11. Graham
It’s weird, stepping into my childhood home after spending four days wrapped up with Eric. But despite how badly I want to stay with him and pretend that’s my real life, I can’t.
I need the space between us to get my head on straight and remember that just because it’s good now doesn’t mean it’ll be that way forever. Eric deserves someone far better and more suited to him than me. I’m too jaded, too guarded. The only thing I have going for me are my looks and my age, but even those will fade, eventually.
So, here I am, walking into the minefield I call home because this is real, and despite how much my heart wants it, life with Eric is not.
My mother is sitting in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. She looks up when I enter and her lips press together.
“Well, look who came crawling back. That boyfriend of yours get tired of you already?”
“No,” I snap, my patience already worn thin. “I’m here to get some more clothes and watch the kids, that’s all.”
“Nice of you to remember your family while you’re throwing a temper tantrum. Could have used some help this morning. Danny isn’t very helpful, but that’s your sister’s fault. She coddles them all too much.”
I grit my teeth. “He’s eight, what do you expect? I’m sure he does the best he can.”
“Well, now that you’re back you can?—”
I cut her off. “I already told you, I’m only here for clothes and the kids. I’m not going to stay where I’m not wanted.”
“I let you live here rent-free and that’s the thanks I get? You throw it back in my face?”
“You don’t want me here anyway,” I shoot back.
Mama gets that look on her face, the one that always instilled fear in us when we were children. Now? It doesn’t affect me. I’ve spent so long bowing to her and letting her steamroll me. She’s my mother, but she stopped being a mom to me a long time ago.
Feeling how good it is to be loved by someone, with no conditions, just loved for who I am? It makes being in her presence stifling. I can’t come back to this. I won’t.
“Then you should leave,” she says icily. “Leave and don’t come back, if you think we’re such horrible people.”
“Don’t put words into my mouth. I’m not going to apologize for being who I am. I can’t be who you want me to be, but you know what? That’s not a bad thing.”
“Get out,” she spits. “Get your shit and get out. Don’t worry about the kids, or me, or your poor, overworked sister ever again. We don’t want you here.”
My throat tightens and tears burn the back of my eyes, but I refuse to show her any weakness. She doesn’t get that from me. Not anymore.
“Fine.”
Stomping across the room, I throw open the door to the basement and head down. It’s cold as all hell down here, but that’s not something I have to worry about anymore. Yanking open the drawers of my tiny dresser, I dump all of my clothing onto the small bed.
My backpack and small duffle are already at Eric’s, so I pull out the larger duffle and start cramming everything I own into it. I should probably take the time to fold it all and make sure it fits nice and neat, but fuck that. I don’t want to be here any longer than I have to.
The only good thing about living here is that I’ve been able to save up most of my money. Whatever doesn’t come with me, I can buy again later. Panic rushes through me for a second. It was one thing for me to show up on Eric’s doorstep and stay for a few days, but this is different.
I don’t expect him to take me in. I’ll figure out my housing situation soon enough, but for now I have nowhere else to go. Hopefully, he means what he says and really does care about me, so won’t mind me crashing there longer than anticipated.
When the bag is overfilled and barely zips, I survey my small corner of the basement once more before walking away. Each step to the front door is a weight lifted off my chest. I have no idea what I’m going to do moving forward, but that’s okay. Theoretically, I’ve been on my own for a long time already. I can figure this out. I have to.
* * *
My arms hurtfrom carrying my entire life around, and how sad is that? Almost everything I own fits into one bag. I could’ve called a car, but considering I’ll have to find my own place to live, I need to save my money as much as possible.
The coffee shop is busy when I walk in, but it doesn’t take me long to find Eric. He’s sitting at one of the tables with Vincent. Relief courses through me at the sight of him and I don’t hesitate to make my way over.
Eric smiles when he sees me, but it dies down when he sees the duffle. “What happened?”
I shake my head and blow out a breath, accepting his comforting embrace, not caring who might see. Screw them. “We had words, and it didn’t end well. Mind if I stay with you while I try to get my shit together and find a place?”
He tightens his hold for a moment. “Of course. You can stay as long as you need. Forever, if you want.”
I smile a little, though I know he’s not joking. Pulling away, I turn to Vincent. “I’m sorry. I seem to keep crashing your party.”
He shakes his head and reaches out to give my arm a comforting squeeze. “It’s no problem. I just dropped by to see the place. Eric talks about it quite a bit, so I thought it’d be good to see his latest pet project. It’s good to see you, Graham. And if there’s anything you need, you can let me know. I…I don’t know your situation, but I went through some shit in college. If it wasn’t for Eric and Sawyer, I don’t know where I’d be. They’re good people to have by your side.”
His words reassure me a little. Doubts and insecurities still run through my brain, but I choose to focus on Vincent’s words and Eric’s calming presence rather than anything else.