Lilah

Chapter 18 Karma #2

"He eats when he's hungry," he says.

"Dogs are always gonna eat if you give them food," I smile.

"Then he eats a lot."

He lifts up my shirt and looks at my belly. He places his big ole hand on my stomach.

"I'm so full," I promise him, "can't you feel how tense my stomach is? That's cause it's full of pancakes."

"It's barely tense," he grumbles and I raise my brows.

"Are you just saying that because I don't have muscles there? A six-pack or whatever you call it?"

"I wouldn't care if you had a fuckin' potbelly. I don't want you hungry," he takes his hand off my stomach and lowers my shirt back.

He's like a grandma, always worried about if Bear and I are eating enough.

"Would you care if I had better stomach muscles than you?" A little smile touches my lips.

"No. As long as you're not hungry," he keeps up his reasoning.

I'm not sure that would look right to have better muscles than him. Just a little off. It'd be The Rock with my face.

"What is a no-go for you? Like, a type. Do you have a type?" I ask. Am I his type?

He gives a single-shouldered shrug.

"Light blonde. Green eyes. Fuckin' talkative apparently. How tall are you?"

"5'2," I furrow my eyebrows

"5'2," He continues, "pretty smile."

"Cute fucking nose," he kisses my nose. Is he talking about me? He's gotta be, duh Azalea.

"You think I have a pretty smile?" My voice raises an octave in awe. He rolls his eyes.

"Step in front of a mirror once in a while," he grumbles. Usually, that's an insult but not right now.

A thought comes to mind and I hold back from evilly giggling.

"I like guys around 5'5-5'8," I sigh 'dreamily' and just barely catch sight of his face growing unhappy.

"Blue eyes are a must! And he's gotta be very skinny. Like a stick. Oh! Light brown hair would be nice. Or a bald guy," I describe the opposite person to Grey.

I look up to see his face set in a harsh glare. His jaw tense and his shoulders the same.

"That's not me," he says bluntly.

"I'm only teasing," I wrap my arms around his strong torso. He stays tense and I let out a breathy laugh. So tense he won't even hug.

"Grey," I say. He keeps his eyes away from me.

"What did we talk about ignoring?" I remind him and his eyes dart down to me.

"C'mere," I wiggle my finger for him to lean down to me.

"Not to," He grumbles quietly.

"You're my type, I promise. Look," I lean up as tall as I can and I press my lips she softly against his.

"You're getting some confidence, hm?" He pulls away just an inch.

