Chapter 18 #2
Julian leaned back, eyes half-closed, tracing lazy circles in the water.
I followed his lead and let myself float, muscles loosening, heart slowing.
The tub seemed like a secret haven, a pocket of summer dropped into the middle of winter’s fury.
I hadn’t loved it here in the summer. Maybe I was a person who wanted to visit summer and live in winter.
Maybe I was overthinking it. Every part of me that remained above the water felt the bite of cold, but the rest—immersed—was safe in the heat.
We laughed together, both of us starting almost at the same time.
I didn’t know why he was but for me it was the absurdity of it, the way we’d shivered just moments ago and now reveled in despite the fact that we should absolutely be inside.
The wind howled, rattling the branches of the nearby trees that would lead to the bay if we decided to venture that way, but inside this small circle of warmth, I felt untouchable.
Even the sky seemed closer somehow; the blizzard’s darkness made the hot tub feel like the only true thing left in the world.
I closed my eyes for a moment and simply listened—to Julian’s quiet humming, to the fizz and pop of the jets, to the distant rumble of the wind.
I thought about how rare it was to feel both exposed and protected at the same time.
But then I did sort of know that well. And the Lents lived that way constantly.
Dangerously exposed but also protected by who they were.
And I knew, right then, that I’d remember this—this heat, this laughter, this wild, impossible comfort—forever.
“Alatheia, can you tell me about my granny? Something I don’t know.”
I blinked. Yes, I could. I absolutely could. “You could wait to read the diaries. I mean, I will tell you whatever you want to know, Jules. But you could.”
He shook his head. “This is going to sound narcissistic. Terrible. Like I’m the worst fucking person ever…” His voice trailed off on whatever it was he was going to say.
“I doubt that. You are maybe the least narcissistic person I know.”
He sighed. “But her death keeps hitting me. Like I’ll be in the midst of something, like being in this hot tub, and I’ll remember she’s dead. But ten minutes ago I wasn’t thinking about it.”
“And you think you’re all the things that you just said because you aren’t thinking about it 24-7? I mean, I don’t really know how grief works. But maybe that’s just how you do it.”
He stared at me a long moment, only the stars and the snow hearing our conversation. “How was it when you grieved your mom?”
I swallowed, a lump forming in my throat. “Maybe I’m the narcissist. I don’t know if I ever did. I don’t know that I ever could.”
“You’re not…”
I shook my head, cutting him off. “This isn’t about me.
Um, okay, your granny? Her red walls. She did it to get a rise out of your grandfathers.
They weren’t getting along so well then She wasn’t getting pregnant.
” I hadn’t actually gotten to the part of the story where she would, yet.
“And they weren’t letting her come to work. So she painted the walls red.”
He grinned at me. “And she just kept doing it?”
“She totally did.”
A whoop caught our attention, and we both turned around in the tub as his shirtless brothers ran outside into the snow.
They’d spotted us and they were joining us.
I grinned. Barrett emerged first, towel thrown over one shoulder—we had totally not thought about towels—I was glad to see that he had.
His hair already turning white with the snow that drifted in lazy spirals from the roof.
Phoenix followed, barefoot and grinning, his teeth as white as the drifts piling up around the property.
Then Jeremy—last, as always—hunched into his hoodie, clutching a small canvas bag to his chest. The three of them stepped out into the blue hush of the night, exhaling plumes of steam.
Barrett tossed the towels onto the railing and shivered theatrically.
“It’s so much colder than it looks,” he said, but his voice was amused.
Phoenix rolled his eyes and hopped straight in, sending up a surge of hot water and a hiss of vapor.
Barrett slid in after him, his toes curling against my own, and Jeremy set his bag carefully beside the tub before lowering himself onto the edge.
“Brought something,” he said, tapping the bag and meeting my eye with a crooked little smile.
The snow kept falling, collecting in the hollows of his hair, but he didn’t seem to notice.
The hot tub was suddenly crowded, limbs brushing under the water, the air thick with breath and the faint scent of whatever chemicals they used to clean the tub.
For a moment, I watched them—my odd, beloved collection of Lents—blinking snowflakes from their faces, laughter bubbling up to fill the empty spaces.
The world felt warmer than it ought to, out here in the night.
Jules frowned. “You brought it out here?”
“Don’t want to wait.” He smiled. “Alatheia, we had to run that errand because we all got you something when you were missing. Something we wanted to give you because we wanted you to know how much we missed you.”
Barrett sighed. “You’re blowing this.”
Jeremy shoved his shoulder. “I am not.”
“You are.” Phoenix grinned. “But that’s okay because Alatheia loves our imperfections. Julian, do you want to do the honors?”
I was starting to worry. What the heck were they talking about? What was in that bag?
“Guys, what is going on?”
Julian grabbed the bag, looking at Barrett. “Did it turn out like the pictures?”
“Yes.” Barrett nodded. “I’ll do it. Give it to me.” He grabbed the bag from Julian. “I drove through the snow. I’m saying I get to do it.” He kissed my cheek. “Alatheia, don’t panic”
I wasn’t but maybe I was close. “Surprises haven’t been friendly to me lately.”
“This is, we promise.” Phoenix nodded fast.
“Okay. So, we want you to marry us. You know this. But we get that we are all too young to do that. Or at least,” he sighed, “we know that you might feel that way. We’d get married tomorrow.”
