of my neck.
"I think I know what you need." His voice had dropped lower, rougher, his thumb brushing the sensitive skin at my nape, his green eyes darkening as they held mine. "But I need you to tell me. I need to hear you say it."
The heat in my belly spread, rushing through my veins, making my breath catch and my thighs clench where they bracketed his hips.
"I need you." The words came out breathless, honest, my gray eyes holding his green ones, my voice barely above a whisper. "I need you to touch me, Nolan. I need you to make me feel something other than afraid."
His breath caught, his hand tightening on my neck, his purr intensifying until I could feel it in my bones, his whole body going taut beneath me.
"Are you sure?" His voice was strained, his other hand gripping my hip like he was holding himself back through sheer force of will, his green eyes dark with want but still searching mine for any sign of hesitation. "We don't have to do anything you're not ready for. I can just hold you. I can—"
I kissed him. It wasn't gentle — not the way I'd expected our first real kiss to be.
It was desperate and hungry, all the restless energy inside me pouring out through the press of my lips against his, my fingers threading through his sandy hair, my body pressing closer until there was no space between us.
He groaned against my mouth, his hands sliding down to grip my hips, pulling me harder against him, his tongue sweeping against my lower lip in a question I answered by opening for him, my own moan swallowed by the kiss.
The kiss deepened, turned messy and wet and perfect, his hands roaming up my sides, my back, tangling in my hair.
I could feel him hardening beneath me, could feel my body responding — slick beginning to gather, that telltale A/B/O response that still sometimes surprised me with its intensity.
"Aster." He pulled back, breathing hard, his lips swollen and wet, his green eyes nearly black with desire, his chest heaving. "We should — there's a cot in the back. For overnight patients. It's more comfortable than—"
"Yes." I was already climbing off his lap, grabbing his hand, pulling him toward the back room, my voice urgent.
"Yes. Now. Please." The cot was narrow but clean, covered in soft blankets that smelled like him — eucalyptus and honey and something warmer underneath.
He laid me down like I was something precious, his hands gentle as he arranged me on the pillows, his eyes roaming over me with an expression that made my chest ache.
"You're beautiful." His voice was reverent, his fingers tracing the hem of Kol's t-shirt where it had ridden up on my thighs, his touch featherlight and maddening, his green eyes soft with wonder. "So beautiful, Aster. I've wanted to touch you like this since the moment I saw you in that stable."
"Then touch me." My voice came out hoarse, my back arching slightly, seeking more contact, my hands reaching for him. "Please, Nolan. I need—"
"I know what you need." He leaned down and pressed a kiss to my forehead, my cheek, the corner of my mouth, his voice soft and certain against my skin. "I'm going to take care of you. I'm going to make you feel so good. Will you let me?"
"Yes." The word was barely a whisper, my whole body trembling with anticipation, my hands clutching at his shoulders. "Yes, yes, please—"
He silenced me with another kiss, slower this time, deeper, his tongue exploring my mouth while his hands found the hem of my shirt and began to pull it up.
He broke the kiss only long enough to lift it over my head, leaving me bare beneath him — I hadn't bothered with anything else when I'd left the pack room.
"God." The word came out strangled, his green eyes sweeping over my body with an expression of pure wonder, his hands hovering like he wasn't sure where to touch first, his breath catching audibly. "You're perfect. Absolutely perfect."
I squirmed under his gaze, feeling exposed in a way that had nothing to do with nudity and everything to do with the rawness of his expression, the naked want in his eyes, heat flushing across my skin.
"Touch me." My voice cracked on the words, my hands finding his and pressing them to my skin, needing the contact like I needed air.
"Please. I need to feel you." His hands were warm and gentle as they began to explore — tracing the curve of my waist, the dip of my navel, the swell of my breasts.
He touched me like he was mapping me, memorizing every inch, his expression focused and intent, his breathing going ragged.
"Tell me what feels good." His thumb brushed across my nipple, making me gasp, my back arching into the touch, sparks shooting down my spine. "Tell me what you like. I want to learn everything about your body."
"That." My voice came out high and breathless as he repeated the motion, his other hand mirroring on my other breast, my fingers digging into the blankets beneath me. "That feels — oh god, Nolan—"
He ducked his head and replaced his thumb with his mouth, his tongue swirling around the peaked flesh, and I cried out, my hands flying to his hair, holding him there, my hips lifting off the cot.
"So responsive." He murmured against my skin, his voice thick with approval, his breath hot on my wet flesh, his purr vibrating through both of us. "So perfect for me. Such a good girl."
He moved to my other breast, giving it the same attention, his hands continuing to explore — down my sides, across my stomach, tracing patterns on my hip bones that made my muscles jump and twitch, leaving fire everywhere he touched.
The slick was flowing freely now, coating my thighs, filling the small room with the sweet scent of aroused Omega.
I could smell his response too — his Alpha scent deepening, growing headier, wrapping around us both like a blanket, eucalyptus and honey gone dark with desire.