Chapter 11
ANGEL
Everyone knows what it’s like to feel paranoid. We’ve all gotten up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night and yanked back the shower curtain. Why? Because despite knowing that no one could possibly be in there with you, you have to make sure.
That was my entire life.
After the accident, it took over two years for my PTSD diagnosis. It was almost as if the nightmares weren’t enough for them, but I got there in the end. Years of therapy later, I was still learning how to manage it. The nightmares, however, weren’t even the worst part.
No, that honor belonged to the ever-present anxiety. Constantly on edge, I was ready to bolt at any given second. There was an incessant need to look over my shoulder. Every corner that I couldn’t see around brought me to the edge of a panic attack. I hated surprises. Despite the theme of our bar, I hated horror movies—ghost stories especially. Raleigh still hadn’t forgiven himself for making me watch The Haunting in Connecticut. I couldn’t look in a mirror for months.
I didn’t like things I couldn’t plan for, such as Jack calling out sick. I knew it wasn’t his fault, but my anxiety didn’t care.
It didn’t help that we were creeping up on the anniversary of the accident. The texts and the invites and the “are you okays” were already rolling in. Every year, our hometown lit a bonfire at night in honor of the kids who died. No matter how many times Raleigh and I insisted we didn’t want anything to do with it, they still invited us—year after year. The weeks leading up to the date had a snowball effect on my anxiety, and tonight was no different.
Ryder offered to stay and clean up, but my pride wouldn’t let me accept. We could only let our employees work so many hours a week, and Ryder constantly toed that line. So there I was, cleaning the dark, empty, satanic bar all on my own—and nearly pissing myself at every unexpected sound. Ones that I’d typically be well-adjusted to. Each groan or creak or snap seemed to creep closer. Just when I’d convinced myself that they were nothing, there’d be another one.
It wasn’t entirely my fault—I was on edge after that text message Eli had sent me earlier. What the hell did we “need to talk” about? I hadn’t been in many long-term relationships, but I’d watched enough Friends to know that those words weren’t what anyone wanted to hear.
Finally, after I heard noises from the bathrooms that I knew were cleaned and locked, I caved and texted Eli. Texted again when something clattered to the floor in the kitchen. Realistically, that could’ve been the result of me hurriedly putting things away so I could get the hell out of there, but my brain wouldn’t be assuaged until someone else confirmed it. I called Eli next and when it went to voicemail, I went to plan B.
Raleigh was upstairs, but it took three tries to get him to answer his phone. He’d been drinking. I couldn’t say I was surprised, since he’d been using Jose Cuervo as a pacifier for the better part of a week. I didn’t necessarily like it, but getting Raleigh to listen to anyone other than himself was a challenge. Hell, getting him to listen to his own brain was tough. His drinking wasn’t impacting his mood or his behavior at work, so I had to let him work through it on his own.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
The simple sound of his voice was enough to soothe me, but I needed more. I put my phone on speaker so I could hear him talk while I texted him my response.
I think there’s someone here.
“Ryder checked everything before he left, right?”
Yes, but something’s not right.
“I’m sure it’s nothing, Angel. This time of year always has you on edge.”
That’s not it.
Please come downstairs.
You don’t even have to do anything.
“So you just want me to sit and look pretty?”
Isn’t that your area of expertise?
He sighed. “Okay. I’m on my way down.”
The telltale squeak of our apartment door echoed down the stairs, and I made sure to keep the call connected until I heard his heavy footsteps.
Raleigh appeared and smiled, and all of my fears vanished. His hair was disheveled, but what else was new? That was the only setting his hair had. He wore nothing but a skimpy tank top and a pair of sweats. Years of practice kept my gaze on his face, but that didn’t mean my eyes didn’t want to wander. He grabbed a stool from the bar and flipped it upright, then patted the seat with his tattooed hand. The rings on his hands smacked against the leather. Ignoring the naughty image the sound formed in my mind, I trudged across the room and sat myself on the stool.
“Stay there,” Raleigh instructed.
As if I wanted to be anywhere else. He’d parked me in a spot that provided the perfect view of his glorious ass in those sweats. Raleigh dutifully ducked behind each bar, checking for anyone lurking in the darkness. He went into the bathrooms, checking each stall, then relocking them behind him. I wasn’t sure exactly who I thought was hiding in the building. A murderer, a generic psychopath—a killer clown, maybe? I couldn’t rationalize my fears, not even to myself. Anxiety wasn’t always rational . Sometimes all I needed to hear was that everything would be okay.
