BONUS CHAPTER
AMARA
I sit on the edge of the pool, letting my feet dangle into the warm water. Sienna sits beside me, looking grim. She came to our room and asked me to walk with her, and despite Lazaro acting worried, he agreed to let us go alone with our guards when I insisted that she and I needed to be alone for this.
We walked down here in silence, and even sitting here, we’re not talking. I don’t want to push her, so I wait. Finally, she says quietly, “I don’t know how to make this better. How to make her understand that everything her mother said doesn’t matter.”
“She’s your mother too,” I remind her softly.
Sienna shakes her head. “No, she isn’t,” she replies firmly. “She might be by blood, but I had a mother. I had someone who raised me and loved me with everything she had, even though I wasn’t hers biologically. The woman who wrote those words in that diary she’s nothing but a cunt that only cared about herself. Alessio told me about what else was said in it after I pushed him, and it made me so angry. How can a woman do that to her own children? How can she send them away so that she didn’t get in trouble, instead of wanting to give us a better life? How can she blame a baby for an accident with another?”
“I don’t understand it either,” I admit.
“I do. She was a cunt,” Sienna repeats. “She was a selfish cunt that only cared about herself. I should probably be sad that I never met her but I’m grateful. I’m grateful she’s dead and I don’t have to ever face her. Never have to look into a face that looks like mine and know that she birthed me. I’d probably kill her myself.”
“They say that men are the evil of the world, but women are just as bad,” I tell her softly, kicking my feet in the water gently. “I saw it all my life. People think that women are supposed to love children, have that motherly instinct, but a lot of women just don’t. Clearly your mother was one of them. I just wish that Gia didn’t know that. It was better that she thought that her mother snuck her out to save her because she loved her than this.”
“Is it?” Sienna huffs. “I get the emotional side of it, but another part of me is glad to know that she didn’t love us. I won’t spend any time mourning her, or thinking of her in a favorable light as the mother who gave her life for her children in some way. Now I can see her for what she is.”
She has a point. Better to not idolize someone that doesn’t deserve it. “Do you think Gia will be okay?”
Sienna slowly nods. “I think she will, but it’s going to take time.” She glances at me. “Are you okay? I know this has been a lot.”
“I’m doing okay, but I’m worried now about what my mother’s diary is going to say. I asked to read it, but Pietro and the others asked me to let them read it first.”
“That might be for the best. We don’t know what’s in it, and honestly, we don’t know what she might say that may trigger you.” She holds up her hand when I open my mouth to argue. “I know that you think you can handle it, but you’ve been through a lot, Amara. You’ve had your own trauma and experiences, and you don’t know what that book might say. What if you read that your mother was raped by your father? Or she discusses some of the things she heard and it might harm you?”
That gives me pause. I hadn’t thought about any of that. Shit, maybe they were right to keep the diary from me for now. “I see your point,” I finally sigh. “Maybe it’s a good thing I haven’t read it then, but I still want to know. I’ve worked through a lot of my own problems on my own. I didn’t really have a choice otherwise. I refused to be a victim for the rest of my life.”
Sienna smiles. “You remind me a lot of my mother. She went through something terrible, and she came out stronger on the other side. You’ll love her when you eventually get to meet her.”
I smile back. “I’d like that.”
We lapse into silence, a sense of ease between us. Maybe things will be okay. I wasn’t sure about Sienna when we first met, but now, I think she and I can be great friends.
The door up the steps suddenly opens and we look up and watch as Gia descends the stairs, looking exhausted, and also pissed. Behind her comes Sofia, who looks exasperated but also a bit amused. Sienna and I glance at each other quickly before turning our attention back to Gia.
Gia stalks over to the edge of the pool, her hands going to her hips as she glares down at the water in front of her, not saying anything. “Are you alright, Gia?” I ask her carefully after another few minutes of tense silence.
“No, I’m fucking not,” Gia says simply, her tone almost blase. I frown. I’m not sure where she’s going with this, and I’m almost worried what she’s going to do. I glance at Sofia who looks like she’s not too concerned. Gia finally looks over at us, her dark eyes cold and hard, even while red-rimmed and puffy from her crying. “I’m so fucking upset and mad. How could she do that? How could she blame me? How could she think that I deserved to die just because of an unfortunate accident?”
“Because—and to borrow Sienna’s word—she’s a cunt,” I answer simply.
Sienna gives me a playful shove. “Bitch, I wanted to call her that since she’s my mother too,” she jokes lightly, smiling at me. Then she looks back at Gia. “But yes, she’s a cunt.”
“I always knew she didn’t like me,” Gia grits out. “But reading that, it hurts more than I want to admit. I want to pretend that I don’t care, but I can’t. She was my mother, she lived with me for the first five years of my life.”
“You were living in with the assumption that your mother was treating you that way to protect you,” Sofia reasons, sounds like she’s reciting something she’s already told her. Gia looks over at her briefly, and Sofia gives her a hard, pointed look. “She wasn’t, and now you have a choice. You can let her hurt you for the rest of your life, or you can forget about her. Banish her memory to the pits of hell and live your life.”
“Aurelio said something to me earlier that I think applies here,” I add. “Family is not always blood or who birthed you. It is those you choose to allow into your life. And I think that should extend to how much thought you allow yourself to give them. It hurts that your mother didn’t love you. It hurts that she blamed you, and it sucks even more that she wrote those thoughts down, knowing you might find and read them one day, but you don’t have to let her win. You don’t have to let your family win. You’re married to a man who clearly loves you, you have a family around you that you chose as your own, and that’s the most important thing, right? Now’s your time to choose if you let her win or if you forget about her and focus on living your life. The De Lucas are not your family. You’re an Armani now, right? So focus on being Gia Armani, and not Gia De Luca.”
They all look at me, and Sofia nods at me in approval. “That’s exactly right,” Sofia says.
Gia looks back at the water and then slowly nods. “You’re right. Fuck her. Fuck my father. My uncle. My brothers. My cousins. Fuck all of them.” She looks at me, then Sienna, and finally back to Sofia. “You’re my family. Rori too, even if she’s not here to hear it herself. And when our other sister gets here, she’s going to be my family. Fuck the rest of them.” Then she looks at us and gives us her first real smile. “Just wait until I tell Nico, he’s going to be so pleased knowing that we’re going to have so many family members here as often as we can manage.”
Sofia snorts out a laugh, and Sienna snickers. I just grin. Yeah, I don’t think Nico knows what’s coming, but that’s okay. He’ll get used to it eventually.
I hope our newest cousin/sister is ready because she’s about to have a whole new family herself. I just hope that Massimo gets to her in time.