6. Tumbling Thoughts
6
TUMBLING THOUGHTS
Gabriel
"Dinner time!" my sister announces gleefully.
She’s over-excited because Susan, unlike me, has always loved to dance. It should hardly come as a surprise that she’d organize a trip like this. Opening the links she’d sent me before she finalized the booking would have given me a clue, too, but last season was so busy, I let everything slide.
Klaus looks pretty beat and I feel his pain . My battered muscles could do with an ice bath right now. Then, as he steps closer, my gaze is pulled by an unseen force to Magnus. Perhaps an ice bath would bring my renegade libido back under control — maybe we should all jump in. I still don't quite understand what happened between us in the last two hours. What got to me ...
Magnus' expression is difficult to interpret. His eyes look restrained, and maybe a little confused — welcome to the club , I think — but they’ve got a hard edge to them, too. It's as if he, as I found out at the beginning of the dance lesson, won't be ordered around by anyone.
Something twitches between my legs. Shit! What is happening to me?
I open my mouth. To say what exactly, I don’t know. Anything to help me get away from this damned situation would be good. Anything to get a little distance so I can get a hold of myself. But before I can utter a single sound, I’m interrupted — by my own body. Apparently, now is the perfect time for my stomach to growl loudly.
Susan laughs out loud, links her arm with mine, and pulls me toward the door, saying, "I booked a table for the four of us in a small Spanish restaurant for tonight. I thought we’d prefer to celebrate the first night of our trip in a quieter atmosphere than the main restaurant. Besides, there's a tapas buffet on the menu today, and I know how much you like tapas!"
Susan gabbles on, but I switch off. By rights, I should use these few moments alone with her to tell her what I think about her dumping a random guy on me and for booking an intensive dance course for us that’s destroyed my dream of a few relaxed weeks at sea. But in those few words, she makes it crystal clear that I was front-and-center in her thoughts when she booked.
I love tapas. She doesn’t. She just finds all the tiny dishes annoying. One taste and the anticipation is over. Was it delicious or disgusting? And then you dip into the next dish and it starts all over again. It’s not her thing at all.
Is my sister sometimes a bit extreme? Definitely. But maybe, just maybe, she makes me try stuff I wouldn’t normally dream of. Would I have booked a tango course for my well-deserved vacation? Never. Ever. Did I enjoy it? I’d never say it out loud, but yes! As each minute passed, it grew on me. She also promised me a delightful creature to share my cabin, and I can't deny that she more than delivered — so much so that I’ve been non-stop flirting for the last two hours.
Am I confused by that?
Totally and completely.
I cast a glance over my shoulder. Klaus and Magnus are following on dutifully — as if where Susan goes, they follow. And what do I know? Maybe that’s how the three of them work.
My sister's friends are engrossed in a conversation, and my eyes wander automatically over Magnus' slender body, which was completely pressed against mine a few moments ago. Just the thought of it is enough to make my skin tingle all over again.
He felt so good against my body.
It felt so right.
I swallow hard. The realization is a shock. And I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. Perhaps I could ask Susan what made her choose Magnus as my cabin-mate? Was there more to her choice than merely wanting her best friend around on this trip?
Before I build up the courage to ask, Susan turns us toward a glass door on which "Puerta del Sol" is emblazoned in huge black letters above an image of a large sun. The illustration offers a clue to the puzzle of the restaurant’s name — just the wrong bit! “Sol” is pretty straightforward, but what "Puerta" means … I have no idea.
A smiling waiter greets us from behind a standing desk. My sister exchanges a few sentences with him in fluent Spanish. I’d completely forgotten that, unlike me, Susan chose Spanish as her second foreign language at school. And that, again unlike me, she was good at it. And obviously still is.
Magnus
When the dance lesson is over, I step back from Gabriel’s intimate embrace and take a deep breath. I survived a double dance class! It may be the first double lesson of far too many more, but I’ll worry about that later.
The next thing on my schedule is to excuse myself as politely as possible and make my escape. One deep breath was good but not nearly enough — I need space. Air. Room to really breathe and get rid of the tension and frustration and surprise and uncertainty. And to get my crazy libido under control!
