Chapter 15
Lily
After watching Ryder’s fight scene in Starting Tomorrow, during which I had to shut my eyes because I hate violence, Ryder asks, “Do you have Another Day to Die?”
A knot twists in my stomach at the name of that movie. I shrink into the couch cushions. “Uh, no. I don’t have anything that recent, and especially since the lead is…”
“Tristan Jackson,” he supplies, shaking his head. “I should’ve known better.”
I don’t say anything.
He clears his throat. “I only ask because that was the last movie I worked on before my break.”
I furrow my brow. He worked on that movie with Tristan?
We turn toward each other and start talking at the same time. “Wasn’t that back in—” I say, just as Ryder says, “That’s why I said—”
We both pause and smirk at each other.
“You first,” he says.
“I was going to say, wasn’t that back when…
well, that’s the movie he was working on when everything happened with us.
” It feels almost like a relief to say it to him, to have it out in the open.
My brothers and father are so hesitant to even discuss what really happened with me and Tristan.
It’s like they want to pretend I didn’t fall in love with someone terrible.
We talk about the consequences, keeping me safe, and the current situation.
We stay in the present. There’s no exploring the past.
He nods. “It’s interesting timing, for sure.”
“But you haven’t worked on anything since then? It’s been almost a year and a half.”
His jaw clenches, and he looks back at the TV. “Yeah.”
“What happened?” I ask, curiosity getting the better of me. But then I realize I’m prying into his personal business and shrink back. “I mean, never mind. You don’t have to tell me. That’s not—”
“No, it’s fine,” he says. “I should talk about it to someone.” He gives me a sideways grin. “Of all people, you’d probably understand. I know all about your history with him. It’s why I said I believed you after I saw your video.”
“Yeah. Thank you for that.” I swallow. “I haven’t seen the comments or reactions from people since I posted it.
I tried to stay away from everything online for a few months.
But I know…” I pause, then give a nonchalant shrug.
“You know how people are with girls claiming to be manipulated. ‘They had it coming. It’s their own fault.’”
His brow furrows, and he shakes his head at me. He lays a gentle hand on my arm. “No. It’s not your fault.”
I swallow hard, meeting his eyes. But I can’t hold his intensity for long and look down at my lap. “I was stupid,” I mumble.
“Not stupid,” he says. “Maybe a little too trusting, and a touch naive. But you were, what, eighteen?” I nod, and he moves his hand from my arm to under my chin, holding my gaze. “Lily, it wasn’t your fault.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I try to blink them away. My eyes dart to the ceiling, and a rogue tear falls down my cheek. “Sorry,” I say.
Ryder uses his thumb to wipe my cheek. “Don’t apologize.”
We stay there for a moment, his words and expression healing a part of my soul that I didn’t know was broken.
But all too quickly, he pulls his hand away and sits back on the couch.
He clears his throat and starts speaking.
“So, yeah. I believe you. And part of that, beyond just knowing that you’re telling the truth, is that I know how Tristan can be. ”
I bite my cheek, trying to be patient because I can see him working through the words required to tell his story. He looks at me and gives a small grin. “You may have told your story to the world, but I haven’t told anyone what happened to me. Well, no one other than Gwen.”
“I’m ready to hear,” I say.
He nods, then looks back at the TV. “I had been a stunt man for a few years before then. And everything had been great. Actors loved me, my manager had no trouble finding me work. But two summers ago, right before working on Alien Invaders, my friend Patrick Diaz had an accident.”
My eyes widen. “What kind of accident?”
“A ‘fall from a building’ kind of accident. He broke his back.”
I gasp and cover my mouth, and Ryder nods. “Yep. He’s paralyzed now. So of course, it starts me down the path of realizing that I’m not invincible, and anything can happen, you know?” He shakes his head. “My next job was Another Day to Die. And I was supposed to—”
“Fall from a building?” I ask.
He shakes his head and grins at me. “You’d think that would be the trigger, right?
But nope. I was supposed to be in a car crash.
But I could tell something was different.
I got in the car, and my hands wouldn’t stop shaking.
I couldn’t even lift them to the steering wheel.
The producer kept saying my name over and over in my headset, but I couldn’t respond.
Then Tristan got on the headset.” His eyes glaze over, and he looks past me, not at anything in particular, but lost in the memory.
“I honestly can’t even remember the words he said, but I can still hear the sharp bite in his tone, like the edge of a sword.
A warning. But it still wasn’t enough to snap me out of it.
I don’t know how long I was in there, but finally someone came and pulled me out of the car.
