Chapter Twenty-Two - Thalia
“ARE WE GOING home?” I’m confused, but I’m not opposed to the idea of it. We’re from Greensboro, North Carolina, about an hour outside Durham. It feels like we’ve been in the car forever, though. I haven’t been home since Owen and I drove back for dinner with our parents the week I got back.
Sebastian isn’t saying anything about where we’re going. This morning, my heart felt like it grew two sizes when he handed me a bouquet of flowers. The second bouquet Sebastian walked in with is in my lap currently. I’m not sure what he told Owen, but my brother didn’t question the flowers or us leaving together. “Close, but not quite.”
His hand has been resting on my knee the entire drive, but my stomach is rolling with how nervous I am. I can’t help but think that maybe his quietness is because I told him what happened with Louis. He was quiet after I told him, but I didn’t know what to expect. I haven’t been in a position where I had to disclose what happened in my last relationship. We fell asleep, but I woke up a few hours later, somehow slipping out without waking him up. Bash must have been so tired from his game that he didn’t budge.
I was scared about telling Sebastian, but I didn’t want to lie when he asked. Owen doesn’t even know that Louis exists, but I bet he would be on a plane tomorrow if he did. Eventually, I went back to sleep, but I stared at the ceiling, replaying the conversation over and over.
Fuck, now I’m back to feeling sick to my stomach. I sigh softly, deciding that now is not the time for me to start tiptoeing around Sebastian. I know what Louis tried to do wasn’t my fault, but it’s mortifying. “Listen, about what I told you last night…I don’t want it to make things weird or anything. I’m fine.”
Bash looks over at me, confusion warping his features. “What are you talking about? Knowing about that doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”
It’s relieving to hear him say that, but now I feel even more confused about why he is acting this way. “Then why are you acting so weird?”
“I promise it’s not about that; it’s hard coming here. I’m afraid this will scare you off because it’s a lot,” he admits, exhaling a shuddering breath as we pull into a parking lot. “She isn’t going to be the same person you remember. Please let me know if it’s too much while we’re in there, and we’ll leave.”
I nod slowly, not feeling any better. Who is this she he’s talking about? He doesn’t have any family except for Mimi. “Okay,” I agree reluctantly.
Sebastian runs a hand through his hair before turning the car off and getting out. Bash walks around to open my door before I can do it myself. I make sure to grab the flowers he went to get this morning; I have a feeling they’re important. I hold his hand, entwining my fingers with his reassuringly. Bash smiles, but the anxiety on his handsome face doesn’t disappear.Whatever this is, it can’t be good if he’s acting this way.
He leads the way, seeming to know his way around. A nursing home? Who does Sebastian know well enough to visit in a nursing home? I have so many questions, but with how nervous he is, I don’t think I can ask any.
My face flushes bright red as the receptionist stares at me in surprise. “Hi, Chloe. Is she in the sunroom?” Bash lets go of my hand to sign us both in the guest book, but his arm immediately returns to rest around my back.
The woman smiles kindly. “You know it’s Mirabelle’s favorite place to sit. Have fun, you two; she’s having a good day.” She winks at Sebastian, tilting her head at me. “She’s pretty.”
Sebastian’s actually blushes. “Thanks, Chloe. I think so too.”
Mirabelle? As in Mimi, Sebastian’s grandma? No one has said anything about her being in a nursing home to me.
We continue walking down a series of hallways, but my mind is racing. “Sebastian, I’m confused. What are we doing here?”
His smile is sad as he finally looks at me. “We’re here to see Mimi.”
And then, around the next corner is the woman whose house I spent a fair chunk of my childhood in. She’s the person who gave me my first camera and inspired my time in France.Mimi loved France, and I grew up listening to all her stories until I was old enough to go myself.
I had no idea that Mimi had been moved to a home. My parents never mentioned it, and neither did Owen. How could they not tell me? Sebastian’s hugging her by the time I gather myself to step into the sunroom. I have so many questions. “Thalia! My dear, I’m so happy to see you. I feel like it’s been forever.”
A smile tugs at my mouth, and I hand her the flowers as she stands up to hug me. She feels more frail than I remember. I’m afraid I’m going to hurt Mimi by returning her hug. “Mimi, I’ve missed you.”
“How’s that brother of yours? Still causing problems with Bash?” She winks playfully as I smile.
“Of course. You know how they are together.”
“We’re not that bad. It’s gotten better.” Sebastian laughs, his smile radiant, far from what is was a minute ago.
“I would hope so. You’d be lucky to snag a girl like Lia. Sit down, sweetie; how’s your photography going? Are you still into it?”
I sit down beside her while Bash smiles, taking the seat opposite her. “Yeah, you could say that. I just got back from my year in France.” I sent her a few emails, but I never heard back. I guess this is why.
She gasps, her eyes lighting up in excitement. “Oh, I’m so jealous. Please tell me you visited Marseilles. It was so beautiful when I went, but that would’ve been years ago. I bet it looks so different now.”