Fate has other ideas. For what seems like the hundredth time that day, I’ve underestimated Susan. I’ve barely exhaled my calming breath before she bounces over and babbles on about dinner and a quieter restaurant and tapas and ...
Before I have processed half of this, Klaus is at my elbow and begins enthusing about a new scientific article he’s read that examines the connection between cardiovascular disease and diabetes. What now? I’m a molecular biologist, so diabetes is a whole other kingdom. Thankfully — or maybe unfortunately — Klaus is happy to explain things and before I know it, he’s giving me a full rundown. I’m concentrating so hard that when I next take in my surroundings, we’re already inside the restaurant Susan booked. I guess it's too late to run now!
I take a quick scan of the space, then my gaze lingers on Gabriel whose eyes are trained on me, too. I really can’t work him out. And the more time I spend with him, the more confused I get. A few heartbeats later, he turns his head away, and we’re on the move again. Before I know it, a dark-haired waiter is pulling a chair out for me, and I surrender to my fate. It would be rude to leave now without a good reason.
I wonder how long this dinner will last, then my subconscious pipes up with the timely reminder, You’ve only got your cabin to retreat to — and you’re sharing that with Gabriel .
Great! Out of the frying pan, into the fire.
"So, what did you think of the first lesson?" Susan asks us, grinning widely.
"You’re a total ass," Gabriel replies.
Klaus diplomatically says, "It was more fun than I expected."
Gabriel's and my eyes fly to his face.
"You knew about this?" My voice sounds so indignant, it’s as if I can taste his betrayal.
Klaus and I aren't the closest of friends, but because of Susan, we spend a good deal of time together. If he knew about it and didn't tell me ...
Klaus blushes to his roots before stuttering, "Um ... well ... so ..."
"I happened to mention to Klaus last night that he should pack some suitable shoes for dancing," Susan returns nonchalantly.
What a traitor!
I’m not the only one with betrayal written all over my face, even though I may not be acting completely fairly towards Klaus. What could he have done last night, anyway — everything was already booked. Giving me a heads-up would have been pointless at that point, and considering he didn’t know who Gabriel was until this morning, he’d hardly have his phone number.
Susan babbles on about the dance class, analyzes our dance instructors’ technique and the music, then she details her progress and her opinions about how well the other couples did.
She doesn't even notice how quiet Klaus, Gabriel, and I are. There's nothing more than the occasional "Mmhmm" or "Yes.” We’re all too caught up in our own thoughts. Or maybe I’m projecting.
Susan was right about one thing — the food is amazingly good. I've always been a fan of Spanish cuisine. I love paella and gazpacho, but there’s a special place in my heart for tapas. And the selection on offer here is sublime. I fill my belly with tortillas, devils-on-horseback, shrimp in garlic oil, and countless other delicacies.
Less than an hour later, Gabriel pushes his chair back abruptly and announces, "I'm going to the gym."
Everyone looks at him in surprise.
"Oh, come on, bro," Susan whines. "The fun is just starting. There's a welcome party on the main deck in a while."
"That would be great,” Gabriel snaps back. "But you know I have to work out, even during vacations, and after spending the afternoon dicking around on a dance floor, I guess I'll have to do it now."
Susan makes a face, but her brother doesn’t bite. I'm surprised things haven’t kicked off between them before this, actually. Being an only child, maybe I don’t fully get the dynamics of sibling relationships, but I'm sure I wouldn't be as calm as Gabriel if a sister landed a vacation like this in my lap without asking first.
When Gabriel rises, I get up too. Everyone looks at me and, finding myself so unexpectedly the center of attention, I blush furiously. I only hope the dim lighting of the restaurant hides some of it.
"Well, I'll be off then too ..." I lamely explain.
I’ve made better decisions. I mean, leaving the place at the same time as Gabriel could send completely the wrong message. But I need some time alone, and if Gabriel is headed straight to the gym, I'll have the cabin to myself.
