Chapter 10
10
RAVEN
Coloring outside the lines should always feel more right than wrong.
I t was harder at night.
My dad had to have had his reasons.
It wasn’t unheard of to cleanse a family line for doing something wrong.
I couldn’t imagine a world where Louis would be part of something like that, and he wasn’t alive for me to ask.
My stomach had churned the rest of the day wondering what else the family was guilty of and what Louis would have potentially been guilty of other than being with me.
My stomach rumbled for the sixth time that night.
I only had two classes in the morning and then a weekend full of birthday celebrations, mine included, to look forward to.
I wouldn’t be able to hide it long.
As it was, Tempest kept texting me, asking me to make plans for happy hour later that week.
We had a few favorite spots close to campus, and I was counting down the days until she suddenly showed up with a few bottles of wine and demanded I down them.
I'd tell her then—the truth.
And Ace? Well he’d just have to deal with it.
But for now? Now, I was going to sit with my Sprite and watch Ross get a spray tan for the tenth time.
I had three shows that I watched on repeat: Friends, New Girl, and Schitt’s Creek
All of them were a huge distraction from the drama of my life, and they made me smile. Louis had introduced me to Friends, and I’d introduced him to the others. He’d been fourteen years older than me—another reason my dad would have lost his shit.
Ace had already been a big no when I was in high school.
Louis may as well have been a walking red flag since he was in his mid-thirties. What did my parents expect anyway? I felt like I was already in my thirties by the time I hit my teens.
I’d seen too much.
Ace moved smoothly around the house checking doors and windows, and every few minutes he’d check his phone, look behind him, text something, put in one ear pod, read a chapter or two from his boring book and then pace.
He was on his third round of pacing when he finally sat down on the couch next to me and set a plate of celery down.
I stared. “Surely you have dip?”
“Surely you have taste.” He bit into the celery and chewed loudly. “Why would I need dip? I don’t eat for pleasure.” Another hard bite. “I eat for nutrition.”
I made a face. “I suddenly feel so very sorry for every girl you ever went down on.”
He bit down again. “That’s a different sort of meal, Raven. Then again, maybe no guy ever made you aware.”
He cursed when he realized what he just said.
I didn’t defend Louis.
It wasn’t my place, and part of me was sort of embarrassed to have to lie and say he did when he didn’t. We’d had a few stolen moments months before he died—he swore it would get better once the threats stopped, that we’d have real time alone, meaningful time.
More celery crunching jerked me from my contemplation.
I pointed the remote at the plate. “I’d rather survive off my own spit, thank you.”
"You don’t like vegetables?”
"Is that a romantic deal breaker? Damn it, and I was so close to seducing you, but alas I don’t like celery. I had a very traumatic incident involving peanut butter. We don’t talk about it.”
“Were you allergic to peanut butter?” He took another bite.
“I think it was more the dick that the peanut butter was covering.”
Ace started choking wildly on his celery stick.
I got up and slapped him on the back. “I was kidding, but it was worth it.”
“Who puts”—He coughed again—“peanut butter on their dick anyway?”
I slapped his back a second time. “Maybe someone who doesn’t want the sucking to stop?”
"That would be a lot of throat action.”
“Might sprain a tongue.” I added.
He rolled his eyes. “Something’s wrong with you.”
“I know.” I set the remote down. “I’m going to shower,” I mumbled, mostly to escape the weight in my chest.
Ace stood immediately, all hard lines and unreadable expression, wow, right back to square one where tin man forgot he had a heart.
“I’ll go first.” His tone left no room for debate. “I need to check the perimeter anyway.”
“You do that,” I muttered. “Take the celery with you, maybe it'll cleanse your soul.”
“Souls are for people who sleep.” He was already walking away. “Don’t open any doors.”
I held up my hands. “No promises if it’s pizza.”
"Even if it’s pizza.” He turned and pointed at me. “Trust no one.”
"I changed my mind. You should shower, you smell.”
Amazing.
But I’d never tell him that.
He always seemed to smell good no matter what he did, but he was the type of guy that was extremely unaware of how he affected the people around him. Or maybe he was aware, but he just didn’t care. People always stared in order to gain his attention or they whispered about him, but he never seemed to care enough to respond.
Maybe he really was like a eunuch.
He could use his equipment but felt no pleasure from it, meaning he was pretty much the safest person to have around me since he’d never take advantage of me. Maybe that was my dad’s plan all along.
He’d trusted Louis because he was good at his job but also because he was older so my dad didn’t see him as a threat to his daughter’s delicate sensibilities.
When I looked up, Ace had left and I was alone again with the sound of the TV in the background. I tried to find joy in it but as soon as Ace was gone, as soon as I was isolated or felt isolated, my thoughts turned dark.
What was the point?
Was this part of my grief? Constantly battling between severe depression, darkness, and anger? And wondering what the future held? Things were bad before Louis was taken from me, and now it just felt pointless.
Dark.
What if the pizza guy came?
What if he came for me?
I’d be missed.
But did the world really need one more mafia princess?
Did it?
I swallowed the lump in my throat.
Being strong was exhausting, just like forcing a smile when your muscles refused to move.
I leaned back against the couch and stared at the TV. I adjusted the way I was sitting, tucking my feet under me when I saw a movement in the screen.
Was someone behind me in the kitchen?
I waited. Nothing happened.
“Ace?” I called.
The light sound of the shower still filled the air, plus, he wouldn’t sneak around behind me just to scare me.
The alarms were still on weren’t they? I would have heard someone walk in. I think I would have, at least.
I reached under the couch for the knife I knew Ace kept there and brought it under the blanket I was sitting with.
I sent a SOS to Ace’s phone hoping he showered with his watch on. The scent of lavender drifted past.
What?
Body wash? Perfume?
Then—arms wrapped around me.
I was dragged backward over the couch, slammed to the floor.
I kicked. Hard. Mask. Hat. No face.
“Get off me!”
They straddled me. Gun to my forehead.
I rolled us. Kicked again.
Knife. Thigh. Slash.
Blood.
I threw a chair.
“RAVEN!” Ace’s voice.
I rushed the attacker, too slow.
A kick swept my legs?—
I hit the ground hard.
I wasn’t fighting for my life.
I was fighting for someone else’s.
“Are you hurt?” Ace knelt beside me, water dripping from his hair onto my arm.
“Are you naked?” I blinked up at him. “And afraid?”
“You hit your head.”
“You’re real.”
“You’re delirious.”
I glanced down at his nakedness getting more of a clear view. “Huh, one does wonder
“What? One wonders what?”
God, my head was spinning. “Just wondering how you’d get the peanut butter off that without a serious tongue cramp.”
I laughed at my own joke and promptly faded into the darkness.