Chapter 19
Sage
Daddy Preston never answered my text. I cried all night long, then called in sick to work the next day. I never went to class.
It was obvious by now that Preston was ghosting me. For what reason, I couldn’t imagine.
I kept thinking back, trying to remember if I’d done anything to piss him off.
But our last night together had been awesome.
He had spanked me soundly on my bare bottom for mouthing off a little when I didn’t want to get out of the tub, then fucked my lights out.
I’d been so turned on I came twice. He’d given me a lot of praise for that.
Now, nothing. It made no sense.
I kept thinking. Something tickled at my brain. Things had changed right after my deposition at Preston’s firm. Could it be that simple? Did he think I’d held things back from him or was lying to him? If so, he was wrong. So wrong. Daddy needed to be set right on these matters. I had to see him.
But would he see me?
The thought that he wouldn’t had me crying again. My emotions were out of control. I couldn’t see him like this. I was a mess. I had to be the adult me now. The smart Sage. The loyal one.
It was late in the day. Evening already. My uneaten lunch still sat on the coffee table. My TV was on mute, cartoons flashing lots of color into the room. My blurry eyes wouldn’t quit making tears.
I picked up my phone half a dozen times to text him, but I didn’t want to communicate that way. It had to be face to face. My Daddy had to tell me himself, using real words, that he didn’t want to see me anymore. If he did tell me that, I’d go away. I wouldn’t bother him ever again.
A determination came over. I was going over to Preston’s house. Now.
If I didn’t do this now, my courage would fade. I hated confrontation. I was always the last to know if my boyfriend had cheated or had moved on. They didn’t talk to me about that stuff. No one did. And now, Daddy Preston was doing the same thing.
My mind demanded closure. Plus, I had stuff at his house. I needed to pack it up if things weren’t going any further.
I jumped up in a rush and practically ran out my door. I nearly forgot my keys and wallet.
The wind had picked up. Icy cold. No moon, only dark clouds gathering. The perfect October night. Except for the feeling that I was losing the best thing that had ever happened to me. Except for feeling like I was dying.
I barely noticed the cold on my body or the wind messing up my usually neatly styled hair. At this point, I didn’t care about anything except seeing Preston, for good or for bad.
I had to drive slower than I wanted. My tears kept blurring my view. It wouldn’t do to have a cop stop me for running a stop sign in my condition. I’d probably get arrested for impaired driving.
I kept wiping my face on my sleeve. Trying to give myself pep talks.
Get hold of yourself. Daddy doesn’t need to see a whiny adult right now.
It crossed my mind that showing up at Preston’s unannounced, without invitation or knowing what was going on with him, might be considered stalking.
That was the last thing I wanted. His final impression of me should be more positive, I decided.
And I could always say I wanted my stuff even though my things were easily replaceable.
I sniffed away the tears and grabbed a leftover takeout napkin from my center console, blotting at my eyes. With my tangled hair and puffy eyes, I’d be a sore sight. But it was what it was.
Preston’s big house looked dark when I pulled up the driveway. At least the porch light was on. And there was a dim light in his bedroom window.
Leaves blew in front of my headlights like strange, scraggly critters. The shadows loomed, eerie and strange.
I looked up at the house. We’d discussed Christmas lights and where we might put them. That meant Preston was looking into the future. That thought gave me hope.
I parked in front of the porch steps. My car went dark. And then I just sat. And sat. My inner voice said, Get out.
My body would not move.
All the darker thoughts began to intrude again.
Maybe he decided he didn’t want a boy anymore.
Maybe being a daddy wasn’t right for him.
But then even darker thoughts: What if something bad had happened to him?
What if he was sick or injured and didn’t want me involved? What if he had met someone else?
The tears returned. My throat closed up until my breathing hitched. But I forcefully opened my door. I had to know the truth.
The wind nearly took my door off its hinges. The clouds above swirled. But I was brave Sage now. I could do this.
I got out and the cold air went through me like a sword. I’d forgotten my jacket. But I didn’t care. I only had one goal. Preston’s front door.
The wind blew at my stinging eyes. I felt like a warrior climbing those porch steps. Only five, but they seemed endless.
Finally, I stood before Daddy’s beautiful front door with the little paned window high up enough that I had to stand on tiptoes to see through it. I didn’t do that now. Now, I simply raised my hand.
The porch had an open railing around it. No walls. It barely protected me from the storm. I felt my body sway.
I knocked hard, tears still falling from my eyes.
Nothing.
I knocked again. Harder. Three sharp raps.
Daddy opened the door, took one look at me and reached out to lift me up.
What the hell?
I took a step back. He looked good. Great, in fact. All perfect and clean-lined and so much a daddy. Who was he dressed up for?
I glanced past him and thought I saw a candle’s glow. I almost panicked. Did he have a guest?
More tears raced down my cheeks. I took a deep breath that sounded more like a sob. It was a given I couldn’t control myself for shit. Speak now or never, I thought.
