37. Allesandro
“ Y ou sicken me,” my father snarls at me, tossing me to the ground.
Bruises litter my skin, and as I push upright, I gasp from the pain in my ribs. Fuck. How long have we been at it now?
“I will not yield,” I grit out as I stand, hatred pouring off me.
Tsking, he shakes his head. “You still haven’t found your coldness, have you? That is why you’ll lose them. You think you can have love? Ridiculous.”
“They are mine,” I roar, even as confusion swamps me. He’s dead…isn’t he?
“I will go on behalf of the O’Connel Family.” Emilio’s cold, clipped voice suddenly echoes around me.
Glancing around, I try to find him, but I can’t. Panic starts to swell inside me. I need to get to him. To save him. Especially if my father is still alive. He won’t let my sweet Emilio live.
“See? He already turns from you. Because you’re weak. Because you caved.”
“No! I am not you. I changed the system. My Boys are loyal, especially Emilio. This… This is all a misunderstanding.”
“A misunderstanding?” my father mocks. “It seems clear to me, he’s already out the door. And you gave him the power to do it. You made sure he had a safe place to land, and even went so far as to make sure he had a house. Disgusting.”
“You’re wrong! He wears my ring. He loves me.”
“I will go on behalf of the O’Connel Family.” Emilio’s voice is stronger this time, but still cold. Far too cold for my love. And still, I can’t find him.
“It sounds to me like you broke him. This is what happens when you give mercy. You thought you could let the Boys have mercy, and then expect them to fall right in line? Fool. Always such a disappointment. We should have killed you when you were born… I can at least make sure to end Emilio, so he doesn’t have to suffer through living with you.
” My father’s expression twists with a sick glee, and I shudder against it, knowing the pain he’d inflict on the man I love.
“No! Not him!” I burst out, knowing I’m showing a weakness, but not caring. I will not let my father ruin Emilio, not like he tried to with me, or the others he so carelessly abused.
“I will go on behalf of the O’Connel Family.” Emilio’s voice whips out, my ears vibrating against the sudden rage I hear in every word.
“You can’t keep him anymore. And when he’s gone, you’ll be all alone. Don’t worry, Son, I’ll never leave… I never have. Because you know you don’t deserve better. You and Cristian at least make sense. The same sickness that's in you lives in him.
“Emilio is weak. And you made him that way. You let him believe he was a Boss. And now you will be left with regrets, unless…”
I tremble, unsure what to think or do as I suddenly hit my knees, unaware of what’s going on. My father comes closer, and for once, his face is benevolent and kind, like a father should actually be, even if he never was.
“Unless?” I ask hoarsely, unsure why I’m engaging, but unable to stop.
“You defeat him. Make him yield. Just like I did with you. Don’t give up. And don’t disappoint me, because if you do, I’ll make sure you and all the rest suffer…”
“I will go on behalf of the O’Connel Family.”
I gasp, waking up from the foggy nightmare that has twisted me up. My father’s echoing laugh won’t leave my head, and neither will Emilio’s claim of being Boss. Shuddering, I reach out for my love, and I panic when he’s not in my arms.
Blinking, I wait for my eyes to focus, only to find Emilio curled into a tight ball, all the way on the other side of the bed from me. Pain hits my heart, and the anxiety from before ratchets up even harder.
For a moment, I wonder what I should do, if I should wake him up. If I should apologize. But…the words from my father press in on me again.
“You defeat him. Make him yield.”
Swallowing, I close my eyes, hating my father’s wisdom. I feel as if Emilio is going to slip through my fingers, and if he does… Fuck, then I need to let him fail.
I can’t be soft. Not if he’s exerting his right as a Boss. My father is right about that. If he wants to face me as a Boss, then I can’t face him as anything other than one myself… Not even as the man he’ll marry.
Hating the chill that seeps through me, but I gladly embrace it, letting it encompass me inch by inch.
I breathe through the piercing pain until it’s finally gone, until numbness is all I have left.
Staring at the clock, I realize it doesn’t even matter that it’s the middle of the night. There’s no way I’ll get any sleep.
Hopefully, Emilio will stretch out if I’m not here.
No, I can’t soften. I need to think of him as the enemy.
It’s the only way. I need the ruthlessness of that feeling, of the belief that he’s in the wrong, to punish him, to put him in place.
It’s the only way to break him again, to make him bend.
Once he yields, it’ll go back to normal.
And then he can have my heart again. Better yet, he’ll bring back the warmth. For now, I may as well get some work done, before checking in on Luca. It’s going to be a hard road, but my father taught me well.
I can survive the cold, because in the end, I will win. And winning will put everything right again. The nightmares will stop when that happens…