Chapter 37 Taryn
Taryn
I ride back to the house with Gunner in the ATV, and though we drive with all four wheels on the ground, we might as well be flying.
I can’t contain the emotion I’m feeling, a mixture of elation and terror and absolute nirvana.
Being with Gabe gave me a passion I’ve never felt before, and I know that Gabe is my home.
He’s my other half, and the person I’ve always wanted.
Gunner is my stepdad and when I lived here before, I never considered him anything more than that.
Since I got back, that’s changed, though, and this morning on the ridge...
God, when he touched me, I felt like I was going to explode, the need in my belly so big that I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
I’d known that we shouldn’t be doing what we were doing, but in the same breath, it had felt like the only right thing to do.
The only way for us to promise ourselves to each other, to promise that we were going to be here for each other no matter what.
And that was what that was. A promise.
A warm, gentle, mind-blowingly passionate promise that neither of us would ever be able to go back on.
He slips his hand around mine as we walk toward the house, and the warmth of his skin flows up through my arm into my body.
I feel like I could dance and spin right up into the air if I wanted to, and for the first time since I got back, I feel like Gunner might actually accept me here. Like he might actually want me here.
I didn’t realize how badly I needed that until right now.
When I look up, though, all that good feeling disappears.
Gabe is standing in the doorway in nothing but pajama pants and a mug of coffee, his hair messy and his eyes still puffy from sleep.
He looks exactly like he did when I slipped out of his bed this morning, and my heart catches on fire at the thought of what we were doing before I got up.
Then I see the look on his face.
His eyes snap from my face to his father and then down to our joined hands, and I drop Gunner’s hand immediately, though some part of me knows it’s already too late. Gabe’s face has gone from sleepy and happy to see me to betrayed. Confused. Crushed.
He turns and goes back into the house without saying anything, and I know that although I may have won him and his heart last night, I’ve just lost him again.
I rush after him, leaving Gunner behind to take care of himself. Because I love Gunner with every fiber of my being. But I can’t lose Gabe.
Not after we just found each other again.
I slide through the main room and into the kitchen, where I find Gabe rustling around in the pantry, looking for something.
When I get there, though, he’s not actually doing anything other than throwing things around on the shelves, creating chaos and ruining the organization I’ve finally managed to impose.
I reach out and snatch his hand back. “I thought we said that if you want to rearrange in here, you run it by me first.”
It’s supposed to be a joke, but it falls flat. He turns on me, his eyes wet with tears.
“And what do you care about that? It’s not like you’re going to be around much longer, anyhow. Probably already planning to leave us like you did last time.”
The words are so hurtful, so untrue, that I draw back like I’ve been slapped. “What?” I gasp. “I’m not leaving. I promised you I wouldn’t.”
He snorts. “Seems like your promises don’t actually mean that much.”
Okay, now I’m mad. “Are you calling me a liar, Gabe Hawke?” I draw myself up to my full height and do my best to look down my nose at him. He’s a full head taller than me, so it’s difficult.
But I try.
He narrows his eyes at me, and I can tell he’s about to argue with me about it, but Gunner shows up behind me.
“What are you two shouting about?” he asks. In a shout. “Why are you in the pantry arguing like children?”
Gabe’s hot, angry eyes snap to his father. “Because we are children. Your children, in case you forgot! You’re the adult here. The one who’s supposed to make the big decisions. Though maybe you’ve forgotten about that, too!”
Whoa. I don’t have to ask to know that statement was full of double meanings, and when I look at Gunner, I can see that it hit exactly the target Gabe was aiming for. He looks stunned and horrified in equal parts, and I’m positive he’s just guessed that Gabe knows what we did.
And if he’s smart, he’s also guessing that Gabe’s upset because Gabe and I have shared similar moments.
They both look like they’re about to tear each other apart, and it’s all because of me. They may not have gotten along well while I was away but at least they weren’t at each other’s throats. Now I’m back, and they’re been fighting all the time, acting like they actually hate each other.
Because I’m coming between them.
I shake my head at that, refusing to believe it. I’m not coming between them; I’m trying to love them. They’re family, and they should treat each other that way. And if they’re not going to figure that out on their own, I’ll just take matters into my own hands.
“Stop it,” I snap. “Both of you.”
Two sets of blue eyes snap toward me, shocked, and I pop one hip and look coldly from one to the other.
“That’s right, I said stop it. Honestly, I don’t know how the fuck you share a house if you hate each other that much. Because if you’re actually enemies like you act like you are, one of you should move to town. So who’s it going to be?”
I look expectantly at Gunner, and then Gabe, waiting, but neither of them speaks.
“Well? Who’s moving out?”
Crickets.
“Neither of you? You still want to live in the same house together?”
I wait again, but there are no answers, and now they’re both looking at the ground in embarrassment.
So I don’t push the issue.
Instead, I thread one arm through Gabe’s and the other through Gunner’s and lead them back into the kitchen.
“In that case, I have demands. I’m tired of you fighting.
You’re family, and you should act like it.
We’re family. We belong together. We love each other.
Grow up and act like father and son. I’m not letting up on either of you until you can manage it.
Gabe, go get dressed. Gunner, shovel the driveway.
The snow is melting, and I want to be able to get to the vehicles more easily. I’m going to make breakfast.”
I drop their arms and turn to them, finding that they now look like little boys who’ve been spanked.
I fight to keep from laughing at that.
“You’re going to be nice to each other. I love you both, and I won’t accept anything less. Do I make myself clear?”
After a brief hesitation, they both finally nod. But I’m not done with them yet. I don’t want to address what just happened between me and Gunner, or what’s been happening between me and Gabe, but something in me says that it’s better to just get it over with right now.
Because I don’t want it to come between us.
“And if I want to love you both, that has to be okay, too. I want each of you as my own. And I don’t want to have to pick one or the other. I don’t want to leave either of you behind.”
I pause, waiting for either of them to say anything, but I’ve never seen them so quiet or docile.
It’s like they both know how much we all have to lose.
In the end, we come to some sort of mutual agreement not to ruin the moment with any further words. Or maybe none of us wants to talk about what just happened or what it might mean.
Maybe we just needed to lay down the rules once, so we can all live by them.
“I’ll go get to work on the driveway,” Gunner says finally.
He turns and walks out, leaving me surprised and pleased.
“God, if I knew it was this easy to order him around, I would have started a long time ago,” I murmur.
Gabe chuckles, then grabs my arm and spins me toward him. “He might be. I’m not,” he murmurs.
I lift a single eyebrow. “Is that so? Because five seconds ago you were shouting at me in the pantry, and now...”
He grins and ducks quickly to place a soft kiss on my mouth. “And now, I’m going upstairs to get dressed, just like you told me to.”
God, this guy. One kiss and I’m ready to melt into a puddle at his feet.
“Good boy,” I whisper.
He leans toward my ear. “You have no idea what a good boy I can be. Come to my room later and I can show you, though.”
He’s gone before I can respond, and I’m giggling helplessly at his antics.
The smile grows when I look out the window and see Gunner shoveling snow with a dreamy smile on his face, his movements quick and sure.
Gabe is humming on his way up the stairs, and I already know that when Gunner comes back in, he’ll be in a better mood.
And as I turn to get the ingredients out for pancakes, and the eggs out of the refrigerator, I have a matching smile on my face.
Because this is starting to feel a whole lot like home.
And I’ve never felt safer in my life.