Chapter 40 #2
One that we can both agree. “Then how about you give Soren to me and go and have a bath yourself? Relax a little bit. Then, when you’re done, you can show me how to bathe him so I can help out from now on.”
She hesitates. “I can do it, and I’m fine. I’ll give him a bath first, then I can shower when he’s asleep.”
I frown and arch a brow. “Is that because you don’t want my help or because you’re still feeling guilty about earlier?”
Guilt flashes across her face. Guess that’s my answer.
“I shouldn’t have left him.” She looks down at Soren, refusing to look at me. “What kind of mother leaves her son to give a man a blowjob in another room?”
I bite back an annoyed sigh. Instead of replying, I pull away and give her a stern look that has her wincing and lowering her eyes right back down when she glances up at me.
I don’t want her to stop talking to me, or be afraid of me, but this needs to be said.
“And that’s all it was to you?” I ask tightly.
“No,” she whispers, shame tinging her voice. “Massimo, I—”
I hold up a hand to stop her. “I don’t want an apology that you don’t actually mean, Lucy. I won’t apologize to you for giving you what you asked for. I also won’t stand for you treating me, what we did, as something to be ashamed of.”
Her eyes close briefly, and then she looks up at me. “I’m sorry,” she whispers. “I didn’t mean it like that. I just…I don’t know how to handle this. I know in my head he was fine, I know that it wasn’t that big a deal, Kida and the others were there and could have handled it, but…”
“But you felt guilty that taking a moment for yourself makes you a bad mother.”
She nods. “I know it probably doesn’t make sense to you, but every instinct in me is screaming that I should have been there. That my freakouts, my worries, they don’t matter. The only thing that matters is making sure he’s safe, fed, and happy. I can’t just shut that off.”
I can concede her point on that. I’m not a mother, I don’t have all those instincts running through me along with the fluctuating hormones and other post-baby things she’s dealing with.
Some of my annoyance abates. “Did you feel guilty leaving him with Kida when you went to get diapers at the store when Leonardo’s men grabbed you? ”
She hesitates. “No. Relief mostly. I just needed out of the house and to feel like a normal human being again. But I wasn’t going to be gone for long. I had only planned for being gone for like fifteen minutes.”
“Was that the first time?”
Her brow furrows slightly. “Ah, no. I think I left him with Kida for an hour when I had to go to the doctor once for a quick check up the week before. I had a bit of tearing and they wanted to know if I was healed, which I was, and I was gone for a couple hours total. I did worry about him, but I also knew my sister was capable.” She sighs.
“I get your point, but it’s going to be hard to change that, Massimo.
At least for a bit. I know I trust you, and I’m trusting everyone else more, but it’s still hard.
And I’m sorry for what I said. I didn’t mean to cheapen what happened between you and me.
I…I really liked it, I just got rattled by Alonzo knocking on the door and I spiralled. I’ll try not to do that again.”
“I’m okay with you spiralling, Lucy. We can work through that. What I can’t do is always wonder if you see us having time together as something to be guilty about. To be ashamed of.”
“I’m not ashamed of it. Or you, Massimo.
” She hesitates before she turns and lays Soren back in his bassinet.
Soren lets out an angry cry, but she steels her shoulders and ignores it as steps into me.
She wraps her arms around me tight, laying her head on my chest. “I’m sorry.
I really am, Massimo. I shouldn’t have said that.
It wasn’t fair. You started the whole thing to try and help me calm down.
Everything else I wanted and asked for, and me acting or saying it was anything else makes it sound like I didn’t want it and that I only did it because you did and that’s not it at all. ”
The tension in my body releases at her words and I wrap my arms around her tight.
She’s right. I hadn’t thought of it like that, but that’s exactly what I took it as, even subconsciously.
“All is forgiven, cerbiatta,” I murmur, brushing my lips over the top of her head.
“This is all I want. I want you to feel free to talk things through with me. We can’t fix, or work on things, if we don’t, yes? ”
She gives a dry chuckle. “I had no idea Italians were so big on communication. I thought it was all passion and yelling from those movies I saw growing up,” she teases lightly.
I grin. “Ah, cara mia, we most certainly do. I’m only being on my best behavior for you.” She eases back and gives a doubtful look. I laugh. “Mostly,” I concede.
“Do I have to worry about Soren’s first words being some Italian curse word that I don’t understand?”
It pleases me greatly that she’s thinking of us being together in a future tense. “Probably, though you can blame Alessio if it happens. He’ll be the one to start that.”
“Somehow I can see that.” She loses her smile. “I really am sorry, Massimo.”
I cup the back of her head and lean down to brush my lips over hers.
“I know, cerbiatta. All is forgiven so you don’t have to worry about it or feel guilty about it anymore.
” I lower my head to give her another kiss, but pull away when Soren gives another angry sound from his bassinet.
I give her a slow, dangerous smile, making her eyes widen.
“But I have plans of my own to make you pay for driving me so crazy earlier,” I purr, nipping at her lower lip.
She shivers delicately. “Massimo…”
“Mmm, I love when you say my name like that. First, though, you are going to show me the proper way to give our son a bath, and leave him with me while you relax and I get him to bed. Then, when he’s good and asleep, I’ll show you just what I have in mind.”
Her eyes glaze over and desire makes her face flush. Oh, yes, I’m looking forward to this indeed.