Chapter 39
Lily
My heart is racing, my hands are shaking, and I can’t quite catch my breath.
But this time, it’s not a panic attack. I’m not scared. I’m excited. It’s the thrill I used to love before everything changed. Now, tonight, it will be my turn to perform and share my love of piano.
That’s why I love performing. It’s not for glory or attention. It’s because I genuinely love the piano and want to share that love with others. I know how it feels to be moved by a beautiful piece of music, and that’s all I want to do for the rest of my life.
Well, that and be with Ryder.
But let’s focus on what’s happening now.
There are twenty students here in the practice room, and the air is filled with music. There’s a practice piano, and many students play woodwind and string instruments, so it’s a little bit chaotic, but the sound of instruments soothes my nerves.
I smooth down my sparkling purple dress, Galileo flat against my palm, and look at myself in the full-length mirror. My hair is a little past my shoulders now, better than the bob it was originally in. I curled it into loose waves and almost feel like myself.
My family flew in this morning—my father, brothers, and their fiancées. It was nice to see them all, but the only thing I could think of was how the one person I want isn’t here.
“Ready, Lily?” One of my roommates, Sage, appears in the reflection behind me.
She was chosen to play the harp for the concert, and she’s from Florida, so we have something in common as Americans.
We’ve spent a little more time together than usual over the past month, having had to attend the rehearsals for this performance.
“I think so,” I reply. “It’s just been a while.”
She grins, her green eyes dancing. “You’ve got this. I don’t think you messed up once in rehearsal.”
I wave a hand at her. “Yeah, right. I’m glad you didn’t notice.”
The truth is, I’ve made only minimal errors in practice. I’ve played this piece over and over, including for Ryder, and I know it backwards and forwards by now.
“You’ve got your little friend?” she asks, gesturing at Galileo. I didn’t realize he was so visible when I waved my hand around.
“Oh. Yeah.” I swallow, not sure how to explain my obsession with my green lizard. “He’s…special to me.”
“I’ve seen you hold him before,” she says.
My cheeks flush. She must think I’m so lame that I carry this little chameleon around with me everywhere I go.
“You don’t have to explain,” she continues.
She slips a foot out of her shoe, bends down, and grabs a tiny slip of paper that’s been folded in half.
“My little sister gave me this after my first concert.” She gives me a wistful smile.
“I’ve carried it with me for every performance since.
” She unfolds it and shows me a drawing of a girl playing the harp, clearly done by someone who’s no more than five years old.
“That’s adorable,” I say with a smile. I look back up at Sage. “Will she be here today?”
She shakes her head. “No. She’s going through chemo and can’t travel right now.”
My smile falls, and no words come out for a minute. “I…I’m so sorry.”
She raises one side of her mouth in a grin. “Thank you. She’s been really strong, and I’m so proud of her. The school said my dad can record my performance and he’ll send it to my mom to show her later.”
I swallow, guilt rising at the knowledge that someone who lives in the next room over is going through something so tragic, and I had no idea. I’ve been so focused on my own misery that I haven’t taken the time to care about anyone else.
I never meant to be so antisocial. I just wanted to be…left alone. But this isn’t the Lily I used to be, the one who cared about everyone else.
Maybe it’s not too late, though.
“I’m sure you’re going to do amazing,” I say. “And I bet she’s going to love the video.”
“Thanks. Is your family coming?”
I nod. “My dad, my brothers, and their fiancées. They just flew in this morning.” I swallow, feeling like she just shared some information about her family, so maybe I should share something about mine. “I don’t know if you know who my brother is, but he’s—”
“Adam Stone,” Sage says, rolling her eyes. “Of course I know who he is.” She sets a hand on my shoulder. “We all know exactly who you are, Lily Stone.”
“You do?” I squeak out.
She nods. “But we’re not here for celebrity drama. We’re here to play music. And your skill at the piano…” She shakes her head. “That matters more than who you know in Hollywood.”
A big smile fills my face, probably the biggest one I’ve had since I left Brookhaven. “Well, thank you.”
A bell chimes over the speaker, letting us know that the concert is about to begin. Sage squeezes my shoulder once before letting her hand drop. “There’s our cue! I’m second, so I’ve got to go. But I’ll see you after, okay?”
I nod. “Okay.”
