Chapter 15 Selfish
?Azalea?
"Almost two days Azalea," my fathers voice reaches my ears as soon as I step foot into my room.
My 'safe' place.
"I've been waiting for you. I need 'shine," he glares up at me from his seat on my bed.
I can't do this again.
He sees my hesitance and he rises to his feet coming to stand directly in front of me. My heart pounds in fear of him.
"Fine. You don't want to," he shrugs and I think he's going to let me go. I shouldn't have thought that.
He undoes his belt and my heart falls to my feet.
"Dad please," I beg and it doesn't stop him, "I'll get it!"
Seeing that he's not even thinking about stopping, I turn to go get out of my room and hopefully out of the house. Maybe Grey is still here.
My father grabs my arm and he jerks me back striking my back harshly with his belt. I fall onto one knee as a cry escapes my lips.
I don't count how many times he does it. With each hit, I get weaker and eventually my back is numb to the point where I don't cry out anymore.
At that point, he stops. Without a look at me, he leaves my room.
I'm left on the floor unmoving.
I stay that way for a week. A week of me alone in my room, my door locked, and in constant fear that Dad will come back and do it all over again.
I guess it really is a form of his punishment. Maybe I should just stop being a baby and I should get used to it.
I feel utterly terrible for ignoring Grey's calls and his texts but I know if I don't then he'll convince me to see him and I do not want a fed to see what Dad has done.
It's even worse than telling Aaron.
Friday, exactly a week and one day after receiving the welts on my back, I can finally move around and do things with less struggle or pain.
After cleaning my closet out, I get in the tub and take a nice warm and relaxing bath.
My phone rings from the sink where I sat it. My heart hurts at the thought of me ignoring Grey.
I want to fall in love with you.
Those words buttered my biscuit in an unimaginably perfect way. To even think that someone, anyone, would even like me like that is wild to me.
After my bath, I feel refreshed and content for the first time in a week. And I know I smell amazing.
I throw on a lilac-colored sports bra and a huge oversized T-shirt.
I walk into my room running my fingers through my wet hair and I have a full blown heart attack upon seeing the man in my room.
I grasp my heart and gasp loudly. Although my heart fills with happiness as I see him for the first time in a week, his face is not happy.
Wait, he can't be here.
"Grey you can't be here, you have to leave," I rush out. If Dad sees him here, gosh knows what he'd do to me after he'd leave.
How did he get in anyway?
Oh, what if he's the type of fed that sneaks into houses to catch people?
"The fuck do you mean I can't be here?" He asks unhappily.
"You ignore me for a fucking week and as soon as I finally see you, you tell me to leave?"
I feel terrible. I'm a terrible person.
"I know, I know," I nod completely taking the blame.
Am I selfish for not wanting to get hit with the belt again?
I wouldn't want Grey to feel upset. Maybe another whipping for him to feel better is okay.
"I'm sorry Grey," I tell him sincerely and he softens.
"I don't know how I haven't ruined this thing," he lifts up the scrunchie, "stressing over you."
I walk to him and wrap my arms around his waist. He moves to wrap his arms around me but I catch them before he can touch my back and I place them back down by his side.
He tenses.
"Why won't you let me touch you?" His voice goes unhappy.
"How'd you get in?" I redirect the conversation. I release his waist and walk over to my window.
"The door was open," he says and I look down into our driveway.
Dad's car isn't here.
I breathe a breath of relief turning back to him.
"What's going on Azalea?" His jaw ticks as he searches for answers.
"Nothing," I avert my eyes away from his. He steps forward and tries to wrap his arms around me. Before they can touch my back, I step out of his reach.
"Why the fuck won't you let me touch you?" he grows frustrated and I only feel worse.
"Here, here, I'm sorry," I grab his arms and direct them to wrap around my very lower back.
His arms relax and I'm tenser than ever. Lord knows when Dad will come back.
"What is it, hm?" He hand reaches up and he brushes a wet strand behind my ear. I lean into his touch even though my mind tells me not to.
"Let me see you," I hear the want in his voice and I let him tilt my chin up to meet his eyes.
"You need to leave," I attempt one last time.
"Spend the night with me," he says, "come back with me."
I'm so selfish, aren't I?
"Grey, I cant. I'm sure there's some other girl that would love to though. I can't," my words hurt my heart.
Like that girl he kissed in the same room he kissed me in.
His eyes turn dark and he gives me a glare that I hadn't seen in a while.
