Chapter 3
Keenan tapped his fingers impatiently on the kitchen bench. What the fuck was wrong with this thing? He checked behind it again, but it was plugged in, and the switch was on. He knew how to use a coffee machine.
Maybe the one at the precinct didn’t have all the bells and whistles, but he could use it just fine. It even tasted passable.
“Okay, bed is all made,” Drew said, coming into the room. He’d snuck into the shower about halfway through Keenan’s, and they’d finished it together. Now Evan was in there, and Keenan had needed a coffee for whatever came next.
What the fuck were they supposed to do now? The sex had been fantastic, but he hadn’t thought through to the after. He hadn’t been thinking with the right brain, obviously.
“He’s crazy about you,” Drew said, leaning over the coffee maker. Whatever he touched, suddenly the lights turned on, and when Drew pressed the power button, it worked like it was supposed to.
Keenan wasn’t even going to ask. He didn’t care. “The feeling was always mutual.”
“So what happened?”
“We told you what happened. I’ve told you what happened.”
“You made it sound like it was just a normal generic breakup, and you two went on your way.”
“And that’s not what it was?”
“Not even close. You didn’t mention that he asked you to marry him. Seems like a big thing to forget. And he didn’t want to break up, did he?”
“It was the best thing for him,” Keenan said defensively. “He had a job opportunity he couldn’t pass up, with a well-known publishing company. A chance at living his dream.” Evan had wanted to be an editor for as long as Keenan had known him, and that had been his chance. Keenan hadn’t wanted to fuck that up.
“I think you were his dream.” Drew opened a few drawers before he found the cutlery and pulled out some spoons.
“Yeah, well, that dream was more important.”
“He’s back in Sydney now,” Drew pointed out.
Keenan crossed his arms over his chest. “So what?”
“So this is a chance for a do-over.”
“What makes you think I want a?—”
“Please. Kee, I know you. Don’t lie to me. The way you look at him? It was never over.”
“It was never over with you either,” Keenan bit back. “You seem to have an answer for all of this. So what do I do about that?”
“I’m pretty sure I was in there with you two,” Drew said. He pulled the completed coffee out and put a fresh mug under. “If you want to?—”
They paused, turning as Evan came out into the room, wearing nothing but a pair of grey sweatpants and towelling his hair. He beamed when he looked up, spotting them. “Oh, great, you found the coffee machine.”
Keenan shared a look with Drew.
“Yeah. We thought we should talk,” Drew said.
Evan bit his lip and nodded. “Okay.” He glanced at Keenan and lifted his towel. “Let me just go hang this up.”
Keenan helped Drew finish the coffees and take them into the small living room, choosing to sit together on the couch and leave the armchair for Evan.
Evan found them easily and picked up the mug they’d left for him before sitting cross-legged in his seat, watching them curiously. “Okay. So who’ll go first?”
Keenan took the coward’s way out and sipped his coffee so he didn’t have to answer or volunteer. Drew gave him a look. Keenan ignored it.
“I can go first,” Evan said. “I don’t want this to be it. Not a… a quick fuck for old times’ sake.”
Drew shifted beside him, drawing Keenan’s gaze. He reached his arms up behind himself, linking his hands against the back of his head, elbow stretching across to nudge at Keenan. “What are you thinking?”
“That I liked it,” Evan said. “That I want to do it again.”
“But not just sex?”
“I’m not really a casual-sex kind of guy.”
Keenan was frozen in place, mug scalding his hand as he held tight, desperately wanting to stop this train wreck. He thought they were gonna talk about, like… “It was nice, but let’s leave it there,” or, “It was nice. Maybe we could do it again sometime,” in a completely casual non-serious way. Friends with benefits. Like he and Drew were.
They couldn’t seriously be thinking about this being more. How would that even work? Just because sex with the three of them had been mind-blowing… it didn’t mean that they could make a relationship work between them. Keenan couldn’t make it work with one person, let alone two.
“Keenan.”
The way Drew said it made Keenan think he’d called his name a few times. He looked up but couldn’t hold Drew’s gaze for very long. The earnestness in his eyes, the total confidence that Keenan wouldn’t somehow fuck this up… it was too much.
Looking at Evan wasn’t any better. Those eyes would be the death of him. The hesitation in his face, the half-crestfallen expression he was trying so hard to hide. And through all of that uncertainty, despair, and unease, Evan still had that hopeful glint, that ray of sun that never went out.
“No,” Keenan said automatically, words leaving his mouth on instinct. He put his mug on the coffee table and stood, retreating from them. “How would we even—it doesn’t—I can’t—” His voice broke on the last word.
“So let’s talk about it,” Drew said calmly. Too calmly. Why wasn’t he freaking out? Why was he acting like this was a good idea? It wasn’t. How many times were both these men going to let Keenan break their hearts? He wasn’t worth what they wanted to give him. What they had already given him.
“What is there to talk about?” Keenan burst out in frustration.
“What you’re scared of,” Evan said quietly. “Why you can’t trust.”
“This has nothing to do with trust. You think I don’t trust you?” That was so far from the truth it wasn’t funny. He’d never questioned their feelings, only their sanity. And he’d definitely never questioned their loyalty. He loved them both so much it hurt even if he knew with every fibre of his being that he couldn’t, and he trusted them with his life.
“It’s yourself you can’t trust,” Evan said, flooring him.