She leaves, and I head over to the practice piano to do some scales. For the first time in a long time, I feel a warmth in my heart that was missing.
Forty-five minutes later, about halfway through the concert, it’s my turn to play. I don’t really know how everything has gone so far, because I’m keeping myself busy with warmups.
“Lily?” Mr. Billings pokes his head into the room, calling over the voices and instruments. “You’re up in five.”
I inhale deeply, set my hands in my lap, and nod.
“Feeling ready?” he asks.
I turn to face him and smile. “Yeah. I’m ready.”
“Fantastic.”
I stand from the bench, grabbing Galileo from the music rack. Maybe it’s silly, but I intend to keep him with me during my performance. It’s the only way I can feel like Ryder is here with me as I play his favorite piece.
I follow Mr. Billings down the dark corridor toward the stage.
Along the way, I pay attention to my surroundings and notice the exits.
It’s a habit Ryder instilled in me, something I hold on to.
We stop at the wings. A violinist is on the stage, playing with so much emotion that I can’t look away.
I feel the tears well up in my eyes, and I grin, proud of him and this school I get to be a part of.
Soon enough, he finishes and takes a bow. Mr. Billings nods at me, and I step onto the stage.
The lights are bright, but I don’t look into them. In fact, I don’t look at the audience at all. Keeping my eyes on the ground, I take a small bow and then sit at the piano, needing to scoot in the bench a few inches because the last pianist must have been much taller than me.
My heart is thumping, but I take a few calming breaths and grip Galileo tightly in my palm. The corners press into my skin, but it helps me focus on something other than my nerves. I set him on the music rest, then place my hands on the keys.
And play.
As the music floats out of the piano and throughout the theater, everything fades away. I am the music, and the music is me. I’m sharing myself with the audience, and I won’t know their reaction until after I’m done, but my heart is soaring with the notes.
It’s everything I hoped for.
But I still wish Ryder were here.
I make a tiny mistake near the end, but I’m sure only Mr. Billings and a handful of other listeners would recognize it. Otherwise, I’m thrilled with my performance. The last notes ring through the theater, and I slowly lift my hands off the keys and place them in my lap.
There’s a moment of silence, and then the applause begins. I push back the bench and stand, feeling ready now to look at the people I shared my music with.
I hear a cheer, and I look down to find my family in the fifth row—my father, Adam, Isabelle, Henry, Luna, and…is that Peter? He wasn’t here this morning. I can’t believe he actually made the effort to come see me. A huge smile fills my face, and they give me a wave.
I look across the theater for anyone else I might recognize.
Maybe Agatha will be here? But I know my father and brothers are angry with her and probably didn’t invite her to come.
I can’t find her, but my eyes pause on a figure near the back.
A tall man dressed in all black, standing in the aisle and applauding with so much enthusiasm, it looks like he’s trying to create thunder.
Ryder?
My heart feels like it stops, butterflies erupting in my stomach. It’s like I can feel that it’s him.
But there’s no way. I can’t see his face clearly enough to know for sure. A second later, I see his head turn to the opposite side of the theater, and he takes off, striding behind the back row to reach someone or something.
I guess it wasn’t him.
Still, I can’t blame my overactive imagination for wishing it was him. All those late-night imaginings are warping my perception of reality.
I take a quick bow, grab Galileo off the music rest, and head to the side of the stage where I came from. Mr. Billings pats me on the shoulder. “Fantastic job, Lily. You should be proud of yourself.”
I beam at him. “I am. Thank you.”
“Can you make it back on your own? I have to stay for the next performer.”
“Yeah, I’ll be fine.”
He pats me on the back, and I make my way behind the stage to the corridor. I’m bouncing on my toes, filled with a high I haven’t felt in years. There’s nothing like performing for an audience, especially when it goes this well.
The dark corridor gives me a moment of pause, though. I told Mr. Billings I’d be fine on my own, but it’s a little creepy walking through here without someone else. I shiver uncontrollably, blaming my imagination for going too far again.
I tell myself I’m safe, looking for the exits and paying attention to anything unusual. There’s a light ahead, telling me the exit is close.
Wait.
Is that a door creaking in the distance?
Maybe it’s just another student. I’ll walk more quickly.
But I don’t walk quickly enough. Because a hand grabs my elbow, yanking me into one of the corners, and another hand clamps over my mouth so no one can hear me scream.