I was holding my breath when Raleigh reappeared from the kitchen, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “There’s no one here, Angel.”
His presence brought me comfort, but my skin still prickled, the hair on my body standing on end.
That’s when Raleigh’s large hand found mine, and his steady confidence washed over me, my powers accepting his feelings as my own. The vine tattoos winding around his fingers flexed when he squeezed, and the roses climbing his arm danced as the veins popped with his movement. The pressure on my hand pulled me back to the present. My powers, satisfied we weren’t in danger, begrudgingly fell back asleep.
“Come on, let’s go upstairs.”
Feeling better, I didn’t protest. I would do whatever I needed to keep Raleigh’s hand in mine. It wasn’t the first time he’d slipped our fingers together—not even close—but every time, my silly little crush grew more intense.
Raleigh dropped my hand and moved for the stairs. His presence beckoned me like a siren, and like a lovesick fool, I followed it. We turned off the lights in the bar, and I fought the urge to look over my shoulder at the dark, haunting space. Nightmare fuel; nothing good ever came of it. Raleigh squeezed my hand again, and the urge vanished as quickly as it came. We paused long enough to lock the door at the bottom of the steps, and continued to our apartment.
My phone buzzed in my pocket, but I silenced it with my free hand without taking it out. Eli hadn’t answered my texts all day. We’d parted on good terms, hadn’t we? I couldn’t imagine what there could possibly be to talk about.
Better to ignore it for now.
Both of our jobs were demanding, albeit in different ways. Eli switched departments a lot and lately, our shifts hadn’t been lining up. We kept missing each other. Some nights he’d crawl into my bed, but he would always slip out when he thought I was asleep. When I had time to see him, he needed to sleep between shifts. He’d been on a difficult rotation—trauma—and needed to rest whenever he could get it.
Raleigh led me into the apartment and lowered himself onto the kitchen floor. Instead of sitting next to him, I sat cross-legged in front of him and accepted the bottle of tequila he passed my way.
“Do you remember that night I gave you your first kiss?”
I nodded, smiling fondly. I remembered that night often. I was fourteen, Raleigh had just turned fifteen. It would be a while before I realized that what I felt was love, but that night taught me something that hadn’t changed over the years: I’d had a taste of Raleigh and now, I was a hopeless addict.
* * *
“What if he wants to kiss me at the end of the night?”
“Do you want him to kiss you?”
Not as much as I wanted the guy sitting across the bed from me to.
“Yes,” I lied.
“Then let him!”
Raleigh went to my closet and flipped through the hangers. I was going on my first date, with a sixteen-year-old from another school. We’d met at a football game, and I let him stamp a gentle kiss to my cheek as the home team scored the winning touchdown. I’d been too nervous to let him do anything else, but when he asked to take me to a movie, I agreed.
I regretted that decision.
At fifteen, Raleigh was already a pro at kissing. I’d watched him make out with Kelsea Bryan at her house party over the summer. He was already six feet tall and filling out in all the right places. I didn’t want to think about how scrawny I was compared to my best friend.
“Hey!”
I spluttered, failing to catch the black shirt he threw at me before it hit me in the face. “What was that for?”
“I’m talking to you, but you’re on another planet.” He waited for me to pull on the fabric of the shirt, then he shook his head. “I changed my mind. The burgundy looks better on you.”
Stripping out of the darker shirt, I took the burgundy graphic tee and tugged it on, then frowned at the jeans he handed me. “These are a size too small.”
Raleigh’s eyes sparkled. “I know, and you’re welcome. David’s going to lose his mind.”
I rolled my eyes but wiggled into the constricting pants. “The only thing he’s going to lose his mind over is the fact that I’ve never kissed anyone.”
Raleigh froze so quickly, he nearly tripped. He spun around to face me, eyes wide. “You’ve never kissed anyone?”
Sheepishly, I shook my head.
Raleigh placed a hand on my shoulder and plopped me back down on my bed. I couldn’t fight him in those too-tight jeans. “What about that guy from last year?”
“I lied.” I’d been pushed into a closet with a boy during a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven, but neither of us had an interest in the other. We’d faked it together, rubbing our lips raw with our hands to make it look like we’d been making out the entire time.
“What time is David picking you up?” Raleigh asked.
