28. Jude
I hold Antonio tightly as he falls apart, rubbing his back and hair gently, offering soothing, nonsensical words and sounds. I hate this. Hate that it’s come to the point where such a bright, strong, and beautiful man can’t do anything but fall apart.
It’s not long before sitting on the floor becomes uncomfortable for me. The hard, unforgiving surface, the twisted up way I’m sitting, and the slight weight in my lap becoming too much. I try to shift my body weight from one side to the other, wincing as pain shoots up and down my leg when I do so.
Antonio pulls away. “Fuck. I’m sorry. Am I hurting you?”
“No, Bel Fiore Mio. I’m okay.” I try to reassure him, but as he redistributes his weight, the sudden adjustment makes my hip shift, and I flinch again at the sharp pain.
He scrambles up, pain, sorrow, and fear playing out on his features as he stands. “Fuck, I’m sorry.”
“My fault,” I tell him. “I should have known better.” Carefully, I get my left leg under me and, using Roman’s bed, I manage to stand, biting my tongue at the pain that's shooting through me as I try to distribute my weight correctly.
“What can I do?”
I shake my head. “Nothing. I promise, I’m fine. Just remind me not to sit on the floor anymore.”
I try for a smile, but the devastation on Antonio’s face makes me drop it. Reaching for him, I drag him into me, letting him settle against me. He tries to fight me at first, but must realize I’m not budging because he gives up quickly and lets me hold him.
I glance at Roman, who’s still sleeping, and has been since I came in.
According to Leandro, who I relieved just minutes before Antonio came in, he hurt himself and had to be drugged again due to the pain.
I didn’t ask any other questions, and Leandro left fairly quickly once I assured him I would be fine to sit with Roman.
“What happened, Bello?” I ask quietly, looking down at the man in my arms.
Antonio stares up at me, his chocolate eyes like swimming pools of pain as more tears fill them. He shakes his head. “I…I need to get things ready. We have a job to do. I was…was coming in to see if you wanted to join in, but…”
Shifting so I’m facing him head on, I grab him by the shoulders, forcing him to face me. “What happened?” I infuse just enough command into my voice that he shudders, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment.
“Everything’s falling apart,” he says so quietly I almost don’t hear him. “Emilio… He…he’s separating himself from the Family. He and Carter…”
Softening a little, I reach for his face, gently cupping a cheek, and he leans into the touch, letting out a sob. “Tell me? I can’t help if I don’t know the problem, Bello.”
He shakes his head. “You can’t fix this, I don’t know if anyone can. Lio and Carter basically declared themselves to be anything but Amato and Martelli. Everything is falling to pieces, and I don’t know what to do.”
I glance at Roman again, as I try to make sense of everything…running current events through my head and coming up with the only conclusions I can.
“Come with me.” I move away from him just long enough to grab my cane and then reach for his hand.
“But Roman…”
“Will be fine.”
Releasing his hand long enough to send a text to Kail and Rose, asking for one of them to come sit with the boy, I put my phone away and grab Antonio again.
He lets me pull him from the room. “Some place we can have some privacy?” I ask, unsure of the layout of the house. I’ve either been with Roman, or working on his behalf, since we’ve arrived.
He leads me into an empty medical room a few doors down.
It's not the most comfortable, but it’ll do for my purposes.
I tug him over to the bed, sitting on it and pushing myself back enough that I can encourage him to climb up with me.
Urging him to straddle my lap, he tries to resist, but my grip on his waist is tight, and he must realize his resistance is futile.
When I have him where I want him, his weight comfortably sitting on my lap, I reach for his chin, urging his face up so he can meet my eyes.
“What happened?” I ask once more.
“Lio called himself Head of the O’Connel Family…
” he whispers. He clears his throat and says a little louder, “Things have been fucked since Cristian gutted Ignacio. None of us are happy about it, but we trust—trusted—Il Padrone. Lio…I don’t know what happened between them, but something did, from the time Ignacio was gutted to dinner, or maybe before that?
I don’t know. So much has happened in such a short period of time, it’s hard to keep up.
” I let him ramble, his jumbled thoughts not bothering me in the least, as I use them to piece the events together.
