Chapter 42
AMbrOSE
November
Every time she leaves, the weight of my lies crushes me a little bit more.
I know I manipulated her into this deal in the first place, but everything inside me wants to tell her the truth—that she doesn’t have to do this anymore—to make her stay here with me away from the danger that these men pose.
The last time she went out to kill on her own, she’d gotten hurt, and I would never be able to forgive myself if something worse happened.
Something seemed different before when she left this time.
She was colder, though I can’t figure out why.
I would have understood if my professing my love for her last week had pushed her away, but she maintained the same level of affection for days afterward.
It’s only this evening that she has started hiding behind feigned smiles.
I don’t know what happened that made her entire demeanor shift so quickly, but I’m desperately hoping it had nothing to do with me despite the churning in my gut telling me that something is really wrong.
My only options at this point are to continue pretending or to admit I lied about our deal being anything more than eloquent words and my taking advantage of her naiveté.
When she finds out this was all a lie, she’ll leave, and I’ll be devastated.
Empty. Even now, thinking about it makes my chest ache.
But the longer I allow her to put herself in precarious situations to kill these increasingly powerful men, the more I put her at risk.
I need to admit the lie I’ve buried myself in, even if it means letting her go forever.