” He looks at me. “I left the set that day and found out that night that I was replaced with someone else. Stuntmen are a dime a dozen, you know? It’s not like they couldn’t find another guy who wouldn’t have a panic attack from crashing a car.
But I didn’t realize that Tristan made sure I couldn’t find another job, period.
My manager told me that he was smearing my name to anyone who would listen, saying I was unfit to work in this industry, and that I shouldn’t ever have another chance. ”
Anger boils in my veins. I already despise Tristan for what he did to me and other women, but knowing he ruined Ryder’s career sets me on a fire that’s unlike before.
Ryder is a good person, but he was going through his own trauma.
He needed understanding and compassion, not cutting words and dire consequences.
“Whoa. You don’t have to get so angry,” Ryder comments. He takes my hand in his, which is apparently balled into a fist, and pulls my fingers open. “I’m worried you’re going to explode like a little firecracker.”
I chuckle, relaxing a little. “I’m just mad for you. You don’t deserve that.”
“I appreciate that.” He gives my hand a little squeeze, then releases it and rubs his hand on his thigh.
Is he wiping off cooties? Because his touch soothed the fire in my veins, and I want it back.
But I can act like a mature adult and stay on topic. “So that’s why you haven’t been working for the last year and a half.”
He nods. “I headed over to hang with Peter and his buddies as a way to distract myself from my real problems. Say what you want about your brother not being around, but he’s generous.
He covered everything for me, which was a huge deal because I wasn’t making any money.
I’m broke. But even though it was fun and free, I realized I can’t live like that. ”
I snort a laugh. “Drinks by the pool and partying at night isn’t enough for you?”
He narrows his eyes at me. “You know he’s just escaping reality.”
My smile fades, my heart sinking. “Yeah, I know.”
“Peter’s got a good heart. He’s childish, but he’s masking a lot of pain.
I wasn’t the right person to get through to him, though.
And then my agent called and said I miraculously got another job.
I couldn’t say no. I need the money.” He gives me a pointed look.
“I didn’t realize the timing was because… ”
“Because of my video,” I finish. “I ruined Tristan’s reputation, which means you get to work again.”
He nods, and a swell of pride fills my chest. I know I saved Adam’s career with that video, but knowing I helped Ryder makes me even more glad I decided to film and post it.
“So I called Gwen and asked her if I could crash with her for the last few months and…here I am.”
“When is your job?”
“In a few weeks.”
“Oh.” Disappointment swirls in my stomach. He’s leaving? Finally I have a friend, someone who wants to be around me, and now I have a limit on my time with him.
I force myself to take the focus off of me. I hate that all of this happened to him. I hate that Tristan won again. But I’m thankful Ryder’s here. And because I’m terrible at keeping inside thoughts inside, especially around Ryder, I tell him that. “I’m glad you’re here.”
His eyes crinkle at the sides as he grins. “I am, too.”
We sit like that for another minute, grinning at each other like idiots. But it doesn’t feel dumb. It warms my heart.
A thought pops into my mind. “How are you feeling about working again, after everything that happened last time?”
He tilts his head from side to side. “I don’t know. I think I’ll be fine now. Therapy helped a lot with my panic attacks. But I’m not sure I really want to go back to that kind of work, either.”
“No? Why not?”
“For the most part, those people suck. Tristan is the scum of the earth, we both know that, but he’s not the only one. Your brother was known for being a jerk, too.”
I wince. “Yeah, I know. But I think he’s improved his reputation since being with Isabelle.”
“And you have a lot to do with that,” he adds. “But it’s not a healthy environment, and I don’t know if that’s who I want to surround myself with anymore.”
“So who do you want to surround yourself with?”
His eyes meet mine, and I swear I know the next words he’s going to say. You. I want to be with you.
Or maybe that’s my teen drama heart beating out of my chest.
But the words out of his mouth are, “Kids. I think it could be fun to work with kids.”
And there go my dreams. Poof.
Because when he looks at me, he thinks of children. Because I’m a child to him. His best friend’s little sister.
That’s all I’ll ever be.
I’m sure my face falls, the perks of not having to control my facial reactions when living alone. But that doesn’t really work out well when you’re trying to hide your MASSIVE crush on the hot man sitting in front of you.
I see Ryder read my face, and his eyes widen. “My next job is supposed to be in a kids’ movie. I’ve been thinking about it, since it’s coming up soon, and I think it’s going to be really fun. Maybe better than the jobs I’ve been doing with arrogant actors.”
That makes things a little better, I guess. I paste a big smile on my face and say, “I think that sounds perfect for you.” My heart fills with hope again, dreams floating around my mind of me and Ryder and our perfect little wild babies that he’ll teach and tame.
I need help.