That’s if he was serious about going to the gym ... Uncertainly, I bite my lip. What if he wasn't? What if he wanted some alone time in the cabin? What if he thinks I'm hitting on him by leaving when he is? It just seemed the perfect opportunity to get away from Susan. As much as I love my best friend, after today’s shenanigans, I could kill her.
"Don't be boring, too," Susan groans, rolling her eyes.
"It's been a long day," I state, adding a shrug. It's not a lie.
We got up before six o'clock to catch the flight from Terengia to Barcelona. Although, that's not the reason I’m dodging the welcome party with my best friend and her man right now. The reason is the hot guy standing next to me, so close that our shoulders almost touch.
I take a conscious step away from him, and three pairs of eyes follow my movement. I’m not sure what to make of it.
Then Gabriel turns to his sister and says, "Maybe I'll catch up with you later."
It sounds like a peace offering, and it’s an unexpected relief. I don't know what I expected but jumping ship isn’t exactly an option for him, is it? Anyway, I've gotten used to the fact that since I boarded this damn ship, nothing makes sense anymore.
When Gabriel turns to leave, I follow him without a word, and we walk out of the restaurant and onto the main deck, where preparations for the welcome party are already in full swing.
"Um," at this eloquent utterance on my part, Gabriel turns towards me, an arched eyebrow the only sign that I should continue speaking.
"I think …" I look around for inspiration, having completely forgotten what I was about to say. "Actually, I think I'll stay and take another look around here," I add lamely.
Gabriel just shrugs and carries on — another reaction that’s hard interpret.
I thought I had gotten used to not knowing where I stand with Gabriel, but it’s driving me absolutely crazy!
Gabriel
As I drag myself back into our cabin, I feel like I’m wading through treacle. I know I'm exaggerating, but today has taken its toll.
My job means I travel a lot. We spend a good part of the season on the road. So things like delays, cancelled flights, and so on are par for the course. Still, worrying about whether I’d make it on-board the ship in time or not wasn’t a great start to my vacation. Susan was on the point of booking a hotel in Barcelona and a flight to Casablanca, where the shop docks tomorrow, just in case.
If I’m honest, though, the tiredness that’s permeated my entire body has nothing to do with the stressful journey. The darned tango class was challenging enough to exhaust me, but even that’s not the reason I’m dog tired. It’s solely down to the surprisingly delightful creature I found waiting for me on this ship — and the confusion that comes with him. It's exhausting when you’re unexpectedly forced to question everything you know about yourself.
Top of the confusion list is: what made Susan choose Magnus as my travel buddy in the first place?
I still haven't plucked up the courage to ask her. And why do I feel so drawn to him? Why did I find it sexy when I realized our closeness during the tango lesson turned him on? Shouldn’t that have scared me off? And rather than giving him some space to cool off, I flirted with him, heating things up between us even more?
The tiny bulb on our cabin door lock lights up green when I hold the key card against it, but my mind races on.
Why did I get a jolt of pleasure when Magnus stood to leave the restaurant with me? Why did I feel so unreasonably hurt when he stepped away from me in the diner? And why do I want to throw myself on the bed and cry because he didn't come back to our cabin with me? Maybe that's a bit of an exaggeration, especially because even if he’d come back to the cabin with me, we wouldn't have spent any time together. I need to change super quick and head to the gym.
You know exactly why, the tiny voice of my subconscious whispers.
Thank goodness I've always been good at ignoring it.
I grab my workout gear and am on my way to the gym in no time. According to the brochure Susan sent me before our trip — one of the few documents I actually looked at — there’s supposed to be a well-equipped gym two floors below our cabin. I just hope that’s true, because despite certain parts of my body — my shoulders in particular — feeling a little stiff from the unaccustomed dance moves, the rest of my body is buzzing with the excess energy I’ve built up today. Plus, if working out calms my mind, too, then that's just fine with me.
I don't know when I’ve been this confused.
But even when my muscles are burning with exertion and my lungs are barely getting enough oxygen as I bust a gut on the treadmill, my mind is still whirring. I know it's madness to push myself like this, but the desire to run away from everything I’m feeling inside is just too great.