It took him a second to find his balance again. “It—it doesn’t matter. The point is that I’m no good for you, and this isn’t going to work.”
“All I’m hearing from you is a lot of baseless negatives and no solutions,” Drew drawled.
“Baseless?” Keenan sputtered, outraged. “They’re valid points!”
“They’re points, at least. Let me ask you something.” Drew leaned forward, arms loosely resting on his knees, his own mug held by the handle in one hand. “Do you want us?”
“Drew—”
“Do you want us?” Drew repeated.
What kind of question was that? Keenan looked to Evan, whose small, tentative smile went straight to his heart. Still so hopeful, still believing that Keenan was worth the risk, again, after proving he obviously wasn’t. There was no pressure, no attempt to affect his answer, just unwavering patience. Keenan couldn’t do anything but be honest in the face of that. “Of course, I do.”
“For more than sex?”
“I—” Fuck, why did Drew keep pushing? What did he want from Keenan? His gaze darted between the two men. They looked nothing alike. Not opposites, but different. Perfect. They made him want. Of course, they did. Who could look at them and not want? Evan had the kindest heart, earnest and too damn open, always willing to think the best of everyone. Drew was a warm hug, a shield against the parts of the world that hurt, always ready to make someone laugh and brighten their day.
“Yes. But I—” He wasn’t the sun, not like they were. Nothing orbited around him. Hell, he wasn’t even the moon. He was the dark, shadowy corner, just waiting for innocent bystanders to walk past so he could scare the shit out of them.
Evan unfurled his legs and slid off his seat. He put his mug next to Keenan’s and approached him carefully. Keenan kept his gaze above his shoulders because getting distracted by all his sexiness would only make conversation harder. Except looking at his face didn’t really make it any easier. Keenan had missed it, more than he’d let himself accept. He’d missed Drew too, even when the man had been right in front of him every day. They’d made the right decision for their careers. Keenan had made the right decision to protect them both. The same way he had all those years ago with Evan. That didn’t mean it had been easy.
“I want you. Drew wants you, anyone can see that,” Evan said. “I can’t force you to be here or to stay. That doesn’t change how I feel, though.”
“What about you and Drew?” Keenan asked, trying to sound reasonable. Probably failing. They’d just met; what would it mean for three of them to try something more than sex?
“There’s something there, separate even from you and me,” Evan said honestly. “I want to explore what that means, to learn him like you know him, and to see if we can build something together. I see the way you look at him and the way he looks at you, and I would never want to be the reason neither of you get that. This is the best solution, for us to all get what we want. Is it crazy? Probably. But what great ideas aren’t?”
“I’m on board,” Drew said quietly. “You know where I stand. We’re just waiting for you, Kee.”
Why did they want to try this? Why did they think it wouldn’t end in a giant explosion that scattered pieces of their hearts all over the ocean floor?
“How would it even work?”
“The same way all relationships do,” Drew answered easily. “We go on dates, we spend time together, and we see where it goes.”
“Just like that?” Drew was oversimplifying it. Ignoring all the red flags that Keenan alone brought to the table.
“It doesn’t have to be complicated, Kee. Stop thinking so hard.”
“There are no guarantees,” Evan said. “The start of any relationship is always uncertain. We’ve tried before, and it didn’t work. You and Drew tried before, and it didn’t work. But maybe that’s because it needed all three of us. This second chance is a miracle. I don’t want to let it slip through my fingers. Not if you really want this too. It’s okay to admit you’re scared. I’m scared too. I’m fucking terrified. I don’t think that’s a good enough reason not to give all of us a chance at something that could be incredible.”
Keenan let out a shaky breath. He wanted it. He wanted it so badly he could almost taste it. But there was so much more that they needed to think about. It wasn’t as simple as going “Yes, sure, let’s jump in feet first.” There were things they needed to talk about. “We work together, Drew. We couldn’t be open about it.” The reasons why they’d called it quits last time were still valid, and they hadn’t gone away.
“It’s between us,” Drew said, shrugging. “Why do we have to tell anyone? No one knew before; they don’t have to know now. It’s not their business, and my happiness isn’t based on how many people are aware I have two sexy-as-fuck men in my bed.”
Keenan snorted. Sometimes Drew really had a way with words.
“What happens now, then? If I say yes.” He couldn’t believe he was saying yes to this. He wiped his sweaty palms on his pants. His heart was beating so wildly he was sure his entire body was vibrating.
Fuck, he wanted all of this so badly. But if it didn’t work, he knew it would be his fault. It always was. “Scared” didn’t even begin to describe the feeling. “If we become boyfriends or whatever.” Christ. Boyfriends. Plural. He’d never imagined that he’d be here, with either of these men, let alone both. He must have done something right in a past life because he sure as hell hadn’t done it in this one.
Evan slid his arms around Keenan’s neck and leaned down, lips hovering. “Right now, I think we should sit down, finish our coffee, maybe find something to put on the TV that we’ll pretend to watch for twenty minutes and then… well, use your imagination,” he said, lips twisting sensually.
“And after that?” His imagination already had plenty of ideas about what he wanted to do the next time they were all naked. Before they even got naked. Removing clothes wasn’t necessary just as long as they could shift them around and get access to all the places he needed.
“We go to sleep, and then I make you both breakfast in bed.”
Okay.
Keenan could work with that.