“I did. It was incredible, regardless of whatever changes were made,” I say, glancing over at Sebastian.She seems perfectly fine?
“Sebastian, how is football going? I know you said you weren’t sure about what you wanted to do with the draft?” she asks, and I’m shocked to see a tear sliding down his cheek. He wipes it away quickly, and now I know I’m missing something big.
He recovers to answer Mimi’s question. “It’s at the end of April. I’m entering, but the prospects list comes out in January. Coach says I’ve got a good shot at being a first-round pick, but it all depends on many different things behind the scenes.” Bash is smiling now, but I’m starting to understand what he means about feeling the pressure of everyone’s expectations.
“I’m really proud of you.” Mimi holds the flowers in her lap and smiles, looking down at them. “Remember, it’s all about if you’re having fun. If you’re not having fun, then there’s no point in playing. I know you started because of Grandpa and your father, but I hope you still love it.”
“I do; it’s everything to me.”
“Don’t forget there’s more to life than throwing a ball, Bash,” Mimi warns, and I can’t help but laugh.
Sebastian reaches over to grab my hand. “Tell me about it. Thalia is always doing her best to keep me on my toes.”
“Bash, I sincerely hope you’re trying to tell me after all the years her mother and I tried to set you two up, it finally happened.” She pauses to press a hand to her chest dramatically. “Don’t you know it’s cruel to play jokes on an old woman?”
“No jokes,” I confirm, squeezing Sebastian’s hands. “Are you telling me you and my mom were plotting together?”
“I think that’s exactly what Mimi’s saying,” Sebastian teases lightheartedly, and I mentally note to ask my mom about it later.
Mimi looks at him seriously. “You better not mess this up. I know you, and you like to push Thalia’s buttons. This girl is the best thing to ever happen to you. Don’t let Thalia be an almost because you know how I feel about that word.”
That’s what he has tattooed on his back: almost.
He smiles at her before looking my way, the gentle expression melting my heart. “I don’t plan on it.”
For once, I’m not afraid of what Sebastian and I might mean for the future.
“You better have bought her flowers,” she scolds, interrupting the moment.
“I did.”
“Thalia, is that true?” Mimi turns to ask me.
I nod, and my confirmation appears to delight her. “Sebastian’s grandfather used to get me flowers all the time, even on the days where nothing happened. Those were always my favorite ones. His father continued the tradition after meeting his mother. Flowers are a big deal in our family, so it means you’re special.”
My cheeks flush because of her words, but my smile is wide.
Mimi asks questions for a while, which we answer, giving her a PG version of how we got together.
Then, the mood instantly changes as she pauses mid-sentence, blinking a few times. A dazed expression appears on her face. “I’m sorry. I uhm…forgot what I was saying.”
“Mimi? Are you okay?” Sebastian asks, worry lacing his tone. I hold my breath for a second because, up until now, I assumed that she could not take care of herself. She’s looking at Sebastian as if she doesn’t recognize him.
Mimi laughs and shakes her head. “Of course, Mark. You worry too much. I’m the parent, and you’re the child. You’re not supposed to worry about me; it’s intended to be the other way around.”
I watch the light in Sebastian’s eyes dim. “It’s Bash, Mimi. Not Mark.”
She looks confused and turns to me for help but is immediately taken aback by the sight of me. “You’re not Carly. Mark, who is this girl?”
“It’s okay. This is Thalia, and I’m Sebastian. Everything’s okay.” Bash tries to soothe her, but she can’t stop staring in horror at me.
“I swear, if you broke up with Carly for blondie over here, you need to go and beg her to take you back.” I suck in a sharp breath because that hurts, but I’m not sure she knows who I am.What is going on here?
“Please listen—” Sebastian tries to reach for her, and she slaps his hand away.
“I don’t want excuses. Your father is going to be so disappointed in you. We love Carly, and I can’t believe you’d try bringing some other girl home that will never measure up to her. Whatever you did, take flowers and apologize,” she cries, tears shining in her eyes.
His face has completely changed as he nods, mustering a smile. “Okay. I’ll take her flowers and apologize. Carly will come with me next time. I’ll get her back, I promise.”
His insistence brings Mimi relief, and she sinks back into her seat, touching a hand to her forehead. “Good. I’m sorry, sweetheart. I don’t mean to be rude, but you are so good together. It would break my heart if you let her go without fighting for her.”
I swallow my feelings because this isn’t about me. Bash looks so defeated, but I finally understand what Owen meant when he said Sebastian is going through a lot.I thought he was insinuating the pressure football puts on Sebastian, but Owen was talking about Mimi.
What I don’t understand is how Owen could keep this a secret. I mean, we’ve known Mimi our entire lives. I remember when Bash’s grandpa died. It was the summer before my junior year of high school, after Sebastian and Owen committed to Duke. It affected everyone differently, but Sebastian has never been the same. I don’t know how to explain it, but it looked like he started carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders afterward.