I glanced at my phone, wondering how I was going to fit it into my pocket. “Half an hour.”
“All right.” Raleigh snatched my phone from my hands, set a timer for thirty minutes, and tossed it onto the bed. “Welcome to Kissing 101 with Raleigh Jenkins.”
My thoughts screeched to a halt so violently that I swore I heard a record scratch in my head. “Wh-what?”
He pulled his long legs onto the bed, moving in close. “You don’t know how to kiss; I do. I’ll show you what to do so you don’t make a fool of yourself.”
I blinked. Surely, he was joking.
“Come on,” he said, nudging my shoulder. “All you have to do is follow my lead. You’ll be fine.”
Okay—we weren’t joking. I swore my heart was beating out of my chest like a fucking cartoon. Swallowing hard, I shifted on the bed, folding my legs under me. I flinched when Raleigh brushed a lock of hair away from my face, then I settled into his touch, eyes fluttering shut. In that moment, I vowed that I would always wear my hair long enough for him to run his hands through it.
“Look at you,” Raleigh praised, and my breath hitched. “You’re a natural.”
When I opened my eyes again, he was leaning in. Oh shit, this was it. My first kiss—my first kiss with Raleigh . Time slowed, then seemed to stop altogether.
“Close your eyes, Angel.”
I snapped them shut, and I felt his breath on my lips a moment later. Soft, warm puffs of air against soft skin. I wasn’t breathing at all. I doubted I ever would again.
When our lips finally touched, my body lit up. Sparks flew, hitting places I never knew existed. Tingling spread through my mouth, across my veins and all the way down to my toes. Raleigh parted his lips, and I followed suit. Holy hell, was this what I’d been missing out on for so long? Had I known, I would’ve started kissing way sooner. Raleigh’s grip on my chin tightened, pulling me closer and pressing his lip ring into me. I moved happily. Something warm prodded my lips, and I instinctively opened them to give him access… it was sloppy and messy, and it was perfect .
When he pulled away, I swallowed a sound of protest—and cringed when a string of spit left our mouths connected. Mortified, my hands flew to my mouth. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s all right,” Raleigh laughed, cleaning his lips with his shirt. “That wasn’t half bad for a first kiss.”
I glanced down at my phone—it’d only been thirty seconds. Before I could second-guess it, I tugged Raleigh back in by the collar of his shirt. “Let’s keep trying.”
* * *
I did kiss David Ramsay that night, and like a pro, I didn’t drool all over him. I suppose I had Raleigh to thank for that. I never saw the guy again, but the memory of my first date went down in history—for all the wrong reasons.
Raleigh handed the tequila back to me, and I took a long swig. I’d drunk so much of it that I felt the hint of a buzz forming at the edges of my mind. It would take more than one bottle to push me into wasted territory, but I knew that whatever I felt, Raleigh felt ten times more. I tipped the bottle and knocked back the rest of it. The glass clicked against the linoleum floor when I set it down. With his head on my shoulder and his right arm resting on my leg, I wondered for a moment whether he’d passed out.
“You ever learn how to kiss without drooling everywhere?” he mumbled, voice slurring. He sounded like he was already on his way to sleep.
I gazed down at him. His dark curls fell across my shoulder, and I couldn’t help but remember the exact way it felt between my fingers, the sounds he made as we made out on my bed. How had he never figured out I was madly in love with him?
Billie’s words mocked me. “If he wanted you, he would have you.”
There was only one way to find out.
I braced myself, already planning to blame the alcohol if my next move fell apart.
I nudged him off my shoulder and he looked up, eyebrow piercing raised in confusion. “Close your eyes.”
“Why?”
“Just do it.”
After a moment of hesitation, Raleigh closed his eyes. He swayed, the booze clearly having an effect.
I sat there, watching him. Did I really have the balls to do this?
Fuck it.
I swooped in, capturing Raleigh’s mouth with my own. He let out a surprised grunt but made no move to pull away. I swept my tongue across his lips.
Focus, Angel . All I had to do was focus.
I raised myself onto one knee, swinging my other to straddle Raleigh’s lap. Shit , he was hard. I gasped in shock, breaking the kiss.
That’s it…
All I had to do was focus on Raleigh and his rail-hard cock grinding into my ass.
His hands found my hips and he looked up at me, waiting for me to make the next move.
And when Raleigh shifted, rubbing his erection against me, I did.