Chapter 3
Sage
The room was noisy with the other boys chattering as they played, but I still heard the door open.
I sat within sight of it but refused to look up.
I wasn't in the market so why bother looking?
If it was another boy coming in I didn't care.
If it was a daddy and he was good-looking he was probably already taken.
Very glanced up from his picture and turned to look at the door, confirming my instinct. “That’s a new daddy. I’ve never seen him before.”
“Umph.” I grunted.
Sure, I was curious. My neck muscles tightened. A tiny voice in my head tempted me. It’s not a crime to look. Go ahead. It doesn’t mean anything.
But it did mean something. It meant I didn’t have control. My needs might drive me into more scenarios that would lead to hurt feelings and hard hearts. This wasn’t the place to meet daddies looking for real relationships. At least, that was my experience.
I gripped my crayon and pressed down on the page. I was coloring a truck now, my dragon picture finished. The truck was all red. The harder I pressed, the shinier and thicker that red truck got. I was careful to stay within the edges of the black outlines.
My legs were bent beneath me where I sat on the floor. I raised up a bit and pressed harder on the crayon. It snapped so hard a piece of it went flying across the carpet and almost hit Very.
What was wrong with me?
“Sorry,” I mumbled.
Very frowned, picked up the crayon half and held it out to me. When I raised my hand to take it my head came up and the room came into focus. That was when I saw him.
At first I wasn’t sure. Was the new man a daddy or a little? And why was he wearing a suit?
He looked straight at me and quirked his lips.
My heart jumped and I looked away. He was handsome. But not typical for this venue. Out the corner of my eye I watched him make his way to a couch and sit where the daddies sat. I turned my head slightly so I could watch without looking like I was watching.
One of the men turned and spoke to him. He spoke back with a slight smile but they did not strike up a conversation. He had a drink in his hand and took sips from it every few seconds, the way I did when I was nervous. I had a weird instinct right then that I wanted to know everything about him.
I forced myself to look away. I took my broken crayon half and forced myself to focus on my picture.
I was almost done filling in the lines of the truck.
I had half a door left. Then there was the grass and trees.
I liked to make them different colors, not just solid green.
But sometimes when I was feeling like a real needy baby my art was mostly scribbles.
“I wonder who he is,” Very said under his breath.
“Maybe he's just an audience,” I replied. “Likes to watch. He really doesn't seem to fit.”
“Because he's in his suit? That's fashionist.”
“Fashionist?” I squinted at him.
“You know, like ageist.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. People wear the clothes they relate most to.”
“Like what you're wearing?”
“Yep.” He was one to talk. He had on a blue sparkly T-shirt and striped shorts.
I looked down at my picture. “I'm just saying maybe he came directly from his job. So, he doesn’t really fit.”
But Very was right. If the daddy was new maybe he didn't have any type of labeling uniform yet.
I hated to think in terms like that but it was true.
Especially in a kink club. People wore the type of thing they wanted to be identified with.
Most littles didn't wear leather and studs.
Not unless their daddies told them to. And daddy doms didn't usually wear sparkle T-shirts with unicorns on them.
I kept coloring but my mind wouldn't stop.
I was intrigued. And pissed because I had made a promise with myself not to get caught up in the men here anymore.
If there was a daddy out there for me I was going to have to meet him somewhere else.
Somewhere in the vanilla world. Somewhere where people were looking for something else, and for me that meant long-term monogamy.
Still, my legs itched to get up and go over to the couches. I wanted so badly to introduce myself, to learn his name. Why did this have to happen now? I was taking a break. I needed space.
Very noticed my tension. “Hey, you colored outside the line. You never do that.”
But I did do that. When I was regressing more.
Usually that happened in private with or without a daddy present.
The feelings inside me were hard to describe.
Irritation and annoyance at myself for my curiosity and craving for a daddy.
And a sudden overwhelming need to curl in and seek protection. My breaths came a little faster.
“Wanna come with me and play with the blocks?” Very asked.
I put down my crayon and nodded, then followed him on my hands and knees to a clear space on a rug.
I sat down and crossed my knees as he went to get the box of blocks.
He poured them out between us and together we started to stack them and build the wall.
Eventually, I got lower and lower to the ground until I was on my stomach.
And then I rolled over, forgetting the blocks, and stared up at the bright lights on the ceiling.