Preston looked sad, his eyes glinting with something like pain.
Okay, then. I’d do this and be gone.
“Daddy, just tell me to my face. Why don’t you want to see me anymore? I can’t take another night without you, but if you tell me to go away, I will. And I’ll never bother you again.”
“Oh, Sage baby.” He held out his arms again. His eyes flashed with tears to match my own. “I’m so sorry. I couldn’t talk to you. I’ll tell you everything now. Come in. Please.”
I glanced once more over his shoulder. There was a dim light. No sign of anyone else.
“You’re inviting me in?”
“Of course. I was just going to text you. I want you here. I want to explain everything to you. Please. If you’ll let me. I’m so sorry, Sage.”
Could it be true? He still wanted me? My heart hammered. I wasn’t losing him. He truly had something bad happen to him and I was about to find out.
I walked straight into his arms. They came around me and lifted me up. My legs automatically went around his waist. Yes, this was my wish. This was home. Daddy Preston was everything.
I buried my still wet face in his neck.
“Oh sweetheart. You’re so cold. How long have you been out there?”
I didn’t reply.
He shut the door and took me to the couch, then held me as I sobbed. I sucked my thumb to try to quiet myself but it didn’t work. I’d immediately fallen between baby boy and big boy. But I could still reason.
“Daddy. Talk. Talk to me.”
“Yes, sweetheart.” His hand made those familiar circles over my back.
“What’s happening?”
“It started the day of your deposition.”
“Daddy, it’s your job, isn’t it?” I interrupted. “Is that why? Because I’m part of a case at your office?”
“Yes. You’re very smart, aren’t you? That’s exactly it.”
“What happened?”
He began to tell me about his boss and HR and everything that he had gone through.
All his guilt about a conflict of interest. All his worry that he’d lose his job.
Greater worry that he’d lose me. Daddy had suffered like I had been suffering.
It didn’t make things better. I didn’t want him to hurt. Not ever.
I interrupted him again. “Do we wait until the case is over before we see each other again? It’s not for another few months and that’s a long time.” I hiccupped, trying to hold back another sob.
One word was all he said. “No.”
I began to cry again.
“Shh.” He rubbed my back. “I won’t stand for it.”
Did he mean my crying? Me being a baby now? I nearly choked on silent sobs I tried to hold back. Then I heard him say something I thought I imagined.
“I’m going to quit.”
My heart stopped. It was as if I’d touched an exposed electric wire. “No. No, Daddy. You can’t. That’s the job you’ve worked your whole life to have.”
“I don’t care.”
“You have to care.” I nearly wailed.
“If I can’t have you, it’s not worth it. I’ll get another job.”
I leaned up to face him. His eyes were wet.
“It’s nice of you to say that, but Daddy, it’s wrong. I have to leave.” Pain stabbed in my chest but I conjured brave Sage again and said, “It’s only a few months. You can’t stop work.”
“For you I’d do anything.”
From the steady, careful tone of his voice, I knew he meant it. But I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I allowed that.
“No, Daddy. No.” More tears fell from my eyes. “What if I refuse to testify?”
His dark eyes flickered. “They subpoenaed you. You’d go to jail.”
“They can’t make me.”
“I’m afraid they can.”
“I’ll just tell the prosecutor I lied. That I didn’t see anything. It’s called recanting, right?”
He nodded.
I realized I wasn’t supposed to talk like that about the case. I didn’t care. “You know what the case is, right?”
“I do. My boss informed me.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about it. It had been a long time since I’d talked to anyone on the case. It happened in my junior year. I’d convinced myself the trial might never happen. People make deals all the time. But I’ll recant. I can do that, right?”
“Could you live with yourself if you did? A guilty man, a rapist, might go free.”
I scrunched up my face and buried it in his neck again. “No, I don’t want that. But I don’t think it’s right that you have to quit your job, either.”
“You need to let Daddy handle this. I’ll survive. I’ll get another job. But I can’t get another Sage. I can’t live without you, baby. You’re too special. Too wonderful.”
I hugged his neck harder. His hand on my back rose to rest against the back of my neck. His fingers gently combed through my hair.
He whispered directly into my ear. “You’re everything to me now, Sage. I’m in love with you.”
I gasped, lifting my head again, staring at him. “Daddy?”
“There. I said it. I’ve been wanting to say that for a while now.”
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Because I feel exactly the same.” I smiled through my tears. “I’m so in love with you. More than chocolate. More than the moon and the stars. More than anything I can think of.”
Daddy laughed. “So sweet. I love you so much, baby boy. Never forget that. We’ll make this work. Never forget you’re mine.”
My body warmed. I didn’t realize how cold I’d been until now.
“Forever yours?”
“Forever if you’ll have me.”
I leaned in and kissed him, then pulled back. “Yes, Daddy. Yours forever. Everything will work out. I know it will.”
“We’ll make it happen together.”