7. Robbie
Iexcuse myself from the delicious breakfast as soon as possible. The conversation had taken an unexpected turn and I need to think more about it. Once I’m in the guest room, I decide to take a shower and get dressed; hopefully, that’ll help me figure things out more.
By the time I’m dressed, I’m no closer to deciding what to do. I sit on the edge of the bed and try to weigh things out. On the one hand, what I accidentally stumbled on…yeah, I’m a little curious about it, but I’m not sure if I’m that interested. Then again, Noel did tell me everything is consensual, so if for some reason I decide to hook up with them, I wouldn’t be expected to do anything in there if I didn’t desire it.
Which, speaking of desires, I keep doubting what they really mean. It sounded like they meant they want to see what would happen with the three of us. But I don’t understand why they’d choose me. Cameron didn’t, and we’d been together for years. He threw me away. I can’t imagine Eddie and Noel would choose someone who is broken to add to their beautiful dynamic. I’ve pushed for so long and I can’t anymore. Every piece of me is scattered on the ground, a mirror crushed that can never be put together.
Yet, it sounds like they don’t see me that way, that my reflection isn’t broken to them and that they truly want me—and not only physically. Isn’t that the whole get to know you part? And the idea of me getting to know them, like that’s even a consideration. They’re both fucking hot and the love between them feels like a warm comfortable blanket to me. I know some—alright, most—people would think it’s intimidating, like I’m coming between the two, but I don’t get that feeling from them. Not only because they were clear about wanting a third, but there’s something in the way both look at me. There’s no jealousy, no deceitfulness, just open interest from them. Damn if that isn’t heady as fuck.
And then there’s the caretaking aspect. The fact I wouldn’t have to keep killing myself with work, with making decisions, with the monotonous part of life. I could step back and trust someone else. But that’s the crux of the issue. Can I trust again? My mother always said trust is a dangerous emotion. It’s too closely tied to loyalty, and there are far better ways to gain loyalty than through trust.
There’s a reason I rarely talk to her anymore. She always claims I’m the romantic one, where she’s pragmatic. At this point, I’m not sure what to believe. Having my trust broken almost killed me, but I can’t seem to agree with her philosophy either.
“Oh, fuck it,” I grumble to myself. All that’s happening with me sitting here is circular thinking, and that’s not going to help anyone. Really, until I know them better, I can’t make an informed decision. Nodding to myself, I step out of the bedroom and walk toward the living room, listening to the quiet murmur of their voices. I pause when I get within hearing range and my name is mentioned.
“You can’t rush him.” Noel’s voice carries.
“I know,” Eddie sighs. “It’s just…I want to fix everything. He brings out that Daddy side of me.”
“That’s the other thing. We don’t know if he’d be okay with our kinks. And we’d need to know how to meet his, if he has any.”
“Ugh. Can you stop making valid points? There’s something so enticing about him.” I hear the whisper of clothes moving and can imagine them embracing each other. I’m not sure how to feel about their words. Daddy kink? Is that a thing? “No matter what, though, I think we should pay a visit to his ex and permanently deal with that situation.”
A growl rips through the air, and I stumble backward. The sweet Noel I’ve come to know responds in a cold tone that makes me shiver—part fear and part arousal. “That I can agree with. As soon as that cruise ship docks, I’m more than happy to make sure Cameron no longer lives. I’ve already reached out to Dustin for more information. Aside from that, though, all I want to do is wrap that sweet man in my arms and take care of him.”
Cocking my head, I try to figure out whether they’re being serious, but I shrug it off. It’s one of those things you say in the heat of the moment and never mean. I wouldn’t want them to get in trouble with the law, anyway. Still, it’s sweet to have someone outraged on my behalf.
I clear my throat as I step into the living room. Neither seem surprised to see me, and for a moment, I wonder if they realized I was eavesdropping but quickly dismiss the idea. Although Noel’s smirk gives me pause.
“So what’s the plan for today?” I try to ask nonchalantly, but even I hear it fall short.
Eddie laughs and gestures toward me. I go willingly to him, and he holds out his hand. Grasping it, I exhale, as if things finally click into place. “Well, since it’s still snowing, I thought we could play some games to pass the time. We’ve got several video games and board games. I’ll warn you, Monopoly is not a good choice because Noel is vicious over it.”
He stands up from the couch and leads me over to their shelving in the living room. I pass by the video games fairly quickly. They’re all the shooter type, which doesn’t interest me at all. The board games look fun though and I pull out Scrabble, excited because few people play it with me. The downside to having an English degree, even if it hasn’t been overly helpful for my career.
“Ah, so you went with Eddie’s favorite.” Noel takes the game from my hands and heads over to the kitchen table with it. “This is going to be fun.”
“Really?” I stare at Eddie for a moment, smiling at the thought of having a challenge.
“I’m not an uneducated lumberjack, if that’s what you’re thinking. I know the plaid makes me look hot, but I’ve got a brain, too.”
I snort, blushing at his antics, and follow him over to where Noel is already setting everything up. I almost bounce in my seat as I get ready for it. “Alright then, let’s see if you can win against me. I don’t give it good odds.”
“Should we make this interesting?” Noel asks as he leans back in his chair.
“Hmm. What are you thinking for the winner? Because I’m flat broke.” I shrug my shoulders but eye Eddie because I’m not opposed to certain…ideas.
“Winner gets to choose. But it can’t be anything dangerous and the person who loses has the right to say no.”
Scrunching my nose, I look over at Noel. “I’ve never heard of that type of bet before, but I’m good with it.”
“Alright, then I’m going to let you duke it out with Eddie. I’ll be the referee. Good luck.”
I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or Eddie, but when we draw tiles, I’m up first. It’s time to get this started. I grin at Eddie because he has no idea what’s coming.
An hour later, Eddie lays down his final tiles, and I stare down in shock. I don’t lose this game—ever. But Eddie handed me my ass on this one.
“So, what do you want?” I ask Eddie as Noel goes to put the game up.
“I want you to let me—us—take control. To let go so that we can take the weight off your shoulders. That’s what I want.”
For a moment, I can’t think. It’s everything I want…and yet so very fucking dangerous. What if we do this and I fall for them? What happens if they walk away and leave me untethered? Fuck it. I straighten in my seat. Sometimes you just have to jump and pray you don’t fall further than you can survive.