38. Concede
CONCEDE
Lavender
Present day
ME AND MY mom are always up at the crack of dawn, no matter what time we go to bed, so on Sunday morning, we leave everyone else to sleep in, and I take her to the theater so she can see where I work and what I’m involved in.
We grab coffees and pastries on the way.
I point out all the places Kodiak and I like to go, and where some of the other interns live.
My mom makes a face. “Kinda reminds me of the apartment I lived in before your dad convinced me to move into his place.”
“I thought you lived in Gigi’s pool house.”
“For a while, so I could save up enough money to get my own place, but you know Gigi. She’s well-meaning but has zero concept of personal space and does not know how to knock.”
I can only imagine what that would be like. Gigi is inappropriate at the best of times, and when she gets together with Grandma Daisy, they’re a total train wreck. “Thank you for trying your best not to mortify me on a regular basis.”
“I save it all for Maverick, since he deserves it.”
“Where do you think he’ll be next year?” I’ve been so focused on what’s going on with me and Kodiak that I’ve totally spaced on the fact that my brother is in the same position.
“Hard to say. Your dad seems to think there’s a chance he’ll end up in Nashville, but you never really know. And Mav is all about going with the flow, so he’ll be fine with whatever team wants him. Honestly, my biggest concern for your brother is the decadent lifestyle.”
“You’re worried the fame is going to go to his head?” I ask.
“He just . . . likes to have a little too much fun, and he doesn’t take things as seriously as he should.”
He buckled down after my dad called him out on all the partying and his poor grades in the first semester and managed to graduate with honors. “He was better second semester, though. Maybe he’ll do some growing up once he’s playing professionally.”
“We can hope.”
Rehearsal isn’t scheduled until later in the day, so the theater is quiet and basically empty when we arrive.
I take her behind the stage to the back rooms where I work and show her some of the costumes I’ve completed since I started, as well as the one I’ve been working on for the past few days.
I’m in the middle of explaining how fabric colors and textures work together with the set to make the actors really pop on the stage when she pulls me into a tight hug.
“Mom?”
“I’m so proud of you.” When she releases me, she dabs at her eyes. “You’ve come so far from that shy girl who didn’t speak above a whisper.”
“I had a lot of therapy and support and you, so that definitely helped.”
“I know we were super overprotective, and having three brothers did not make it easy, but you’ve always been your own person, and I’m so happy to see you shine the way I always knew you were meant to.”
I wave my hand in front of my face. “Stop with the mushy stuff! If I start crying, it’s your fault.”
Priscilla pops her head in the room. “I thought I heard voices in here! Lavender, I didn’t expect to see you today. But your timing couldn’t be more perfect. I have something I wanted to discuss with you. Oh! Hello.” Her gaze flits between me and my mom.
“Hi, I’m Violet. Lavender’s mother.” She holds out her hand.
“Oh, I can most definitely see that.” She smiles warmly and shakes my mom’s hand.
“You must be incredibly proud of Lavender. I have to say, she is hands down the best intern we’ve ever had, which is what I wanted to talk to you about, although it can wait until tomorrow, if you prefer. ” She looks from me to my mom.
“Now is fine with me.” I’m flustered by the praise.
Her smile widens. “The production team has been talking about how wonderful you’ve been, and we’d like you to stay on with us.”
“Stay on with you?” I feel like an idiot for echoing her, but I’ve only been here a few weeks. I had to have misheard that. “As in, you want to keep me on as an intern after July?”
“Not as an intern, but as a member of our company. You have an incredible skill set, Lavender. I know you’ve been studying in Chicago, but there are amazing programs here in New York you could transfer to, and many accept part-time students.
That way you’d be able to continue your education while working with us. ”
“Oh. Wow. That’s . . . very humbling.” That I manage to get any words out at all is amazing, considering my level of shock is pretty damn high.
“You’re a rare talent,” Priscilla continues. “I would love to help you foster that. Of course, I understand that it’s something you’ll need to think about. I wanted to give you time to consider it.”
“It sounds like a wonderful opportunity.” My mom threads her arm through mine and gives it a squeeze. “And it sounds like Lavender has some pretty big decisions to make for the fall.”
I’m not sure if she actually thinks it’s a wonderful opportunity or not, but I appreciate her speaking, because I don’t think I can right now.
“She certainly does, and of course there’s no rush. I just wanted to put it on the table. Regardless of your decision, Lavender, there will always be a place here for you.”
My mom waits until we’re outside the theater before she grabs my arm and turns me so we’re facing each other. “Gut reaction, no thinking—do you want to stay in New York?”
“Yes, but—”
She raises a finger. “Hold the but. What makes you want to stay in New York?”
