13. Pros & Cons
13
Pros & Con s
Asher
I don’t even know what this movie is about. Or the one before. Or the one before that. I’m just happy to be living this moment. It’s been a while since I’ve spent this much time with another human being outside of work, and I think the contact is doing me good. I haven’t felt this relaxed in ages.
We’re lying in our fort, eating snacks and watching movies. What else is there?
“Okay, this is definitely the comfiest fort I’ve ever been in,” I say, adjusting my head on the pillow as the movie credits roll. “We did good.”
Daisy twirls the ends of her hair. “Add that to your list of pros for moving to Chicago.”
I laugh, the sound booming in the small space. “Wait. There’s a ‘pros and cons’ list now? I thought it was just the percentage thing.”
“Nuh-uh.” She shifts onto her side, supporting her head with her hand and propping her elbow on the floor. “First, there’s the general percentage list. Then, there’s the pros and cons list for each factor. For example, the weather represents ten percent of the moving decision. But you also need to think of pros and cons for both cities in terms of weather.”
I raise my eyebrows. “Wow. It’s even more complex than I thought.”
She giggles, and my heart leaps in my chest, the way it does every time that sound hits my ears. I convinced myself I was coming here today to try to sneak into her laptop or pry some information about the company out of her, but if I’m being honest, that beautiful sound has everything to do with why I’m here.
“So, what are the other percentages? You didn’t say.”
She wears a pensive look. “Well , there’s work. That’s a big one. I’d say thirty percent? It includes the job itself, but also the environment, salary, benefits, and the colleagues.”
I nod eagerly. “Good point. Especially about the colleagues.”
She rolls her gray eyes. “Then, you have the location itself. So, in this case, the city. How is the commute? What is there to do? Cost of living. Restaurant scene. That kind of thing. That covers, I think, another thirty percent.”
“Right. Food is an important factor,” I say with a firm nod. “Particularly pizza and hot dogs. New York is winning this, no contest.”
She shakes her head and I just laugh. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that,” she grumbles.
My laughter dies down. “Okay. What’s next?”
“The last one is, um . . . Proximity to friends and family?” she rushes out the last words, as if hoping I wouldn’t hear them. “I think those would be my main factors, the weather clearly being the least important.”
I clench my jaw tight, staring up at the red fairy lights strung above us. “You must think I’m a monster.”
Her brows twitch. “Why would you say that?”
“I saw the look on your face yesterday when we were with my mom and my brother,” I say, wetting my dry throat. “I know what you were thin king. ‘How can he be so cruel? So indifferent.’”
“No, I was thinking, ‘What could have happened between this family that it’s so broken?’”
I glance at her, my heart pounding in my ears. I’m not sure why I’m even bringing this up. I’ve avoided thinking about my past for years, let alone talking about it. But being here with Daisy, it’s like everything has changed.
“You don’t have to tell me, Asher,” she says, placing her soft hand on mine. Millions of goosebumps erupt over my skin from the contact, but I don’t pull away. “I’m here if you want to talk, though. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger.”
Images from yesterday flash before me. My brother being honored by the fire department. All those things that were said about him. My mother, weaker than I’ve ever seen her. The grief in her eyes when she pleaded for me to come over for dinner. “I don’t even know where to start,” I finally say, and it’s the truth. “There’s just so much history, so many factors, so much . . .” Pain, I want to add, but my throat constricts, trapping the word inside me.
“Well, you know I’m a history nerd—and how much I love facts,” she says, squeezing my hand.
I smile weakly, inhaling a shaky breath. “We all used to live in New York together, my parents, my brother, and me. But then my parents divorced. My dad cheated on my mom. Well, it’s more complicated than that, I guess. My dad and my mom were fighting all the time. Every single day. And my dad fell in love with someone else—my mom’s best friend.”
“Oh,” Daisy breathes, her eyes stretching wide.
“Yeah, I didn’t really understand what a big deal that was at the time. I was only seven. But my mom was hurt, angry, and she decided to leave. I begged her to stay, to forgive my dad, but she couldn’t. She asked my brother and me to move with her to Chicago so she could be close to her family, and I refused.”
“You did?”
“I felt it was so cruel. Why move so far away? Why not just rent a house across the street so our family could still be together? Evan immediately sided with her, and I had to be on my dad’s side. No one else was.”
I look away, the sting of bile rising in my throat.
“So, they left?”
“They did.” I nod. “I stayed with my dad, and he ended up marrying Michelle. They’re still together and very happy. They live a nomad’s life now, touring America in their RV. But yeah, Evan and my mom packed up and went to Chicago. They wrote letters, called me, texted me all these years, but I was just so angry at them, I didn’t bother responding. Why should I have when they didn’t hesitate t o abandon me in the first place?”
