19. Only Human
19
Only Human
Asher
I’m falling for Daisy. Fast and hard. And there’s nothing I can do to stop it. No need to deny it anymore, because I can’t escape the way I feel about her. It’s everywhere. Every time I look in her eyes, in each of her smiles, in the way she lights up when she lists off the numerous facts her wonderful brain holds. It’s so obvious to me now.
As I cross the street toward the trail, I rake a hand through my hair, pulling hard. Dang it. Why did I put myself in this situation? There’s no way out of this now. The moment she learns the real reaso n I’m here, she’ll hate me for the rest of her life.
Doug called me twice today already, but I can’t bear to talk to him. That’s not me. I’m not the ruthless guy who would do anything to get a promotion. What he’s asking me to do is corporate espionage, pure and simple, and I can’t keep going. I feel sick for having rifled through Daisy’s stuff the other day, trying to break into the software on her computer.
“Ash!” Evan calls, raising his head from where he’s stretching his hamstrings on a bench. “Glad you came.”
After a couple of stretches, we go for a run while making chit-chat, avoiding the twenty-two-year-old elephant in the room. And that’s fine with me. As weird as this is, it also feels good . Running alongside my brother, chatting about anything and everything. Having him back somehow. No need to complicate this situation. My head is in enough turmoil as it is.
“Are you okay?” he asks when we stop, taking a swig of his water. We’ve been running for almost an hour, and it’s high time for a break. “You don’t look so good.”
I wipe the sweat from my forehead. “Haven’t exercised in, like, two weeks,” I joke. “And this city seems to run on food.”
He chuckles. “Yeah, you’ll ne ver go hungry in Chicago.” He purses his lips. “So, do you think you’re going to take that job?”
I suck in a breath, focusing on the waves lapping on the lake. To be honest, I hadn’t seriously considered it before now. Is that even a possibility? Could I bring myself to resign from my job in New York and accept this one? I might be here under false pretenses, but it’s a real job offer. “I don’t know,” I say, fidgeting under the pressure of his gaze. “It’s a lot to consider. To move here, start a new job.”
He runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah. Moving is hard, though you have a leg up. You already have friends and family here.”
“I know,” I mumble, biting my lip. And strangely enough, having them here doesn’t make me want to flee the city like it used to. But even still, it’s not that easy.
“What about Daisy? I know you said you guys weren’t dating, but there was definitely a vibe. You can say anything you want about Peter, but he’s good at reading people. He was a cop for thirty years, after all.”
“It’s complicated,” I say quickly.
His eyebrows draw together. “Talk to me, Ash. Maybe I can help you.”
I breathe out a sigh. “It’s just—I don’t know if she really feels the same way,” I finally admit. Discussing my love life with my brother is the last thi ng I was expecting, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I need to get this out of my system, and since I don’t have a best friend on speed dial, he’ll have to do. “I like her. I really like her, but she’s here in Chicago, and she just got out of this complicated relationship with a crazy guy. Not to mention I’m still working through stuff myself. It’s just a big mess.” And I’ve been lying to her from day one, so anyway, she’ll hate me until the end of time , I want to say, though I can’t push the words out.
What am I doing? This is pointless.
Evan is quiet for a moment. “I’m single, so I’m no relationship expert,” he says. “But I’m sure about one thing. She’s definitely interested. As for the rest, you just have to take it slow. Talk to her, and maybe you can work it out. As for the distance factor? Well, that’s easily resolved.”
“Right.” I nod.
“And as a bonus point, you could live here,” he says, spreading his arms out wide. “Look at this view.” He turns from the lake to the skyline behind us. “This city, man. I love it so much.”
“Is that why you became a firefighter?” We never talked about future career paths as kids, but I never expected my brother would end up in public service.
He nods, his green eyes gleaming. “The history of the city, my passion for helping people, it just connected, you know? It made sense. I love my job and my firehouse.”
The corners of my lips twitch into a smile. “Yeah, I saw that. You seem close.”
“We are.” He grins. “But I miss my little brother. Every day.” On his last words, his eyes glass over, and he quickly looks away.
My heart lurches in my chest. “I miss you too,” I say, my throat closing. “It’s just hard, you know? To get over what happened back then.”
“I know. I was mad at Dad for so long, but I eventually talked to him, and we’re cool now. He said he’d stop by the next time they’re in the Midwest.”
I blink back in shock. “You are? I didn’t even know you two were talking.” My dad and I aren’t as close as we used to be since he doesn’t live in New York anymore, but we call each other often, and he’s never mentioned it.
“Yeah.” He scratches his temple. “He didn’t want to tell you since you were refusing to talk to me, but I think he was planning to.”
