Chapter 36 #2
“Massimo,” she breathes, a small tendril of fear leaking through, “I need you to take control. I know I’m spiraling.
I know I’m being irrational, and the only way I can get out of this headspace is for someone to make me.
To take the option away. To give me something else to focus on instead.
” I can tell each word is costing her, but the trust in her eyes never wavers. “Please, Massimo. Help me.”
Fuck. My gut clenches and anticipation burns. But I don’t move. I simply watch her, searching her gaze for any doubts. Anything that will make me put an end to this now. I know what it’s costing her. I know what she’s asking me isn’t small.
“Are you asking me that because you think it’s what I want from you, Lucy, or because it’s what you want?” I keep my expression neutral. “You said before that you didn’t want that part of you to come back. I won’t have you hating me for giving you something that you didn’t truly want.”
I’m not sure why exactly, but her body suddenly relaxes, and the fear in her eyes dissipates.
I arch a brow expectantly at her and all she does is lean in to press her mouth to mine quickly.
“You’re a good man, Massimo,” she whispers when she pulls away.
I say nothing, just wait for her to tell me whatever is going on in her head.
Finally, she says, “I trust you, Massimo. I trust that you’re not going to push me farther than I’m ready for.
The fact that you said that proves it. It makes me trust you more.
So, yes, that is what I want, Massimo. I want you to be in control, help me ground myself again.
Somehow. I don’t know if I’m ready for the full sex part yet.
I only just stopped bleeding and while I feel okay, I’d like another day to make sure it’s not just temporary.
I don’t know what that will leave you but—”
“Lucy,” I interrupt firmly, stopping her. She looks at me with such trust it’s nearly my undoing. “I want to be clear. You want me to take control, and you understand that means that I will be using my voice in the same way I did before?”
“Yes, Massimo. I trust you that you won’t abuse it.”
Never. The thought of breaking the trust she’s giving me right now fills me with fury. I don’t even want to think about that fucker that did it to her.
“I am not going to be an easy lover, Lucy. I want you to understand that. I will push you, I will demand your submission, and I will expect you to always communicate with me. To never lie or hesitate to tell me what you’re thinking or feeling to try and appease me.
And there is no going back, Lucy. If you give this to me, this is what you are asking for every time we’re together.
I don’t do the Dom/sub relationship in the traditional sense.
I like to be the one in charge, yes, and I don’t mind doling out punishments when you deserve it, but the only time I expect this kind of control is in private and in our bed.
The rest of our relationship will be built on communication and trust. I can give you what you need, but it won’t be the same as what you had with your husband. Do you understand that?”
She doesn’t answer right away, which gives me hope. If she had given me a quick answer, I’d have ended this entire thing right now. Instead, she watches me, brow slightly furrowed as she considers my questions. Finally, she nods. “Yes, Massimo, I understand. I don’t want the same as I had before.”
“And you understand that agreeing to this is agreeing to giving us a fair shot? I’ll help you now as much as I can, but if you want the sexual side of it, then that’s what I’m asking for.
Understanding that sex might not mean traditional sex until you’re ready, but I want us to be able to explore and understand each other. ”
She nods slowly. “I just need you to be patient with me, Massimo. I’m going to freak out again, I’m just that kind of person. I’m probably going to get overwhelmed again.”
“I get that. I just want to make sure that we’re clear, Lucy. I will not break a trust you’ve given me, and I have to trust that you will do the same for me.”
Her expression softens. “I know you won’t, Massimo. And I will do everything I can not to break yours either. As long as you’re patient with me, then I’m giving you consent for this kind of dynamic.”
I don’t miss that she purposely used the word consent. Or that she’s already starting to look less frantic and more centered. Maybe this is what she needs. Maybe it’s what we both need.
Knowing that she’s okay, give her a slow, sensuous smile.
Her eyes widen slightly, but she just holds my stares, waiting, body still trembling slightly.
“Then I think it’s time we introduce you to how I plan on grounding you, cerbiatta,” I purr, gripping her hair and yanking her head backward so that her neck is exposed to me.
She lets out a shocked gasp, but her eyes flutter closed, and I see the pleasure flicker across her face.
My own desire flares, deepening. I latch my teeth into her neck, giving her the small bite of pain I think she’s craving, revelling in the way her pulse pounds under my tongue as I lave at that spot I’ve created.
Primal pleasure spreads as I look at the mark. I want her to carry that around, let everyone know she’s mine. That she’s finally given herself to me.
“Massimo,” she breathes when I release her hair and then put both hands on her thighs, urging her to unravel them.
“Don’t worry, Lucy,” I assure her as I set her back on her feet.
“I have you.” But the time for being nice is over.
She wants me to help her, and I’m going to.
Now it’s time to test and see just how well she’s going to react to me.
I lose my smile, giving her an expectant look as I order, “Get on your knees, cerbiatta.” My tone is firm, authoritative, and it gets an instant reaction.
There’s a mixture of excitement, nerves, defiance, and finally submission as she sinks to her knees in front of me, her eyes never leaving mine.
Fuck, I love seeing her like this.
My hands go to my belt, but I stop before I unravel it, watching her carefully. “Lucy, if at any point you want to stop, I want you to tell me, no matter what,” I tell her sternly. “Do you understand?” She nods, but I give her a warning look. “Words, Lucy.”
“Yes, I understand,” she answers, voice husky.
“Good girl.” Her face flushes, and her pupils dilate.
Mmm, seems my girl has a praise kink too.
I file that away for later. I undo my belt, slowly, gauging her reactions for anything indicating I need to stop, but when I undo the button of my pants and slide my zipper down, I realize that she’s so completely entranced watching me that she’s no longer shaking. Her eyes are clear, focused. Expectant.
I bite back a moan and force myself to get a grip. I pull myself out of my pants, cock so hard and already leaking precum. I stroke myself once, twice, watching her for any regrets or fear, but instead I’m biting back a groan as her tongue peaks out to lick at her lower lip.
Fuck, I don’t know if I’m going to survive this.
I push my pants down more, widening my stance, before taking my other hand and weaving it into her hair to hold it tight, and tell her, “I’m going to give you something else to think about, cerbiatta.
Open that pretty mouth for me and wrap it tight around me.
And you’re not going to stop until I tell you to, are you? ”