Chapter 26
Ryder
I’ve been watching Lily closely since we first arrived at the festival—I’m always watching her closely—and I was worried this would happen. She’s been anxious, her breathing shallow and her hands shaking, and here we are. She’s having a full-blown panic attack.
Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on the perspective, I know how that feels and can help her through it. I hate that I can feel exactly what she’s feeling, remembering the sheer terror I felt at doing driving stunts, but I’m also grateful that I have the techniques to help her through it.
“Match my breaths,” I say. But she can’t see them with her eyes shut, so I gently pick up her hand and place it on my chest. I take exaggerated breaths in and out.
“This is all that matters right now,” I say. “You’re safe. I’m here with you. I won’t let anything happen. And no one can see us. So match my breaths.”
She keeps her eyes shut, but I can see her breaths slowing to a more normal pace.
“Focus on the present. Can you tell me something you hear right now?”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I worry she won’t cooperate.
“People. Lots of people.” And her breathing picks up.
Maybe that was the wrong thing to start with. “True, but you can also hear my voice, right?”
She nods.
“Okay, how about something you can smell?”
She wrinkles her nose, and I smile at how adorable she is.
Concentrate, Ryder.
“Flowers,” she says. “I have no idea what kind, but lots of flowers.”
“Anything else?”
She sniffs the air. “Mason’s cookies?”
I grin. “Yeah, I smell those too. Do you like them?”
She nods. Her eyes are still shut, but they look more relaxed. Her breaths are slowing down. “Or maybe they’re Madeleine’s cookies. She made amazing macarons for the Harvest Festival.”
“How about something you can feel?”
She thinks for a minute. “The wall behind me,” she says. She’s invested in the game now. Her fingers curl into a fist on my shirt. “I can feel your heart beating,” she whispers.
My breath catches in my throat.
“It’s getting a little faster now.” She cracks one eye open and looks at me suspiciously. “Am I making you nervous?”
Yes. “Of course not.”
She smirks and shuts her eyes again, but her breathing has completely calmed.
“What do you want to do right now?” I ask. “We can do whatever you want. We can go back to the festival, or we can go back to your tower. I’m here to make sure you’re comfortable and safe.”
Her eyelids flutter open, her bright blue eyes piercing mine. “I want to go home.”
I nod. “Then let’s go.”
She opens her mouth then shuts it.
“Don’t worry about your family,” I say. “I’ll text Agatha and let her know.”
She nods, relief evident all over her face.
I pull out my phone and type out a quick message.
“Done. Okay, you wait here. Let me find a path that doesn’t go through the crowd.
I think we can wander behind all these booths and make it to the exit without drawing attention.
We don’t want to run into Suzette again. Or even worse, Rosalie.”
Lily gives a tiny grin, and my chest warms at being able to make her smile. I step out of the corner, looking side to side for anyone who might be interested in talking to her, but the coast is clear.
“Here,” I say, shrugging off my leather jacket again. “Tuck your hair in so no one can see it, and keep the collar pulled up. I’ll keep an eye out for anyone who might be watching us.”
“Won’t you be cold?” she asks as she pulls on the jacket.
“I don’t care,” I reply.
Her eyes soften. “Thank you.”
“Let’s go,” I say softly, holding out my hand.
She doesn’t hesitate and slips her hand in mine. “The exit is this way,” she says, pointing in the direction we came.
I smile at her. “You paid attention to your exits?”
She nods, and I see a little gleam of pride in her eyes.
Hand in hand, we walk back to the exit. The whole way, I can’t help but fume at the way her brothers and father had no idea what she needed.
Why would they make her first introduction to the real world such a public charade?
They were determined to be a flamboyant entourage, which made everything a hundred times worse.
If she’d had the opportunity to go somewhere small, like just to Cookies she’s stating it.
I swallow. “Yeah.”
She’s deep in thought, but her eyes are piercing into mine. “Maybe…maybe I should try therapy.”
I lift the side of my mouth in a grin, feeling proud of her for coming to that conclusion on her own. “I think that’s a great idea.”
She exhales, and I can sense her relief. “Thank you,” she says.
Anything for you, I think but don’t dare say. I just nod and leave the room, stepping into the stone hallway to wait for Lily to get dressed.
Fifteen seconds later, I hear the echo of the heavy door slam on the bottom floor, and feet rushing up the stairs.
I don’t want them coming up here and swarming Lily, making her even more overwhelmed than she already was at the festival.
In all the time that Lily and I have been hanging out, I’ve struggled to understand why she goes along with everything her brothers and father tell her to do.
But seeing them in action kind of explains it.
Sure, they have good intentions of protecting Lily.
But it seems like they can’t shake their image of little Lily, a toddler who cried when Peter cut the hair off her Barbies and snuggled into her mother’s lap.
She’s not that little girl anymore. She’s been through heartbreak and pain and come through the other side.
The problem is she doesn’t believe that about herself. She’s punishing herself for the mistakes she made instead of moving on with her future.
So if her brothers aren’t doing what’s best for her, and she’s not ready to stand up for herself, maybe I’m the one who needs to do it.