“I’ll bring Carly next time I come,” Sebastian reiterates, leaning down to hug Mimi. I’m glad she lets him this time instead of pushing him away. Her face is disappointed when she looks at me, which breaks my heart. Not once in eighteen years has Mimi looked at me the way she is now. I know I can’t take it personally; it’s not her fault she doesn’t remember me. I don’t understand who Carly is, but I won’t risk further upsetting her.
Sebastian waits until after we’ve rounded the corner before pulling me into a hug. I can feel him shake against me, and I wrap my arms tightly around him. “Are you okay?” he asks me, and I pull back to look at him.
I make a point of saying his name because I think he might need to hear that he is still himself and not the person that Mimi believes he is. “Bash, you seriously should not be asking me that right now. Are you okay?”
The hurt on his face is evident, and he looks defeated. “I’ll be fine. I need to find Molly or Cameron to let them know she was lucid for a bit. Do you mind starting the car while I do that?”
I nod, taking the keys when he offers them to me. I smile politely at everyone when I make eye contact, but I can’t wait to get to the car. I should have connected more dots, but it was nice being blissfully ignorant initially. I’m barely past the front doors before I can feel tears start to slip down my cheeks.
Mimi is someone I’ve always looked up to, and to see her the way she was during the last part of the visit was hard. How long has Bash been dealing with this? He doesn’t have anyone else. I mean, it was always Sebastian and his grandparents. Mimi is still physically here, but not really.
I cover my mouth with my hand, trying to smother the sounds of my sobs as I fumble with the keys. That was so hard, and I had no idea he was going through all that. I’ve been such a bitch to him.
One minute. You have one minute to cry before you have to pull yourself together. When Bash comes out, I need to be ready to have whatever kind of conversation he wants. Or, if he wants to sit in silence, that’s okay too. I need to be prepared, and I can’t be if I’m sitting here crying so Sebastian feels like he has to take care of me.
I can’t imagine everything he’s going through. I thought he was quiet on the way here because of what I told him last night, but now I understand it was because he didn’t know how today would go. There wasn’t a way for him to warn me of what to expect.
I have four minutes to clean my mascara before Sebastian exits the building, and I see him walk toward the car.
He slides into the car, taking a quick look at me to gauge what I’m thinking. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know what kind of mood she’d be in today. Normally, I can keep her calm.”
Sebastian averts his eyes, and I reach out to rest my hand on his leg. “How long has Mimi been like this?”
“I noticed sophomore year that Mimi was starting to lose track of things; she was just a little forgetful. I didn’t think anything of it, but a few weeks into junior year, I got a call from the police saying they found her wandering around. We got the diagnosis a week later: Alzheimer’s. It got pretty bad over this past summer.”
He entwines our hands, squeezing briefly. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.” I whisper, the severity of the situation dawning on me. He’s been dealing with all of this, and all I did was make his life harder.
“That was the point, Lia. My coaches, your parents, and Owen are the only people who knew. You’re the only one who knows how bad it’s getting. They know the diagnosis but think it’s still in the early stages. Mimi’s the most important person in my life, and no one knows that Mimi hardly knows who I am anymore. It’s not easy losing the last person in my family, and…telling people makes it a reality. Most of the time, she doesn’t recognize me.”
“I can’t even imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here if you need me. Thank you for trusting me.”
“I’ve been trying to find a way to tell you, but I couldn’t say it. Saying it makes it feel real, and I’m not ready.” Bash looks at me for the first time since getting in the car. He’s terrified, and I wish I could help. There’s nothing I can say or do to make this better for him.
“You’re doing the best you can.”
Sebastian does the last thing I expect him to do by smiling at me. “Thank you for coming today. I know it wasn’t easy, but please do not hold the last part against her.”
“I would never. Mimi can’t control it. Of course, I would come. I want to know everything about you, Bash. Despite how hard today was, sharing this part of your world with me means more than you could ever know.”
He looks back at the home, squeezing my hand again. “Today was the first time since the end of June that she’s been lucid longer than a few minutes. I’m glad you saw her as the person she used to be and that she remembered you for a little bit. I’m usually either my grandpa or my dad when I come here. My dad’s name was Mark. Based on the pictures I’ve seen, I look just like him. You don’t look anything like my mom. Her hair was the same color as mine, so I understand her confusion with you being blonde.” That makes so much more sense. Carly was his mom.
“Is it weird?” I ask cautiously because I’ve never heard him speak about his mom. Like ever. In the handful of times his parents have been brought up over the years, it’s usually about his dad playing football.
“It is. Pretending to be someone I don’t remember is hard, but if it makes her happy, I do it.” The mood in the car is so somber that I can’t help trying to think of something that will cheer him up. I lean across the center console to kiss him on the cheek.
“What do you say we get out of here and get some ice cream?”
It causes Sebastian to smile and laugh, which is more than I could have asked for.