Chapter 25
AMbrOSE
September
I can’t allow myself to care for her this much, but I don’t know how to stop it.
Even if I let her leave now, knowing she could fare for herself at this point, I would never stop wondering about her.
She’s carved out a place in my heart, as much as I’ve tried to resist caring for her.
At the beginning, I told myself it was simply curiosity, but even then, I knew that I was fooling myself.
I wanted her then, just as I do now.
Hell, I almost kissed her last night before catching myself. Now, kissing her is all I can think about. Those full, pouty lips and deep green eyes haunt my dreams, and I love every second of it.
I’ve tried to keep her at arm’s length, but it’s a futile effort.
We grow closer each day, yet I can tell something new is bothering her.
At times, she becomes distant, withdrawing into herself and retreating from any interaction I try to initiate.
I’m worried that there’s something on her mind—something important—that she’s not telling me, but it’s difficult to read her.
She has spent so long training herself to conceal her emotions that she’s become quite good at it.
I had wondered if my actions at the masquerade had caused irreparable damage to her image of me, as she had barely been able to look at me in the following days.
If only she knew I had my reasons to kill that man, but explaining the situation to her would only heighten her anxiety and embroil her in schemes that even I’m not fully aware of yet.
Better to keep her safe and unaware while believing I’m a cold-hearted monster.
It’s probably easier for both of us that way, anyway.
But when she came in beaten and bruised from her last outing, I saw red.
The only thing that allowed me to control my rage was the fact that my anger, even if it wasn’t directed at her, would have scared her.
She’s grown so much, but it’s not a simple thing to heal from the sort of abuse she endured.
So I kept my fury in check and took care of her as best as I could, and that seemed to heal the rift between us—at least for now.
My morality is skewed enough that I’ve been able to justify keeping her here thus far, but her getting injured due to my rules forces me to consider calling this entire thing off. But if I do, I’ll have to explain all of my lies, and she’d be gone forever.
Despite how much we’ve grown together, she’s still my captive and I her captor, and I doubt she’ll ever forgive me for that.