Phoenix interrupted Barrett. “But the point is that we know that it’s too early.
Probably legally too. So, we’re going to give you this.
” He opened the bag and pulled out a bracelet.
“It has four diamonds in it. We each picked one. We had to agree on the size. It’s the only thing we agreed on.
None of us would try to outdo the others in the carrot size.
Otherwise, we each picked out a diamond for you and it’s in the bracelet.
When the time comes to get engaged, we’ll take the diamonds in this bracelet and make you a ring with all four diamonds present. ”
I stared at him. We were all in a hot tub, in the middle of a snowstorm, and they were giving me diamonds? I opened and closed my mouth.
Tears flooded my eyes. This was really beautiful, but I could hardly think. “Guys…”
Julian kissed my cheek. “We know you’re worried about something happening to jewelry after what happened to the other two gifts.
We didn’t know that before we ordered this to be made.
But the thing is that it’s an act of faith, right?
It’s saying that we are sure that nothing will happen now.
That the bad is behind us and that this is all of us agreeing that there will be nothing but blue skies in the future for us. ”
Jeremy grabbed the bracelet from Julian and held it out where I could see it.
I looked down at the bracelet, trying to make sense of the four diamonds set side by side.
I wasn’t an expert on diamonds—far from it, these might be the first ones I’d ever really looked at up close—but even to my untrained eye, they were nothing alike.
The first stone caught the light from the porch with a crisp, icy brilliance, nearly colorless and so clear I could see the reflections of the snow swirling outside right through it.
Next to it, the second diamond was a little softer somehow, almost as if it glowed from within—a gentle warmth, not overtly yellow, but something mellowed and sweet, the sort of glimmer you’d find in candlelight.
The third was the boldest, set just off-center.
It drew my gaze again and again—a touch of rose shimmered deep in its heart, like a secret captured.
I had never seen a diamond with a pink undertone before; it was delicate and strange and felt a little magical.
The last stone was the most dramatic, with more surfaces than the others, scattering light into tiny rainbows.
It looked impossibly intricate, like I might never understand all of it.
They were all set in a simple row, each held in place by slender gold prongs, just touching but not crowding each other. Not quite matching, not quite clashing—like us. I almost didn’t want to touch it because it was so beautiful. But they’d given me this and it was… a promise.
I lifted my head to stare at them and forced myself to be able to speak.
Even though it seemed impossibly hard. “Thank you.” Their grins were huge.
Okay. I had to say something else. “I… I want this too. I do. What you’re describing.
And I will take such good care of this. I promise. No one will hurt it. Ever.”
Jeremy squeezed my hand. “We love you. It’s more about no one and nothing hurting you. Not the diamonds. But they represent that.”
“I just can’t believe you love me this much.”
Barrett nodded. “We know that you feel that way. And some day you will. We know it, Alatheia. Some day you will be completely sure.”
“I am sure of you. Maybe it’s just me I’m not quite sure of yet.”
Phoenix chewed on his bottom lip. “Okay, so we’ll work on that. See? It’s a good thing we came back here. Or we would have had to have it shipped to Louisiana and Barrett would have worried about that.”
‘He’s right, I probably would have.”
Julian met my gaze. “Do you know who picked out which? It’s okay if you don’t. I’m just curious. We can tell you if you don’t want to guess.”
Did I know? I stared down at them again.
“ This one? The first one?” The one that had shown the snow in its icy reflection. “That is you, right, Jules?”
He let out a happy sigh. “Yes.”
“And this one?” The softer one. “That is Barrett?”
“That is it.” His smile lit up the night. Wow. It was good I was getting this right. But I wasn’t done yet. “The pink one? Is this you, Jer?” He did love to give me pink tinted things. My pearls that the school had destroyed when they ripped it off my neck had been pink tinted.
He squeezed my knee under the water. “That’s right. Yes.”
“And that would make this last one ” —the one with the multiple top surfaces— “yours, Phoenix.”
“I love that you did that. That you just knew.” He closed his eyes. “There. That’s done. And she loves it. I told you guys she would love it.”
Jeremy laughed. “You didn’t know that she would love it any more than we did. You were just as nervous. Maybe more.”
“I’ll never admit to that.” Phoenix opened his eyes and winked at me.
They had worried about that? “I’m in this too. If fate can be kind to us, some day in the not-too-distant future, I want you to turn this into a ring. I mean, it’s going to be a huge ring. I’m not sure I won’t get robbed wearing it. But yes, please. Make it a ring.”
“Let’s put this on you.” Barrett gently grabbed my wrist, and after messing with the clasp, slipped it onto my wrist and closed the clasp. It was beautiful. Like they were beautiful.
My voice, when I finally found it, was hoarse. I made myself speak. “I will never be able to thank you enough for this.”
“Don’t ever thank us.” Barrett put his head against mine. “For anything. We completely don’t deserve you but we are keeping you.”
I wanted to be kept. By them. Forever.
I sat in the living room, only a small light illuminating the room.
Everyone was asleep. Sound asleep. Except me.
I was wide awake like I had just woken up from a nap.
I grabbed their gran’s journals. I wondered what Dina would say about today.
Her absence was an ache. My conversation with Julian had pointed out I had never really mourned my mom.
Was I actually mourning Dina or was I sticking that wherever I put pain never to be seen again?
Hello, readers,
I think I am leaving my husbands.
I blinked. What?