21. Idiots
21
IDIOTS
Magnus
Before the break is over, I head to the bathroom. There's a huge line in front of the men's restroom. There’s no line at the ladies'. I smile at this reversal of roles.
The players are just getting ready for the face-off as I rush down the steps to our seats. I'm so focused on the game that I don't realize my seat is taken until I hear my name.
"Hello Magnus." The voice is familiar but restrained.
I take my eyes off the ice to confirm what the voice made me suspect.
Gabriel is sitting in my seat.
Where did he come from? I didn’t spot him anywhere before the game or during the first period. I was starting to relax. Now my heart is pounding in my chest, and I don't know how to act.
My eyes flip to the seat next to Gabriel.
Susan grins broadly at me before saying apologetically, "I honestly didn't know he was here." I’m not sure whether to believe her or not.
"Can we talk?" Gabriel almost cuts over her. I look uncertainly back and forth between them. They are so different, but the family resemblance is obvious.
"Here? Now?" The words come out of my throat about two octaves too high.
People are starting to turn towards us and there’s a buzz of excited murmurs. From the looks of it, Gabriel and I have attracted the attention of the people around us. No wonder. If a person on a Spanish cruise ship recognized a Terengian ice hockey player who’s based in Sweden, then all these hardcore fans who’ve stumped up hundreds of euros for a ticket are bound to.
"Um, no ..." Gabriel rubs the back of his neck. A sure sign that he’s feeling edgy. Then he suggests, "Elisabeth has rented a box upstairs. Maybe we should go there."
"Without me?" Susan asks indignantly.
But Gabriel is already out of my seat and has taken me by the hand. It feels so damn good to feel his skin on mine, my hand enclosed in Gabriel's big, rough paw. It's an innocent touch, but so good.
"I'll send Nico down to you," Gabriel says with a wink.
It takes me a moment to understand that he’s talking to his sister.
"Hovenberg? Seriously?" Susan’s screech is drowned out by a roar from the crowd — something exciting must have happened on the ice.
Despite this, not all the spectators have their attention on the game. As we hurry up the steps, there’s more than a few faces turned in our direction. Curious faces. And cell phones. There are lots of cell phones pointed at us. It takes me a moment to process what that means. Photos and videos are being taken of us again!
I try to take my hand away from Gabriel’s, but he holds it like a vise. As we leave the stands and walk through the food hall, I take a breath. We're not alone here either, but there are fewer people here than in the stands with the game on.
"Gabriel," my voice is low, although I know he can hear me. "Let's get out of here."
This building is huge, but I don’t think we’ll find anywhere private enough for the kind of conversation that’s coming. Not that I know what Gabriel wants to say, or what I want to say to him for that matter. My mind blanked the moment I clapped eyes on him.
Gabriel nods and we head towards the exit, my hand still firmly wrapped in his.
Gabriel
Magnus is right. Showing up in the box with him would only lead to more scrutiny. And I don’t want that right now. But his elegant hand in mine gives me a sense of security as I lead him out of the arena across the street to the hotel where Elisabeth booked me a room for the night.
It's the same hotel we stayed in for our Olympics training. And when I checked into my room, I even thought I was in the same room I had then. But it's on a different floor. It turns out that the hotel has really embraced the one-décor-fits-all approach.
These thoughts are a temporary distraction, but keep me occupied all the way up to my room. Then the door locks behind us, and Magnus and I are alone.
Now what do I say?
"Um..." Good start, Verieux, I think . "Would you like a drink?" I stammer. There's got to be a minibar in here somewhere, right?
Magnus shakes his head and takes a seat on the wide double bed that dominates the room. He couldn’t have picked a less suggestive piece of furniture? My cock twitches.
But not for long, because Magnus asks, "What did you want to talk about?" And I don't know where to begin. I start pacing in front of the bed.
"I want to apologize," I say quietly. That's better. No one can object to an apology.
Magnus raises an eyebrow questioningly. I need to say something else now.
"I completely freaked out after Elisabeth called me on the cruise."
Magnus waves this away and says, "Understandable."