I roll a pebble under my shoe. “I thought you hated him for what happened.”
“I did.” He nods. “But it’s no use staying mad at him. It’s not even any of our business, if you think about it. Plus, he’s still with Michelle, af ter all this time. It wasn’t just a fling. He was just with the wrong person—they both were. Even if her health is shaky, Mom is so happy with Peter.”
I close my eyes, the image of my frail mother flashing through my mind. “Is there anything we can do?”
“They have her on meds to manage her pain, but there’s no cure. She’ll have to live with it for the rest of her life. On her good days, she doesn’t need the crutches, and she doesn’t shake as much. She also has more energy, so we take advantage of that to go out and do stuff. We’ve learned to seize the moment.”
I look down at the sidewalk, my heart constricting painfully. What if I made a mistake? Refusing to talk to them, holding a grudge all this time for something that happened years ago. For something that had nothing to do with me. Evan’s right. It’s not about us, and I shouldn’t live without a brother or a mother because of it. Both of my parents were able to let go of the past and are happily married. They’ve moved on. Maybe it’s about time I do the same.
“I’m sorry, Evan.” I shake my head. “You’re right. I don’t know why I didn’t see it that way before.”
His smile stretches wider than I’ve ever seen it. “For real?”
I nod, a smile teasing one corner of my lips. “Yeah. My feelings won’t magically change in one day, but I’m willing to try.”
“Huh. Who knew I still had the big brother wisdom in me after all this time?” he says, the heavy slap of his hand on my back making me cough.
“Ah, there he is.” I shake my head. “Just when I thought you were no longer the cocky kid I knew and loved.”
“I’m still here, brother.” He squeezes my shoulder. “Still here.”
It’s as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. After all these years, the resentment and anger I’ve been carrying is finally starting to fade. I didn’t realize how much I’d missed my brother until now, and I know reconnecting with him is the right thing to do. No matter what happens, I’ll keep an open mind and try to move forward when it comes to my family.
Even if I did blow my chances of having something with Daisy, at least I can salvage those relationships.
After a shower, I get dressed and walk to Hackett Studios. My chest constricts, and regrets wash over me with every floor the elevator ascends. I should have never accepted this assignment. I should have said no. Doug called me again earlier, but I ignored him. I know I won’t be able to keep that up for long, but I need time to figure things out.
I stride into the now-familiar space and greet the people I come across. I smell Daisy before I see her, her delicate floral perfume instantly putting my mind at ease.
“Hey.” Her smile is so warm and innocent, it stirs something in me. Something I don’t deserve. “How did it go with your brother?”
I swallow, forcing a smile. “Good. Really good. I think talking with him was the right move. It won’t be easy, but I’m trying to let go of the past.”
Her shoulders relax. “Really? Oh, I’m so happy to hear that.”
“So, are you ready for lunch, or do you need a few more minutes?” I ask, suddenly feeling oppressed standing in the office I’ve been trying to spy on.
“I’m ready. Let me grab my things.”
Minutes later, she comes back wearing a white trench coat. The elevator bell chimes as we’re approaching, and a tall, muscular guy with square glasses steps out.
“Daisy! How are you? Glad to se e you’ve finally shown signs of being human like the rest of us,” he says with a chuckle.
She laughs, her forehead wrinkled in confusion. “Gary! What do you mean?”
He leans forward and continues in a low voice. “You know, forgetting your password for the software. I thought this day would never come. Jan always makes such a fuss about your incredible memory.”
And just like that, my body has been lit on fire, and there’s no way to stop the flames. I see everything unraveling in my mind’s eye. Daisy learning the truth, the hatred in her eyes when she tells me she never wants to see me again, my heart breaking as I realize I’ve lost her.
“No, I didn’t,” Daisy says, incredulous.
I suck in a breath. Here we go.
“We don’t block access when you lose your password, but after a while, it does send us a notification,” he says, smiling. “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.” Gary winks before spinning on his heel and walking away.
“Wait, what—”
The elevator beeps, not happy I’ve been holding it open for this long. “Should we go?” I quickly say.
Daisy nods, still frowning. “That was weird.”
I shrug. “Maybe he’s mistaken ? Or maybe it’s some kind of prank.”
She adjusts her bag on her shoulder. “Yeah, maybe.”
“So, where are we headed? Have I proven myself worthy of your favorite deep-dish pizza place yet?” I ask, hoping to change the subject.
She casts me a mischievous side glance. “Look at that. Chicago is finally growing on you.”
“What can I say? I have the best guide in the city.”
“Flattery, hmm,” she says, tapping her lips. “Yeah, it can work. Let’s go.”
Her melodic laughter fills the cabin, making me feel both lighter than a feather and heavier than a ton of bricks.