Chapter 46
46
LINCOLN
Following our meal with my friends tonight, I’m desperate to throw my arms around Violet and tell her what a fool I’ve been. I feel so fucking stupid and yet I still can’t.
We had a lovely evening where Violet held my hand and didn’t for one moment let me push her away.
I don’t know why I do that.
Am I protecting her from me?
Why the hell am I like this?
“Good night, Petal.” I stand against the doorjamb of the spare bedroom and give Violet a wave across the hall. Because we’re still sleeping in separate rooms, which is madness.
“Night.” She smiles as she gently clicks my bedroom door shut.
I jump into bed and grab my phone.
Me
Were you just checking my abs out?
Violet
Maybe. *winking face*
Me
I may have been checking you out too.
Violet
I noticed. I find your abs very distracting.
Me
I find everything about you distracting.
Violet
Me too and I like everything about you.
Me
I like your ass. You have a great ass.
Violet
Ever the romantic.
Me
And your smile.
Me
And your waist. That’s my favorite part.
Me
And your kindness.
Me
And the fact that you gave up your life. Your friends. Family.
Violet
Sunshine.
Me
Just to be with me.
Violet
For starters I needed a change. I leveled up. Your hotel is one of the top-rated hotels IN THE WORLD. And the suspended restaurant is going to be an incredible project to be part of. Something to be proud of.
Me
But what happens when the project ends in three years?
Violet
Your dad has other plans. I don’t know what they are yet.
Me
One step at a time.
Violet
Yeah. My dad understands I needed something new. He has his own life, and my mom and sister don’t play any part in my life anymore. And regarding my friends, Hannah has taken an editorial job in New York and Ruby will continue to be Ruby. She will party hard with all of her other socialite friends and her father is so rich, she can visit me anytime using his private jet. I went out with them once or twice a month. I hardly had a huge social life.
Me
That makes me feel better.
Violet
On a serious note… and we haven’t spoken about this, but are you okay with me being here?
Me
I didn’t really have a choice.
Violet
I’m sorry.
Me
For?
Violet
Forcing myself on you but we didn’t think you would talk to me otherwise or buy into your father’s idea and vision to bring me on as a Sanctuary team member.
Me
He was right. He’s always right.
Violet
You are very stubborn.
Me
And you are very persistent.
Violet
There is another reason for me being here.
Me
Oh yeah, what’s that?
My bedroom door swings open.
“Because I love you, Lincoln, and I’ve missed you.” She’s crying.
I immediately throw back the bedcovers and go to her.
“I don’t want to be apart from you ever again. I don’t like that feeling.” She clutches her chest.
I’ve never seen her like this before.
“I’ve come all this way. Just me and my dog with a few of my belongings. To a strange, unfamiliar country where you all talk funny. It’s rained five times this week already. I’m so cold. And I don’t think I can do the job. I do not know what I am doing.” Her voice cracks.
“Petal,” I whisper. I’m lost for words. Tell her you love her, for Christ’s sake, man.
“I’m too scared to ask you directly if you want me here because I see what’s going on behind your eyes; half of you wants me to stay, I think, but the other half is questioning everything about me, us, and begging me to leave.” Her shoulders bounce up and down as she pours out her thoughts she’s been keeping in.
“I’m sleeping through there and you are here, and I’ve been trying to keep it all together and be strong, but I need to know if I did the right thing moving here, Linc.”
“Oh, Violet.” I loop my arms around her and press her tight against me. “Shh, shh, shh.” I rock her.
I’ve been selfishly thinking about myself with no thought of Violet living in a foreign country with no friends and no family.
She cries out, “It was supposed to be fun, a way to get you to snap out of your funk, surprising you and moving in, but when you saw me in your house it didn’t feel like fun. Knowing you didn’t want me here.”
That’s not true. I do want her here.
She struggles to get her next words out. “I’m here because here is where you are. I would go wherever you are in the world to be with you because you make me feel special and like I finally belong somewhere. You made me feel like I am perfect just as I am back in Santa Monica, but over the last few days, I somehow feel like I’m not enough for you anymore and I don’t want to stay here if I’m not what you want.” She pauses, trying to catch her breath.
“You’re using your mom as an excuse not to let love in, while she is out there living her new life without a care in the world. She doesn’t care if you are upset or hurting, Lincoln. But I do. That’s why I am here. You hit the stop button on us, but I never got a say in it, and pressing stop was never what I wanted.”
As if someone has flicked the switch in my brain, everything appears clearer.
She’s right. I’ve been a fool.
I rub my hand up and down her back to soothe her.
“Your father moved heaven and earth to bring you the girl who loves you, to prove to you that she means business.” She stutters as she tries to get her words out. “I am serious about us, but you need to meet me halfway. You need to open your heart to me and trust me. Trust that I will never break it. Trust me to piece whatever your mom broke back together. Because you broke mine when you left Santa Monica, and I’m not sure my heart could take it again if you turn around in a few weeks’ time and tell me to go back to America. I would rather go now.” She gasps for breath.
I thread my fingers into her hair and smoosh her into my chest. She must feel my heart beating faster than a prestissimo beat.
“I miss you, Linc. I miss your touch.” She pushes herself closer. “I miss us .” Her tears soak my skin.
“I miss everything,” I whisper.
I broke my girl.
She’s been so strong on the outside, keeping it all together for me, but she’s breaking, and I was too self-absorbed to see it.
“I don’t want you to leave, Violet. I want you to stay with me.”
She almost collapses in my arms and I momentarily have to hold her up.
The thought of her leaving now runs a rusty nail along the pit of my gut .
In complete contrast to my selfish thoughts, she thought I needed her, but what she needs is me .
I move us to the edge of the bed and pull her sideways onto my lap.
Her red-rimmed eyes stare back at me when I cup her face.
“I’ve been such a fool,” I confess. “I’m sorry.”
She closes her eyes and lets out a long exhale, wafting her fresh pear scent around me.
Her face is covered in raised blotchy patches, and knowing I’m the one who caused her sadness does not sit right with me. This is not who I am. Not with her.
“I’ve been a big baby.”
She shakes her head. “You’re hurting.”
“So are you.” I didn’t notice.
“It doesn’t hurt so bad when you hold me.” She leans her forehead against mine. “Or when you kiss me.” This woman is my everything. She loves me and is there for me even after everything I’ve put her through.
I kiss her softly at first, then dip my tongue into her mouth as all of my resistance to the messed-up thoughts I’ve been having fade away. I should have done this the minute she turned back up in my life. I should have shown her what she means to me. I should have rushed out and bought her a car, taken her shopping, introduced her to my friends, made love to her every day. I should have done it all.
I reposition her and straddle her legs around my waist. It feels as if it’s our first kiss again, where we were reckless with each other and wild with desire.
“I need you, Linc,” she gasps.
She grinds herself against me and I quickly rise to my feet, cupping her ass with my hands, and stalk along the hall into my bedroom. This is where we should be, together, in my bed, our bed.
Our lips never leave each other as we fall onto the mattress, and I know this is it. This is the moment that changes us forever.