I look at him in surprise. Magnus laughs, but it sounds bitter.
"Coming out is difficult. It’s worse when you're outed against your will, like you were."
That's all true, but that's not really what I wanted to apologize to Magnus for. Once again, I'm stumped for words. The silence stretches, becoming awkward. I'm clearly not the only one who feels this way, because Magnus gets up and holds out his hand to me.
"Thank you for the apology. I wish you ..." He falters briefly before continuing. "I wish you all the best for the future."
The words are dragged out, as if he had to force them from his mouth. Before I can react, Magnus pulls his hand away and walks toward the door.
No! I mentally scream.
Magnus spins around and asks, “‘No’?"
Did I really say that out loud? It doesn't matter. The only thing that does matter is that Magnus doesn't leave. I have to stop him — somehow. I can't lose him again. I’ll try anything to keep him here. Every minute with him is precious.
I take a half step toward him, but then falter.
I don’t know what to say.
What can I say when all I want to say is, Please don’t go.
Magnus
I have to get out of here!
I don't know what Gabriel was thinking dragging me to his hotel room just to tell me he’s sorry for freaking out on the ship. What’s that all about? Who wouldn't be? But I can't be here in his room like this. It’s killing me to be so close to him but not able to touch him, to be surrounded by his wonderful scent but be forced to keep my distance.
I need to run. But before I reach the door, a loud “no” echoes around the room.
Surprised, I turn around and check I heard Gabriel right. “‘No’?”
For a moment, Gabriel looks at me blankly. His expression is desperate. Then words start bubbling from his mouth. He’s talking so quickly, it’s as if he can’t hold them back.
"Please don't go yet!" Gabriel's tone is pleading. "I know you don't feel the same way about me as I do about you, but ..." He trails off.
Excuse me?
"Excuse me?" My lips echo my thoughts.
Gabriel takes another step towards me, but then holds himself back.
"I fell in love with you on the cruise," he whispers eventually, and I get the impression he’s fighting back tears. None of this makes any sense!
"But after Elisabeth called you, you closed me out completely. You slept in your own bed and took off without a word before I was awake," I explain.
"Yeah, but I was freaking out!" Gabriel admits. "I was totally overwhelmed by the whole situation. But ... you were the one who made it clear that it was over between us."
Now, I’m completely dumbfounded.
Gabriel must be able to read the utter confusion from my eyes, because he’s hasty to fill in the blanks. "When you came onto the balcony after the tango class. You ... you ..." He pauses for a moment, and pain contorts his beautiful face. "You didn’t want to come near me. You didn't even ask how I was doing. It couldn’t have been clearer that you wanted nothing more to do with me. What else was I to think? "
I stare at Gabriel, my mouth open. He’s got this all so wrong! I want him to stop, but he carries on, his head now hanging. "I don't blame you. Who wants to be at the center of this ridiculous media circus?"
"You thought I didn't want anything to do with you?" I finally find my voice, but the words are husky with disbelief.
"I totally understand! What we had was a brief vacay fling for you. And when the shit hit the fan..."
Gabriel continues talking, but nothing could stop me from rushing over and flinging my arms around him. Gabriel goes rigid for the briefest moment, then he softens and his arms enclose me so tightly they take my breath away.
"I was trying to give you some space," I whisper. "I wanted to ask if you were okay, but I didn't because you hate that question so much."
A half-sob, half-laugh bursts from Gabriel's throat, then he squeezes me tighter.
"Does that mean you would have flown to L.A. with me if I’d have asked you?"
"Without a second thought.” That’s nothing but the truth.
"Oh god! What an idiot I've been! I wanted so much for you to be by my side."
I shake my head. My nose rubs over Gabriel's soft sweater. His fresh, lemony scent fills my senses, and I feel like I'm in seventh heaven.
"I was the idiot," I admit. "Everything was new to you. I should have known how hard everything was going to be. I should have talked things through with you."
Gabriel's chuckle makes his broad chest tremble.
"Let’s agree that we’re both idiots."
I nod and turn my head upwards to look into his eyes, but not for long, because within a split second, his mouth and mine are blended in a kiss.