"Hush," I tell him.

~~~

"Mr. Terrip?" I call out after I've finished putting all the books that were brought out back in their correct places.

"What do you think about Grey?" I ask him the question that has entered my mind on a couple of occasions. Of course, I know what I think about Grey, but I just want to know what pretty much my only friend thinks of him too.

I watch as a little smile spreads across his lips. He removes his glasses and peers up at me from his seated position.

"He's got a soft spot for you," he says, "and as long as he doesn't treat you poorly, or hurt you, I think positively about him."

I bite back a smile.

"That makes you happy, honey?" his grandfatherly smile returns.

"I like him a lot," I explain, "and it does make me happy."

I wouldn't want Mr. Terrip to not like him. I may not be that important to him, but he's important to me.

I also wouldn't like for someone to not understand that Grey really is a good person. He may be a little...rough and vulgar. And he may not have any manners at all but there's a reason I call him Sugar.

He worries about whether I always eat or not and his touch is more gentle than anyone else's touch I know.

He likes to be held in his sleep, even as large as he is, and gosh darn it if it doesn't make me all fluttery in the heart.

I miss him.

When I got home yesterday, thank the Lord above, dad wasn't there and I never got punished for being away for the night. And when nothing happened to me, I felt bad for leaving Grey.

Well, maybe he wanted me to go.

What if I'm around him too much and then he gets tired of me?

Then again, he should know that I'm not the type of person that should be left without socialization. I'll be even crazier than I already am.

I'm going to see him.

Freak it. If he's got a problem with it, I'll tell him to shove his words where the sun don't shine and I'll even smack his butt as hard as he smacked mine yesterday.

"I'm gonna go get me a sweet tea," I tell Mr. Terrip who nods. I walk out the main entrance and begin the journey.

Halfway there, a girl gives me the 'ew' look. A girl that couldn't've been older than fourteen. I look down at my halter-neck swing sundress.

I love sundresses. What's so wrong with it? It's a pretty color; baby blue.

I only sigh softly and brush it off.

Maybe she didn't like how low the back is. It only goes down to the middle of my back, so the opening isn't that big but maybe she still didn't like it.

Does that mean Grey won't like it either?

Why am I being so worrisome today? I think I was poisoned.

I finally bust up in Grey's restaurant. Jai welcomes me with his always bright and contagious smile.

"Grey came in this morning, not as moody," he starts, "did you have something to do with that?"

I internally giggle.

"I tickled his pickle," I blurt, "can I have a sweet tea?"

Where's my mind at?

"What?" he leans against the counter where the register sits, his eyes laughing.

"I'm kidding," I explain a bark of some sort of odd laughter leaving my mouth.

I don't know how to tickle a pickle. But mine gets tickled a lot. Not my pickle. But my metaphorical pickle. I don't have a pickle...yeah.

He leaves to get me my sweet tea and I take out my money while he's away.

"Here you go," he hands it to me gently. I shove the money at him.

"Grey told me you aren't allowed to pay here," he smirks. I scoff.

"Tell him this money is from a 'Fernando'," I instruct him. He shakes his head. My eyes narrow.

"How would he know anyway?" I question.

"Jonas would probably tell him if he found out," he shrugs.

"Who's Jonas?"

"The guy you said had a small dick," he smiles and you know what? I don't doubt that he'd tell Grey that I paid when I wasn't supposed to.

"And then I'll get my ass beat," he adds and my hand flies to my heart. What a turd Grey is.

"Look Jonas is coming!" I point to the other side of the room. He turns his head and looks while I amazingly sneak the money into his thingy. Not thingy but waiter apron thingy.

He turns back around and pulls it out the pocket I put it in.

"You're not very sneaky," he holds out the money to me.

"Don't lie to me Jai," I smile. He chuckles.

"Fine, I'll keep it," he finally gives in and I smile wider.

"Grey is in one of the back rooms," he nods to the employees only door.

"I promise I won't tell him I gave you money," I cross my fingers. Don't blab to Grey. Don't blab to Grey. Don't.

"Are you sure?" he tilts his head. I think about it.

"...Yes..?" I offer a smile. I walk to the back, convincing myself that I don't have to blurt anything to feel better.

I feel like I'd be a terrible crimer. Or criminal, whatever it is. I'd probably confess before the po-po even caught me.

I open the door to the first back room I see at the end of the hallway and it looks like a meeting room. I walk in further and Grey stands at a table near the corner, pictures and documents in his hands.

I go to shut the door behind me and I feel something tickle my neck. I bring my hand up and I pull the exact same five dollar bill I gave Jai out of the strap of my dress. I feel my mouth open.

Not only has he made me look unprofessional, but he's made me look like a stripper.

He never even touched me! What freaking CIA video did he watch?!

I scrunch my nose in the thought of getting him back as the door finally shuts. I see something in the corner of my eye.

Ooh, a picture.

I look through the faces in the picture. I smile when I see Theo's beautiful eyes and Jared Leto's hair clone. Then I narrow my eyes at Jai's face but my smile returns larger when I see Grey. Gosh, he looks good in pictures.

The smile gets wiped off my face when my eyes fall on Jake. Jake. My brother.

What?

What?

What?

I've never been so confused in my entire life.

"I was just gonna come see you," Grey's voice reaches my ears but I just barely hear it, trying to figure out what is going on.

Grey knew him.

I'm an absolutely terrible, horrible, and atrocious human being.

I feel a large tear trickle down my cheek.

"Lilah?" I hear his footsteps draw closer. I'm left in the same spot. My heart breaks at what I've done to Grey.

I feel him stop beside me and I just know he's looking where I'm looking.

"Azalea," he whispers regretfully.

I've ruined it. I've completely destroyed his last image of Jake.

The one reason I never told anybody what happened during the crash was that I didn't want to hurt anyone else. But I've done it. I've succeeded in doing the one thing I promised I'd never blab about.

He knew him. But he didn't tell me. But that shouldn't even matter, I shouldn't have ever told him. Or anyone.

I'm so destructive.

I knew karma would strike me from being selfish eventually.

I swallow back a cry.

I open the door, in an attempt to push through the heartbreaking realization of what I've done. The hallway is blurry as I start walking down it.

"Azalea, I'm sorry," Grey grabs onto my arm, turning me back around to him. He grips onto my face and tilts it up to his. I can't even look him in the eye, scared I'll see how badly I had to have hurt him.

And his thoughts about Jake.

"I fucked up. I fucked up," he says, his voice taking on a soft tone which makes me even more upset.

"I should've told you," his thumbs brush the continues tears that run down my cheeks, "please don't cry my Lilah."

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he places two kisses on my forehead, "I'm sorry I didn't tell you I knew him."

I'm nowhere near upset at him for not telling me he knew him. I'm upset and I despise myself for allowing my mouth to spew out details of everything.

And it can never be undone or forgotten.

He shouldn't be apologizing to me.

I pull his hands from my face and back away, and by the look on his face, I can only think that I'm just hurting him more.

I turn and try to flee once more. He catches me in the room we first kissed in, what seems like forever ago.

"I'm sorry I hurt you again. Don't go," he slips his arm around my stomach. It's even worse that he thinks he hurt me.

I did this to myself.

"I was going to tell you. I had to figure out how, I'm sorry."

"Let go, Grey, it's okay," my voice comes out very quietly. He releases me just as I say it and I turn around.

"I just need to be alone," my voice cracks and my eyes fill up and go blurry once more.

"What does that mean?" his voice turns only slightly desperate.

I only step away from him. He grips onto my hand.

"I'm sorry. What do I do? What do you want me to do to fix it?" he speaks genuinely.

"Let me go," I whisper and he does.

And he doesn't chase after me.