Daisy nods, a slight frown clouding her face. “I get it. You were a kid, and they destroyed everything you knew and loved.”
“It was so hypocritical too. My mom was always going on about forgiveness, and then she just left.”
“I’m sorry.” She looks down, smoothing her hand over the blanket. “I know how hard it is to grow up without a mother. And a father, actually.”
“Really?” I snap my head toward her. Here, I thought this perfect girl must have had the perfect childhood.
“My mom died when I was two. She’d been sick her entire life. My dad . . .” She clears her throat. “He was the definition of ‘deadbeat dad.’ Chose alcohol and drugs over us, would disappear for days, yelled at us all the time. If it wasn’t for my brothers and our neighbors, I don’t know where we’d be today.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. How awful.”
“Thanks.” She picks at the blanket. “Family is so important to me, and my brothers are my rocks. I love them more than anything. That’s why it hurts seeing you with Evan and your mom.”
I suck in a breath. “It’s just complicated, you know?”
“Of course. I understand how be trayed you must have felt growing up, but surely now, you can see it’s not all black and white. And after what happened with your ex and your best friend . . .”
I wrinkle my forehead, wondering why she’s bringing that up, but then I see the connection for the first time. How could I have been so blind? Their betrayal was one of the worst things that’s ever happened to me. Nearly enough to drag me out of New York. My mom was in the same spot, and she just reacted to that same betrayal. “Yeah,” I mumble, still processing this new angle. “I guess you’re right. But she was my mom. Shouldn’t your child be more important?”
She winces, then shrugs. “I can’t really speak to that. You forget what kind of dad I had.”
I rake a hand through my hair. “Yeah. I just don’t know if I have it in me to forgive them.”
“I know how you feel. I probably wouldn’t give my dad the time of day if I came across him in the street. Not that we’d even recognize each other.” She pauses. “But your mom and brother are here. And they clearly love you. I don’t know . . . I think you should hear them out. Go to dinner at your mom’s. I don’t want you to regret it one day down the road. Remember, it doesn’t mean you have to forgive them. It’s just dinner.”
Our eyes lock, and her gray eyes are so full of sincerity and hope, something inside me breaks. “Will you come with me?” I mumble. A few days ago, I wouldn’t even have considered it, but I’m starting to see things through the eyes of an adult, after having been stuck in my seven-year-old perspective for so long. I guess dinner wouldn’t kill me.
She looks away, and for a second, I think she’s going to turn me down. But then she says, “of course I will.”
I squeeze her hand, a warmth spreading through my chest. We sit there in silence for a moment. As I look at her, her face illuminated by the glow of the TV, I realize how lucky I am to have her with me.
“Red,” I say softly, my voice barely above a whisper.
She turns to me, her eyes meeting mine. I see something there—something that makes my heart race. “Yeah?”
“Thank you. For everything. For being here.”
She smiles, a small, almost shy grin that makes my heart flutter. “You’re welcome.”
I don’t know who moves first, but suddenly, our faces are inches apart. I can feel her breath on my lips, and my heart is pounding so hard, I’m sure she can hear it too. I hesitate for a moment, searching her eyes for any sign of hesitation, but all I see is a mirrored longing.
I lean in slowly, giving her plen ty of time to pull away, but she doesn’t. She stays there, her eyes half-closed, her breath coming in soft, uneven puffs. My lips hover just over hers, the anticipation building between us, an electric charge that makes my skin tingle.
Just as I’m about to close the final inch that separates us, a loud crash echoes through the room. The lights flicker before fizzling out completely, plunging us into darkness.
We both gasp and pull back. “What was that?” she asks, her voice trembling.
“I don’t know,” I reply, my heart still racing from our interrupted moment. “Probably just the storm.”
We sit there in the dark for a few seconds, listening. But the only sounds are the rain pounding against the windows and the occasional rumble of thunder.
Finally, I reach out and find her hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” she says, squeezing back. “Just startled. Let’s go find some flashlights.” She turns on her phone’s light, standing up.
And just like that, we’re out of the fort, and our moment is gone. I didn’t even have time to process what was about to happen, and now I’ll never know. But maybe it’s for the best. I wish things could be different, that we could have met under some other circumstances. That we had a real shot. But I need to get my head straight. Even if I am attracted to Daisy, nothing can happen between us. I’ve been lying to her from day one, and I have zero intention of moving here. This is not what I need right now. What I need is to show Doug he can trust me, that I’m an asset to his company. And that’s what I’m going to do.