"Bull-fucking-shit. You can. You're and adult. You can do what you fucking want to. Is your dad telling you shit? Your mom? I don't want some other girl I want you," he furrows his eyebrows. I'm hardly an adult.
"You fucking know I want you. Only you," he grumbles.
What am I supposed to say now?
"My Dad doesn't...he doesn't want me to be around...um...you..." I struggle and he lets out a scoff.
"Fuck what he says."
"I can't," I say softly. I live under his roof. And I have no idea what he'd do to me if he found out that Grey was here and that I'd left with him.
His other hand begins raising on my back. I grab it before he can get too far up.
His jaw clenches.
"I haven't touched you all fucking week and when I finally have you in front of me, you barely let me," He grumbles out and I feel bad again, looking down at the ground.
He lets go of me and he slips his boots off. I watch him with slightly confused eyes as he walks over to my bed. He grips my hand suddenly and pulls me into his lap, facing him.
"Do you want me to touch you?" he asks, his soft eyes traveling down to where my body meets his.
Of friggin course I do.
I give him a little nod and his hands come to rest on my thighs before trailing up and then going back down. He repeats the action in a soft soothing rub on my thighs.
"Just there, okay?" I make sure he won't touch my back again.
"Just here," he agrees softly and I let out a quiet hum.
His hands progressively trail a little bit higher and I rest my head on his chest. When his hands reach under my shirt and up onto my upper thighs he tilts me away from him.
He grabs the bottom of my shirt and before I can stop him with 'woah, I ain't got no britches on' he lifts it up.
He gets a view of my favorite pair of pink and purple striped underwear. He lets out a throaty groan before lowering my shirt back slowly.
"It's funny because this time I actually don't have pants on," I let out a little laugh he doesn't laugh. He only grips my legs harder and pulls me closer to him, resting his forehead on mine.
"God, I want you Lilah. More than I've ever wanted anyone else."
"Aw, Grey," my heart flutters and he pulls his head away from mine a little confuzzled look on his handsome face.
"You want my hugs? Is that it? Well, guess what? You can have all the hugs you want," I smile happily.
I love that he wants me. I guess my hugs are better than I thought.
"C'mere," I wrap my arms around his neck but his stay by his side. My great hugs shock him apparently.
I rub my hand up and down his strong back for a few minutes before pulling away. He's still got the same look on his face.
"Do you want another, Sugar?" I tease and his face turns unhappy. I go in for another.
"Don't call me that," he mumbles against my shoulder.
He'll like it eventually.
"Then don't call me Lilah," I propose and he stiffens before letting out a harsh 'No.'
"I'll go put on pants if that's what you wan-"
"No," he grips my legs, holding me to him.
I lean against him and I get a whiff of his scent. He smells so good.
Dad doesn't agree apparently.
I pick up the front of my shirt and smell that too. It's beginning to smell of him.
Dad wouldn't like that either.
I lean over to my bedside table and grab a nice scented perfume. I spray a little in the air and let it fall onto us.
"What's that for?"
"Now you can smell as much like me as I do you. And my dad won't be able to smell that you've been here. You smell very good but he says you smell like man."
"The guys already tell me I smell like you," His eyes fall over every inch of my face. Now he's going to smell more like me.
"Well I just don't want to get in trouble," I put the bottle back.
He sighs harshly before sliding one hand under my butt and lifting me with him as he stands.
Good gosh, what does this guy bench? 800 pounds?
He lays down on my bed, with me fully on top of him.
"What's wrong with your back?" He asks seriously.
"I hurt it."
"How?" He asks and I search my brain.
"Sex," I blurt. He tenses before relaxing after a few seconds.
"Goddammit, Lilah."
~~~
I wake up casually and instantly feel Grey's hand brushing my hair out of my face.
I realize I'm still directly on top of him but I don't feel bad because he did the exact same thing to me and he weighs a good 23,583 pounds more than me. Or at least that's what it felt like.
I roll my head over to the clock, feeling his eyes trained on the side of my face, and nearly have a heart attack when I see that it's almost time for mom to come home. Plus, who knows when dad will be home?
"Grey, you really have to go now," I tell him. He lets out a harsh sigh and he lifts both of us out of my bed.
He grasps my chin gently but firmly.
"You don't deserve to be treated like a fucking child," He sneers but not at me.
But I'm living under his roof.
"You do whatever the fuck you want," he adds.
But he'll probably hurt me.
"And for you to not be allowed to smell like me? That's bullshit."
"Tell your dad that he can kiss my ass," he releases me and goes to put his shoes on.