Everything has been fucked to hell and back since Cristian almost murdered Ignacio. Roman was inconsolable when he learned, and that was the first time he got drugged to sleep. Then Tennant got hurt, then Cristian. How so much can happen in such a short period of time is a fucking mystery.
“Carter also declared himself as a representative for the De Luca Family.”
All my breath leaves me, and I stare at Antonio in surprise. “What?” I ask.
He shrugs a little. “I don’t get that part, but…yeah. He and Cristian left dinner early to talk—neither looked happy.”
“ Fuck …” I breathe. This is…not good. Even I know that Carter claiming such a thing isn’t good for him and Cristian. My family was very clear on which side they supported in the Amato/De Luca debacle…and for Carter to take up such a mantle is…not a promising sign for him and Cristian.
Fuck, I don’t want to be the one to tell Roman… Unless he already knows? Leandro didn’t say what got Roman so worked up that he needed to be sedated again. I wouldn’t put it past the hacker to somehow be able to watch what went on in the dining room, even from the other side of the house. Shit.
“Anything else?”
“We’re staging a rescue, as I discovered the Fire Chief is holding someone in his basement. I need to gather my team and make plans. It’s why I came looking for you… I…I want you with me, Jude. As a representative for Roman and the Amato Family…but also for me.”
“I’ll be there,” I assure him.
He shakes his head. “You’re already hurting, and I’m sure you’re tired. I shouldn’t make such demands?—”
“Hush, Bello,” I order, placing two fingers against his mouth. “If you need me, I’ll be there. Roman will be fine, and you’re right, he needs a representative, since Carter and Lio are both going in under other umbrellas. But more than that, I’m going because you need me.”
He looks down, and I move my fingers to his chin, forcing him to meet my gaze once more. “I’ll always be here if you need me, Bello. You’re mine.”
He shakes his head. “Everything is so fucked up. I don’t know what to do…if I can keep you. Il Padrone?—”
“Leave him to me. He doesn’t scare me, he never has. And if he’s fucking up so much then he doesn’t deserve you.”
Antonio tries to protest, but I reach for his hair and tug his mouth to mine, stopping any protest, as I let him feel the sincerity of my words. He melts into me, his hands fisting my shirt and holding me close.
I pour everything I am, all the confusing, swirling feelings I have for the man in my arms, into the kiss.
I knew, from the moment I touched the three of them, that I belonged with Roman, Tennant, and Hollis. Even when I didn’t want to believe it, and couldn’t fathom that someone, let alone three people, would want me and all my baggage, I knew I had to have them, that we were it for each other.
Antonio is different, though. He belongs to me.
He's mine to cherish, to care for, to take apart and put back together. No tears should ever fall from his eyes unless it’s what I want.
Il Padrone fucked up. He took a beautiful flower and neglected to care for it properly, and the proof is trembling in my arms. No matter, I’m here now to show him the… love he deserves.
My mind trips over the L -word, but…it feels right, in a way not many other feelings do.
Breaking the kiss, I release his hair and smooth my thumb over his swollen lip. “I’ll go with you, Bello. You never have to ask. You’re mine now, and I’m going to take care of you, I promise. Nothing and no one will ever take you from me. I dare them to fucking try.”
Antonio shivers, and I hope he can see the truth in my eyes, and hear it in my voice. “Thank you,” he signs shakily.
“Don’t thank me for this, Bello. I’ll always give you what you need.” With that, I encourage him off my lap and onto the floor.
He kneels beautifully and I slide to the edge of the bed, maneuvering him where I want him, with his head resting against my leg.
He looks up at me and I run a hand through his dark hair.
“Just rest with me. I’ll leave you plenty of time to get things done, but for now, let me carry your burdens, Bello. Trust me.”
His eyes are shiny and wet as he speaks, so quietly I read the words on his lips more than hear them. “I do.”
He closes his eyes, his entire body trembling as he takes a deep breath. It takes a while, but eventually, his tension eases and he relaxes fully against me, leaning more of his body weight against my leg.
I continue to run my fingers through silky dark hair and stare down at him. Awe fills me at how much trust he’s putting in me, even though we’re still getting to know one another. Still, I know down to my very bones, that if I could feel love…this is what it would be like.