“I love what I’m doing, I love this theater, everyone has embraced me, and I’ve found my people.
I’m not weird or different. It’s okay that I’m quiet sometimes.
People like my ideas, and we spark as a team.
And surprisingly enough, I like the city.
But the subway sucks.” I prefer walking over using public transit.
My mom wrinkles her nose. “Exhaust and urine are not a winning combination of odors.”
“So true. Besides that, I’ve made friends who aren’t my relatives, I feel like I’ve gained some real independence, and I’ve found something I’m really good at.
Robbie has botany, River is great at school and football and being angry at life, and Maverick is great at hockey and one-month relationships. ”
“Is that actually a thing for Maverick? You know what? Don’t bother answering that. It’s irrelevant to this discussion, and we can come back to it later. Or maybe never. Now, tell me the but side to this.” The right side of her mouth quirks up at the way she stresses the word but.
“Stop being such a twelve-year-old boy.”
She taps her temple. “My maturity level is at least fifteen. What’s holding you back?”
“It’s far from home and my family and friends.”
“We’re a plane ride away, and I love shopping, so I’ll come visit all the time and bring the people you love and miss with me.”
“Kodiak will have training camp in August, so I’ll be out here on my own.”
“But you’ve made friends, and he was always going somewhere, honey. So the way I see it, you have two options. You come back to Chicago and finish school there, or you stay here and take this amazing opportunity to do something you truly, wholly love.”
“What do you think Dad will say?”
“He’ll say the real estate is a good investment once I calm him down.
Don’t worry about your dad, Lavender. He wants you to be happy, and he realizes that in order for that to happen, we can’t helicopter-parent you or smother you.
You came here for a reason. It looks to me like the universe is giving you something else to stay for. ”
My mom, Lacey, Lovey, River, and Josiah leave for the airport midafternoon.
Kodiak isn’t due back until later in the evening, so I sit in front of my sewing machine, unable to relax.
We made a deal that he wouldn’t tell me where he was going until he got home.
But he did message me a picture of his very neat signature written on a contract.
Which brings with it equal parts relief and terror.
Now I just have to prepare myself for what’s coming next, which is a lot of change for both of us.
It’s almost nine when he walks in the door, looking exhausted. He drops his bag on the floor and opens his arms. I’m wearing socks, so I skid across the slippery hardwood into his hard chest.
He folds me into his embrace. “I missed you so goddamn much.”
“Same.” I breathe him in—his cologne, the scent of his laundry detergent, stale airplane, and possibly some kind of pizza. His heart thunders, and mine matches the frantic rhythm.
He cups my face between his palms, tips my head back, and covers my mouth with his.
I sink into the kiss for a few minutes, allowing myself the fantasy that this isn’t going to come to an end in a month, that every day he’s going to walk through that door and kiss me like this for the rest of our lives, that I won’t have to go weeks at a time without him.
Eventually I pull away. “You signed with a team.”
He nods. “For three years.”
My heart skips a few beats. That will feel like an eternity. “We’ll make it work.”
“We’ll have the off-season, and the flight to Chicago isn’t that long. We’ll be able—”
“I won’t be in Chicago.”
“Wait. What?” His brow furrows.
I swallow my fears. “While you were away, I got an offer from the production company. They want to keep me on.”
“Here? In New York?”
I nod. “I really love it, Kodiak. I love what I’m doing, and if you’re already going to be all the way across the country, it makes sense.
” I run my hands over his chest, working to find some calm when my nerves are going haywire.
“New York and Chicago are pretty close to the same distance from Vancouver.”
“I won’t be in Vancouver.” He sweeps a thumb across the hollow under my eye, wiping away a tear.
My heart stutters. “Where will you be?”
“Close.” A massive grin breaks across his face, popping the dimple that makes him look so boyish. “I signed with Philly.”
“Philadelphia? That’s really close.”
“Drivably close,” he agrees and lowers his voice to a whisper. “We’re gonna be okay, Lavender. We can make this work.”
I break down in tears, the relief overwhelming. “I was so scared you were going to be on the other side of the country.”
He wraps his arms around me and carries me over to the couch, arranging me so I’m settled in his lap. “I was fucking terrified.” He brushes my hair away from my face. “I didn’t want to be that far away from you.”
“Me either, but I couldn’t let you walk away from your dream.”
He nods, eyes soft and warm. He wraps me in his safe, strong embrace, dips his head and kisses me breathless. “Thank you for making sure I didn’t mess this up for us.”
“I love you too much to let something like distance break us, but I’ll admit, I’m so glad you won’t be far away.”
“Well, I’m always right here.” He draws a figure eight over my heart. “But I prefer when I can feel it beat for me.”