Very spoke to me again but I didn't answer. His words sounded muffled as my concentration switched to focusing on whether I could hear the daddies on the couch and their conversation. It was difficult because littles could be so noisy while they played.
I didn't hear the man in the suit but already my imagination was running away with me. His voice would sound like a gentle low hum. He would speak in a tone that would bathe me in warmth with a honeyed edge to it.
After a while I heard voices closer to me.
Very spoke again but I didn't hear exactly what he said.
Weird. I blinked my eyes against the lights and saw after-images against the inside of my eyelids.
One image morphed into a silhouette that looked like a man leaning over me. I quickly snapped open my eyes.
It was the man in the suit. And he was talking to Very.
I rolled over onto my side where I could see only his shoes under the cuffs of his trousers. I drew my knees up to my stomach and wrapped my arms around them.
As I lay there I heard Very say, “Sometimes he does that but not often.”
“I see.” And yes that voice. It surrounded me and I felt like a golden glow came up from inside me.
“I only know him from this club,” Very said quietly. “He's usually pretty active. But once he told me in private that his little age can go as low as two. I really don't know anything else.”
“Thank you.”
I kept staring at his shoes all shiny and black. I tried to see my reflection in them but mostly I just saw light. Suddenly, he squatted down toward me.
“My name is Preston,” he said. “Your friend told me you are Sage. Is that right?”
I turned my head so I could look up. He had slick dark hair and big brown eyes. They were soft. Gentle. Friendly.
I nodded, then turned away as I felt a blush come over my face. I’d never reacted this way to anyone. Daddies I’d been with before had had to earn my trust. I didn’t dare regress on the spot with someone I didn’t know.
I was confusing myself. Even my psych classes weren’t helping me now because my mind was too fuzzy, too distracted. I wasn’t aroused but more just plain needy. That word wouldn’t stop coming into my mind. It was part of the reason I was now very flushed.
I wasn’t playing tricks. It was an honest reaction to how I felt. And in a kink club, these things were not judged.
The man, Preston, knelt at my side. “Do you need your daddy? We can try to find him.”
I shook my head.
“He doesn’t have a daddy,” Very said.
All conversation seemed distant, meaningless, but a part of me understood. Preston’s instinct was to approach. That both thrilled and terrified me. Great guy, wrong timing.
“Maybe he can go to one of the cribs?” Preston asked.
“Maybe.” Very sounded unsure.
“Has he used them before?”
Silence.
I hadn’t. My ex-daddies didn’t know what to do with baby little. Most of the time, I fought the urge to show myself that way. But this man—he made me feel it so strongly. His scent was like soap and clean lines. I rolled toward him, pressing against his knees where he knelt beside me.
“Sage? Do you want a crib?”
I didn’t. I wanted to be held in someone’s lap. His. I raised my arms up.
“That means he wants to be picked up,” Very said.
“Oh. Uh, all right.” Preston sounded unsure.
“Up.” The word escaped me in a squeaky voice.
Some part of me knew I could stop this right now. Get up, grab my things and go home. But I was hungry. Not for food but for touch. Attention. I closed my eyes.
Arms came around me. All my muscles turned to warm water. I went with the motion of the other man almost like a rag doll, then I wrapped my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist.
His hands moved gently beneath my bottom to hold me to him. Now I was literally sitting in the palms of his hands. I liked it.
I opened my eyes to see him taking me to the crib area. No one was there. They were rarely used. I didn’t want that. Not right now, at least. I clung to him as he tried to lower me to the baby blankets. I buried my face in the lapel of his suit.
“No?” His soft voice.
I shook my head against his chest. He seemed so nice, so safe. Maybe for a few minutes I could just have him hold me, then tonight I’d go home a happy little.
He leaned back, bouncing me a little to get a better grip on my bottom. So nice. I didn’t get aroused but it was almost like that, a flicker that went through me to relax me. It sent me to an almost meditative state.
“Do you want me to hold you for a little while, then?” Again, voice soft, honeyed, resonating through me.
I nodded.
I felt the steps he took across the room. My weight shifted against him and in his hands as he sat, taking his hands away from my bottom and setting me on his thigh. Both my legs now hung over his other thigh.
I sighed and held onto him as if this might somehow be real. I knew better, but for now couldn’t I have this? Please?