~~~

I walk all the way home. I walked to Mr. Terrip's this morning and I slightly regret it.

I regret it, even more, when I see dad's car parked in the driveway.

I open the front door and watch him rise from his laid down position on the couch.

"What's got you crying?" he slurs. I only close my eyes wishing to be anywhere else.

"Huh?" his voice raises to almost a shout.

"Did one of your little boyfriends leave you? You shouldn't even try," he turns up a bottle of some sort of alcohol, getting the very last bit in the bottom.

"God you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me. To all of us," he sneers. It hits me pretty hard. I think hearing that could hit anyone pretty hard.

I try my hardest not to cry at the verbal punishments he gives me but at times like these, I just can't help it.

"Weak little shit," he growls out. I yank my car keys from the hook and dart back outside.

I climb up in my car and stop. I calm down as best as I can. When I do, I drive to the only place I can think about.

I order four tacos from Taco Bell. Then I drive up The Smokies and stop and eat the tacos looking over the overhang down into all the pretty green trees.

I let my mind wander off away from everything. Dad, Jake, Grey, everything.

But the thought of me causing someone to feel terrible hurts beyond the point of forgetting about it for a second.

Maybe it's because I know what it feels like to hurt. And I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Especially Grey. He's one of the only people still on Earth that actually makes me smile. And makes me happy.

And I could've taken my source of happiness' happiness away.

I never want to come close to doing that ever again.

As the sun finally falls below the horizon, I figure I should get up. A poop is sturring which played a factor in the decision but it's also getting chilly.

I should have only gotten two tacos.

? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?? ?

If any of y'all have read my book 'Without You', then you'll know that for some reason, I like writing about characters that like butts. Sorry (not really)

Grey got a little cliche in this chap, but once in awhile cliche is okay :)

Thank you for reading!

*Not edited*

Word count: 4510

-Ashlyn Montgomery